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This topic contains 1,633 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Cali Chica 3 months, 3 weeks ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 781 through 795 (of 1,634 total)
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  • #278579

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    The “devil” is your inner critic aka the mental representative of your mother. Before the input of your mother in your life, there was you, that “innate and natural” you, the angel. Revive that angel and starve the devil.

    anita

    #278583

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Starve the devil! By paying it no attention, observing it, notice it – but do not give in, do not feel it fuel or power – do not entertain the devil.

    #278593

    anita
    Participant

    I concur, Cali Chica!

    anita

    #278595

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    To add:

    Revive the angel:

    keep at it, no matter what the devil says.

    have faith that the angel is in fact the angel -not the devil in disguise

    believe the angel, as the angel is me, it is myself

    know that following the devil does not lead to any progress – proof is in the pudding

    know that following the angel does lead to progress – the difference I feel in this past year, versus other decades of my life

    #278605

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    “the angel is me, it is myself”- yes, we do start life as angels. Be that which you were at the beginning.

    anita

    #278607

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yes, we can be empowered to be our intrinsic self, the self that is there after the dirt is washed away, and the mirror is clear. What do you see? Your own self.

    #278613

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    Very well articulated!

    anita

    #278703

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I starved the devil last night.

    My sister texted me – just a normal hello.

    I was NOT triggered.  I responded WHEN was convenient for ME.

    The devil would say, respond immediately given that its my sister – halt and act NOW.

    I said nope.

    Here’s why.  First of all – because I was in the middle of something, and no social text requires me to drop everything NOW.

    Here’s another reason, my husband was at work until 9pm last night, he was having a miserable day at work.  Now, I can’t do anything to make his day better.  But what I can do is preserve my energy.

    Energy is not infinite.  It is finite.  We are only human.  Each person and thing that punches holes into our energy sphere, allows it to seep out.  This may be without us even knowing.  But at the end of the day we may be surprised to see we only have 50% remaining.  How? How did this happen.

    Scenario: I respond immediately to sister, get super engaged into her life – or anyone for that matter but especially her – and there you have it.  It is 7 pm, I haven’t stopped doing any of my own tasks.  But where is my mind? My mind is not present.  IT is not inward.  Husband arrives home at 9 pm after a 15 hour day, and where is my head? If I let my energy seep out  – throughout the day, when husband comes home – I am depleted or up in my arms – I am Cali Chica from a few weeks ago after yoga. ready to fight, ready to attack.  Depleted and angry – angry for being depleted – and then roar fire out – stay away!

    So anyway, protect thyself, so you can be your best self to you, and to others.

    #278707

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I also wanted to add something for myself – and you

    What did not halting and responding immediately do?

    • nothing bad, the other person is still fine, they always are
    • preserved my ability to do what I was doing at that time, walking home from work on a sunny day
    • allowed me to be present in my own mind, so that when my husband arrived home I was a good calm listener
    • reminded me that my life is for me – and my husband – I am not put on this earth to live for someone else
    #278709

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    As I read your first post of today I thought to myself that you should print it, frame it and hang it on the wall, letters big and easy to read, and review it often. It is excellent, absolutely magnificent!

    After I posted a response I noticed there is a second post today, will wait for a while and read it and what you might still post soon.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  anita.
    #278715

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    Yes, I would put together both your posts today, some editing, in a frame on the wall, for you to read and for your husband to read as well, and as a guide for future interactions with your sister and anyone else!

    anita

    #278725

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yes some editing indeed! As this is always a stream of consciousness!

    Interesting how as you put “interactions with my sister and others” are really what are often the root of distress in me.

    It could be exactly as above, a normal day, yet my engulfing myself in someone else – voluntarily – given that they didn’t ask me to – that I lose my energy – it seeps out of those holes.  Left with nothing for myself and my husband.

    Clearly trained very well by my mother: give me ALL you have, right now and always.

    #278727

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    “Clearly trained very well by my mother: give me ALL you have”, fits with the parasite comparison you mentioned before. I used to think of my mother as a vampire, similar concept.

    anita

    #278731

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I always have called my mother an emotional vampire, perhaps I never wrote it here.  A vampire that sucks all your blood and energy, but never satiated.  Always seeking more.  A bottomless pit of thirst.

    I now no longer think of her as this, or much of anything, just a defective flawed human that has no business being a mother.

    Now,

    I find myself thinking more about myself these days.  What am I? Who am I? What is my baseline? Is it my “baseline” or am i being provoked by something behind the scenes.  What is behind the scenes anyway…?

    #278749

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    “What is behind the scenes anyway..?”

    The recent scene: “My sister texted me- just a normal hello”.

    Behind the scene: maybe (I am bringing up a possibility, not a certainty), just maybe there is something more than that hello behind the scene, maybe the emotional vampire (your mother) is operating behind the scenes with your sister so to bring about the next vampire feast.

    You feel confident for handling well her “normal hello” text. What may follow this mild text may be bigger, way bigger,  and you will be right back the way you were Better prepare now, come up with a few scenarios as to what may be behind the scenes, that is, what may be next.

    anita

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