Now that’s excellent timing – bizarrely I was just thinking about you both on my hike out this morning ( a day without rain in Wales, it’s a small miracle….!! ) and thinking I should catch up and see how you both were doing.

Shelby m’dear – ofcourse you wouldn’t do things to deliberately hurt them and not what I meant at all! Just that there’s a big difference between always saying ‘yes’ and that sometimes it’s ok to prioritise yourself, it’s another one of those irritating building self-esteem things 🙂

I’m glad you are doing ok, try not to worry about if/when you are going to feel bad – it’ll happen when/if it’ll happen and enjoy(?) being just ok in the meantime. Exam pressure more than enough – I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you!

And now to travel….absolutely I can help, I’d love to, I’m honoured you asked!  It sounds like you are thinking of taking a year out as a gap-year or did I misunderstand that? That would be awesome but however long you have, what I’ve learned is that you are generally better off (1) ignoring other people’s bucket lists, it’s what you like that’s important and (2) slow travel is both cheaper, more in-depth and gentler on the body than how most people travel.

From the countries you list, sounds like you want somewhere without too many language issues? What are the places you would prefer more, that you mentioned? US is amazing for sure but yes, expensive, especially with our crazy exchange rates right now. You can get really good deals on flights to get there easy enough, it’s the cost of being there that’s harder. I have to say from my experience I’ve enjoyed all travels but the ones where everything has been very affordable are much more fun in terms of not feeling restricted by budget and you can get to stay in some amazing places.

Thailand is great for people travelling on their own, as it’s full of other people doing the same!  If you are going for long enough, you could plan on stopping there for a while which would break up the big flight over to Aus/Oz if you still wanted to go on there. It’s a good culture shock place to really make you feel as though you are travelling and excites the sense without ever feeling unsafe or difficult.

I’m thinking if I was in your shoes I’d want to be somewhere warm/sunny, affordable, people to meet when I want to, enough culture shock to bring your mind alive ( if that makes sense ) whilst enough home comforts to know you can rest easy when you want/need to, whilst not worrying the whole time it’s costing too much.  SE Asia does tick a lot of that, as would South America. Closer to home, a lot of the more rural parts of gorgeous countries such as Spain, Greece, Italy, Croatia are way more affordable than you think if you are smart about it.

A good friend of mine is an avid traveller and has been travelling alone for many years. She often mixes up time alone with joining others on trips when in the more remote places ( her last stint was Lebanon ), which seems to work well for her.

Absolutely agree, a lot of people say to leave things open but I’ve always found that planning and thinking ahead, preparing for it and knowing as much about it as I can gives me the confidence to then go and actually do it. Yeah, I have tons of ways I save money on travelling – though often it’s less about saving money than staying somewhere better value/nicer for the same money.

And yeah, I could go on all day about this – I’m really impressed you are still considering it, well done you. As we narrow it down to what you’d like, can help more on the tools of the trade I use if you like.

@Kkasxo – excellent to hear from you, as said was wondering how you guys were doing. So good to hear the move went well, it’s always a bit more chaotic than you think! Have your family left now or is that coming up soon?  It’s really good to hear you can now at least identify your triggers and choose to react differently – that’s pretty amazing, well done. And yeah, having your own space and somewhere you feel safe is unbeatable. So happy for you.

Ok, one more thought…..you guys know I love this stuff…..how about US (where?) if that’s what you love/really want to do…..there are a ton of house-sits for US, to save accommodation costs. And then add in either Mexico or some of Central America either end, will lower your average cost loads and are all amazing places in their own right. Panama/Costa Rica, lots of house-sits too and the others just pretty cheap. Some good websites to read are traveller blog’s, tend to find them a good place to start for a non tourist-industry type view. Nomadic Matt has good general coverage and http://www.travelindependent.info/where-travel-top-best-places.htm is another practical but inspirational place to start.

Hope helps…..I’ll go away again now…..!

Ah – I just wrote a ton of stuff and lost it! Suffice to say I’m excited about your potential trip too and now feel the need to start planning out my next one!!

Granada end June has to be on your list…….it has the Alhambra ( wonderful moorish palace and gardens, amazing place ), giant park walkable from the city for outside space and many parks/squares in the city itself – plus just the best food/drink/bar scene, free tapas with every drink still and very friendly.

I’ve never found the language thing to be a real barrier yet, so long as you are happy waving your arms around, smiling a lot, feeling a bit foolish ( great practice at not caring what others think btw…. ) and learning a few basic “hello,goodbye,thankyou,beer please” phrases get you a long way. But you are reliant on being somewhere with either other travellers or ex-pats for any long conversation, barkeepers/tourist industry locals aside, who I’ve had some great chats with. Travel is awesome like that, you get all kinds of people with really interesting stories – makes it very easy to strike up conversations.

Travel insurance is a must single or not, health being the big one you want decent coverage on. Funnily enough, best gadget for single or not single people I’ve heard of – a door wedge. Instant peaceful night’s sleep. Safety is much like anywhere you visit, some areas are fine, some not so much and some you’ll want to get a taxi back late at night. But honestly, the more I travel the more you see just how over-hyped the news is, what an unrealistic picture it paints. Most people are so much much friendlier than here in the UK, they’re interested and helpful in the main, especially as you get out of the cities and big tourist hot-spots.

Medication I think your doctor either gives you prescriptions to take with you or just a load in advance but it’s something they are used to dealing with. You can still get most of the injections if you need them free on NHS.

It’s so cool to hear you talk excitedly about something, run with it whilst you can 🙂  Wanderlust is basically p@rn for travellers if you want to see awesome pictures and I’ll have a think through what may suit you!

Good on you.

Hey Shelby,

Ha, not sure about the guru status but defn a travel nut, yeah. No worries – how did the exams go btw, hope you are feeling good about them – when do you find out the results? Fingers crossed for you! Had a pretty good last few days over in Wales, got one more walk in and a brewery tour on (one of the many…) rainier days, which turned into a fun afternoon in their brewery tap bar with a lot of new friends 😉

Weekend off sounds…like about time!! Yeah, I tend to agree you need to make the most of your time off when you get it so going away for a short break somewhere sounds good to me, doesn’t need to be expensive. For example, I was sent an offer for 5 nights in Marrakesh for £84 yesterday from one of the travel sites alerts I used – sadly it was for Nov when we’re away in SA else would have jumped on it! But you see what I mean, good deals are out there and you could always try out one of the house-sit gigs in the UK/Europe for a really cheap break. You can search them without signing up, only need to join when you want to apply to one. Cheap flight deals try SecretFlying and the like, TravelZoo and Fly4Free both have regular good deals too.  Think about it as a good investment in practicing for your bigger trip later…!

And at the risk of starting to sound like a travel blog, when trying to narrow down your location, remember the so-called “shoulder” seasons are your best friends. Think, less crowded, less expensive but still decent weather and not closed down.

Then your basic first choice is which way you fly, as in West for North, South, Central America/Mexico/Canada etc or East for Asia/Oz/NZ. Or South for Europe/Africa. If you end up only going for three weeks, is there one place you’d really want to make sure you got to, something you’d like to see?  I’ve found often it’s more about the whole slow travel experience that you can structure around one thing you’d really like to see/do.  Any historic time period in particular you are more interested in?

I can go on – and probably will at some point 🙂  but see where you get to and I’ll merrily help more. In the meantime, it’s really heartening to hear how well you are handling being ghosted – it is a strange feeling indeed when you no longer hear from someone you thought you’d spend forever with. I’m really really proud of you, which I know is odd for someone I’ve not met but I think you’ll get what I mean. It’s good to hear just a little bit of excitement from you for something else, something for you. He really doesn’t deserve any more of your investment and I know you are going to be just fine and dandy.

Morning Shelby,

Ok….I won’t judge…..but y’know….Love Island….really….I’m depressed just at the thought of it 😉

Yeah, first time alone is hard, you are having to create a whole bunch of new “what do I do now”, both physically and emotionally. After all, you invested what, almost 5 years of your life in this guy so it’s going to take some time for your brain to give up it’s well-rehearsed thought train.

Most people when bored end up in a bad place, imagining and extrapolating all kinds of difficulties or disappointments, especially if used to thinking that way. Hey, even I can start thinking the irritating habits of my partner are too much and I’d better do something about it. But you know what, I feel it, I recognise it – and then I move on, knowing it’ll pass and it’s not what I think when I’m not feeling like cr@p. It’s why it’s so important to never make important decisions when you’re low – negative emotions are in the driving seat..

So the thing isn’t to avoid alone time but rather to figure out how to kick yourself out of it mentally after you’ve had a good wallow when you need to. It’s ok to feel sad, disappointed that part of your life, those hopes are over, it was a big investment of your time and it’s sh*t when it doesn’t work out how you want it to. But you know what’s absolutely amazing about that post and made me smile hugely – it’s the first time you’ve acknowledged there’s a tiny part of you that is excited to be set free, to be given a real chance of finding what you what. That’s awesome, big step stuff.

But did you notice just how fast your old fears clamped down on it though – with the same story running around your head “You won’t find anybody else, this is your lot, just accept it and put up with it, why do you even want more anyway, you should be grateful for this, how can you be so selfish to want more, to want something for yourself and by the way, don’t you realise that to do that we’re going to have to do some stuff that’s outside our comfort zone and you know how we feel about that….”   I know it sounds a bit odd written like that but I guarantee that’s the script running around your head, knowingly or not, trying quickly to put out that flare of hope for better, for more.

So don’t just accept your lot, it’s not all you are, we both know that and Kkasxo will say the same. There’s absolutely nothing wrong saying out loud “Actually, you know what, I’m not content with my lot, I know there’s a lot of good in it but I want more and I’m going to try my hardest and do what’s in my power to get it!!!”

So make it your new mantra, change that old story in your head and then next time you get some time off alone after you’ve had your wallow you can can move on and enjoy your day instead,Love Island or whatever – we’ll be behind you and cheering you all the way!

Take care, hope your dinner goes well – I get off lightly here, just got to make a cup of tea when visiting my Dad later!

Hey Kkasxo, both,

Yeah, a Friday night drink catch up would be awesome but hey – virtual will have to do it! Less calories anyway I guess 😉

Sounds like you have had a tough run of it too – good to hear you sounding so better though, having your own place has really helped settle you in, however Mr A turns out. You put it better than I can, life is always all about learning, trying & hoping it’ll work out but being gentle on yourself if it doesn’t – it’s all part of what makes us for we are.  You sound like you are doing much better at just seeing how things work out. I’m not surprised your gut won’t let you have it be the “same”, it’s not and won’t be. Guts are irritatingly smart like that.  But it could yet be better, depends on whether you can at some point trust him again and I suspect you won’t be sure on that till you get through your next tough spot. Just enjoy being ok now and loving that safe place, glad you have that sorted before your family goes.

It will not surprise either of you to learn that I read a lot of travel blogs and a number of the female solo travel ones have hugely inspirational stories and experiences to share. My solo female traveller friend is a bit out there to help much, she happily goes to all kinds of places on her own that I’m still thinking about even with my giant partner in tow! So really looking forwards to hearing back from your friend where she went & with who.

And so, ok, in the interests of entertaining you guys on a bright note to start the week – there’s a good reason I’m not in the Love Island/Reality show camp……..I have rather embarrassingly actually been on a reality TV show…..way back now and very weird experience – whilst everybody else on the show wanted to be famous, I spent most of the time hiding from the camera! Still came second somehow though 🙂  But the way it was set up throughout and the blatant editing of things said to create false conflict left me more than a little jaded to watch any these days! So there you go – that’s my guilty secret 🙂

The sun is shining here finally – have a good week both, take care.