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Trying to deal with anxiety and loss after relationship break up

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This topic contains 1,159 replies, has 33 voices, and was last updated by  Kkasxo 8 hours, 20 minutes ago.

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  • #297417

    Michelle
    Participant

    Hey Shelby.

    “I feel like I’m a good friend – as much as I can be –  and a good sister, daughter and aunt. Is that what my life is meant to be? Am I meant to be here for them and try and make their lives better?”   Short answer to your question – no – but it’s what your life will be if you continue to let fear stop you from changing it.

    “Many many times I wish I could go back to my 20s when I was blissfully ignorant and way less self aware.”  I actually don’t think you were ignorant/less self aware – but that you were much less frightened back then, far happier to take risks.  I am guessing that at some point you took a risk which ended up badly and from then on, your fear of the consequences of “getting it wrong” has grown. So you have wrapped your current comfort zone around you like a big cosy blanket where you can safely help out those nearest to you, knowing they appreciate it and you feel needed. But at the same time this big cosy blanket is smothering you – the real you – buried deep inside. Remember our discussion on the two voices you have, the loud shouty scared one and the quiet authentic one that you need to learn to listen to still. She knows what she wants out of life. You just need to listen. And then act on it.

    I think you saw this relationship as your only chance to grasp at a different life, one you don’t currently believe you are strong or brave enough to reach out for by yourself. It’s why you clung on for so long. And why it hurts so much more than other break-ups.

    The thing is – you can change this. And you don’t need to be with someone else to do so. But you are going to have to face your fears. Small steps to start, remember. We’re here to help.

    #298205

    Shelbyville
    Participant

    Thanks for your contribution Anita, I do appreciate it. Perhaps you are right and maybe I did try for something for myself, for my own desire. I guess it’s just a pity, I couldn’t achieve it in that instance. I do want more than a ‘meh’ life though, you’re right, I deserve more than that.

    Michelle,

    It’s hard to let go of what I have known for so long. And the guilt. I truly care about those close to me and I can’t imagine doing things that would deliberately hurt them, it wouldn’t seem right to me to seek enjoyment at someone else’s expense.

    Right now, I don’t know how I feel. I’m definitely not as bereft as the first two times, my ex and I split, but I don’t know if that’s because I’m in denial. I’ve been so busy lately, I’ve not had time to think about much. I’m half afraid it’s all going to hit me yet and I’ll come crashing down again. But not before tomorrow and Wednesday, I have my exams I have to get through first. After that….come what may.

    I have really been thinking more and more about travel. I wonder can you help me? Oz and NZ are still in the back of my head, but I must admit I’m not CRAVING going there. There are places I would prefer more. I genuinely love the United States, such a vast amount of places to see, but it’s expensive and not exactly what people would consider a ‘bucket list’ gap year experience! Also, in terms of OZ, I’m a little concerned about my chronic pain, being particularly bad the past month, how manageable would the flights be etc?

    I really think I want to travel, I know it will be hard alone, especially with a bad back, but I have always found preparation is key in things I do. It makes me feel more confident and assured. Are there any ways to save money, tips for travelling alone, places you would really recommend for someone in my mindset at the moment? Sorry for them bombardment of questions!

     

    @kkasxo, have you moved in? How’s it all going?

     

     

    #298207

    Kkasxo
    Participant

    Morning all!

    Ah it is so nice to be back on here, I promise to find time to read through the recent posts later on this evening and sit down and do a proper response!

    Honestly, I have not had a moment to myself these last few weeks! Work has been extremely busy with two projects coming to an end and a new project starting all at the same time, not to mention it doesn’t help that my boss is off work at the moment.. His wife gave birth to their baby boy last week and they have been in the hospital since doing tests on the baby.. I don’t know much of the situation as don’t want to ask but nonetheless, a tough time for him and his family at the moment and as a result very busy time for us within the company! That + the move equals complete exhaustion! We moved last week Monday and it is safe to say that we only just about managed to get things in order – phew!

    I must admit, I am loving my little safe place, my own little four walls! It is giving me the peace and quiet which my heart and soul yearned for for so long! My therapy sessions are coming to an end now, as we all know the NHS doesn’t fund too much but I have had my fair share of sessions and I feel in a slightly better place to deal with things. I’m finding myself responding a little differently to triggers now, realising they are only triggers rather than the end of the world! It’s a all a journey and I am determined to continue on the path to healing myself!

    @shelbyville – Oh how I have missed you girl! I promise to read through all your recent posts this evening but I am hoping that you are keeping well! I have read your last post briefly and I am glad that this split is not as excruciating as the last.. I hope it stays that way for you and gives you the motivation and drive to be all about you and building the kind of life that you want for yourself, with or without anyone! In terms of travel, how long would you want to go for? Is it just like a 10day/ 2 week holiday or do you actually want to go away for a few weeks and travel? I may have some nice ideas for you 🙂

    #298221

    Michelle
    Participant

    Now that’s excellent timing – bizarrely I was just thinking about you both on my hike out this morning ( a day without rain in Wales, it’s a small miracle….!! ) and thinking I should catch up and see how you both were doing.

    Shelby m’dear – ofcourse you wouldn’t do things to deliberately hurt them and not what I meant at all! Just that there’s a big difference between always saying ‘yes’ and that sometimes it’s ok to prioritise yourself, it’s another one of those irritating building self-esteem things 🙂

    I’m glad you are doing ok, try not to worry about if/when you are going to feel bad – it’ll happen when/if it’ll happen and enjoy(?) being just ok in the meantime. Exam pressure more than enough – I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you!

    And now to travel….absolutely I can help, I’d love to, I’m honoured you asked!  It sounds like you are thinking of taking a year out as a gap-year or did I misunderstand that? That would be awesome but however long you have, what I’ve learned is that you are generally better off (1) ignoring other people’s bucket lists, it’s what you like that’s important and (2) slow travel is both cheaper, more in-depth and gentler on the body than how most people travel.

    From the countries you list, sounds like you want somewhere without too many language issues? What are the places you would prefer more, that you mentioned? US is amazing for sure but yes, expensive, especially with our crazy exchange rates right now. You can get really good deals on flights to get there easy enough, it’s the cost of being there that’s harder. I have to say from my experience I’ve enjoyed all travels but the ones where everything has been very affordable are much more fun in terms of not feeling restricted by budget and you can get to stay in some amazing places.

    Thailand is great for people travelling on their own, as it’s full of other people doing the same!  If you are going for long enough, you could plan on stopping there for a while which would break up the big flight over to Aus/Oz if you still wanted to go on there. It’s a good culture shock place to really make you feel as though you are travelling and excites the sense without ever feeling unsafe or difficult.

    I’m thinking if I was in your shoes I’d want to be somewhere warm/sunny, affordable, people to meet when I want to, enough culture shock to bring your mind alive ( if that makes sense ) whilst enough home comforts to know you can rest easy when you want/need to, whilst not worrying the whole time it’s costing too much.  SE Asia does tick a lot of that, as would South America. Closer to home, a lot of the more rural parts of gorgeous countries such as Spain, Greece, Italy, Croatia are way more affordable than you think if you are smart about it.

    A good friend of mine is an avid traveller and has been travelling alone for many years. She often mixes up time alone with joining others on trips when in the more remote places ( her last stint was Lebanon ), which seems to work well for her.

    Absolutely agree, a lot of people say to leave things open but I’ve always found that planning and thinking ahead, preparing for it and knowing as much about it as I can gives me the confidence to then go and actually do it. Yeah, I have tons of ways I save money on travelling – though often it’s less about saving money than staying somewhere better value/nicer for the same money.

    And yeah, I could go on all day about this – I’m really impressed you are still considering it, well done you. As we narrow it down to what you’d like, can help more on the tools of the trade I use if you like.

    @kkasxo – excellent to hear from you, as said was wondering how you guys were doing. So good to hear the move went well, it’s always a bit more chaotic than you think! Have your family left now or is that coming up soon?  It’s really good to hear you can now at least identify your triggers and choose to react differently – that’s pretty amazing, well done. And yeah, having your own space and somewhere you feel safe is unbeatable. So happy for you.

    #298239

    Shelbyville
    Participant

    Kkasxo,

    I know ALL about it! Work was crazy there for  me for about a month and I had barely time to sleep, let alone go online to tiny buddha! It sounds like you have found your special place, to feel safe and make your own! How do you feel about it? About living with the bf (?)? Do you think it would be the kind of place you will be happy to stay and feel stable in, even after family leaves or if something were to happen in your relationship? If so, I’m thrilled, well done you! Also I hope things are going well with your relationship and it’s amazing that you are now approaching life differently after all you have been through. You massively deserve a happy life! I missed you on here!

     

    Michelle,

    Would you believe, my friend who owns a hill walking company just mentioned to me in the past few days, how there are many parts of Wales which are beautiful to travel to! I have only ever driven through Wales once on my way towards London, but never stayed! I have a week off at the end of June where I just wanted to grab a few days away to clear my head, but the weather might be a deterrent – sunny Spain can be very appealing…and affordable!!! But we’ll see, Cornwall is also in the mix!

    As for more travel, I don’t think I could be away from my little babies and toddlers in the family for as long as a year. I adore them and would miss them too much and would miss a lot of their development. But I don’t want to put a timeframe on it either because I might love it or I might hate it, so I want the option to return home in 3 weeks if I’m lonely, or be gone for 3 months if I so choose.

    I suppose you are right, I feel comfortable going to countries where I have the language. The ex could speak some Spanish so that was quite handy for many areas. I speak school French but that’s about it. I did Italian in university but never kept it up. It’s funny, South America and South East Asia never really appealed to me, probably because I was too scared maybe of the culture shock or going alone! Although I have dreamed of places like Tibet and Cambodia and Bali!!

    In the U.S I would hope to be able to stay with friends in NYC, Boston, Wisconsin, but other than that, would have to see accommodation. Slow travel is such a wonderful concept….I like it! I love history and I love being outside but I’m not brilliant with severe heat. High 20s is about the best I can manage!

    I would like to depart Sept/Oct at the latest. Are there any particular safety tips for travelling alone, little things I could buy or insurance I could purchase? Also, this might seem silly, but I take medication for anxiety (hopefully not for long more) but I get it on a monthly basis, I wonder how it works if you need that medication abroad.

    Ooh, I actually can’t believe I’m even writing about this…denial….I must be in complete denial…..!!!!

    #298223

    Michelle
    Participant

    Ok, one more thought…..you guys know I love this stuff…..how about US (where?) if that’s what you love/really want to do…..there are a ton of house-sits for US, to save accommodation costs. And then add in either Mexico or some of Central America either end, will lower your average cost loads and are all amazing places in their own right. Panama/Costa Rica, lots of house-sits too and the others just pretty cheap. Some good websites to read are traveller blog’s, tend to find them a good place to start for a non tourist-industry type view. Nomadic Matt has good general coverage and http://www.travelindependent.info/where-travel-top-best-places.htm is another practical but inspirational place to start.

    Hope helps…..I’ll go away again now…..!

    #298277

    Michelle
    Participant

    Ah Shelby…how funny!  North Wales is stunning – but very very wet most of the time, I’m feeling very lucky to have got in the few decent hikes that we have done. There’s lots of less physically demanding walks too if your back doesn’t do well on long hikes… But end June for a few days……can I just ramble on for a few mins about how awesome Granada is – home to the Alhambra, one of the most stunning moorish palaces and gardens, a huge park you can walk to from the city and the finest food/drink – did I mention you get free food with every drink……love it there……though may actually be getting too hot for you by then!

    Cambodia was awesome, Bali & Tibet/Nepal still on my list. To be honest, the language thing really isn’t much of a barrier – so long as you are happy to wave your hands around, smile a lot and learn just a couple basic “hello/goodbye/thankyou/a beer please” I’ve got by pretty much everywhere I’ve been.  You can get these cool picture books with things to point to – bizarrely simple idea but invaluable if heading way off the tourist track at all, though can’t imagine you’ll do that to start with.

    Your idea on timing is smart. I started off thinking we’d do a grand year tour but actually am much happier doing 1-2-3 months at a time, coming back to see friends/family before heading off again.  Insurance in necessary single or couple, especially for health stuff, that’s the coverage part that matters. One of the best things for single/any travellers is actually a simple door wedge – instant extra peace of mind when sleeping if the door lock’s a bit ropey.  It’s funny, the more I travel, the more you realise how over-hyped so much of the news is into making everything seem scary. People are just generally way more friendly and helpful outside the UK too ( sorry UK! ) – think they appreciate tourists and just interested in people more. Medicines I think you can get your doctor’s to give you extra prescriptions to pick up whilst travelling/take with you. You can also get most of the injections you need for free on NHS still.

    Ha – even I’m excited now – will have to start planning out my next big trip….! I’ll have a think more about what you might like – try out Wanderlust in the meantime, their pictures are just literally travel-bait….

     

    #298281

    Michelle
    Participant

    Ah – I just wrote a ton of stuff and lost it! Suffice to say I’m excited about your potential trip too and now feel the need to start planning out my next one!!

    Granada end June has to be on your list…….it has the Alhambra ( wonderful moorish palace and gardens, amazing place ), giant park walkable from the city for outside space and many parks/squares in the city itself – plus just the best food/drink/bar scene, free tapas with every drink still and very friendly.

    I’ve never found the language thing to be a real barrier yet, so long as you are happy waving your arms around, smiling a lot, feeling a bit foolish ( great practice at not caring what others think btw…. ) and learning a few basic “hello,goodbye,thankyou,beer please” phrases get you a long way. But you are reliant on being somewhere with either other travellers or ex-pats for any long conversation, barkeepers/tourist industry locals aside, who I’ve had some great chats with. Travel is awesome like that, you get all kinds of people with really interesting stories – makes it very easy to strike up conversations.

    Travel insurance is a must single or not, health being the big one you want decent coverage on. Funnily enough, best gadget for single or not single people I’ve heard of – a door wedge. Instant peaceful night’s sleep. Safety is much like anywhere you visit, some areas are fine, some not so much and some you’ll want to get a taxi back late at night. But honestly, the more I travel the more you see just how over-hyped the news is, what an unrealistic picture it paints. Most people are so much much friendlier than here in the UK, they’re interested and helpful in the main, especially as you get out of the cities and big tourist hot-spots.

    Medication I think your doctor either gives you prescriptions to take with you or just a load in advance but it’s something they are used to dealing with. You can still get most of the injections if you need them free on NHS.

    It’s so cool to hear you talk excitedly about something, run with it whilst you can 🙂  Wanderlust is basically p@rn for travellers if you want to see awesome pictures and I’ll have a think through what may suit you!

    Good on you.

    #299097

    Shelbyville
    Participant

    Hi Michelle,

    Thanks for all the advice….wow… you really are a guru of the travel and exploration world! Sorry for the delay, I was up to my tonsils with study for exams and work and needed time to digest all your advice.

    The door wedge is an excellent idea. I will check with my local pharmacist and doctor about my medication. But narrowing down the location is proving the most difficult. I really feel like a small break the week after next, as I’m so exhausted and my head is fried with all i have been through, but at the same time I’m conscious that if I plan to go away for a bigger trip a couple of months later, I should save my money!

    I just know that if I’m at home on my week off, I will end up cleaning and cooking and doing jobs for my Dad and around the house, I don’t mind that at all, but would be nice to actually get a proper break somewhere.

    I finally have a weekend off!! Wohoo!!! So looking forward to this weekend with no plans ahead. Well….It’s Fathers Day Sunday so the family will visit and I’ll be on dinner duty but that’s every sunday anyway, so nothing big out of the ordinary at least! Couldn’t come at a better time.

    Also not one word from my ex since, I have been….’ghosted’ by the man I thought I’d spend my life with. I know he’s doing the right thing, doesn’t make me less annoyed. But off with him. Im too tired to care anymore!

    How has your week been Michelle and Kkasxo? I hope it’s going well with some nice highlights x

    #299253

    Michelle
    Participant

    Hey Shelby,

    Ha, not sure about the guru status but defn a travel nut, yeah. No worries – how did the exams go btw, hope you are feeling good about them – when do you find out the results? Fingers crossed for you! Had a pretty good last few days over in Wales, got one more walk in and a brewery tour on (one of the many…) rainier days, which turned into a fun afternoon in their brewery tap bar with a lot of new friends 😉

    Weekend off sounds…like about time!! Yeah, I tend to agree you need to make the most of your time off when you get it so going away for a short break somewhere sounds good to me, doesn’t need to be expensive. For example, I was sent an offer for 5 nights in Marrakesh for £84 yesterday from one of the travel sites alerts I used – sadly it was for Nov when we’re away in SA else would have jumped on it! But you see what I mean, good deals are out there and you could always try out one of the house-sit gigs in the UK/Europe for a really cheap break. You can search them without signing up, only need to join when you want to apply to one. Cheap flight deals try SecretFlying and the like, TravelZoo and Fly4Free both have regular good deals too.  Think about it as a good investment in practicing for your bigger trip later…!

    And at the risk of starting to sound like a travel blog, when trying to narrow down your location, remember the so-called “shoulder” seasons are your best friends. Think, less crowded, less expensive but still decent weather and not closed down.

    Then your basic first choice is which way you fly, as in West for North, South, Central America/Mexico/Canada etc or East for Asia/Oz/NZ. Or South for Europe/Africa. If you end up only going for three weeks, is there one place you’d really want to make sure you got to, something you’d like to see?  I’ve found often it’s more about the whole slow travel experience that you can structure around one thing you’d really like to see/do.  Any historic time period in particular you are more interested in?

    I can go on – and probably will at some point 🙂  but see where you get to and I’ll merrily help more. In the meantime, it’s really heartening to hear how well you are handling being ghosted – it is a strange feeling indeed when you no longer hear from someone you thought you’d spend forever with. I’m really really proud of you, which I know is odd for someone I’ve not met but I think you’ll get what I mean. It’s good to hear just a little bit of excitement from you for something else, something for you. He really doesn’t deserve any more of your investment and I know you are going to be just fine and dandy.

    #299313

    Shelbyville
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Hi all,</p>
    So..the weekend off……so far…… has been difficult. I must have used ‘being busy’ for so long as a coping mechanism, I feel at a loss/my wits end, without anything to do.

    I caught up on Love Island (don’t judge, I’m addicted!!) and did some laundry and went for a long walk…..but honestly…..I’m bored. And when I’m bored and have time to think, thoughts of the ex creep in. I thought I was doing well, but maybe I was kidding myself because I was in fact just avoiding thinking about it whilst so busy.

    I don’t know what to do with my life. I have no new plan. Okay, so maybe now I realise the previous plan will never happen and maybe now I wonder would it ever have worked given the type of person he is/was, but no clue how to feel as good again as I did when I spent time with him.

    Some days I do get a tiny bit of excitement at the thoughts of a better future and maybe someone truly better for me and a life full of happiness, but that feeling doesn’t last too long. I start to feel then that this is my lot, I’m blessed in many ways with a job, friends, family and my health (mostly) – so I realise that’s a lot more than some people, but is this it. Will I just try and make myself happy with this and how do I go about that?!

    Sorry, a little off topic from the previous few posts, but a day of solitude can do that!

    #299339

    Michelle
    Participant

    Morning Shelby,

    Ok….I won’t judge…..but y’know….Love Island….really….I’m depressed just at the thought of it 😉

    Yeah, first time alone is hard, you are having to create a whole bunch of new “what do I do now”, both physically and emotionally. After all, you invested what, almost 5 years of your life in this guy so it’s going to take some time for your brain to give up it’s well-rehearsed thought train.

    Most people when bored end up in a bad place, imagining and extrapolating all kinds of difficulties or disappointments, especially if used to thinking that way. Hey, even I can start thinking the irritating habits of my partner are too much and I’d better do something about it. But you know what, I feel it, I recognise it – and then I move on, knowing it’ll pass and it’s not what I think when I’m not feeling like cr@p. It’s why it’s so important to never make important decisions when you’re low – negative emotions are in the driving seat..

    So the thing isn’t to avoid alone time but rather to figure out how to kick yourself out of it mentally after you’ve had a good wallow when you need to. It’s ok to feel sad, disappointed that part of your life, those hopes are over, it was a big investment of your time and it’s sh*t when it doesn’t work out how you want it to. But you know what’s absolutely amazing about that post and made me smile hugely – it’s the first time you’ve acknowledged there’s a tiny part of you that is excited to be set free, to be given a real chance of finding what you what. That’s awesome, big step stuff.

    But did you notice just how fast your old fears clamped down on it though – with the same story running around your head “You won’t find anybody else, this is your lot, just accept it and put up with it, why do you even want more anyway, you should be grateful for this, how can you be so selfish to want more, to want something for yourself and by the way, don’t you realise that to do that we’re going to have to do some stuff that’s outside our comfort zone and you know how we feel about that….”   I know it sounds a bit odd written like that but I guarantee that’s the script running around your head, knowingly or not, trying quickly to put out that flare of hope for better, for more.

    So don’t just accept your lot, it’s not all you are, we both know that and Kkasxo will say the same. There’s absolutely nothing wrong saying out loud “Actually, you know what, I’m not content with my lot, I know there’s a lot of good in it but I want more and I’m going to try my hardest and do what’s in my power to get it!!!”

    So make it your new mantra, change that old story in your head and then next time you get some time off alone after you’ve had your wallow you can can move on and enjoy your day instead,Love Island or whatever – we’ll be behind you and cheering you all the way!

    Take care, hope your dinner goes well – I get off lightly here, just got to make a cup of tea when visiting my Dad later!

    #299377

    Kkasxo
    Participant

    Evening ladies,

    I feel so rubbish about being up and down with my little Tiny Buddha crew! 🙁 I still check up regularly and read your posts but finding the time to sit down and respond is proving extremely difficult at the moment with how much is going on.

    I seem to be surrounded by death and bad news since the beginning of May. My colleagues little girl passed away last Sunday, my directors wife gave birth two weeks ago and the baby boy hasn’t been able to leave the hospital since.. that + moving + trying to tie up and complete on two new developments whilst starting a new one is been hectic to say the least! A little bit like you Shelby, I haven’t got a moment to myself at all!

    Firstly, love island! Haha I’m in the ‘don’t judge me zone’ absolutely loving it! Hating Maura though! I was really hoping she’d have to leave the villa tonight. The girl lacks any self respect honestly find it quite revolting!

    I messaged a friend the other day to find out about her travels as last year she went on a ‘find myself’ sort of travelling adventure which sounded amazing. She used a company that kind of dealt with all of the admin side of things and travelled to many countries over a period of time and absolutely loved it! I’m waiting to hear back from her so will let you know when I hear back.

    I agree with Michelle, you’re absolutely not tied down to an unhappy life on your own. You are an incredible, smart, clever, funny woman and believe me you will get all the happiness in the world.

    I love that you mentioned in one of your posts that you are too tired to care now. That’s a good sign! Honestly, I’m exactly the same. I am completely and utterly of the mindset that what will be will be and it is out of my control.

    I think with my therapy sessions coming to an end (either this week or next week) I am finding myself reflecting more and more on my journey the past year or so. I know I still have a long long way to go but I can honestly say that this journey has revealed a whole new me to myself. I am on a road to discovery of who I am, what I want, where I want to be in life. I’m still making mistakes along the way, I am human, but I am learning. This is all a part of my story and as much as i’d love to change and erase  many parts, I simply cannot. And it is the same with you. Your ex was just a part of your journey, but it wasn’t your final destination! You are onto bigger and better things and I feel this for you may also be the beginning of a beautiful self discovery journey and you will come out the other end filled with so many memories and an amazing sense of self.

    Just on a side note to answer your question, the flat is absolutely beautiful. I am loving my own space etc and family will be leaving the country soon. As much as I am enjoying it I do think that it was just an easier decision to not do this on my own…. I don’t think it settles anything in stone with me and Mr A. We are getting along okay, nothing wrong that end but it’s just not the same. My gut will not allow it to be ‘the same’… do I think we will last in the long run? Honestly, I highly doubt it. But like you I’m too tired to care! I am soooooo focused on me right now and doing everything completely my way that it doesn’t even matter. Everything else will align! It just has to!

    I hope your Father’s Day went okay. Let’s start the new week on a bright note.

    Honestly girls I really wish we were all closer so we could just meet up for a Friday night drink and catch up!

    #299443

    Michelle
    Participant

    Hey Kkasxo, both,

    Yeah, a Friday night drink catch up would be awesome but hey – virtual will have to do it! Less calories anyway I guess 😉

    Sounds like you have had a tough run of it too – good to hear you sounding so better though, having your own place has really helped settle you in, however Mr A turns out. You put it better than I can, life is always all about learning, trying & hoping it’ll work out but being gentle on yourself if it doesn’t – it’s all part of what makes us for we are.  You sound like you are doing much better at just seeing how things work out. I’m not surprised your gut won’t let you have it be the “same”, it’s not and won’t be. Guts are irritatingly smart like that.  But it could yet be better, depends on whether you can at some point trust him again and I suspect you won’t be sure on that till you get through your next tough spot. Just enjoy being ok now and loving that safe place, glad you have that sorted before your family goes.

    It will not surprise either of you to learn that I read a lot of travel blogs and a number of the female solo travel ones have hugely inspirational stories and experiences to share. My solo female traveller friend is a bit out there to help much, she happily goes to all kinds of places on her own that I’m still thinking about even with my giant partner in tow! So really looking forwards to hearing back from your friend where she went & with who.

    And so, ok, in the interests of entertaining you guys on a bright note to start the week – there’s a good reason I’m not in the Love Island/Reality show camp……..I have rather embarrassingly actually been on a reality TV show…..way back now and very weird experience – whilst everybody else on the show wanted to be famous, I spent most of the time hiding from the camera! Still came second somehow though 🙂  But the way it was set up throughout and the blatant editing of things said to create false conflict left me more than a little jaded to watch any these days! So there you go – that’s my guilty secret 🙂

    The sun is shining here finally – have a good week both, take care.

    #299485

    Shelbyville
    Participant

    Hi ladies,

    whatever the written equivalent of ‘a sight for sure eyes’- that’s ye this evening. I’m finding it tough. I don’t know why, I’m just down. Sad.

    Firstly though, Kkasxo…..hello!!!! Is this the same woman I was communicating with a few months ago? Who couldn’t find the will to get out of bed, who thought she would feel that way forever more????!!! How wonderful that you have turned such a corner and appear to be in much better frame of mind, you’re wonderful! You give me hope!

    Im so glad you have found somewhere you consider your safe space, that’s a treasure. I’m sorry to hear about all the loss and sadness in your general circle, it’s quite like that here too and it can be hard. Life can deal some tough blows and I guess each person has to manage and cope as best they can.

    Michelle,

    You’ve given me such inspiration for travel, thank you for taking the time to offer advice on this, maybe you could have your own blog some day! Having said that, I don’t know what’s going on with me lately. Well I do……distraction is a great coping mechanism….for a while. But it comes to an end.

    I’m lonely. Without you on this forum I’d be swallowed up by my loneliness I think. The house is so quiet. I’m extremely uncomfortable just sitting in peace now, on my own. I feel much better when my Dad arrives home to have someone to at least converse with.

    I feel like crying today, first time really in a month since the final split. I’m scared I’m missing out on something, that I’m not doing things right, that it’s all wrong. That it’s too late.

    I made this bed, I must sleep in it. My dad lost my mum and was lucky enough after her passing to meet an incredible wonderful woman who he loved just as much. He lost her also to illness and now I wonder is this how he feels on a daily basis.

    I didn’t lose anyone to death and I’m so so lonely and sad and he has lost two, how does he cope? Is this the life he leads now with no hope as such for it getting better, it makes me so so sad for him too. He could be feeling like me times a hundred each day but doesn’t dwell and gets on with things and I can’t cope for one single week.

    Ok the tears have arrived. I don’t know what’s up with me at all. I tried to talk myself out of it this evening, saying I have a wonderful family and friends and a future of possibilities but it feels too late, it all feels like the sand has shifted through my fingers and it’s gone.

    Im sorry to bring such a downer on the thread when you two have been so great with keeping it upbeat this week. X

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