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7 Ways to Manage a Break Up and Work Through the Pain

“Most of our troubles are due to our passionate desire for and attachment to things that we misapprehend as enduring entities.” ~Dalai Lama

Some breakups are so bad that they make you hate the sunshine. It’s up there gleaming, looking down on you, being all sunny despite the fact that you feel like a slice of hell. The suffering is relentless. The sky is ugly.

The ending of my last relationship was awful. I think it hurt as bad as it did because this wasn’t some random young woman who had just walked into my life. This was someone whom I’d been aquatinted with for years.

I know her family. I had a business relationship with her and we had been performing together as part of a musical group. It also wasn’t my choice to end things.

I once read that the pain of the death of a loved one, the pain of the end of a relationship, and the pain of a child losing a teddy bear are no different. Pain is pain.

And to the one who experiences pain, it can be all consuming and can seem like the end of the world.

I don’t like it when some people think that just because your relationship only lasted a couple of months you should hurt less than if the relationship had been longer. Again, pain is pain. No one has the right to judge it, put limits on it, or qualify it.

Sometimes, it’s hard to imagine that you’ll ever feel better. So, what do you do? You can hate it if you want, resent it, resist it, or wish it wasn’t happening.

The fact is that it’s happening. I wish I could tell you that I’d found the secret to making the healing from the breakup of a relationship easier or faster. I haven’t.

I do know that when all of the flirting, smiling, hand-holding, and special times on the couch are over, somehow you have to find a way to put the pieces of yourself back together.

I think the way to do this is different for everyone. Here are some things that I’ve found helpful.

1. Detachment 

Far more than a Buddhist concept, detachment gives us the ability to move forward. I’ve had no reason to talk to my ex-girlfriend, so I haven’t. We have no children together and live far enough apart that we don’t run into each other.

Sure, the grieving is painful, but it’s not her job to be there for me during this process to comfort me. There’s no reason to hang out as pals—maybe someday, but not now.

2. Therapy

The thing I’ve most needed during this time in my life was guidance. I needed someone to talk to and someone to check in with. Sometimes, I make up awful stories in my head and I need someone to help me counter them. There are many different modalities out there. Try them all if you want to.

3. Walking

Yes, it seems so simple, but I started walking more. There’s something very therapeutic about putting one foot in front of the other, moving forward. It’s almost a metaphor.

Walking is a great way to get active instead of dwelling in your memories and replaying the ones that hurt. Walking clears the mind. In The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron wrote: “We walk out of the door with problems, we return with solutions. ”

Also, I remember my gym teacher in elementary school yelling, “Walk it off!” when I got hit with a tennis ball. I’m walking it off, coach.

4. Mindfulness

So much has been said about mindfulness and present moment awareness. The Internet is full of great resources, and there are probably free meditation groups near you. I won’t go into it too deeply here, but keeping your mind centered on the present and not reliving the past or worrying about the future is helpful. Even Obi-Won Kenobi recommended this.

You can begin with one conscious breathe in this one moment, which is all you ever have. Take some time and feel the breath flowing through you, the rise and fall, the slightest pause.

It’s okay if your mind starts to wander. You can always begin again.

5. Distraction

This might seem like the opposite of mindfulness, and maybe it is. Sometimes though, self-medicating with Netflix is okay. I blew through all of Firefly and both seasons of The Walking Dead. This is guerrilla warfare of the heart. We do what we must to survive. It’s far better than thinking of my ex and the impossibly beautiful way her eyes catch the sunlight.

I’m not suggesting repressing or avoiding your feelings, but sometimes we need a break. Just like a vacation can give us a new perspective on our work, a break from thinking can help us to look at a situation with new eyes.

6. Reading

I binged on books. I admit it. I read books on Buddhism, and Taoism, and Stoicism, all kinds of self-help books. Something about this felt proactive. It was like I was doing homework, like I was taking control of the process, doing all I could to help myself feel better.

7. Creative Expression

Writing has always been helpful to me. I guess that in this, one of my least favorite chapters in my life, with the catastrophic ending of my relationship, it’s no surprise that I started focusing more on my writing.

It’s saved me in ways that even playing music could not. I think I’ll release a collection of my essays sometime soon. Some of them are really good. I’m not saying everyone should take up writing, but creativity in any form helps, even if it’s baking a cake or playing with Legos with your friend’s child. Adele turned the painful ending of a relationship into an album. Go listen to Rolling in the Deep. Seriously.

I hope this doesn’t sound easy. It isn’t. But I hope you get something out of this list or even become inspired to create your own.

Sometimes we have to take great care with ourselves after a breakup, and that’s okay. It’s not so different than recovering from an illness or from surgery. Be gentle with yourself; rest if you need to. It takes as long as it takes.

Remember, we are all the same at our core. Everyone wants to be happy and no one wants to suffer.

Photo by JOPHIELsmiles

Avatar of James Gummer

About James Gummer

James Gummer has no idea what's going on and is learning to be okay with that. He writes in Baltimore, Maryland where he also teaches drumming, qigong, and meditation. His collection of essays will be available soon. Visit him at james-writes.com.

Announcement: Wish you could change your past? Learn to let go and create a life you love with the Tiny Buddha course!
  • http://www.fourleggedmom.com/ Brenda Lee

    Break ups are by far, no fun. After the break up is all about how we handle it and heal. Hopefully it was a learning experience and to not be repeated. Great post!

  • Melisa

    I’ve just had sort of a breakup with a person whom I thought was a friend. I have not had a fight with her, actually this is a “virtual breakup”. Let me explain…
    She is a wonderful person but has serious self-esteem and validation issues. I have been trying to be the best friend that I know to be and she keeps pushing me away. She gets close whenever she feels like and that just kills me…

    I understand now that I don’t have the emotional capacity or maturity to be her friend so I’ve decided to “break it up”. I need to take care of myself first and your tips to move on are wonderful. I’ve been doing some of them, like walking it off.

    I’m walking it off coach! Loved that

  • Joanna

    Oh so very timely, thank you! I’ve done all those things on your list and they’ve helped immensely: walked it off (gone to the gym to lift weights and run), talked it out, binged on Netflix (Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Arrested Development), read self-help books and blogs. Like I said they all helped but the most helpful of all was staying in the present, even if it means concentrating on your breath in order to push away the memories. Thanks again for your article! :)

  • http://twitter.com/animate_me Steven Lee

    I wished you’ve posted this post earlier without me having to go through each of every step alone and without any guidance. But eventually, I would approve that every point you made is very true. It’s a great article, I just retweeted it and hope my followers who’s having the same problem can read this and be able to move on with less burden on their back.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mat.veni Mat Veni

    Nice James to write down self experience. Did anyone try to do more on ‘mindfulness’? This way was the most powerful in my case. I know it’s not easy to make certain focus… but with practice its getting better. 
    What also helped me is the Unconditional love… If I trully loved thn I must wish all the best to the exgirlfriend. I must remain satisfied with myself and give to others (and the love one) because I feel giveness is part of my joy. 

  • Pam

    Thanks, James, it’s good and compassionate advice. I am on vacation now and half a world away from my ex, with some time to follow the creative pursuits I’ve been putting off. I am hoping this time away will help. Cheers and keep writing! :-D

  • Antparty

    Much appreciated article here. I too, am trying to rebuild a new life after having someone I really thought was one I could partner my life with, dumped me. I like your list. I’m doing all of that. I think of it as a process with no one sure fire cure. The point is to do enough to move forward one day at a time.

    One day at a time. 

  • http://twitter.com/AlannahRose Alannah Rose

    This is such a wise list.  I agree wholeheartedly with everything you’ve said here and I appreciated your honesty and openness.  I love your writing & I do hope you will release the collection of your essays because you’ve got a gift.

    Best to you ~ I hope it will get easier soon.

  • Nixa

    James! At this time last year I could barely move, I was so torn up by the failure of a love affair. Since then I have done all the things you recommend in your article and here I am, mending and moving on, again. And I totally agree with your recommendation of video therapy. Have you seen the series Enlightened with Laura Dern? She is so human in that show, bumbling along the path. Lots of great role models in shows and movies not only to distract but also to inspire as you have with you writing.

    Gratefully,

    Nixa

  • JC

    Beautiful entry. The circumstances of your relationship are very similar to mine and this was very helpful to me today. Thank you!

  • Zobo18

    Thanks so much for posting this article and sharing your wisdom.. It was just what I needed. I am so grateful I discovered Tiny Buddha :)

  • StClairMoriniere

    great suggestions…. these are thing that i have actually done as well. Im two months into a break-up with a relationship that lasted 8 years. Your suggestions will help to administer some relief in getting back to yourself. That is the important aspect of it, getting back to loving yourself again. Thanks for the reassurance.

  • James Gummer

    Good for you! Take care of yourself. Just like the mask on an air plane. You have to put one on yourself before you can help someone else with their’s.

    James

  • James Gummer

    You’re welcome.

    Thanks for spending your time reading my words.

    -James

  • James Gummer

    Thanks for reading and taking the time to post, Allanah. I really appreciate it.

    James

  • James Gummer

    One day at a time!

    You’re so right!

    -James

  • Jennifer Miller

    Lovely post. My first visit to your site. I’ll be back.

  • Lilya_4ever

    Break ups make you feel like you are the only person in the world who is going through the gut-wrenching painful ache that comes with being rejected. Thank you for reminding me that we are never alone. x

  • http://www.MindfulnessMeditationInstitute.org/ Charles A. Francis

    These are all wonderful suggestions. As a mindfulness meditation practitioner and teacher, I particularly like your suggestions about detachment, walking, and mindfulness.

    In another blog post, I commented how a simple exercise I developed helped me improve my relationship with my girlfriend. I’ve found that the writing meditation exercise also helps people overcome the wounds from their past.

    Since the writing meditation is a variation of loving-kindness meditation, it enables us to change the way we feel about the people who have hurt us, so we can overcome the pain and animosity toward them.

    The writing meditation will also help us strengthen our relationships with the other people in our lives, so they can provide us with the spiritual nourishment we need to get through difficult times. It will then help us become more loving, compassionate and understanding, so we can be a better partner in our future relationship.

    As I continue doing the exercise, I am discovering many new ways of how my life is being transform because of the change in my views about other people. In general, people are becoming more allies, rather than the adversaries they were in the past.

    I strongly recommend writing meditation to anyone trying to overcome their wounds from the past. If you want me to send you a copy of the writing meditation exercise, contact me and I’ll email it to you. There is no charge. It is my gift to you and your loved ones.

    Warm regards,
    Charles A. Francis

  • James Gummer

    Hi Charles,

    I’d like to see it.

    Jamesgummer@jamesgummer.com

    Thanks,
    James

  • James Gummet

    We are never alone.

    James

  • peacrow

    thanks for the suggestions. i have found it painful to let go of a relationship that only lasted a few months because it was all potential and no history. when my long-term relationship ended, it was easy to see it had run its course. when my last relationship ended, it hadn’t even had a chance to start to run. it was hard to let go of hope. 

    i have also found that writing is really helpful and i wrote more during the end of the relationship than i had in the previous year combined. but it helps with the pain a lot and keeps things in perspective a bit, seeing that the pain cycles and not in a predictable way.

  • Mclou2633

    I know this may seem counter-intuitive, but writing down or expressing all of the things that made me feel grateful for having the relationship with the person I broke up with was key to my ability to let go without losing my love for her.  This allowed me to respect the time and moments we shared as a valuable period of my life….one that I would never really wish to forget.  Relationships are conditional and therefore impermanent, but the love we feel for someone doesn’t have to be that way.  This has allowed me to accept the end of my relationship with her without carrying any negative emotional energy into the birth of any new relationships I might find.  We can choose to see our past relationships as a success or as a failure.  If the axiom is true that success builds on success….I choose success.

  • Jonathan Lareau

    Thanks James…love the wisdom in this piece. The key I think is to simply allow and invite the pain to do its thing. Then it passes. I have a few posts relating to this that may also be of interest http://www.servingothersblog.com  I will check your site now. Thanks again.

  • maya_saputra

    Walking, detachment and creative expressions: three lifebuoys. Come handy in any negative situation!
    Thanks for your post, James :)

  • Pickingmyselfup

    Thank you. With all due respect, however, There can be a huge disparity in being the one who breaks up and the one who is broken up with.

  • Longd0405

    “The point is to do enough to move forward one day at a time”………..YES,that is sometimes asking for more than I believe is possible in that “moment”when a memory or thought of that person lost is comparable to having the air knocked out of you,and the truth sinks in that you will never “be” with that person again.You feel so alone with the pain,and grief,like no one could ever feel this way,and function as “normal”each day, but WE DO.Reading these posts are such a moment of surrender to realize there is a whole world of people suffering just like me,and we will and do eventually pass through this stage,where the “clouds”eventually lift.Pain from love lost is a universal experience,and we are not unique with our pain. Thanks for posting,and being part of the process!!                    

  • Longd0405

    Thank you Charles,I would appreciate a copy.Bless You.email is longd0405@gmail.com

  • Devin Yates

    I would love to have a copy of the writing meditation exercise.
    Devin.Yates@gmail.com
    Thank you,
    Devin

  • Sjsjs

    Some good thoughts, I might add to this that it is important to make sure you don’t self destruct. I mean turn to drink or the the like, I’ve done this and it makes things worse.

  • Jeremy

     Hi Charles, I would like to have a copy too. My email is jnichols777@hotmai:disqus l.com.
    Thank you,
    Jeremy

  • Suzy 01

    Love these posts

    I am stuck in the hell of a breakup and I can’t get rid of the pain. I feel lost and can’t cope with getting through an hour at a time. I just feel so abandoned and in absolute despair I really can’t cope with this

  • ggn

    Another thing that you have to remember is that reading all of this advice isn’t the same as putting it into practice. After a 4 1/2 year long relationship with breakups every other couple of months and “this is the REAL end now,” it’s finally happening. I’m in the denial/hopeful stage and I don’t want to give myself time to grieve because I know myself well enough to know that I will NEVER let myself get out of this stage if I do. I know that I don’t want to let him go but it’s time to. It’s time to put it into practice. To force those thoughts out of your head of them and to not hate yourself for struggling through this. 

  • ggn

    I would love that, I believe that meditation is a much healthier alternative than a lot of other self-destructive things that most people tend to do. My email is gesseniarivas@gmail.com 

  • kuulei

    Yes. Please send me a copy. My email is napiliwahine3@hotmail.com
    @hotmail:disqus Aloha

  • kuulei

    I’m going through the same thing… after an almost 5 year relationship with my best friend/lover. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. Now I need to detach and let go.

  • kuulei

    Suzy – I’m in the same boat. It ebbs and flows for me though. Just breathing, sitting, giving gratitude for the experience is helpful to me. Best wishes 

  • kuulei

    What a wonderful exercise in forgiveness. I will do this practice as I mend my heart.

  • Suzy 01

    Really am stuck the pain is agonising I don’t know what to do at all. He doesn’t know what he wants but tells me I’m perfect

  • ggn

    I started taking the first steps though, I removed myself from all contact with him but kept a secret Facebook open that he and I were friends on, I just found out that he unfriended me on there and deleted his old facebook where he had pictures of both of us together. I’m angry and hurt, this is really hard. So good luck kuulei, we both need it! 

  • Sean

     thank you Charles please help me out of this nightmare…email seanprs@hotmail.com

  • mohit

    it’s difficult for me. Detached from her for about 2 years, making all the efforts to keep her off from my mind. but my mind thinks of her, it’s difficult for me to breathe the fresh air. Please help.

  • anj

    Hello can u send me the meditation exercise? Anjludwika@gmail.com

  • Nidia Almeida

    Hi Charles can i have a copy also?!
    Trying to cope with a broken heart and not being consumed with hatred.
    Many thanks
    Namaste
    Nidia

  • http://www.facebook.com/charles.francis.9634 Charles Francis

    Nidia

    Where would you like me to send it?

    Charles

  • Lance

    Good article and good timing for me. I’ve been doing a lot of this on my own and they definitely work; some better than others. I find walking and writing particularly therapeutic. The practice of detachment, which is by the most powerful in the list is also the most difficult one to master. Attachment is definitely the source of the pain in situations like this. We hold on to the memories, the fantasies, the hope that we had and in some cases, still have. We even hold on to the idea that we shouldn’t be feeling like this, which unfortunately just makes it worse. The only way past these experiences is to go through it and experiene the emotions and simply allow ourselves to “feel”. In time (and with practice of the 7 ways above), things will get better. Thanks for the article, :).

  • Senchi

    Thank you for this. I needed to read this….especially the first one.

  • Atikur raheman

    thks a lot sir,realy ur advice brings a hope to live for my family and for whom I meant,i was loving sandhya more than my life.but she left only because after MBA I could not qualify for agood company.thank u sir for givinge a new life.

  • Sam

    I broke up with my partner only 3 days ago. It was my choice but only because I had to protect my children from his controlling aggressive behavior. I know this is the right thing to do but at the moment it still feels pretty raw. Not only is the there the emotional stuff but all the other things like money, rent etc. I have found out that my family and friends mean everything and they have been fantastic, even the people I work with have surprised me in ways I am truly grateful for.
    Thanks for all the tips online. I have dabbled in Buddhist practice and tried to take up meditation in the past.
    Like most people I’m sure I’ll get through this but it is such a horrid feeling.

  • Jon

    Heya urzs is a good advice…… Can u send some of ur more writings on jongonsalves@gmail.com plzzz thanx
    Jon

  • Keki

    This is the best thing I have ever read. Three days after the most painful, horribly sad break-up I have ever been through and the most broken heart I could ever imagine, this was just what I needed to read. Everyone is giving me stacks of advice and “help” but nothing has spoken to me the way this article did. I am so pleased that I now have 7 different things I can slowly shuffle through if and when I feel up to it …. the walking, the writing/being creative, being mindful, etc. It’s like a class I have just enrolled in to heal my broken heart and slowly I will make my way through the 7 “lessons”. If nothing else, at least this has given me something to do while I try to endure this awful pain. Best wishes to anyone else going through the same thing right now, and thanks to the author for putting this out there.

  • LorAbby19

    Hi Charles. I was just wondering if you could send me a copy of the mediation writing exercise? I’m going through some horrible pain with my break up. Please. My email is.. elorabby@Gmail.com. thank you

  • hummingbirdsdontcry

    I did not know that I had the capacity to suffer this vast amount anguish. I’ve been searching for the barest relief and am so grateful to have found your writing. It is clearly authentic I can finally see myself embracing your list to get myself back on track to being a stable person. Thanks for sharing.

  • http://www.facebook.com/cat.rose.archibald Caitlin Archibald

    Hi Charles, sounds wonderful.. could you please send me a copy to caitlin.archibald@gmail.com. Kindest Regards, Caitlin

  • evangabriel

    Thank you James.
    I will write these steps down on my white board. After a 12 yr. relationship ended my ex and I still saw each other and were still having sex. Now four yrs. have passed and I’m finally realizing what a big mistake it was. I had started having feelings for her and was afraid to tell her for fear of losing my best friend and lover again. When I finally got the courage to say something she said she had been feeling the same. Both of us thought we just wanted the friends with benefits and nothing more so while I hung on to hope, she decided she needed to move on.

    Now i’m heart broken again. What a lesson to learn the hard way. I’ve already been doing step 2 and I now i’ve done step one. This list will help me through the next rough patch of picking myself up and starting fresh.
    I don’t feel so alone and it’s a comfort to know that it’s okay for guys to feel hurt and sad. Sometimes I cry but most times I listen to and play music. Creative outlets are awesome!

    Thank you again for some words of wisdom and thanks to the creator of this site. The universe is helping me see that things are going to be o.k.

  • http://twitter.com/jamesgummer James Gummer

    It’s true. Guys do hurt. It’s okay to feel. I did meet someone amazing around the time that this essay was published. And though that relationship ended and I was very sad, it did reinforce to me that life does move on. There are happy moments. Things often change. I could never have predicted anything that happened.

  • http://twitter.com/jamesgummer James Gummer

    I like that you call it a “class.” That’s a nice way to think about it. And I agree, sometimes we just need something to do during painful times. That was how this essay was born. It was part of my healing.

  • Mary Ann

    Thank u Charles, please send me a copy maryann2006q@gmail.com

  • anonymousx

    I feel like I will never pull through this….my ex has moved on and we’ve only been broken up under 2 weeks. Were together 2 years. I am going out of my mind with horrible thoughts of the two of them and memories of the two of us. I don’t know how to move on…….I can’t see the way out of this pain I’m in. The days are so long and the nights are even longer. help please :( I can’t carry on living like this

  • may

    I totally understand how you feel. How is it going? Its been a while, did things get better? did you go back?

  • may

    I would really like that! Could you please email it to me? bluesky510@yahoo.com

  • Kim

    Thank you. I needed this.

  • miranda3

    Thank you thank you DR ABULU for what you have just done, for helping me geting my husband who left me with two kids april last year to me i thank you so much the great DR ABULU of abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com for bringing back my family i am greatfull and will always be if you also need his help his email . abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com

  • tori

    send me a copy please ? thanks trpeterson958@gmail.com

  • Dee
  • Emma

    Me too please! ewilson.nz@gmail.com

  • robert

    I love you so much that she said she dont want a relationship with no one because she still married and didnt get over him yet but no fare to me that we feel in love for a year now she feel out of love I think she Is a lier.

  • ceemgee

    I hope you are moving on, Evangabriel. Listening to music, I find, can make me ‘maudlin’ which actually doesn’t help! I hate the grieving process and want to be at a future point where the pain has dissipated! I trust you are feeling better, given that it happened 4 months ago…

  • Melisa

    My name is Melisa. I am from morroco. I am happy to tell the word about a man called Dr Jojo Mork.Who helped me in getting my ex husband back. From one year break up, I am happy to have my ex back. If you need help contact him at drjojomorkspellcaster@gmail.com

    you can still find your own success

  • Dave

    Thank you

  • Alison

    if this is still an option, could you please send me a copy as well? ajd735@hotmail.com

  • Remya M.R

    Heyy… plsss helpp me.. i want to moveon.. bt inside i wishh i realllyy wish he cud comback fo me.. mrremy520@gmail.com i wish dis cud help me..

  • Paola 49

    Same is my case, but couldn’t stand anymore his sociopath behaviour.

  • Foosa Noble

    Thank you for these words, its never easy to let go and the uncertainty. I spent 8 years with a wonderful woman and now I have to start the healing process with a fresh gaping wound in my heart. thank you for your words and advise I will try my best. what sums it up is that P!nk song Try you got to get up and Try Try Try……..

  • woody1966

    you apparently wrote this for me. I going to walk it off!

  • maria ann

    Big thanks to Lord Azeez for making my wish true! I was totally devastated when Frank left me. It was like all my world vanishing into sorrow and pain. But your kind words when I first emailed you gave me hope. I felt how sincere, honest and authentic he were from his first email. I know it sounds weird but out of all the casters I contacted, he were the only one to give me that impression of being so true and caring. More than your words, it s the fantastic work you accomplished for me that I will keep in mind. He brought my lover back and he made all my wishes come true. He s now loyal, pays attention to me, he offers me flowers every Sunday, and we often go out at the cinema or at the restaurant. I will be forever thankful for turning my life from hell to heaven! if there is anyone to get your ex back to you, it is Lordazeez1990@hotmail.com

  • Jessica

    Thank you. I needed to read this right now.

  • rajmohan

    send me a copy please.. thank you
    .

  • Nelly

    My husband and I has been through so many trials with family deaths and his illness, that changed both of us. I became an unhappy and unappreciative wife. My husband left. My relationship with him was suffering. Him leaving was the worse thing that ever happened to me, that wake’s me up crying all nite. I started working with Dr Sango as a stander. But little did I realize that Dr Sango was going to reveal all the things in me that needed to change. helped me see the kind of man I’m supposed to be with. and i started seeking the hand of Dr Sango to change my heart and my husband’s. I had to accept that I could not change my husband, only Dr Sango can do that. I went to my husband and asked for his forgiveness for all my shortcomings as a wife. I asked him to give me another chance. He is now home.thank you father for job well done in my life you can also reach him via email address : sangospelltemple@gmail.com

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know how to say this to the on how i was able to get my wife,i have great joy in me as i am writing this testimony about the great man called DR ODUMDU When my lover left me i never taught that i will be able to get her back after all she has put me through, But i am so happy that after my contact with DR ODUMDU i was able to get my lover back after 48hours and i can proudly say that who ever need help in getting there lover back should contact DR ODUMDU on his email adders landofsolution1@gmail.com or call +2347053319835 you will be so happy you did

  • Taaj

    Hi Charles can I get a copy of this please. I would be so thankfull for any help. taajruprai@hotmail.co.uk

  • Kevin Brennan

    Dear Charles, I would appreciate a copy of your writing meditation as well. Going through a very difficult time. I never thought this would end, but it’s not my call. Thank you for your gift!! brennan_kevin_p@hotmail.com

  • moses

    very helpful and related to my current state of mind. you made my day , Thank you ! really wish i could follow some of the steps

  • AMANDA

    I heard so many things about DR Lawrence and every story has been so great. so here is my story, me and the father of my son has been off and on for 3 years its been a very stressful relationship. he cheated on me and I was very hurt, it was miserable for me so in returned I cheated because I wanted him to feel the pain but he never cares so we went apart, so he went back to his ex.i wanted him to leave her and let us come back together, I love him so much and I just want him to feel the same way feel for him, lucky for me DR Lawrence was the one who brought my lover back to me, drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com

  • http://dengi-raspiska.ru/omsk/ Dabbie

    I want to testify of the good work of Great Priest Essyewa, who helped me in bringing back my ex, i never thought i was going to have him again. i was in a relationship for 3yrs with a boy i believed he loved me more than anything in the world after a while i noticed some changes in him, things that he will not even notice he started nagging about them so i knew something was wrong. I tried to please him in several was but yet no outcome. shortly i noticed he was seeing another girl i tried to make him understand that i loved him so much but he wouldn’t even listen. one day i read a testimony on a similar case a person testifying of the work of this great prophet even when i did not believe i was convinced by my friend, so i contacted him and tried his method reluctantly surprisingly in less than 3 days, my lover contacted me and begged me that he was very sorry for the heart break, till date we are still together happily married. This great prophet has helped me in bringing back my ex. so if you are going through a similar thing or you have a problem just contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. here is his email: greatpriestessyewa@gmail.com
    Just contact him now and you shall also see his good result

  • CLUXE

    i am Melony from Sweden,I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how i got my ex lover back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another man,l in a couple of months ago,But when i meet a friend that introduce me to Dr IRABOR the great spell-caster,I narrated my problem to Dr IRABOR about how my ex love left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 2 days,My love called me on the phone and was apologizing for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to plead for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i apply for to work as a manager,I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact Dr IRABOR at the following email address and get all your problems solved..No problem is too big for him to solve.Email him on:iraborspelltemple@gmail.com,and all your problems will be solved and you will be glad at last.

  • maria deniels

    Am Mrs Benita obaba from USA,i want to testify of the good work of DR FRANK.
    i was humiliated by my ex husband and also treated like a commoner because he got in contact with with a harlot who turned him against me totally.
    i need vengeance by all means so i got in contact with DR FRANK who help fight against the harlot and the two of them had a serious marital breakdown and confusion was now their breakfast and all and everything went down the drain and he is begging me now like seriously,as am saying this right now my husband is even more 100% in love with me again but i don’t want to give him any chance again because i don’t want to get hurt.
    so whatever your situation look like just email the below address now.
    zooloozospellcast@yahoo.com

  • maria deniels

    i am Mrs cherry Johnson from CANADA,i want to testify of the good work of DR FRANK in my life,i lost my husband to a prostitute who vow to take him away from me by all means.
    i was confused never to know what to do until this faithful day a friend of mine called me that there is a man who can solve my problem immediately,i contacted him and he told me that my husband will come begging on his knees believe it or not on that same day he promise me my husband came to the house after 6months begging me to accept him back,so whatever your situation may look like just email the below address:
    BLACKSPIRITSTEMPE@GMAIL.COM

  • liza

    hi charles, can u share me ur meditation exercises…thank u…..liza my email address is lovenutsliza@yahoo.com…thank u again and God Bless…

  • Gianna Robertson

    Great tips.. I read this book called “breakup handbook for sensitive soul” when I was getting over my breakup and it a lot of great tips, some which were mentioned here. But it gets into a bit more detail. I carry it with me and whenever I want to call my ex I read it again. It’s a neat little handbook. http://www.amazon.com/The-Breakup-Handbook-Sensitive-Soul/dp/1499139144/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1398260629&sr=8-1&keywords=sophia+hope

  • Klara Williams Sofiyko

    LOVE IS LIFE WITH DR ABULU OF abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com
    i want to say a very big thanks and appreciation to chief priest Great ABULU for bringing back my husband who left i and the kids for almost three months within the space of five days after following all instruction given to me. i am very much grateful for restoring peace in my marital home’ i pray God almighty give you the strength and wisdom to help more people having similar problem like mine. for help you can CONTACT HIM on this email abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com

  • joy

    I don’t just know how to start am just short of word’s and happy that i would be celebrating my Esther with my wife,Due to the help of dr idielu,This dr idielu has brought back happiness into my life that i have lacked for year,My name is Maxwell am from the United State of America,Am just so happy today and today has been the happiest day of my life and this happiness has brought me joy and am so happy,Because dr idielu brought back my lover tricia into my arms without any delay,After my lover left me for good 2years,i was in deep pain and always thinking because i truly loved Tricia,Until a faithful day listen to the radio due to boredom,Then in which i had a lady shouting in happiness about the great thing dr idielu has done how dr idielu brought back her lover back into her arms within 36hours,when i had that goodness i decided in contacting dr idielu immediately,Because i was desperate in getting in touch with him,So i got in touch with him,Which then i told him my problem and he promised in bringing back Tricia back to my arms within 24hours,And then when i had that Tricia would be back to my arms within 24hours i was so happy and waiting to feel Tricia,And really Tricia came into my arms within 24hours,Begging me for forgiveness,i was so happy when i saw Tricia now my lover is fully back to my arms due to the help of this great man dr idielu who has bought back happiness into our great country(Usa)Please friend in need of help you don’t need to go far all you need to do is for you to kindly contact dr idielu for help,Because he his trustworthy and straight forward,You can contact him on his private mail,idieluspiritualtemple@live.com

  • http://breakupschool.com/ Neilanderson

    No relationship can go anywhere if both partners do not speak the truth to each other. This is because ‘small’ lies grow into bigger lies and later mature to infidelity.Therefore, being honest is one of the fundamental pillars of a strong relationship.

    How do I get over my ex

  • jessica Ben

    Hello everyone reading my article especially for the married couple, are you having problem in your marriage or do you want your partner to love you more like never before, is time for you to email me for more information, i am Dr Ebhoman i am a spiritual herbalist i help in the following ways bellow.

    Problem in marriage,

    Financial problem,

    Do you want Power,

    do you want to be Success,

    Any Sickness,

    problem in Pregnancy,

    problem in relationship,

    Are you seeking for Job,

    Do you want Protection,

    Do you want to wine a Lottery,

    Court Case, Luck. etc

    Contact Information Bellow

    EMAIL: ebhomanspelltemple@outlook.com

    +2348153363941

  • fl

    same like mine love story too..i love him unconditionally..i love him even if he did rude and abuse me many time,…i have very strong feeling about him, my love never end even he never treated me good, 4 years relationship and now we almost break up for a year but my feeling still strong and end up with tears any time he came to my mind….:( i tried to have new bf and not even success…he keep came to my mind …on and off relationship was too often between us, and he easy to have another girl, he been honest to me about all his new gf…i tried to be smile that he found new girl, but my hearth is suffering and i think jealous, and now i m confusing to analized is this love or hate??? i m still suffering because lost him, but when i asked my deepest hearth that i dont wont to spent the rest of my life with him, what should i do friend???

  • Emma Jurgens

    Am so grateful to DR NICE OKSE for what he has done for me,At first i thought he was a scam and also thinking if i was doing the right,But when i decided to contact him i told him my problem he laughed and told me that everything will be okay within 48hours,So i decided to give it a try in which i contacted him he told me that i should remove all taught from my mind and be happy,Really on the second day i just got a cal from someone.The person was weeping then i decided to ask who was i speaking to then he called his name Richard i was shocked i asked him what happened he said he is really sorry for what he has done to me for the past 3years for leaving me alone.That i should please forgive him that he will make it up with me.So then i said let him come over which he did as he was coming he got me a new car and also said i should have access to his account top prove to me that he will never leave me for anything now we are bought together and we are going to celebrate this Xmas in any country of my choice,Which we are preparing for.Now we are together and he can’t do without me, friends am so grateful to DR NICE OKSE for bringing back happiness to my life.i swear with my life NICE hes is a man to trust you can contact him on his private mail professionallovespell@hotmail.com

  • mark Andersen,

    This was even faster than I could dream of, dr.rivers(d.rrivershebalisthome@gmail.com). Thank you for taking time to listen to me and answering all my emails. I feel emotional strong again. My confidence is back and I see my future clearly. I am forever grateful for your help for re-uniting me with my old lover.

    mark Andersen, Seattle, new york

  • Henry Westwood

    Mi nombre es ana ron, yo vivo en California, y me casé cuatro meses ago.My marido y yo hemos estado viviendo una life.so muy feliz y encantadora como pasaba el tiempo, empecé a notar esa extraña actitud que él poseía . ahora estaba saliendo con otras chicas, en la medida en que ya no estaba recogiendo mis llamadas , y él ni siquiera estaba durmiendo en mi casa nunca más. Me convertí confundido y no sabía qué hacer anymore.So i preocupé y trenzado , que trajo tantos pensamientos en mi mente , porque yo nunca he experimentado nada como esto antes en mi life.So me decidí a visitar un hechizo lanzador , para ver si me puede ayudar out.So inmediatamente fui a la internet, donde vi un sorprendente testimonio de un lanzador de hechizos que trajo ex amante de alguien de vuelta “, agumaguspelltemple @ gmail . com” , así que contactamos con él inmediatamente y i le explicó todos mis problemas y me dijo que va a ser muy fácil para él para resolver , comparar a los que él tiene done.and también me dio un poco de prueba para estar realmente seguro de su trabajo, y él me aseguró que mi marido se vuelve a mí en seguida se ha terminado con la casting.and hechizo también me dijo que poner toda mi confianza en él , y realmente obedeció him.So era las 8:00 am de la mañana siguiente , cuando estaba de ir a trabajar , en que recibí la llamada de mi marido, y él me dijo que él iba a volver a casa, y él se disculpó ante mí, y me dijo que él está muy apenado por el dolor que le ha costado me.and después de algunas horas más tarde, él realmente vino a casa, y así fue como continuamos nuestro matrimonio con mucho amor y felicidad, y nuestro amor era ahora más fuerte que la forma en que fueron before.And también me dijo que una vez que mi deseo de corazón se ha concedido a mí que debo ir y testificar de su trabajo aquí en el Internet. En este momento soy la mujer más feliz del mundo hoy como estoy escribiendo este testimonio , y quiero de verdad gracias ” agumaguspelltemple@gmail.com ” para traer de vuelta a mi marido, y para llevar alegría y amor a mi family.So mi mayor consejo para ustedes que su esposo o su esposa está actuando extraño o se comporta de la misma manera como éste , o si tiene cualquier problema con su relación o cualquier cosa relacionada que ver con el lanzamiento de hechizos , es para que usted pueda ir a visitar a este hombre en cualquier momento , y le aseguro que va a ser de ayuda para usted , y estoy 100 % seguro de que va a resolver a cabo.
    Gracias .
    agumaguspelltemple@gmail.com

  • Alex

    I understand you man… this is what I was confronting lately… it’s fucking hard even if you are trying to be ZEN and forget about her…

  • Swimming87

    I know this sound odd… but the want for me to move on is incredible! I do not want to hurt. It is neither mine nor my ex’s fault that this happen just right now we cant be together. There is too much upset in their life and it was taking effect on our relationship.
    I don’t hate my ex i love them, and in a way feel horrible that i cant help them. Its not wanted. My ex has always ran away from a problem. And right now this cant happen as much as i would stand by them. It isn’t worth it.
    I have tried everything to let go! but no matter what i do i still ache for them.

    Is there anything extra i can do to the above. I just want to let go….. for both of us.

  • kim

    The thing about being on social networks is..its giving you hope that you’ll talk again (if THEY havent unfriended you) you can see what theyre up to etc. I have been totally ignored by him and just think that if he really cant be bothered with me..why have me as a friend? Still in denial stage(he asked for space 4weeks ago as i was being clingy..my own admittance and ive never heard from him since)..and ive since seen,courtesy of facebook, that hes enjoying his freedom and although we were totally wrong for eachother i still cant deal with being replaced or wanting anyone else.

  • mary

    Am from UK I give thank to a great doctor who help me out of my illness I was very sick I thank god who use this man to help me, it started when i travel to Florida for visit there I meet a lady not knowing to me that she HIV positive I really like the lady because she was beautiful I always see her every moment I close my eye I went to tell her how I feel for her but I don’t know if she know that she HIV I went to bed with her I contacted the virus too when I get home for month my doctor come to check on me and he discover that I have HIV he was shock and tell me I was so confused and so surprised to hear that I was taking HIV drug to cure it for good a 2year I decided to look for cure them I meet this post on internet I contacted him for help… well DR.ODUMODU proving to be a great man and he heal me.. According to him he said is the power of his gods well I thank god am back again if you need cure for your HIV…you can still contact him or his email or number I promise he is 100% he cure any virus like T-VIRUS HIV AIOTA-VIRUS, SMALLPOX, HEPATITIS B if you have this virus or friend or relative contact him now (drodumoduspiritualpower@gmail.com)

  • mat
  • aakash

    I would really love a copy please charles, thanks in advance.
    id: akirocks15@gmail.com

  • TomBG

    It seems like all the love advice out there is
    dedicated to those who have had their heart broken, but what about the people doing the heart breaking? It’s never easy breaking up with someone; in fact it’s incredibly difficult and draining. It’s imperative that you do it right or you could end up emotionally scarring your partner for life.

    Follow my tips and you can gently break your
    Partner’s heart.

    1. First be honest, but not too honest. When
    explaining your reason behind the breakup, keep it brief and concise. You don’t need to rehash every little past annoyance and you certainly don’t need to tell him or her about their every flaw.

    2. Next be kind. While it’s important to be brief and concise, it’s even more important to be kind. Assuming it’s an amicable breakup, make sure that you tell your partner that you truly care about him or her, but it just isn’t going to work out then you can state your reason in a gentle way. Continue reading..www.bubblews.com/news/3849160-how-to-break-someone039s-heart

  • Gracy Dumez

    Hello every one i am Gracy Dumez a German citizen but with my family here i Canada, i had some problems in my marriage because thought i keep some secrets from him before we get married and i was unable to get pregnant because my husband hate it to sex with me that again develop to my filter problem but before we get married he so much love me and i love him as much so i decide to search for a solution on marriage site and from friends and i find so many spiritual doctors then i contacted three of them one after the other but they all disappointed me till my family seeks for divorce and he happily divorce me because he already find another lady. so while i was alone with pains i still look for solution every where till a meet with a friend of mine that just came from Germany then she direct me to this site where i read about Dr oshogumspelltemple@live.com on how he solve marriage, relationships, family , healing and so many testimony about then me and my friend decide to contact despite i he told me about the materials that i must provide i just have to do all that he told me because of what other persons said about him. three days after we have done all he ask me to do, he said he have done everything i did not know how it will work because i could even contact my husband again he already block but i was so sup-rice Hashberg call our home line to ask of me. well we are happily married now with one kids but expecting another one soon. My dear contact oshogumspelltemple@live.com if you have any problem that give you pain. contact oshogumspelltemple@live.com today he is helpful and excellent

  • kate01

    detaching and letting go seems so final though. grieving and staying in this phase is my last attachment to him and i am not ready to let that or him go completely just yet. even though i am making myself ill from this sadness. now more than ever i wish a mind could be erased and a memory removed. how i wish i never met him. maybe someday though i will be grateful i did. ….

  • caroline

    Hello my name is caroline, My life is back!!! After 8 months of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our two kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart.I saw a testimony on how roborobo reunion a marriage so I contacted this prophet and after I explain my problem to him. In just 3 days, my husband came back to us and apologize for all the pain he brought to the family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before with much love.i really appreciate the love binding this prophet did for me to get the man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about his good work Thank you once again.incase you are in any relationship problem you can contact this prophet for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problem.Email> droborobo@yahoo.com

  • Jess

    Please can you send it to me too. I need lots of help right now. Thank you. jess_k24@hotmail.com

  • Carolyn

    Hello I am Brittney Lisa ,I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back.I was going crazy when my husband left me and my two kids for another woman last month, But when i met a friend that introduced me to Dr iayaryi the great messenger to the oracle of Dr iayaryi solution home,I narrated my problem to Dr iayaryi about how my ex Husband left me and my two kids and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,24 hours later,My Ex Husband called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me and the kids before now and one week after my Husband called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in a very big company here in USA were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact Dr iayaryi on his personal email address and get all your problems solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: (driayaryi2012@hotmail.com)and get your problems solved like me….. ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: (driayaryi2012@hotmail.com)

  • sonia

    I want to thank Dr Aikhomun for the herbal HIV medicine he gave to me and my daughter, i was suffering from HIV when i gave birth to my daughter and that was how my daughter got the sickness indirect from me, but to God be the glory that i am heal with the herbal medicine that Dr. Aikhomun gave to me when i contacted him. i want to use this medium to tell everyone that the solution to our sickness has come, so i will like you to contact this great healer on his email address: Aikhomunspellhome@gmail.com with him all your pains will be gone, i am really happy today that i and my daughter are cured of HIV, we are now negative after the use of his medicine,my doctor confirm it. once more i say a big thank to you Dr Aikhomun for healing hands upon my life and my daughter, i say may God continue to bless you abundantly and give you more power to keep helping those that want your help in their lives. email him now he is waiting to receive you. :Aikhomunspellhome@gmail.com, or call him on his cell phone number on :+2348148496015

  • Frankii

    You are awesome. One of the most comforting posts on here. Thank you.

  • Ginny

    Hi Charles, I think as I explore myself during my difficult situation, that this meditation may be helpful to me. Please send to ginjuice7@hotmail.com. THanks, Ginny

  • Jerry Gardner-Bey

    hi how are you? can you please send me a copy as well…i think it would do me alot of good…nyaries327@yahoo.com…thank u so much…

  • Shailav

    They say it’s supposed to be easier for guys….then why is that I’m the one who doesn’t seem affected. I got attached to her like crazy…..wanted to spend every moment with her….I feel pathetic. It’s not that other girls aren’t attractive….im 21…. Hormones still flying everywhere…..but I was loyal and dedicated….. I wanna forget, preferably without all the boozing and clubbing and random making out I’ve done to get over past relationships….

  • Carol

    I would like to receive your gift of a writing meditation exercise. I currently write to release the pain of a breakup, but a structured writing exercise is welcomed. I recently said enough to the pride within my friend/lover of six and a half years. He admitted two years ago his pride was the source of our problems. As I explored what pride does to the individual and relationships I knew he was right. He said he wanted to change and our relationship was renewed. I knew it was his work not mine and all that I could do was assist him with his journey and bring into awareness when he fell short of his goal. I always felt he didn’t know better and in knowing he would do better. But, his pride didn’t see it as help, but criticism. I have discovered pride hardens the heart of a person and does not allow them to love properly or allow them to acknowledge that others have needs not more important but equal to theirs. But, the change never came and he became more prideful during this past year. So, knowing if I stayed it would be more of the same and the change he once said he desired was not to be, I needed to take the first step and claim Life’s gift. I took the step to move away not in silence but tried to communicate my feelings and thoughts to him. His reaction was as usual, silence. I will be moving close to family and will have the love and companionship so desired. I am not a ‘spring chicken’ in years, but in heart I am young and full of life, and decided the time was now. Packing and saying good-bye has been hard and I hope with this meditation exercise I can ease the pain. I love this man and wish things would have been different and I would have known more to have made a difference. As for me, I will have family, and will make new friends as I create more love and joy in my life. I have gained valuable insight for which I am thankful. Thank you for sharing.

  • http://www.MindfulnessMeditationInstitute.org/ Charles A. Francis

    Carol,

    Thank you for your interest in our writing meditation exercise. You can download a free copy from our website at: http://wp.me/P22v0Y-26

    Hope it helps you on your spiritual journey.

    Best regards,
    Charles

    P.S. Feel free to share it with anyone you like.

  • Jennifer

    Suzy, i am going through this as well but we arent fighting. Its painful and i wish i could just get back to the time before him when i was good with being alone.

  • chris60

    I wonder about this tendency to block contact and move on as a form of healing. Blocking contact seems wise if the other person is dangerous or highly abusive…in which case you take out an intervention notice. If you string people along with scraps of love and attention, and then wonder why they seem hurt when you dump them and go no contact as if they have the problem, you may be denying the fact that you have left someone in distress who is seeking to reconnect to work out what went wrong or to keep attached as they actually care about you and the relationship. Be careful about this dumping of an ex and search for a new and better partner. It can be a game that creates stress and distress for both of you…a form of control where you hold the power to diss or reject another person rather than be honest at the start and not string them along due to you need to be in a relationship without actually having real feelings for the other person. love comes from within, and it is a lie to feign love and attachment while remaining distant and detached as a form of defense from pain. Be honest. If you do not return another person’s feelings, do not string them along for sex or to escape loneliness. This toss away society has created a host of hurt and scared and bitter people who are losing the capacity to trust and love. in the workforce and the home, relationships are viewed as contracts which are too easily broken in favour of something better.

  • RT

    I had to accept my marriage of 28 years was one I could no longer be in for the rest of my life. I had to accept the hurt and pain of how much energy and years of my life I had put into this marriage. Working, being there for our children,my husband’s career and even his family. And the hardest thing I had to accept was the marriage had been always about his happiness and life and never mine.
    But I learnt that I did not have to accept or continue to stay in a marriage like this. Through counselling,books and webs I took my power back. I felt so much loss in my life from giving so much and now having to stand alone. Since announcing my separation two years ago my friends no longer deal with me and my family have expressed that it is my problem. But I eventually learnt to accept this too.
    With help I realized by moving on and rebuilding my life I was giving myself the chance to be happy again. I had so much to live for.
    The the pain of loss I carried so heavily, I no longer carry because that loss was what I carried when I was in the marriage.
    Sometimes we can’t see things at the time but when the fog clears everything seems so clear. I went by my heart and not by head and it steered me in the right direction.

  • RT

    Hello Charles,just read this blog and would like to thank you so much for sharing the reference to the writing meditation. Your gift has touched me and by the looks of it many………….others. Thank you.

  • http://www.MindfulnessMeditationInstitute.org/ Charles A. Francis

    I’m happy to be of help.

  • heartachesteph

    I know what u mean its so hard!!!

  • Anya

    hi can you please send me a copy. I really need to overcome this pain.

  • Anya

    by the way this is my email add anya.dll@gmail.com

  • val

    I would love a copy of the writing meditation exercise. Vfrost77@hotmail.com

  • rob

    I wish I could just switch off, she already moved on after 3 weeks and I feel so lost, I findmyself wanted just call her but knowing it’sgone as another man replaces me . It’s so complex , she cheated ,why would I want her. Back but I miss her so muchr

  • Wu

    Don’t be hasty on making decision!
    Prayer for hope that never fails:
    “St. Jude, glorious apostle, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the person (who betrayed our Lord) has caused you to be forgotten by many, but the true Church invokes you universally as the Patron of things despaired of. Pray for me, who is so miserable; pray for me, that I may finally receive the consolations and the succor of Heaven in all my necessities, tribulations, and sufferings, particularly (ADD YOUR PERSONAL REQUEST HERE), and that I may bless God with the Elect Throughout Eternity.”
    GoodLuck :-)

  • cryforhelp

    how does one let go. how does one conquer the pain of possibly not having that person again of losing that person forever? this is the feeling im battling now. i’ve been with him for 2 years and I can really see myself spending my whole life with him. how do you let go of that?