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Embrace Your Inner Life Coach: 5 Meaningful Ways To Help Others

“We choose our destiny in the way we treat others.” ~Wit 

Growing up as a high-level swimmer, I used to be a very self-centered individual. Just about everything in my life revolved around becoming the best swimmer I could be.

I spent countless hours training, getting ready for workouts, and visualizing my future success. Helping others wasn’t on my radar. The idea of contribution was still foreign to me.

Fortunately, I was passionate about swimming and I had a purpose to my life, so I was happy.

But eventually, my swimming career ended, and all of a sudden I started feeling a profound lack of fulfillment in my life.

I did what most college students do to fill the void: I turned to alcohol and constant partying. I was having fun, sure, but deep down I knew something was missing.

I started diving into Buddhist philosophy, and the concepts of compassion, contribution, and oneness started making their way into my consciousness.

When I graduated college, I landed a “prestigious” corporate job, and although I was making good money, something was still missing.

I had this lingering feeling that my work wasn’t truly serving others and didn’t have a real impact on the world.   

I quickly realized that this job wasn’t my dharma, so against everyone’s advice I just said, “Screw it” and I quit.

After a few months of confusion about what to do next, I decided to move to the other side of the world. I packed up my bags and relocated to Perth, Australia.

My intention? Discover my true self and my life’s purpose.

As I started going further down the rabbit hole of personal development and spirituality, I realized that the best way to achieve happiness and success is through helping others in meaningful ways.  

As Gandhi said, “The best way to find yourself is in the service to others.”

I decided it was time to start contributing on a bigger scale, and to share all this wonderful wisdom I was discovering through a blog. Eventually, I decided to “go pro” and become a Peak Performance Coach.

At first, I have to admit that I wasn’t too sure what I was doing. I tried my best to help, but didn’t really know how to go about it.

So I sought advice from accomplished coaches and psychologists, worked diligently on my craft, and learned effective ways to help people.

Since then, I’ve worked with clients from all walks of life and I’ve gotten infinitely better at coaching them.

This has allowed me to experience the deep fulfillment that comes from meaningfully helping someone improve his or her life.

And I want the same for you.

I truly believe that we are all life coaches. We always have opportunities to help the people in our life with the challenges they’re facing.

This is especially true if you’re reading this website, as you’re the kind of person who wants to understand life on a deeper level, and to experience it consciously and meaningfully.

That’s why today I want to share with you 5 tips on how to help people more effectively.

By using them, you’ll be in greater service to those around you, and you’ll enjoy the blissful feeling of knowing you’ve made another person’s life better.

1. Ask powerful questions.

Oftentimes, when people ask you for help, they already know the answers deep down. They just can’t see them. Your job is to ask the questions that will help them find the answers that are buried within them.

Don’t be afraid to ask follow-up questions and really get to the root of the issue. Most people don’t take the time to fully understand what’s going on in their own mind, and your questions will help people really uncover what’s happening up there.

Here are a few good questions to add to your repertoire:

“What do you really want?”

“What’s your heart telling you to do?”

“What’s a more empowering way you could look at this situation?”

“What’s one thing you can do right now to make things better?”

2. Listen patiently.

Once the other person starts opening up, you might be tempted to jump in and offer your brilliant advice. But hold your tongue and listen. This is how you’ll really get to the core of the issue.

Listen, be fully present, and make your interlocutor feel as though they’re the most important person in the world.

3. Put yourself in their shoes.

One of the most important aspects of helping others is empathy—the ability to put yourself in their position. The reality is, we all have a different background, philosophy, and perception of the world.

You need to make an effort to see things from their perspective to really give them your full contribution.

4. Don’t be afraid to speak the hard truth.

The greatest gift we can give people is to be honest with them, even if that means telling them something they might not like to hear at first.

This honest feedback is what will help them shift their beliefs and move forward in their life.

5. Give love.

When someone’s going through a hard time, you might not be able to ask them the question that will give them an “aha” moment, or to provide them a paradigm-shifting piece of advice. But one thing you can always do is give them your love and support.

Love has incredibly healing qualities, and sometimes telling someone, “I believe in you” can literally change their life.

Never underestimate the magical powers of love.

Time has taught me that helping others is one of the simplest ways to fill our life with joy and fulfillment.

Every time someone comes to you for guidance or support, you’re being given a wonderful opportunity to not only serve your purpose, but also to make a meaningful contribution to their life.

Photo by wonderlane

Avatar of Phil Drolet

About Phil Drolet

Phil Drolet is a Peak Performance Coach and runs a blog called The Feel Good Lifestyle where he helps people optimize their lifestyle, build their confidence, and take bold action toward their dreams. He also created an online course where he teaches students how to become (nearly) superhuman.

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  • Pink Glow

    What when you have been doing all those things for months and the person you love is going in a direction which you can see is not only going to be a devastatingly rocky road, but also the wrong one? They are making the decision based on altered thought processes due to mental illness and their support team can’t seem to help either. How to have the strength to continue to maintain positivity?

  • http://www.facebook.com/phil.drolet Phil Drolet

    Hey @pink_glow:disqus , sorry to hear that. I think at that point it comes down to simply having faith that the universe knows what’s it’s doing. Sometimes in the present moment we have no idea why things are unfolding the way they are, but there’s always some sort of life lesson for all those involved. Use your own support network, do the activities that keep you strong (exercise, meditation, healthy eating, etc) and trust.
    Big hug,
    Phil

  • Eric Murr

    Phil:
    Nicely done, Phil… Thank you for the post. A lot of good truth. I share your desires to help others, more and more. It really does seem to be the intersection of eternal meaning, and happiness.

  • goddessdiviane

    I wish I could have the aiding of Buddha.

  • http://www.facebook.com/phil.drolet Phil Drolet

    Great to hear it Eric! It absolutely is. It gives depth and meaning to our life experience.. and it makes the world a better place! win-win! :)

  • lv2terp

    GREAT post!!! The tips are beneficial and appreciated!!! Thank you for sharing your journey and wisdom! :)

  • http://twitter.com/attainablelife Unattainable Life

    I really like how you said while studying Buddhist philosophies that those characteristics started entering your consciousness.

    I kind of followed the same path but it took me a little bit longer to stop rejecting what my heart was telling me as well as understanding the real meaning of life. I believe that doing what makes you happy is the ultimate goal but the funny thing is is that it is kind of tied together with being of service to others. Perfect your skills that you are already good at and be valuable to others just as you are now.

    I hope to be doing what you’re doing really soon. In the meantime, I’ll be perfecting my skills.

  • ME

    THAT’S RIGHT AND TRUE. BUT IT’S NOT ONLY BUDDHA PRINCIPALS. IT’S WHAT EVERY GOOD PERSON DOSE.

  • http://www.facebook.com/phil.drolet Phil Drolet

    My pleasure @lv2terp:disqus! Thanks for you kind words :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/phil.drolet Phil Drolet

    Hey @twitter-540312197:disqus! Was it what your heart was telling you.. or what your mind was telling you? Generally our heart knows best!

    Sounds like you’re on the right track! Figure out what you’re good at, what you love doing, and how you can use it to serve othrse.. and not only will you be happy, you can also create a great business from it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/phil.drolet Phil Drolet

    I agree @9495b0853e0fe5a8e7e3f16c7c07de4f:disqus – I really enjoy Buddhism but I study other philosophies as well!

  • http://twitter.com/clemauyeung Clem Auyeung

    Hey Phil,

    As a former swimmer hell-bent on being the best, I took a similar journey to yours. I really wanted to compete at the national level so I worked my ass off and focused only on myself. I eventually got there. But I was really self-centered that I would psych myself out, which was counterproductive and didn’t let me perform at my best.

    Like you, I went through a period of doubt, wandering, partying, frustration, and a lack of purpose. I’m only now discovering my gifts and what talents I could offer the world and to another person.

    To anyone out there, it’s never too late to carve out a role to serve others and start living your journey and your authentic self!

    Clem

  • http://www.facebook.com/phil.drolet Phil Drolet

    Thanks for sharing @twitter-160823316:disqus!

    I totally used to be the same… overthinking and psyching myself out! And now I’ve realized that focusing on others can be a great way to stop the mind-chatter/self doubts!

    Excited to see where your journey leads you brother.. and all the lives it touches :)

  • Pink Glow

    That is so helpful, I have copied your reply and stuck it up on my wall at home. Thanks Phil you’re a star.

  • http://twitter.com/attainablelife Unattainable Life

    I can honestly say it was my heart THIS time. I tried doing other things that “interested” me but giving back and helping people kept showing up at my doorstep in many different ways. The way it makes me and the other people feel is the most amazing feeling and I was to duplicate that everyday for as many times as I can.

  • http://twitter.com/UncopiedLife Kim Thirion

    #3 has been one of the hardest and most beneficial things I’ve ever learned. Coming from a bullied background, I never saw the point in seeing things from someone else’s view. But eventually, I realized, that the ones who are the angriest, hellbent, and meanest, are the ones who need the most understanding. There’s a reason for all negative behaviors and ignoring them doesn’t make it go away.

    Anyway, great post!

  • http://www.facebook.com/phil.drolet Phil Drolet

    Absolutely @twitter-42177830:disqus , glad to hear you’ve come to that realization! It’s not always easy to show love and understanding to those who are angry/mean but it’s certainly a worthwhile pursuit!

  • http://www.facebook.com/phil.drolet Phil Drolet

    @pink_glow:disqus love it!! :) My pleasure!

  • http://www.facebook.com/lisa.humphries Lisa Jane Humphries

    LOVE this, thank you so much! xx

  • http://www.facebook.com/andrei.horga.1 Andrei Horga

    I really enjoyed the post Phil. As a regular reader of tinybuddah, it’s frickin awesome to see you on here bud!

  • http://www.facebook.com/phil.drolet Phil Drolet

    @facebook-21002074:disqus Thanks buddy!! :) It’s awesome to be here.

  • http://www.facebook.com/phil.drolet Phil Drolet

    My pleasure @facebook-722583407:disqus ! :)

  • http://twitter.com/UncopiedLife Kim Thirion

    Yes, it may be one of the hardest things I made myself do, but it was totally worth it in the long run.

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