Dear Simon:

Welcome back to the forums! We first communicated back in Feb 22, 2022, in your 1st thread What’s my purpose, who am I? On Oct 2, 2023, page 4 of your 1st thread, I submitted a summary post for you, putting together all the information you shared in the 4 pages. You didn’t respond to the contents of my summary post.

Would you like to respond to that post at this time, to let me know if you agree or disagree with different parts of my summary: it will help me better reply to your today’s post, in this 2nd thread.

anita

I am okay, about to shower and go outside, do some  work under the sun.

anita

Dear Zenith:

When you Notice that you feel hatred toward another person, Pause (as in pushing the brakes on the hating), Address the situation, asking yourself: is there a situational problem that requires me to do/ say something to someone, or is it just a rumination? Next, Respond: say/ do what needs to be said/ done (if there is a situational problem), and say to yourself: “The hatred towards others is affecting me the most” (your own words, from your most recent post), and lastly Redirect your attention elsewhere.

I call it the NPARR Strategy. It might help you once you are in India, and you can practice it there and beforehand.

anita

How are you, Laven?

anita

Edit, correcting my math: Welcome back 2 years, 2 months and 26 days after you posted last (March 3, 2022)

* I forgot to edit out your “Thanks” (I always copy an OP’s post into my reply for quotes, and edit out what I don’t use in my quotes)

Dear Seaturtle:

“I am realizing lately how true something you once said, is. You said speaking to someone with a closed third eye, challenges your own… I… am currently still surrounded by people with closed third eyes… My friend P… my roommate.. clearly both of my parents. I have been around so many people who have challenged my third eye, they literally try to pull me out of my intuition… (to) bring me to their level… I don’t think it is out of the norm of a breakup, aka deserving of an ROCD diagnosis, that I am feeling those things. I get stuck in them sometimes when I am sad/depressed energy. And that is why I came here that day was to look for some help to pull me out, and that potential diagnosis only made me feel worse.”–

– When I submitted to you my May 14 post, I was excited: I thought/ hoped that my input will motivate you to seek quality psychotherapy (financed by your very rich father. Personally, I can’t see a better use for a very small portion of his money). Having read your post today, 15 days later, I can see that my intended help only made you feel worse.

It seems like I joined the crowd of closed 3rd-eyed people trying (unintentionally, in my case, at least) to pull you out of your intuition..?

I am sorry, Seaturtle, that my May 14 post made you feel worse. I feel sad that it did, really sad.

“Recently, I started Tai Chi and Qigong, and the teacher that I met with has taken me under her wing in a way, helping me attend despite financial challenges, helping me raise money. I bring this up to show her belief in me and that she sees me“- congratulations for starting Tai Chi and Qigong. May the teacher’s 3rd eye remain open and pull you out and away from your sad/ depressed energy and toward your intuition.

May the chapter of “Telling the difference between gut and fear in relationships” come to an end.

anita

Dear Melissa:

“My question is because I’m begging for someone to help me… every woman I see, I think does he like her, was she like that,  does anything remind him of her… I take full responsibility on how I treated him, and I feel terrible I hurt him, but this is another level.. has anyone been in something similar and can suggest anything to help me wipe it from my brain… Thank you to anyone who has listened and I appreciate your time.“- you are welcome. I am glad you posted (interestingly, you posted exactly 2 years after the thread started, May 29 of 2022!)

Yes, I experienced something very similar to the emotional- mental torture you are going through, and for a long time. I was obsessed with a man’s previous relationship, details replaying in my mind. I lived and re-lived his past as if it was mine, and as if it was still happening and re-happening.

Gladly, it’s all been a long time ago, and I am not stuck there anymore. What a relief!

The reason I was stuck in the man’s past is that I had unfinished business carried over from my past, my childhood- adolescence, to be exact. Growing up, the good life was happening to others, not to me: other girls had fun, later dated, had boyfriends.. but not me: I was so alone and lonely. In the home where I grew up: my mother was so positively attentive to guests, so nice to them, flattering them, telling them wonderful things about themselves, how great they are.  But to me, 1-2-1, she said I was “a nothing, an absolute zero“, her words.

And so, I was envious and jealous of others. Fast forward, I was jealous of a man’s past girlfriend, as if she was still his girlfriend. It was my past emotional experience, that got re-activated in adulthood, in a different context.

More about your situation: after being together for about 11 years (in 2022), living together with children, you were sick and tired of the relationship and of life the way it was. You didn’t communicate to him how you were feeling and eventually, decided to end the relationship. He moved out and back to his parents. You lost weight, felt better, got on dating sites, enjoyed the attention, and still slept with your partner, including in mid-July 2023. You later found out that he slept with another woman six  times around that time.

“To say I felt my heart break would be an understatement I burst out crying and sobbed…  I was shaking gagging thinking I was dying, I’ve never felt pain like it“- a very strong reaction. Reads like a past pain being reactivated. I know this kind of pain, Melissa. I am sorry that you know it too.

“he swore and promise it was 3 times and used condoms.. few weeks later.. he finally admitted it was 6 times, no condoms… he said he never wanted to date this woman, didn’t really find her attractive, it was literally to try and get over me… he said …“- you’ve seen it in movies, haven’t you, a man interrogated by detectives long enough, trapped in the situation long enough, will say ANYTHING to get the interrogation over with. I don’t fault him for being inconsistent about the details.

“He is very, very remorseful… This was 9 months ago.. we are in love, plan to marry, and better than ever… Can someone really just forget someone they have had sex with 6 times and did those little things with them“(?)- yes, someone definitely can forget. And reads like he is dedicated to you.

“I find myself crying daily…. my brain says (there’s) more, he’s lying… why my brain is against me, I don’t know.. we are happy so why can’t I forget it like he has?”- the reason, seems to me, is that for him the 6 times were about those 6 times only, but for you, those 6 times are about much more: your childhood reactivated in an adult context.

“I take full responsibility on how I treated him and I feel terrible I hurt him“- someone in your childhood didn’t yet take full responsibility for terribly hurting you?

I hope to read more from you. I would like you to find peace with his past and more importantly, with your past. It’s not easy, but it can happen for you!

anita