Dear Maria:

You are welcome.

“There is an underlying conflict I am experiencing… to be of service without putting restraints on me in terms of presence or time… for better work life balance… I am curious about how you and others might approach giving back/service and balancing that with personal joy“- for me, what I do here in the forums brings me contentment, so I don’t have to balance it with something else that would bring me contentment. I do balance the sitting down at the computer time with walking/ physically working time outdoors.

anita

Dear Seaturtle:

“Every once in a while, I get this thought that he was fixable, but it’s just a thought and I know that is all it is. He is deceptive, especially to himself“-every once in a while, you want to help him. Every once in a while, he wants to hurt you.

“Just like alcohol and marijuana can rapidly close your third eye, so can N aka; a deceptive person“- loving a deceptive person who tries to hurt you every once in a while, closes one’s third eye.

“Our third eyes are on the same page“- (2 3rd eyes on 1 page emoji)

“A major turning point for me was also realizing I wanted an open third eye for my future kids… I saw myself becoming my mom, with a closed third eye“- part of the preparation to being a good mother.

anita

Dear Seaturtle: I will read and reply here and in your new thread in the next 24-48 hours.

anita

Dear Gresshoppe:

“He insisted that we date exclusively and insists that it is meant to be. He is all-in, all the way, even resumed the L-word… Six intense convos in one week..“-

– this is congruent with how you started this thread: “Last year, I had a relationship that was short, but really intense“- he is intense. The relationship last year was intense, and so was the breakup: “the breakup was just as intense as the relationship“.

Did you talk with him about his intensity and speed in the relationship with you?

anita

Dear Seaturtle:

I didn’t yet read your new thread and am looking forward to it!

I wrote to you: “particularly after reading N’s recent talk, I think that he is deceptive, deceiving himself and those who listen to him.”, and you replied to this quote with: “I agree with this.” This is important for my understanding, that you agree with this point.

I wrote to you: “– caring for and listening to a deceptive man… makes the lid over the 3rd eye very heavy, heavier and heavier the longer you listen to him“,  and your response: “It truly, truly does… I agree, a waste of energy“! Okay, so we are on the same page.

“I want to use my life to be in a path to enlightenment… in seeking teachers I found two. But I would also like to have conversation with people about these things… trying to un-identify with my false selves. I also want to learn what blocks my chakras and how to unleash Shakti. Perhaps this is exactly what I should post“- connecting this to the deception topic, you are talking about continuing to un-identify with deception, removing it from your 3rd eye and from blocking/ interfering with any of your chakras. I want to continue to do the same in my life.

In your reply to my first post this morning, you wrote: “He said cleaning as if ‘clearing’ the air….  to get everything off his chest that I had done to not show gratitude, such as leaving my stuff out, a dish in the sink or not talking with him enough when he got home from work… all the things I was ‘unaware’ of… ‘… why can’t you be more thoughtful of me. I have done all of this for you… (does she have any awareness? Does she care about be at all?…”-

– this is what N has been harping on/ using to make you feel bad, with his past “you have no clue what love is” accusatory message, and with his most recent, “I just can’t get over how much of a selfish ass**** you are”. He’s been continuing your father’s abusive work: guilt tripping you, and re-sending you the same (false) accusatory messages.

anita

* Dear Tommy:

If an OP was in your living room, in your private space/ your home, talking and talking, and you don’t want to hear it,  then I’d understand your frustration and valid need to have quiet in your own home. But this is a public forum: you don’t have to enter any thread, read the writings of any member and/ or reply to anyone.

Look at the title of this thread: “The wounds are fresh and raw“. Your words (“OMG, time out. You must stop going over and over this… NOW IS THE TIME TO MOVE ON..”), what do these words do to fresh and raw wounds?

You wrote in your 2nd post: “If you feed them what they want to hear then they will go down with the ship. Kinder way to do this? Do you peel the bandage off slowly to feel every little movement as pain? Which is really more kind? Yeah, this is the last time I post here. I can not help those who chose to live in sorrow and depression.”-

– a little temper tantrum right above, Tommy? I would like to read more from you, in your own thread, if you’d like to start one, about your childhood life experience that’s behind this temper tantrum. Did the people in your early life figuratively peel off the bandages too slowly, or too quickly.. and what wounds are there under the bandages…?

Tommy, I was harsh on people too, from time to time, but I corrected myself, and so can you. I hope to read from you again!

I will close this post with a few quotes that are helping me become a better/ wiser person, in these forums and elsewhere:

“Never reply when you are angry. Never make a promise when you are happy. Never make a decision when you are sad” (A Buddhist quote)

“The Buddha taught there were five things to consider before speaking. Is what you’re about to say: 1. Factual and true 2. Helpful, or beneficial 3. Spoken with kindness and good-will (that is, hoping for the best for all involved) 4. Endearing (that is, spoken gently, in a way the other person can hear) 5. Timely (occasionally something true, helpful, and kind will not be endearing, or easy for someone to hear, in which case we think carefully about when to say it)” (bright way zen. org/ the buddha’s five things to consider before speaking)

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29)

“By your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned’. (Matthew 12:37).

anita

Dear Laven:

Please do post again, here in this thread, in any of your other 3 threads, and/ or in a new thread. You are welcome to start a new thread any time you would like to.

In the future, when you post again, if you would like readers to offer no analytical commentary on your posts (I happen to be analytical, and analyze OPs’ stories), please state so, and I will respect your wishes. To prevent judgmental replies in the future, it may help to request that readers do not reply to you judgmentally. Clearly, you need empathy, not judgment.

(I will post this message in your April 6 thread as well).

anita