Forum Replies Created
-
AuthorPosts
-
September 3, 2024 at 9:08 am in reply to: growing up – becoming adul / procrastination – in connection to childhood trauma #437004
anitaParticipantDear Robi:
“I am faced with a very tough choice to make. Do I take the corporate job, do something that’s against my values, but get my financial independence and live with my girlfriend? or Do I stay here couple of months longer and do the trainer course and after that go to Warsaw and find a job (which could still be a corporate job, but having the course might get me a job in a gym)… She (your girlfriend) encourages me to do as a I feel its best… There’s a part of me that is still anxious and scared to meet the world… Very often I judge the world for being ‘f***** up’, people for being unaware, blind, brainwashed, disconnected from their true nature, letting themselves be manipulated… Some of that might be true. I’ve been told I see the world as something hostile and I think everyone is against me. That I judge people who do corporate jobs without understanding their reasons, without knowing anything about them. I guess some of that might be also true“-
– It is true that the world is f***** up in so many ways. It is true that there is a lot of hostility in the world: within a family, between families, and between ethnic groups and nations.
It is also true that a person cannot be mentally-emotionally healthy and functional when the person sees nothing but hostility, and/ or when a person has little to no esteem for most people.
To be healthy and functional, a person- while acknowledging the wrong and bad in the world- has to focus, not on what is wrong and bad, but on what is right and good in the world, humanity included. To be a good person is to add to what is right and good.
Whenever possible and appropriate, shift judgment of people => empathy for people, including for yourself.
As far as the greedy corporate world: unless you live in the woods, off the grid, you are part of the corporate world, and you support it as a consumer. It is only a matter of how much any of us (who is not living off the grid) supports big corporations, not if we do.
If you consider a corporate job in Warsaw, look for its negatives: how is it harming people? And look at its positives: how is it helping people?
As far as working as a personal trainer in a gym, if you keep your focus on humanity as hostile, unaware, etc., it’d be just a matter of time before you locate- and focus- on the “unaware, blind, brainwashed, disconnected from their true nature“.
* Your girlfriend reads like a good, loving person to you, for you. Do you judge her too sometimes as unaware, blind, etc.?
anita
anitaParticipantDear Clara:
“I am recovering very quickly. There used to be this emotion tsunami , but now they became ripples only. I could identify it in my chest when it came, and as it builds up to a certain point, I sit with it and often times my tears would come out, and I would become better. After repetitive trials, I am quite used to the pattern and I can just let it be“- emotion regulation successfully practiced: emotional tsunami=> emotional ripples. Well done!
“I do still, from time to time, see if she has updated on IG… it is kind of a habit to check on how she is, I see myself doing it less and less“- less and less is progress.
“The anger is still inside, and I would need to settle it on my own and I don’t expect her to do anything or would understand, coz if she does, she would already have done something“- your anger is understandable, your reasoning- impeccable, and you taking responsibility for your anger- admirable!
“I am now practicing a bit more yoga now… There is this yoga teacher whom I quite like… I realized I could have some fun time, with someone else, completely unaffected by the though of my ex“- this is how emotional recovery in progress feels like.
“the other thought that came immediately, was the thing you mentioned: adding logic to the heart. Even If I like this person, do I know this person well enough? is this mutual?… I probably wouldn’t look via this lens before, but now, I think I am starting to have this lens now, which I think is an improvement as this balances my sentiments, which I had a lot when I began to like a person… I was too rush before , that made me unable to see clearly“- excellent insight into yourself and wise self-counsel/ guidance!
“I am still actively thinking to adopt an animal, this, unlike the thought of my ex, is getting stronger rather than weaker… this can be a decade long commitment (and we certainly won’t break up so this may be the longest relationship I have, so far. Careful and deliberate considerations are needed!)“- careful and deliberate considerations are needed, and information-gathering is very important in the process (see my recent experience below).
“Have a good evening Anita, welcome to let me know how you have been“- Tues morning here, Tues night where you’re at, I hope that you are (or soon will be) sleeping restfully.
About how I’ve been, in connection to adopting a pet: recently a couple who want to give away their 9-year-old beagle brought me their pet for the first introduction. They didn’t mention it before, so seeing the huge fatty tumor on the side of the dog was a very unpleasant surprise for me. If I adopted the dog, first thing I’d need to do is have that huge tumor (1/4 of the dog’s volume, in think) removed in a surgery, there may be complications, and definitely a long post-surgery care required. It was a No, on my part. (info: Fatty tumors are more common in older, overweight dogs than it is in younger, healthy-weight dogs. it is also more common in some breeds than in others).
anita
anitaParticipantDear Shandrea:
“How do you reconnect with the inner child by communicating? If so about what?“- best I can explain it is this: humans are social animals. It is positive communications/ positive interactions with other people (or pets) that make us feel child-like joy. Because we are born social animals, we can’t experience joy in isolation, not for long.
Think of another very social animal: a dog. When do you see a dog wagging its tail joyfully, like a puppy? Not when the dog is alone, isolated, but when the dog sees another dog or a person and gets all excited anticipating a positive interaction, and when actually interacting positively.
I was mostly isolated for a long, long time, as a child, a teenager and onward, and many of the interactions I had with people, starting with my mother, were negative interactions. As a result I was depressed a whole lot. Healing for me happened/ is happening as a result of positively interacting with people.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Clara: will read and reply in about 12 hours from now.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Shandrea:
You are welcome, and thank you for saying it was beautiful to read. I will answer your questions Tues morning when I will hopefully be more focused than I am now.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Shandrea:
It was neither a career choice (I never really had a career, but instead: temporary jobs), nor a hobby. It was getting to feel like a child again, a child from whom I disconnected/ dissociated in my first decade of life. Most of my life (ever since I remember myself) I was neither a child (joyful, social, interactive), nor an adult (a post-child mature person). Instead, I drifted in a no-land of dissociated/ disconnected state of mind.
With healing (part of which is my 9-year-long interactions in this website), I finally reconnected to the child-within me that’s been neglected for so long. I simply feel.. part of me. it’s a feeling, a state of mind.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Shandrea:
I also used to be bored and stuck at home during summer vacations from school (through high school). Recently, life is way more interesting and social than it was when I was a teenager and onward. I hope that this will happen for you too, sooner than later!
anita
anitaParticipantHow are you, Clara?
anita
anitaParticipantDear Shandrea:
You are a practical person and your # 1 priority in regard to a job, is to accommodate your son’s schedule. It is a shame that your son’s father doesn’t help with raising any of his three kids.
“Is waking up at 3am a bad thing?“- only if it means not sleeping enough on a regular basis. Restful sleep is a physical need and when we don’t get enough of it, we function less effectively. Do you get enough sleep?
anita
anitaParticipantDear Lilly-Mae:
It’s okay about not getting back to me earlier. I am sorry to read that you were severely depressed (when you posted the above, exactly 7 hours ago), in deep emotional pain, feeling invaluable/ less valuable than the other woman. I remember feeling similarly: it was like having a hole in my soul, one that ached and enraged, demanding to be filled. It is difficult to endure such pain.
How are you feeling now?
anita
anitaParticipantDear Shandrea: I will read and reply Mon morning.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Cristiane:
He was born with no dark secrets, no dark side. Then things happened, “childhood and neglected from his absent father“, to start with, and he got sick as a result: “he had long history of mental illness precisely depression… a compulsive obsessive disorder… pre diabetes, broken back, gastrointestinal issues and severe insomnias“, and a dark side was born: “he enjoyed inflicting pain to the women he had relationships… He had high body count“, a high count of pain-inflictions.
“I consider myself a spiritual person and for me high body counts it’s mean broken soul. When you lie down with someone you don’t just give your body and pleasure. You give your soul to someone else. Every time you give yourself , you lose one part of your soul. It’s like your soul is shattered in 1000 piece of glasses. On the long run, you lose yourself! Once your soul has all these lesions and cracks, you need to find a therapist to help you how to heal!“- very well articulated, talented writing of a loving soul.
A broken soul should not break other souls. Need to contain one’s broken soul and heal it. And then spread the healing to others.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Shandrea:
I was too tired last night to answer a simple question: well, I was very tired last night because I was awake since 3+ am yesterday. I was awake tonight as well (as I am every night, almost), but to my relief I finally went back to sleep and woke up in a reasonable hour. Please feel free, Shandrea to post anytime, on any topic. I would like to read about how you think and feel anytime you feel like sharing.
anita
anitaParticipantGood to read back from you, Shandrea! I’ll post more tomorrow.
anita
anitaParticipantThinking about you, Shandrea. No particular reason, hoping you are well this Sat morning, last day of August.
anita
-
AuthorPosts
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.