Dear Q:

“All of which are punishing emotions”- punishing indeed. Here’s the positive message behind the heavy, punishing guilt I used to carry (for decades!) in regard to my mother’s misery in life. The message was: “I want to be a good person”.

Problem was that I already was a good person in that I genuinely loved my mother and would have done everything in my power to help her- if she had let me, or made it possible for me to help her. Her message to me (“You are a bad person”) became my own.

And then.. I wanted to become a good person based on the false assumption that.. I was a bad person. Therefore, punishing emotions didn’t feel unfair.

Fast forward, while holding myself accountable for my words and behaviors today, and while understanding that perfection is not possible for anyone, I believe that I am a good person. Guilt, regret, remorse- the punishing emotions you mentioned- they are no longer there on a regular, ongoing basis.

I wonder if this helps you in regard to understanding the messages behind your emotions..?

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Emma:

I am sorry you’re not doing too well 😔

“I am feeling bad bc of the OCD thoughts…just don’t know what therapy would help best”-

I read (Copilot) that the most effective therapies for OCD typically include a combination of psychotherapy, medication, and self-help strategies. As far as psychotherapy- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the most widely recommended treatment. As far as medications- Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) antidepressants are typically used alongside therapy rather than as a standalone treatment.

As far as self-help- Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques Practices like meditation, yoga, and breathing exercises can help reduce stress and increase emotional awareness.

“As to the remark about the boundaries…”- I remember that we talked about boundaries in regard to going to his house, that’s all I remember. (looking at the record..) that happened on June 28.

“I have had in the meantime really do not compare… I just wonder if he feels it too…that nothing compares.”- makes me think of the song “Nothing Compares 2 U” by Sinéad O’Connor. Do you sometimes, or often listen to this song?

“I am so glad that you now learn to trust writing in your own voice, to be honest, I prefer it too…”- thank you, Emma. Yes, it’s way better this way, to go back to writing in my own voice 😊

As to your question at the end of your first of 2 recent post, I don’t understand it. Can you explain to me what you’re asking?

🤍🌿 Anita

I am listening, 5 min since you last posted. Will be back to you Wed morning (Tues night here)

Dear Peter:

You are welcome and thank you (!) for your honest and gracious response. Thank you for telling me you feel some discomfort about my post/ this kind of my raw inner-child posts. Maybe I will share these some day in a new thread of my own.

🌿 🤍 Anita

Thinking about you, Emma. How are you?

Dear Q:

“1. Yea I feel like I should have had a job. Is that wrong / unkind?”- well, it’s not necessarily abusive (you didn’t call yourself names or such thing), but it’s cold: it’s neither kind nor empathetic. It reads to me as if you’re saying that it was easy to get a job but you chose not to because you were irresponsible. There’s no reference to the real, valid difficulties that you’ve been experiencing.

“2. Yea I do feel this way… I felt so aimless and to be honest I can see how it wasn’t attractive which I completely agree. I don’t enjoy being in my current state of being a man with no purpose/job.”-

Well, first, it’s possible to find an unemployed man attractive. Second, currently, you do have a purpose.

Would you like to tell me your purpose, put it in a sentence or in a paragraph.. ?

“I don’t think I’m shaming myself here just telling myself I shouldn’t have made those mistakes.”- It’s the human condition to make mistakes. You will make more mistakes in the future. (And so will I).

What if you figuratively take the hand of Q the boy in your hand (Q the adult’s) and tell the boy: We’ll make mistakes today, and every day, and it’s okay. Everyone makes mistakes. Let’s do our best to make fewer mistakes and not repeat old mistakes.

Most importantly, Q the adult: when you interact with the boy, focus on what he does right, compliment him for every good choice made, every accomplishment, however small. He needs you to focus on his positives. The more you do that, the fewer mistakes there will be.

🌿 Anita

Dear me:

I didn’t know what I was saying yesterday when I said that you are good at moving on. I forgot that long, long thread where you didn’t move on from your other coworker, long ago. Correcting myself this morning, I would say that you are an expert in.. trying to move on too early.

Meaning the current woman we’re talking about, you tried to move on- and away from her- while the relationship is still good, while the connection has been great, there’s been no argument with her, no betrayal of trust.. the only thing that happened is that she had to go back to her country.

I mean there are zoom calls you can do to talk with each other.. other ways to keep visual contact long distance. And the ways she expressed herself, she may be coming back to your country as soon as she can..

Why not be open, just a bit, to this possibility..?

🌿 Anita

Dear Dafne:

You are welcome! (Still dark here, by the way, almost 6 am)

“You still believe it is possible to find what I’m looking for despite all those setbacks and failed connections with men.”- yes, I do believe it’s possible for you 😊

I don’t expect you to read all the books on the list or listen to all the podcasts. What will help, I think, is to read a bit here, a bit there, listen to a small part of any of the podcasts, and when something feels meaningful, pause and reflect. Take notes (typing those out into a private record or here in this thread, whichever suits you), pay attention to skills in regard to how to effectively communicate and set boundaries with men, and also in regard to the issue of Trust.

This kind of contemplating, reflecting.. learning (which includes putting ideas into practice in real-life)- I believe- will significantly increase the possibility that you will find what you are looking for.

I am sad to read this: “I also feel like I’m just enduring each day, trying to get by.”- you are welcome to share more about this.. if you want to.

✨️ and ❤️, Anita