Thank you, Dafne, for your note. I am still working on my reply and will submit it soon.

anita

Dear Peter:

I am looking forward to reading and replying to you Sat morning 🌄

Anita

Dear Peter:

* I am adding this note after I concluded this post, right before submitting it: I started this post with the motivation of (again) trying to fix another person (you, in this case), but ended it with realizing something I need to fix within myself.

Peter, Sept 26, 2016: “It is in my opinion that it is our karma, our filters, that make it difficult to authentically love ourselves and loving ourselves, loving others, setting in motion the limits of our experiences… It is my belief or maybe it is a hope, that learning to authentically love ourselves creates the space to reshape our karmic story and so create the relationships that we yearn for. A reward not for following the rules and doing everything right but because it is, life is, and we are”-

– Our karma (the sum of our actions and their consequences) and our mental filters (the ways we perceive and interpret ourselves and others) can make it difficult to love ourselves and others. When we struggle to love ourselves, it impacts our ability to love others. Essentially, the way we view ourselves influences the quality and depth of our connections with others.

This message of more than 8 years ago is about the transformative power of self-love. This transformation isn’t about perfection or external achievements, but about embracing our true selves and the inherent goodness of life. By accepting the present moment without constantly categorizing experiences as positive or negative, we can find a deeper sense of peace and contentment.

Peter, Sept 28, 2016: “I would constantly replay conversations and past memories of perceived failings, longing for do overs, if only, should have, could have, a consent stream of negative self-talk. Of course I was aware of all the self-help advice to change the stories and think positive however I wasn’t able to do that… Worse I added the failure of not being able to create a better story or positive thinking to the list to make myself feel worse… essentially beating myself up for beating myself up, for beating myself up, for feeling bad, for feeling bad, for feeling unhappy, for feeling unhappy….. (Which is what I was addicted to, feeling something by feeling bad about myself)”-

– a habit of replaying conversations and past memories, focusing on perceived failings. You realized that trying to replace negative stories with positive thinking wasn’t working for you. Instead, you practiced stopping telling stories altogether in those moments. Instead of filling the space with analysis or positive thinking, you focuses on taking a breath and being present with what you were currently doing.

The lure to detach fully from feelings was a temptation for you, but you found that not filling every space with stories or analyses (positive or negative) helped you create a space to be present and avoid getting lost in frantic inner reactions.

Peter, Oct 11, 2016: “Depression is insidious, a vampire that sucks away ones creative energy, a zombie bite turning you into one of the living dead… I suspect my experience of depression is more Zombie like as it relates to the stories I tell myself and put on repeat, leaving me in a state where I feel I’m living life as one already dead… I am depressed because I am depressed because I am depressed..”.

Peter, Oct 19, 2016: “Loving ourselves means we live our truths in grace so that when we learn better we might do better. Holding ourselves accountable not out of anger or sense of justice but because that is how we learn who we are and experience meaning and purpose…We use hate and anger to hold others accountable, (and sometimes ourselves)… We say yes to life as it is by living our truths as authentically as we know them while being open to learning better. We will get it wrong just as the other we love will get it wrong yet in grace we create the space were everyone involved might become more conscious and awaken to who we are”-

– Grace: treating ourselves with kindness, patience, and understanding. Through compassionate accountability, we can learn about our true nature and find meaning and purpose in life. This process helps us grow and evolve. People often use negative emotions like hate and anger to hold others accountable, and sometimes even themselves, but this approach is counterproductive and harmful. Everyone makes mistakes, both ourselves and those we love. Acceptance of this imperfection is essential. By living with grace and understanding, we create an environment where everyone can grow, become more conscious, and awaken to their true selves. This space of grace allows for mutual growth and deeper connections.

In essence, this post is about the transformative power of self-love and compassionate accountability. By living authentically and with grace, we can foster personal growth, meaning, and deeper connections with others. This approach encourages a positive and supportive environment where everyone can become more aware and true to themselves.

Fast forward to Dec 18- 21, 2024: “I’ll be honest and say that sometimes to take action, I rely on the passion of righteous righteousness. Or using the adrenaline boost from fear, anger and hate… My observation is that for most people to act they need the energy from anger to act. This is not a statement of good or bad, right or wrong, it just is… I think that when anger is fed by compassion it naturally transforms itself into compassion and any action taken moving in that direction of compassion”-

– When anger is fed by compassion, it naturally transforms into compassion. This means that the initial anger can be channeled through a compassionate mindset, leading to actions that are compassionate rather than vengeful or harmful. By integrating compassion, the intense energy from anger can be used for constructive and compassionate actions, leading to more positive outcomes.

Jan 27, 2024: “Today I reject that theology of ‘original sin’. If I were to think in terms of original sin, defining sin as in missing the mark, I will argue it’s ‘shame’. The undeserved shame of believing our ‘naked’ True self is ‘wrong’ even ‘bad’ and needing to be covered up. If you think about it, we’re born naked and then will spend most of our lives trying to get back to being ‘naked”-

– The quest to be “naked” again metaphorically represents your desire, my desire to return to a state of authenticity, free from the layers of shame, negative self-talk, and societal expectations. Our true, “naked” selves are inherently good and the journey of life is about shedding the layers that obscure our authenticity.

Your posts collectively illustrate your journey towards self-discovery and authenticity. Your quest to be “naked” again is about shedding the layers of shame and negative narratives to return to a state of authentic self-love and compassion. This journey involves embracing the inherent goodness of life and oneself.

* As I was preparing this post, Peter, I felt embarrassed about my yesterday’s post to you because as I read your past posts quoted above, I realized that you already have a deep understanding of the concepts I communicated to you, and you definitely read may more books than I ever read in regard to these concepts.

I felt like I was preaching to someone who didn’t need it, with the unintended tone of “I know better”, a tone that I believe ran through a lot of my posts to members in the forums over the years, a tone that undoubtedly turned people off to my input.

Maybe this sense of superiority has been a way to protect myself from deep feelings of inferiority. I suppose that by asserting an attitude of I-know-better superiority, I felt more empowered, less vulnerable.

True confidence and self-worth come from self-acceptance and authenticity, not from feeling superior to others. Embracing humility and empathy can help me connect more deeply with myself and with others.

Removing this sense o superiority is not something I was born with. Metaphorically, it’s a layer of clothing that covered my nakedness (authentic vulnerability). The quest to be naked again- I realize today- involves removing this layer off of me and being vulnerable again, as in: I am neither more nor less than anyone else.

I realize the above without much shame because prior to this morning, over the last few years, there’s been a significant reduction of shame within me, so the embarrassment I felt this morning (which I am not feeling right now) did not land on a minefield of accumulated shame and catch fire, overwhelming me. This is .. truly nice.

anita

Dear Peter:

“I’ve been doing yoga classes where at the end the group is asked to repeat the club’s mantra ‘I love my Life’ – which I can’t do as I don’t love Life even though I’ve realized that life arises from and returns to Love”-

– If we feel disconnected internally—disconnected from our own emotions—it becomes challenging or impossible to genuinely connect with others. Cultivating a deep connection with oneself involves self-awareness, self-compassion, self-acceptance and forgiveness, embracing all parts of yourself (including the “cute” part, lol).

When we are disconnected inside, it’s like having a gap that prevents us from fully experiencing and sharing love, empathy, and understanding with others. By deeper healing and connecting with yourself, you create the capacity to connect more deeply with others.

The Journey Within and the Journey Without is the same thing when considering the Eternal, neither one is independence from the other.

“As I sat in the early morning I contemplated the sun… Here someone was laughing, someone crying, someone falling in love, someone falling out of love, someone being born, someone dying… I contemplated this moment and saw everything, everyone, connected… An experience of time that isn’t a measurement but Eternal. The All that is One from which all arise and returns”-

– Your contemplation of the sun and its symbolic representation of interconnectedness is profoundly beautiful. The way you describe the simultaneous experiences of laughter, tears, love, and loss truly captures the essence of our shared human existence.

To fully embrace this sense of interconnectedness and the eternal nature of time you’ve described, it’s essential to address any internal disconnection. The feeling of unity with others and the world around us often starts within ourselves. A gap or disconnection inside hinders our ability to genuinely feel this interconnectedness.

As long as I carried within me heavy-duty shame and guilt, I wasn’t able to connect with others, or I should say, if I connected, I quickly disconnected. Deep unresolved hurt, anger, shame, guilt.. these create a Gap inside, a gap that (using your “contemplation on the sun” post )- does not allow the sun in, or maybe a ray of sun here and there, a hint of the sun once in a while.

There is no substitute (no book, no philosophy, no contemplation… no amount of money and external success) for actual self compassion and forgiveness: the genuine practice of treating yourself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance, even when you make mistakes, being kind and understanding toward yourself in moments of difficulty.

anita

Dear Tom:

You’re very welcome. I’m glad you found my words helpful.

It’s wonderful to read that you’re planning to stay positive for your partner’s birthday. Celebrating these special moments is important, and it’s great that you’re prioritizing it.

Having an open and honest conversation with her sounds like a wise approach. Sharing your feelings can bring you closer and help ensure that your relationship remains strong and supportive.

Exploring the option of a competent career coach is a wise step forward. They can provide valuable insights and guidance to help you navigate your career path and find clarity.

Remember, it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Your well-being and mental health are crucial, and it’s important to be kind to yourself throughout this process.

Wishing you a wonderful celebration this weekend, and all the best as you take these next steps. You’re making thoughtful and proactive choices, and that speaks volumes about your strength and character.

anita

* Here is a poem for you, Peter:

In the quiet corner of an old journal,
Lie thoughts that pierce the human heart,
The quest for understanding, both external and eternal,
Excites the mind, yet keeps it set apart.

A notion of truth, so clear, so bright,
Yet doing so keeps it at arm’s length,
A part of you wishes to believe, in the light,
But fear holds back with its subtle strength.

Fear doesn’t always roar or fight,
Nor does it scream in broad daylight.
Instead, it whispers in the night,
Its quiet whispers, out of sight.

It weaves through thoughts, a shadow thin,
An insidious thread beneath the skin.
Pervasive presence, silent spin,
Influencing from within.

Its power lies, not in the loud,
But in the way it wears a shroud.
Controlling actions, subtle, proud,
A master hidden in the crowd.

Unseen, it molds the way you feel,
A force that time and thoughts conceal.
Without awareness, it can steal
The dreams you hold, the goals you seal.

Seeking to protect from the finding,
The comfort of search, a veil so thin,
Hints that whisper from deep within.

Out of the corner of your eye, a glimpse,
Ending the duality of form and formless,
When inner dependency on form no longer limps.

Finding joy and satisfaction in the journey is the way of progress,
If you enjoy the process, you’ll be more motivated, surely,
Regardless of the outcome, you’ll feel blessed.

Embrace the journey, each small step,
Let not fear hold you back, nor confine,
For in the process, you’ll find depth,
And the true essence of life divine.

Dear Tom:

Thank you for continuing to share how you’ve been feeling. It’s a good thing that you’re continuing with your gratitude practice and using the Calm app, and I’m glad these are providing some relief.

The feelings of anxiety and overwhelm in regard to work must be really tough to handle, especially when it’s impacting your sleep. It’s completely understandable to feel conflicted about staying in a job that provides financial security while also feeling lost and unsure about what to do next.

Society often equates success with professional achievements and financial stability. However, true success also includes your overall well-being and satisfaction. By prioritizing your mental health, you acknowledge that success encompasses more than just external accomplishments. Chronic stress and anxiety can lead to serious health issues over time. By focusing on your well-being now, you’re investing in your long-term health.

It’s okay to step back when something is harming your well-being. It’s about reclaiming your agency (your sense of control over your life; exercising your power to make changes that are advantageous to you, personally). You have the right to create a life that supports your well-being. It’s not only okay but necessary to focus on what brings you peace and fulfillment, regardless of external pressures or fears of failure.

I can relate to how difficult it can be to open up fully to your partner and friends about what you’re going through, but having their support (if you do share the complete picture and if they are supportive in return) can make a significant difference. Seeking professional guidance from a career counselor or therapist might help you explore your options and gain clarity on your next steps.

You’re not alone in this, and I’m here to support you. Keep being kind to yourself, and know that it’s okay to seek help and take things one step at a time. Your well-being matters, and you deserve to find a path that brings you peace and fulfillment.

anita

Dear Guy Nor:

It takes courage to share such deep and personal pain and I am sorry that this has been your pain, and for so long. Rejection and disappointment can be incredibly tough to endure, and it sounds like you’ve been through a lot. It’s understandable to feel like you’re under a cloud of bad luck.

It may not be too late to seek support and make changes that can improve your quality of life. I personally know someone who is older than you and still, healing and making positive changes.

Please take care of yourself, and don’t hesitate to reach out for support when you need it, here and elsewhere. You deserve compassion and understanding.

anita