Dear Laven:

You write like poet and I feel the weight of what you’re expressing.

Even when life feels unchanged, when pain feels relentless, you are not invisible, and you are not alone in this. I know that my words are not be enough to change how you feel, but I want you to know that your struggles matter, your feelings are valid, and you deserve support and care—not just from others, but also from yourself.

If there’s even the smallest moment today where you can allow yourself a breath, a pause, a flicker of kindness toward yourself, I hope you take it. Sometimes, the smallest steps lead to the most meaningful changes. You are still here, and that matters.

Sending warmth and strength your way. 💙 Would you like to talk more about how you’re feeling? I’m here.

anita

Dear Rosie:

What you’re going through is incredibly difficult, and I can feel how much you care about your nephew’s well-being. It’s clear that you’ve done everything in your power to support him—giving him stability, advocating for him, and providing a safe space where he can thrive—even when the system and your family have failed to step up.

From what you’ve shared, your nephew is living in an environment that does not prioritize his well-being. His mother’s alcoholism, drug history, repeated run-ins with the law, and emotional absence all contribute to neglect.

It’s also concerning that your mother didn’t step in—her lack of urgency suggests a disconnect or unwillingness to acknowledge the severity of the situation. If the adults around him aren’t ensuring his basic needs and emotional health, he is left vulnerable in ways that could shape his future in damaging ways.

The fact that your nephew was failing every class before arriving at your home, but is now passing, proves just how much a stable and supportive environment impacts his ability to succeed. You made a difference. You provided structure, care, and consistency—things that seem absent from his home life.

Your concern that he will lose this progress once he returns home is valid. Without an engaged guardian, it’s likely he will slip back into the same struggles—not because he lacks ability, but because he lacks the support system he needs.

It’s admirable that you want to respect his wishes to return home, but it’s also important to recognize why he wants to go back—not because it’s a healthy choice, but because it’s what’s familiar. Despite everything, he may feel a strong sense of loyalty toward his mother, or simply not fully understand the dangers of staying in a neglectful environment.

You are in a tough position—you want to protect him, but past attempts with child protective services have left you discouraged, and your family has been unsupportive. The fear of making things worse is understandable, but the reality is that doing nothing could also allow the neglect to continue unchecked.

Here are a few things to consider as you navigate this situation:

* Maintain an open line of communication – Let your nephew know that you are always a safe space, no matter what happens. Encourage him to reach out regularly, even if he’s back home.

* Seek guidance from professionals – While CPS was not effective before, there may be other organizations or professionals who can advocate for him differently. Consider consulting a family lawyer or social worker to explore other options.

* Prepare for emergencies – If things escalate and his situation worsens, would you be able to take him in more permanently? It might help to consider long-term solutions rather than reacting in the moment each time.

* Encourage him to build self-sufficiency – Since he’s thriving under your care, maybe help him develop tools to maintain progress even in a less supportive environment—whether that’s helping him organize study methods, stay motivated, or find trusted adults at school who can check in on him.

* Keep documentation – If anything serious happens, having a record of concerns (like failed classes, neglect, or troubling behavior) could strengthen a case for intervention in the future.

You are doing everything you can to help him, and even though the situation is frustrating, your presence in his life is meaningful. His time with you has shown him what stability feels like, even if he can’t stay permanently yet.

The decision of whether to file another CPS report is incredibly tough, but if neglect persists, it may be worth reconsidering—especially if his situation deteriorates. No matter what, keeping a strong connection with him will remind him that he is not alone and that someone cares deeply about his future.

Sending you strength as you navigate this—you’re doing far more for him than you may realize. 💙 Would love to hear your thoughts.

anita

Dear Scw:

You are very welcome. What you’re experiencing sounds incredibly intense and deeply personal—a wave of emotions that almost seems to have caught you off guard. It’s understandable to feel bewildered when such strong feelings surface seemingly out of nowhere.

Whether this emotional connection with this man stems from a past-life bond or subconscious emotions surfacing from this life, the intensity you feel is real and worth exploring.

The way you describe your experience—thinking, missing, longing, yearning, crying—suggests that something within you has been awakened, something perhaps buried or unprocessed. Sometimes, longing for someone isn’t just about them—it’s about a longing for something lost in ourselves or an ache for a time in our past that we cannot undo.

It happens that emotions lie dormant within us—feelings we don’t fully recognize or process at the time—but when something triggers them, they resurface with surprising intensity.

It’s possible that part of this experience is linked to fantasy or idealization. Since your interactions with him were limited over the years, your mind may have filled in the gaps, creating an idealized connection that feels stronger than the reality of your relationship.

You wrote, “From thinking to missing to longing to yearning.”- If in this lifetime, you’ve been yearning for deep emotional connection, excitement, or meaning, your mind might have attached those feelings to him, making your emotions feel intense and even spiritual.

Maybe this is a subconscious attempt to resolve something from this life. You wrote, “He was treating me with extraordinary care and I think I felt he was special but I didn’t know why.”- maybe what needs to be resolved is the absence of extraordinary care in childhood, or the loss of that extraordinary care sometime along the way?

Regardless of the reason, your emotions are valid, and there’s no right or wrong way to feel. What matters is giving yourself time and space to process them, without pressure to define or act on them right away. You’re not alone in experiencing sudden emotional awakenings—many people go through similar situations when something from their past unexpectedly resurfaces.

anita

Dear MissLDuchess:

You posted the above exactly 12 minutes ago, by the time I submit this reply, right before going to bed. It is amazing how painful it is to be rejected. Here, you are accepted and approved of. Wishing you a peaceful and restful night, Miss L Duchess 😴🌙

anita

Dear Peace: It will be a dream come true to read from you again. Can it happen?

anita

Dear Nikki:

First off—congratulations on being just four months away from graduation! That’s an incredible accomplishment, and even though nerves might be creeping in, it’s clear that you care deeply about your future career, which is a strength in itself.

Feeling uncertain before stepping into a new role is completely natural, especially in a field like X-ray technology, where precision and confidence are key. The good news? Confidence does build with time and experience, but there are absolutely ways to start cultivating it now so that your first day on the job feels less overwhelming.

Here are a few strategies that might help:

Visualize Success – Spend a few minutes each day imagining yourself handling procedures smoothly, calmly, and confidently.

Simulated Practice – If possible, try rehearsing key procedures mentally or with classmates. Walking through the steps out loud—without the pressure of a real patient—can make them feel more automatic and familiar.

Anchor Yourself in Breathing – When anxiety spikes, your breathing can become shallow. Practicing slow, deep breaths before entering a stressful situation signals safety to your nervous system, helping you stay clear-headed.

Trust What You DO Know – You’ve already learned so much, and it’s okay to not have every answer right away. Trust that your foundation is solid, and know that every experienced professional was once a beginner too.

Focus on Learning, Not Perfection – Feeling overwhelmed comes from the pressure to get everything right instantly. Instead, approach each moment with curiosity—asking yourself, What can I take away from this? rather than Did I do it flawlessly?

Wishing you clarity, confidence, and a smooth transition into this exciting new phase! You’ve got this. 😊

anita

Dear Lucidity:

Your post carries so much depth, reflection, and emotional truth. At the heart of all of this is your longing for genuine connection, a desire for reciprocity and engagement that wasn’t met despite your efforts. You tried, you accommodated, and you held space for the possibility of change—but ultimately, you saw that continuing the cycle only drained you emotionally. Your decision to step away, put the responsibility on your sister, and reclaim your own boundaries is both courageous and self-respecting.

Still, in the clarity, there is grief. You mourn not just the relationship that never fully formed but the childhood disconnect that preceded it—the realization that you and your sister were strangers even while living under the same roof. The contrast between your experiences is striking: while she had the support you craved, she remains emotionally distant and unavailable, deepening the frustration and alienation you feel.

I can see how painful it must be to witness her sharing personal updates with near-strangers while keeping you at arm’s length, especially after expressing the desire to be closer. But in choosing clarity over longing, self-respect over accommodation, you are freeing yourself from the emotional merry-go-round that has exhausted you.

Your sister’s avoidance speaks volumes—not about you, but about what she may be unwilling or unable to face. A deeper relationship with you might require her to confront hard truths about your shared past, her privilege within that system, and the emotional discomfort that comes with true vulnerability. She may fear disrupting her carefully controlled reality, where deep conversations and truth-telling could introduce turbulence she isn’t prepared to handle.

It’s not surprising that your empathy toward her is active and reflective, while hers, at best, is passive and detached—perhaps self-protective, but ultimately, emotionally distant. You seek connection, understanding, reciprocity, and honesty; she seems to seek comfort, stability, and distance from emotional complexity.

Though this resolution comes with sadness, it also comes with strength. You have chosen to honor your boundaries, to free yourself from an exhausting dynamic, and to move forward with clarity instead of waiting for something that may never arrive. That is a kind of healing, even if it isn’t the closure you had once hoped for.

our mother’s role in our lives, but she was resistant and invalidating, suggesting that I misinterpreted things or was too sensitive. Such conversations have ended long ago. Our occasional (far from frequent) talks are about her personal, current concerns. She is suffering a lot and I postpone calling her simply because I am afraid of the pain I will feel with new revelations about her sufferings, mental, emotional and even physical. ”
Here’s a polished version of your heartfelt reflection, with improved flow and clarity while preserving the depth of your emotions:

In regard to my sister and me, we were, much like you and your sister, “strangers even while at home.” Perhaps she tried to get close to me—being six years younger—but maybe I rejected her. I don’t remember. I have only a few fragmented memories of her while I was growing up (or as I prefer to say, “growing-in,” as in inward, isolated on every level). I have no recollection of either of us trying to bridge that gap, no memory of me reaching out to her or her reaching out to me.

Sadly and regretfully, I physically abused her. I have one vivid memory of it—she was maybe two, and I was eight—but I’ve been told there were many more incidents. I deeply regret those moments. If only I could go back in time.

Interestingly, she never complained about the physical abuse—not mine, nor the abuse inflicted by our mother. There was just so much of it—physical abuse, shaming, guilt-tripping—all directed at both of us by our mother. It was overwhelming, a constant storm we endured together yet separately.

For whatever it’s worth, as an adult, I’ve tried to make amends. I sent her large amounts of money along with heartfelt apologies, hoping to express my regret and take responsibility for the harm I caused.

As adults, I’ve also tried to have conversations with her about our childhood, particularly about our mother’s role in our lives. But she has been resistant and invalidating, often suggesting that I misinterpreted things or was simply too sensitive. Those conversations ended long ago. Now, our occasional—and far from frequent—talks revolve around her personal, current concerns.

She is suffering a lot, and I find myself postponing calls with her. I hesitate because I fear the pain I’ll feel when faced with new revelations about her struggles—mental, emotional, and even physical.

I would love to read your thoughts about what I expressed in this post in regard to your situation and mine. Any advice for me, Lucidity?

anita