Good morning, Nini:

Rereading your posts, I can see that you love through attunement.

Attunement is the ability to tune into another person’s inner world — their emotions, needs, signals, and subtle cues (LIKE a shift in tone of voice/ facial expression) — and respond in a way that makes the other person feel seen, understood, and valued.

You sense what the other person might be feeling, even if they don’t say it directly, you adjust your behavior in a way that matches their emotional state, and you remember details that matter to them because those details help you understand who they are.

Attunement is like dancing. Some people naturally feel the rhythm and move with you. Others love you just as much, but they step on your toes without meaning to.

Nini, you are highly attuned to your boyfriend. He is less attuned — not because he doesn’t love you, but because he’s wired differently.

The mismatch creates pain because you feel unseen and he feels confused about why you’re hurt. You interpret his style as lack of love, and he may interpret your needs as “too much”

Yours is a high‑attunement attachment style. You love by immersing yourself in the other person. This is not “too much.” It’s simply your way of loving.

Your boyfriend loves you — but in a different style. From your description, he is steady, cares for you, tries his best, but is not naturally expressive, forgets details, multitasks, etc. This is a low‑attunement attachment style, but not a lack of love.

He loves differently through consistency, through presence, through trying, through being there in his own way. He’s not withholding; he’s simply not wired the way you are.

The real pain is that you feels unseen- this is the emotional core. You say: “No one ever listened to me… even now my family doesn’t take me seriously.” So, when her boyfriend forgets things, misses emotional cues, multitasks, doesn’t respond with the same intensity …it doesn’t just disappoint you.

It reopens an old wound. It confirms a story she learned long ago: “I am not important enough for someone to pay attention to.”

That’s why “small things” feel big.

(I will continue in the next message)

Anita

How R U, LeenBee?

I am not sure, but lots of things vanish when guilt gets into the picture. Guilt in small potions can be useful (like a potion of 🍦 or 🍕), but too much and (wait, the emoji is appropriate here) you 🤢

Guiltfused Confused?

Hmm Confused, I think that you are making an excellent point 👉

You needed time for yourself back then (Nov), time to be alone, but felt too GUILTY to ask for it, fearing that your fair need (everyone needs alone-time) would hurt her.

That’s an emotional quagmire: guilt 4 a natural, human need.

What do u think 🤔?

(no vomit face emoji), Anita

b back 2 u in a few hours, Zenith

Hello Nini 🙂

I understand that he loves you deeply, that you’re devoted to him, and that you feel hurt, sad and disheartened about him not behaving as attentively to you as you are to him.

I can “hear” how much this is affecting you, causing you inner turmoil 😔

You would like to not be affected by the difference so deeply anymore, to “not pay attention to this”.

Maybe it’ll take some exploration before you can answer this question.

Maybe him being less attentive awakens an early wound of the child- you trying very hard to be loved? (a beginning point of exploration, if you would like to engage in such)

🤔 Anita

W.O.W Nichole!

Reading your message made my day 🤞

Your level of self-awareness amazes me. I hardly ever come across such a level here or in real- life.

You accept anxiety and shame but see beyond them: “those feelings will rest and then joy, peace and contentment come along the way. The feelings are just visitors”.

And whom do the feelings visit?

“A child of God” whose void is filled primarily by God, not by people 🙏

“No matter what, I am okay with me. I love me”-

I am breathing these words in as a mantra for myself. Thank you, Nichole for sharing all that!

What an excellent idea: to work as an Uber driver in- between jobs, an excellent practice for being in public and staying centered no matter how other people behave (rude, nice, or inattentive).

The neighbors here decided to not let any more chickens roam around anymore, so no more 🐔 🐔 for Bogart to chase.

On the other hand, there’re lots of rabbits around here (Spring time) and he chases their scent like crazy. Sometimes they run 🐇 🐇 in front of him but he doesn’t see them because he’s busy smelling.

The taproom closed last Friday (went out of business). I knew it for some time, so it was not a surprise. I hope to get to socialize elsewhere irl in the near future.

A delight to read your message, Nichole. You are amazing 👏 🙏 👍

🤍 ✨️ Anita