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anita

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Viewing 15 posts - 91 through 105 (of 4,178 total)
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  • in reply to: What will make us brave and safe? #450600
    anita
    Participant

    Hello Dear Jana 😊:

    Thank you for the ☀️ and for the inner child exercise and notes 🙏. I read the exercise but not all the notes yet (I am exhausted, see below).

    Something happened in real-life yesterday, something very troubling to me. I am thinking of starting a thread about it, and your inner child exercise and notes can help me process and heal from what happened.

    Will it be okay with you if I used the exercise & notes in a new thread that I might start?

    Since it’d be another emotional thread that will mention some childhood abuse, do you think I should preface the thread (in the title) with a warning of some kind, to alert people reading in regard to possibly getting triggered..?

    I’m interested in your thoughts and feelings, if any, in regard to a new thread on such topics..?

    🌿 🤍 Anita

    in reply to: Seeking clarity about a relationship #450580
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Going Through Life: I will read and reply at the end of the day, take care!

    in reply to: Too invested in others- feeling tired of that #450579
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Milda: I will read and reply at the end of the day, take care!

    in reply to: Seeking clarity about a relationship #450577
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Going Through Life:

    “I did accept SS for who she is”- I wonder if she felt accepted for who she is..?

    If she didn’t accept herself for who she is (and I have no idea if she did or not), then she couldn’t receive your acceptance of her, at least not easily. What do you think?

    “the fear of being alone.”- I would like to know more about what this fear means to you: when it started, how it feels, and how it affects your choices in life, if you feel comfortable enough to share, to the extent you feel comfortable 🕊️.

    Strange perhaps, as I think of my fear of being alone when I was your age, I think that I was more afraid to be with people (for too long) than I was afraid of being alone. Alone felt safer.

    I will be away from the computer in a couple of hours for the rest of the day, but I am looking forward to your reply and to our continued conversation.

    🌿🤍 Anita

    in reply to: What will make us brave and safe? #450575
    anita
    Participant

    * a lot of good things

    in reply to: What will make us brave and safe? #450574
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jana:

    You asked how I’m doing, well- I am doing well just for reading your message to me 3.5 hours ago. It brought the first smile of the day to my face, and I’m still smiling 😊.

    Thank you for your kindness and for noticing and focusing on the positives. I am so glad you are here in the forums- you have a lot of good thing to offer others.

    🌿🤍 Anita

    in reply to: İf anyone says spirituality is… #450565
    anita
    Participant

    Wow! Wow, Thomas168/ Tommy-

    You said it perfectly. I am so impressed with you, and grateful that you are back here- honest, direct, valid.

    I have a new appreciation of you this Sat night, 8:53 pm here.

    🌿🤍 Anita

    in reply to: Seeking clarity about a relationship #450563
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Going Through Life:

    I am glad you have no health concerns beyond being a bit overweight. A.. bit of weight loss should solve that problem.

    “The only validation I mostly seek is by being in a relationship with someone, meaning that they accept me for who I am.”- and you accept her (SS) for who she is..?

    The two of you accepting each other for who you are- while aiming at becoming your best (imperfect) selves..?

    “It also stems from my fear of being alone.”- nothing like the fear of being alone. We are social animals (humans). We Need Togetherness by nature.

    🤍🌿 Anita

    in reply to: Compassion and respect during times of conflict #450556
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Alessa 🤍

    I’m so sorry to hear about your dog’s passing. I know how deeply you loved him, how much care and dedication you poured into him, and how much he meant to you. That kind of bond doesn’t fade—it leaves a quiet imprint on the heart, one that stays with us always.

    He was lucky to have you—and I imagine he knew it, in the way dogs do: through trust, in the way they settle near us, feeling safe to just be themselves.

    I hope you’re able to rest gently in the love you gave him, and the love he gave you in return.

    Sending you warmth, calm, and peace as you navigate this loss.

    🕊️🌿🤍 Anita

    in reply to: Stressed and anxious #450551
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Q:

    “Recently, I noticed my brain throwing a tantrum ‘why does it have to end this way? life isn’t fair.’ and I don’t know what to do / say lol.”-

    Oh.. indeed, life is not fair, way too often. That’s a given.

    My question is- how, in my personal life, do I make it fair, best I can?

    .. How can you, Q, in your personal life, can make it fair, best you can..?

    “From what I understand, she isn’t fully closing the door but isn’t very hopeful about it either.”- what did she say that’s new to you? What in her perspective, her POV, deserves your attention and consideration?

    🤍🌿 Anita

    in reply to: Too invested in others- feeling tired of that #450543
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Milda:

    I will soon be away from the computer for the rest of this Friday and I’m expecting a very busy weekend away from the computer. I wanted to add to my previous post that I know- from my own in-real-life experience with my mother- how difficult it is to separate oneself from a dominating or domineering (through a pattern of shaming and guilt-tripping) mother.

    Separating from my mother, redefining the definitions she drilled into me (including that of “a good mother” and “a good daughter”) took forever for me, but it can take way less time for you, and I hope it does.

    My story with my mother is not identical to your story with your mother. Our mothers are not identical, and we daughters, aren’t either. This is why it’s very important that your thoughts and understanding about your story are heard above anyone else’s interpretation. Your story= your interpretation.

    I am here to help you best I can- not as someone who knows better- but as a fellow traveler in the same journey: reclaiming my individual, independent voice.

    You wrote 24 hours ago: “I want what’s best, most peaceful for me.”- I like it very much that you want what’s best, what’s most peaceful for you.

    What has proven best and most peaceful for me is to reclaim my own voice, to interpret my own story and to no longer doubt my own interpretation 🙂

    🌿 🤍 Anita

    in reply to: Too invested in others- feeling tired of that #450537
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Milda:

    “Parents are projecting on me their decision about when I am a good daughter, when I am a bad one, which behavior is acceptable and approved, which is not.”-

    It’s time that you decide what it means to be a good daughter and what it means to be a bad one.

    My mother’s idea of a good daughter was one who doesn’t exist beyond her wishes, her dreams, her needs; one who doesn’t exist but as a extension of her. She didn’t see or hear or feel me. She only saw and heard and felt herself.

    Self erasure is a high price to pay for being a “good daughter”, isn’t it?

    And isn’t it a bad mother who demands such a price?

    I suppose what I am suggesting is that you redefine a “good daughter” and a “good mother” vs “bad mother”.

    “I have to start gaining self esteem from other sources instead of caring, comforting, enabling and fixing. How does a person gain that through healthy behaviors?”-

    I think redefining things is a good start.. to throw away the old dictionary and start a new one. I mean there are plenty of advice out there in regard to how to gain self-esteem, books are written on it, I am sure, as well as online videos that you can access.

    Thing is, for as long as the core belief within me was “I am a bad daughter”.. I couldn’t or wouldn’t love myself because.. it doesn’t feel right to love a bad person… does it, Milda?

    🌿 🤍 Anita

    in reply to: Too invested in others- feeling tired of that #450524
    anita
    Participant

    I’ll be back to you, Milda, Fri morning (Thurs night here)

    in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #450499
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tom:

    In the absence of structure in the external, work context, it can help to rely on structure in the internal, personal context, things like taking a walk every day at about the same time, maybe at the same location.. keeping a routine of doing the same things every day, as well as maybe repeating a mantra first thing in the morning, every day, such as “I am strong. I am capable”.

    It’ll be Saturday soon enough. Please take good care of yourself!

    🌿 🤍 Anita

    in reply to: What will make us brave and safe? #450498
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jana:

    Thank you for the quotes 🙏

    “Beginning Anew… is a practice of recognition and appreciation of the positive elements within ourselves and the other person.”- to me, this sentence stands out the most. This is what I need to do more of, every day.

    “We look deeply to see the positive qualities in the other person and express our appreciation for them. Share at least three
    positive qualities that you have observed in them and things for which you feel grateful. Be as concrete as possible….This is an opportunity to shine light on the other’s strengths and contributions and to encourage the growth of his or her positive qualities.”-

    Jana, I observed that 1. You are honest and trustworthy, 2. You are humble, 3. You value and promote calm, peace and respect.

    “EXPRESSING REGRETS- We may mention any unskillfulness in our actions, speech, or thoughts that we have not yet had an opportunity to apologize for.”-

    I was unskillful in my actions, speech and thoughts so many, many.. many, many times in my life, I wouldn’t know where to start. In regard to being unskillful in my thoughts, the most unskillful element has been that once I saw a negative quality in another person (real or imagined negative), I became blind to the person’s positive qualities, and focused on the perceived negative or negatives, leading to a distorted image of the person. This is why the sentence (quote) I started this post with stood out for me.

    In regard to unskillful speech- words I said to people irl, and words I typed out here in the forums- I regret all. I cannot go back in time and unsay things, or resay things, but I can and am holding myself accountable for my speech today and every day. While understanding perfection is impossible for anyone, I am more capable now than ever to speak skillfully.

    I apologize for my unskillful speech in my communication with you, Jana, and I apologize to anyone and everyone who may be reading this in regard to my past unskillful speech.

    “PEACE TREATY… I, the one who is angry, agree to: 1 Refrain from saying or doing anything that might cause further damage or escalate the anger.”- this sentence stands out the most in your 2nd post, Jana.

    🤍🌿 Anita

Viewing 15 posts - 91 through 105 (of 4,178 total)
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