Hey 👋 Confused:

I will look up Paulin Timmer tomorrow when I have the use of a 🖥

That feeling that something is missing or is not enough is a classic symptom of OCD. I am beginning to think that you may have what is called “pure OCD”, meaning the compulsions are mental (checing and re- checking what you’re feeling).

I am far from being a doctor or a professional in mental health, but maybe it’ll help you to look up “pure OCD”. There are online communities of the pure-ocd-ed and you might find commonality there, even answers.

From all that you shared over the last few months, she sounds like a lovely young woman who really likes 👍 you!

🍃🤍 Anita

Hey dear Contradictorily Confused, Confused (CCC):

May the dopamine- fused confusion, contradictions; bewilderment, perplexity and puzzlement be replaced with certainty, clarity, coherence (CCC), focus, and lucidity.

🌪️ 😵‍💫 🔥 ⚡💥😖 ==> ✨ 🌿 🌙 💡 🕊️ 🌼 Anita

Hi Kelly:

At the end of my last message to you I wrote that you don’t have to make big decisions right now. I want to elaborate on it this morning:

Making big decisions, like marriage and a much bigger decision, having children, is not something a person who’s already stressed and overwhelmed should think about.

The most important thing is for you, at this time, to minimize stress in your life.

Having mentioned children: imagine you had a stressed and overwhelmed little girl: would you pressure her to feel any particular way or do what would stress her even more?

I am guessing you won’t and that you’ll do your best to calm and soothe her- because you’d love her and have her best interest in heart.

Please 🙏 be as good to you as you. You matter.

🍃 🤍 Anita

* edit: M-26

Well, Confused.. it does look- to me- like a drug addiction, chasing a feeling.

Chasing a feeling never ends well, as far as I know.

The feeling you’ve been chasing must have been really GOOD-

How many drug addicts, millions, are hooked on a once WONDERFUL feeling, living in tents, under 🌉 bridges, homeless?

🌉 Anita

Hey SereneWolf:

Tee posted last on Jan 17 this year, 2026, and last time she responded to you, right here on your thread, was on Nov 7 last year, 4 months and 22 days ago.

I hope Tee is okay. I miss reading from Tee (Hi Tee, if you’re reading this- I’ve missed you!)

In a few weeks you’ll be turning 30, SereneWolf, why.. you’re just a pup 🐶 like the saying goes.

Things weren’t easy for me when I was your age, my goodness.. 35 years ago, oohh.. I am old.

Don’t be too old before your time, SereneWolf!

🐶🌙🍃 Anita

Thank you, Miss L Dutchess for responding to my last post. I appreciate it. Taking things one day at a time is what I do 🙂

🍃🤍 Anita

Hi Kelly:

What you’re describing makes a lot of sense once you look at the pattern underneath it— you’re reacting from a nervous system that gets overwhelmed when relationships feel uncertain.

Here’s the pattern I see in what you wrote:

1. You get anxious → your mind goes into “all or nothing” mode. When you feel distance or conflict, your system jumps to extremes: “Are we breaking up?”, “Maybe I should break up.”, “He deserves someone better.”, “I’ll leave my ring there.”

This isn’t because you want to leave him. It’s because anxiety makes your mind search for certainty.

2. You ask for reassurance, but the reassurance doesn’t stick. You ask: “Are we breaking up?” because you want to hear “no.” But the moment you feel anxious again, the fear returns.

This is a very common anxious‑attachment loop.

3. You imagine worst‑case scenarios to protect yourself. Your mind creates “backup plans” because it’s trying to soften the blow of possible rejection. It’s not a sign that you don’t love him — it’s a sign that you’re scared.

4. You care about him deeply, but anxiety makes you doubt your feelings. Anxiety can numb you. It can make you feel disconnected from your own emotions. That doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t there.

It means your system is overwhelmed.

Nothing about this makes you cruel or unloving.

About seeing him — here’s what might help: you don’t need a perfect plan. You don’t need to fix everything in one conversation. You don’t need to force excitement or pretend to feel something you don’t feel in the moment.

What helps most is slowing everything down.

When you see him, start simple and human: “It’s good to see you.”, “I missed being close to you.”, “I know the last two months have been hard for both of us.”, “I want to reconnect, and I want us to take things slowly.”, something like that.

You don’t need to solve the relationship in the first hour. Just focus on connection, not decisions.

Let the first conversation be about the present moment, not the future. Something like: “Let’s just spend time together today and see how we feel.”, “I want to be honest, but I also want to stay calm and connected.”

This takes the pressure off both of you.

If he’s distant at first, it doesn’t mean he stopped caring. It means he’s protecting himself too. You can gently say: “I know things have been tense. I’m here because I care, and I want us to reconnect slowly.”

This shows steadiness without pressure.

The loneliness and morning anxiety you feel are coming from your thoughts, not from reality. Your mind wakes up and immediately checks: “Am I safe?”, “Is he leaving?”, “Do I feel enough?”

This creates a wave of anxiety before the day even begins.

It’s not a sign that the relationship is doomed. It’s a sign that your nervous system is overwhelmed.

You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re not hurting him on purpose. You’re not incapable of love. You’re scared — and you’re trying to protect both him and yourself at the same time.

Kelly, nothing about what you’re feeling is unusual for someone who gets anxious in relationships. You’re not broken. You’re overwhelmed. And you don’t have to make any big decisions right now. Just focus on reconnecting slowly when you see him.

🌿 Anita