Hey there Mark,

Right i get you, yes that seems to make a lot of sense, i do that quite often when i am very upset i say such deep deep things about my childhood to reflect upon how i am as a person today, if that makes sense? I do put my hands up and im not proud of it but i do suffer from emotional tantrums and they are so hard to control, i have been trying though. I will become hurtful and play the victim ( which in my relationships case most of the time i am) and say things such as ”the only man who ever accepted me or loved me was my dad, but hes dead and if i could take his place i would” I guess its still overcoming his death and the fact that he was the only man whom accepted me knowing i wasnt his, he gave me everything, never lied or mistreated me either. When i was going to the councillor she told me when i felt that this emotional tantrum would arise that i should leave the room, breathe and practice mindfulness. That did NOT help lol, when i am in that state of mind it is very hard for me to calm down then and there, i need at least half n hour, i found that going for a walk helped massively and phone on silent. Once ive calmed down i feel so embarrassed for the way i acted and then coming home to someone who doesnt even want to speak to me just makes matters worse. Ive said to him before, all i want is a hug, a touch, a sense of calm and ill be fine ill snap out of it, but i think its too much to ask.

Yes a very destructive pattern im afraid, every man i have dated has had issues with parents or disabilities, a bit like me. 1st one – Divorced parents, didnt get on with any of them, Dad and mum started a new family and he wasnt involved. 2nd one- His mum left him and his brothers when he was around 8 and never returned, left to be raised by the dad whom he loves but didnt do a very good job. Current bf – Never knew real parents, adopted at 5 and has issues with all his family as he is a closed book.

I have helped all of my partners go through things mentally, and in turn i am now mentally unstable.. ironic?

Dear Anita,

Yes i know exactly, it just upsets, angers and confuses me. Sometimes like i said i really dont know if he is doing it on purpose or not. I know he is having a rough time over there where he is, but i feel every time he is mean or is abrupt with him i just excuse the behaviour by saying to myself be a little more understanding hes going through a horrible time right now. Part of me though says that he chose to be where he is today and it isnt my fault and i shouldnt be this person he feels he can take it out on all the time. He did however apologise later on in the day when he realised i stood my ground and didnt say sorry.

Blessings

Dear Anita,

Yes thats true, i had no idea what he meant, he does this often. He will tell me something doesnt feel right, or you arent your normal self etc,, i dont know if its fishing for something or his past guilty or present conscious coming into play

Blessings

Dear Anita,

He literally said something doesnt feel right.. im guessing he meant maybe the way we spoke to one another or he had a gut feeling something wasnt right, maybe thinking i was up to something ? Who knows? Stop me from caring too much and asking what is wrong if there is anything wrong all the time as he feels this is annoying.

Well i am not implying that nothing can ever affect a happy persons emotions or feelings, because they can. But i get affected very easily around peoples emotions, i.e if someone is moody i will gradually become that way, if someone is sad i will become like that, i take on peoples emotions. I also depend my happiness on others. i.e My partner.

Blessings

They do indeed 🙂 Nothing better than having a doggie by your side.

Dear Anita,

You are right… practice, practice and more practice.

Blessings

Hey Chelsea,

Yes i have been toying with the Keto diet idea, i guess im scared in consuming so much fat lol. To be honest i find if i dont eat carbs i am so much flatter and don’t feel so bloated, also my weight will fluctuate massively, if i eat too many carbs i could put a kilo on! If i go throughout my day keeping my carbs down as low as 60g i loose weight lol

Blessings