Home→Forums→Relationships→Update on my never ending stressful relationship
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Anonymous.
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February 5, 2018 at 7:36 am #190795
MarkParticipantAlexandra,
It was good that you actually had experienced feeling so good.
You have weathered/are weathering your depression which is a good thing.
You are here with us which is good.
Blessings to you,
Mark
February 5, 2018 at 8:11 am #190813
Soul-searcherParticipantGosh i didnt think of that .. i dont know if it is that, i have been feeling so good, and then as soon as those thoughts came through i just couldnt help it..
When will i ever feel safe to feel happy again?
Blessings
Ally
February 5, 2018 at 8:13 am #190815Soul-searcherParticipantHello Mark,
Thank you for finding the time to answer 🙂 Yes it was wonderful feeling so light and free and happy, I am trying very hard!
Blessings
Ally
February 5, 2018 at 8:26 am #190823MarkParticipantAlly, I cannot answer your question on when will you ever feel safe to feel happy again.
You have felt happy before and there is no reason why you cannot do so again. Trust that. Trust yourself in being able to do so again.
Can you sit quietly and capture that safe feeling in your body? When you find that safe feeling, where does it show up in your body? Hang out there. Hold that feeling like a baby. Stay with it. Allow it to permeate your whole being. Smile when you are feeling that.
There is a Metta meditation that goes into feeling safe which is a good practice. You can Google that. Susan Saltzberg has a good video of that.
Hugs,
MarkFebruary 5, 2018 at 8:43 am #190833
AnonymousGuestDear Ally/ Alexandra:
“When will I ever feel safe to feel happy again?”-
My answer: when you feel distressed/ depressed long enough, your brain/body will take its much needed break and feel good for another short time, be it a moment or a week.
Long term, you will feel at peace, more content and somewhat happy, if not extremely happy, when you practice adequate control over the circumstances of your life. If your circumstances do not depend on what other people choose for you, for example, the man in the UK, if you choose your circumstances (as much as in your ability to choose), then you will be happier, long term.
anita
February 6, 2018 at 4:35 am #190985Soul-searcherParticipantHey Mark,
Thank you for your advise 🙂 I will definitely google that and see what it is all about.
Alexandra
February 6, 2018 at 4:36 am #190987Soul-searcherParticipantDear Anita,
You are right… practice, practice and more practice.
Blessings
February 6, 2018 at 4:41 am #190991AnonymousGuestYou are welcome. (Would you rather I refer to you as Alexandra or Ally?)
How are you going to practice this?
anita
February 6, 2018 at 8:34 am #191045MarkParticipantAlly,
I find a good practice is to highlight and make note of those times when I do feel good/happy/safe. A gratitude journal is a good way of making that explicit. Whenever you are moving through the day, you can just check in with yourself and notice how you are feeling. When you are feeling good/happy/safe, you can smile to yourself and pat yourself on the back.
Mark
February 6, 2018 at 11:47 pm #191131Soul-searcherParticipantHey Anita,
I dont mind whatever name you call me by 🙂 Practice in not making external situations or people be the only cause of my happiness or my sadness. To not depend on others for MY happiness ! This is something i need to practice to do on my own and make sure i can make myself happy, this way no one else can bring me down. Its very hard though and its a 29 year old habit.
A little update of what happened this morning: Woke up after a good nights sleep so overall i was feeling good, he sent me message in the middle of the night that i only read in the morning when i got up, that he had a feeling something wasnt write and a sad face next to the message. I woke up and sent him a lovely positive message and also asking what was wrong and if anything im here to talk if he needs me. He woke up saying he tossed and turned all night but he was fine. I am used to him not talking about his feelings he hates it and doesnt tell me a lot of things, sometimes i must say it is me worrying too much and i will ask him again but if hes there in front of me i can tell with his reactions if he really is hiding his emotions from me. By text message its very hard to decipher what he actually means, he said he was about to get ready and i mentioned it again, well i hope everything is ok. He said goodbye and that he was going for breakfast. He comes back about 30 minutes later saying: ” i had to come back to the room to clear things up as this is really bothering me, can you please stop what you are doing, as this is not caring its really annoying. I love you speak later xx” I was shocked at this.. when did caring too much become a problem, or can it get annoying sometimes? I was so hurt yet so angry and i replied saying ”wow…ok. love you too” and then continued to have a go at me for not ending the messages with kisses. I honestly dont know where the hell i went wrong i am so so upset. In the end i always apologise just to keep the peace, but i wont this time, i honestly feel i did nothing wrong. 🙁
Dear Mark,
I journal every single day, it doesnt help me much in the sense that i look back at what i wrote and it makes me happy, Journaling however helps me to get out my frustrations.
Blessings
February 7, 2018 at 4:06 am #191169AnonymousGuestDear Alexandra;
I didn’t understand his recent messages at all, have no idea what those meant- he didn’t feel well, sick? Why did he want you to stop what you are doing/ what were you doing… none of it is clear to me.
In the beginning of your post you wrote: “I need to practice to… make myself happy, this way no one else can bring me down”- do you mean that no one at all can bring down a happy person, that a state of happiness will neutralize or make void disrespectful or inconsiderate behaviors by others?
anita
February 7, 2018 at 7:22 am #191223MarkParticipantAlly, Good for you about not apologizing. Who knows what is going on with him that has nothing to do with you? It sounds like he is taking it out on you. This is not acting in a loving way.
By the way, journaling helps me take out my frustrations too lol but it also helps me to process things.
Mark
February 7, 2018 at 11:21 am #191297Soul-searcherParticipantDear Anita,
He literally said something doesnt feel right.. im guessing he meant maybe the way we spoke to one another or he had a gut feeling something wasnt right, maybe thinking i was up to something ? Who knows? Stop me from caring too much and asking what is wrong if there is anything wrong all the time as he feels this is annoying.
Well i am not implying that nothing can ever affect a happy persons emotions or feelings, because they can. But i get affected very easily around peoples emotions, i.e if someone is moody i will gradually become that way, if someone is sad i will become like that, i take on peoples emotions. I also depend my happiness on others. i.e My partner.
Blessings
February 7, 2018 at 11:23 am #191299Soul-searcherParticipantHey Mark,
Yes he is taking it out on me, i know when i have done something wrong, i do always tend to be the one that apologizes in the end just to keep the peace, but this time i stood my ground.
I have always kept a journal/diary and i find that when i am angry i will vent out in there, sometimes i think its better to keep some things to yourself.
Blessings
February 8, 2018 at 8:56 am #191477AnonymousGuestDear Alexandra:
I believe we are all affected by how people around us feel, that we all “take on people’s emotions”, especially one with whom we live, a significant other.
What he meant is not clear to you, not only to me. “Who knows?” you asked no one in particular, regarding what he meant. It means to me that you are resigned at this point to not knowing.
anita
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