My first question would be are you SURE you’re right about him? Some people come across as the “player” type because they’re naturally more extroverted and flirtatious, especially when single. Is it possible that he’s actually a “good guy” when he chooses to be in a relationship? (I know a couple of people like this…men and women. When they’re single they are very flirtatious, date lots of different people and are very “out there” but in reality are very loyal and honest people. When in relationships they don’t “play” their partners and are monogamous and trustworthy.) If this is the case, you need to decide if you wish to find out if he’s interested in pursuing something more with you.

If he’s truly a no good player that you still have feelings for you need to decide if the struggle to contain the feelings is worth the platonic friendship. Only you can make that decision.

I, personally, don’t believe in the traditional concept of destiny. So I can’t answer your question regarding destiny. I think if you get too “in your head” and over think things you definitely throw off your intuition and ability to read situations. If this involves another person I recommend following advice I was given long ago. If the person has been untrustworthy in the past then you can assume they are being untrustworthy again unless they’ve committed to changing and actually shown an effort. Even then, you need to proceed with an abundance of caution. If they’ve never done anything untrustworthy then you owe it to them and yourself to give them the benefit of doubt and trust them.

As far as other situations, relax, breathe and trust that things will evolve as they should. And trust that you will have the ability to not only make it through whatever comes but actually benefit, grow and become happier for it.

If you ASK him about a particular trait and he feels there’s room for improvement then I think he’d be justified in telling you. Or if there’s a situation that he sees you being taken advantage of… (you mention being a “doormat”). Otherwise I think I’d have to have a serious discussion about the inappropriate way he talks to you. I mean, seriously, who makes that big of a deal about how another person peels potatoes…at least you’re doing it and he doesn’t have to! If he can’t be more positive and less critical you may want to reevaluate your relationship.

But, before you do that, make sure you’re not inadvertently doing the same thing…constantly pointing out his flaws or things he does “wrong”. It’s an easy habit to fall into.

Good luck and I hope you can resolve this issue!

I think you’ve gotten great advice and I’ll just add a couple of points from my personal experience. He could be playing with your emotions on purpose, he could be unsure and likes the thought that you still want him so he’s trying to keep you “on the hook” as an option (if that makes sense). Or….he’s just being friendly. Friends share links to things they have in common and like each other’s pics. I have a male friend that I once had an attraction to. I met a great guy and am no longer interested in that guy that way. But when I was on Facebook I used to send him links to Civil War things because we both had an interest. And I liked most of his pics because we have very similar likes so I tended to “like” them in real life. My current boyfriend liked pics of ex’s…sometimes of them with their current kids/family or just things they were doing. Because he truly still appreciated those parts of that particular person, not because he still had feelings for them or wanted to get back with them.

I wouldn’t read too much into it unless he starts actively pursuing you. And even then I’d tread carefully with a guy that is “angry” at you and has compared you to a woman he recently divorced!

Oh, that’s a great answer Anita. I’m horrible at having that brief moment of “oh, that bothered me” and ignoring it. Then later, during a quiet moment I rehash it in my head and give it meaning it probably never had. If I’d just say “what did you mean by that?” Id get instant clarification. I’d probably benefit greatly by NOT ignoring those brief little flashes of “that’s not quite right”.

I think with emotional work as apposed to physical work it’s difficult to know WHERE to focus without a stressor. For example, you can know you want more defined abs but it’s much more difficult to know you need to work on a more positive outlook unless you have an experience that brings that to light (if that makes sense…I’m not great at explaining). I try to read all the articles posted on great websites like this one and note things I feel I need to work on, even when I’m feeling fantastic. It’s the only way I know to continue to improve and grow.

I hope that’s what you’re looking for and meant!

• This reply was modified 8 years, 8 months ago by HippieChick.

I agree with Matty. This guy was “cheating” on you…and lying to you. And if I’m reading correctly he had this entire conversation in front of the girl he cheated on and is currently in a relationship with….wow! It sounds like he was contacting you when he either 1. Was bored with her, 2. Was on a break with her or 3. Needed his ego stroked for some reason. And he stuck around just long enough to get what he needed then moved on.

I’m not much of one to label people “good” or “bad” based on things like this because, honestly, you play 50% role in defining your relationship. Yes, he lied and built a dishonest relationship. BUT…he left….twice….just disappeared with no explanation…and you accepted him back. So YOU helped set the rules that you’re ok with that.

I’d just accept that he’s not honest or ready to be in the kind of relationship with you that you want and move on. Don’t have contact with him even if he contacts you again, because he probably will at some point.

I recently read the book “Feeling Good” by David Burns. It’s meant for people with depression but gives great advice and exercises for dealing with your more negative thoughts. It’s really changed how I think (and I used to call myself a pessimistic pessimist 🙁 ). My local library actually had it. I hope that helps!