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Arie1276ParticipantAnita
yes it’s true I can’t make this up even if I tried
Arie1276ParticipantI met him April 1 2022. Then everything went quickly leading to the nikah marriage and then engaged and now him being gone. We did the nikah 2 weeks after meeting because we both felt right about each other. We were planning on getting legally married in august. We were going to get our marriage license last Saturday. We planned on going to New York in July. And I almost got my passport so we can go visit his family in Azerbaijan next spring. Now he’s gone. Now I don’t know what to do about our nikah ceremony we did. Are we still married under Islamic law or not ?
Arie1276ParticipantHi Anita,
Im still not doing good. I miss him terribly. Everyday I wish he will unblock me and contact me and come back. I dont understand how he can just walk out of my life like this. He has been trying to date other women from what i heard since he left me and too me he sounds desperate. I have lost 10 pounds in the past 2 weeks. I have not been sleeping well or eating much. I feel empty and my heart is very heavy and i feel kinda anxious. I think its because we were in love and engaged . But he chose his friends, family and his job over me because he didn’t like being “pushed” to come home to me when he was out late and his friends may have persuaded him into finding someone else. I pray everyday for him to come back. Im just an empty shell trying to survive. This is the most hardest relationship i have ever had in my entire adult life to try to get over. i just dont know what to do anymore.
Arie1276ParticipantHi Pink24,
He is from Azerbaijan. He moved here 5 years ago on a sports visa. We met on facebook dating. I am an american. We dated for 2-3 weeks and had a Nikah ceremony. He loved me dearly. He worked long hours trying to help provide for us. I work full time also. My family loved him. And he loved my family. He talked about us going to his country to visit next year so i could meet his family. I met his family via face time. And they absolutely loved me and could not wait to meet me. They told him they were happy he finally met someone normal and he absolutely adored and loved . Things were going great until recently. His mom fell ill. Needs surgery. Family kept calling and fighting with him to come back or send money over for her surgery. He just started getting distant and not coming home til late and we argued about him coming home late several times. Then that Thursday morning he left me while i was at work . He no longer wants any form of contact with me and now has blocked me on every social media platform we both were on, including texting and whatsapp, and fb messenger. I am and still in complete shock. I had a conversation with his one friend who is married to his friend. We became close. She told me she thinks it was not his family telling him that they did not like me and did not approve. She strongly feels it was his friends.
He tried to subject me to his culture. Which i loved. I loved learning about him and his family and his culture. I loved it. I learned their dance and everything. Except I did not convert to muslim.
What are the womens expectations? I was there for him , I cooked for him, we did things together even with my family and his friends. He made me happy except when he would come home late and he would tell me he was with friends earlier in the day. The night before I expressed how i felt he was treating me and i had every right to be upset and felt that i was forgotten about , and how he was putting me last and not a priority and that actions spoke louder than words. Well he didnt’ like what i said. I felt maybe if i didn’t lash out at him and tried to be more supportive he would have stayed. I dont know.
I have a serious question tho. Our nikah ceremony -we were give a written paper with wittneses signatures on it including ours and the date. I had it on my fridge and he took it. Are we still married? And how does that work since we are no longer together. Do i need to do anything? Technically we are still married?
Arie1276ParticipantAnita
He left me. Yesterday morning everything seemed fine when I was leaving for work. He was still asleep. We kissed and hugged them I left for work. I texted him when I got to work good morning and I love you. 2 hours went by. No response. He is usually good at responding. So I called him. He was at Starbucks getting a coffee and told me he would call me back. I said ok I love you. He didn’t even say it back and hung up on me. Then later he texted me Hi can you talk. I said sure babe. He was at his cousins house. He texted me he couldn’t live with me any more. My heart stopped. I got all sweaty and hot. I called him. He said he couldn’t be with me anymore. He told me to keep my engagement ring. He packed all his stuff up and left me. His cousin told me when we got married through Islam (nikah) I refused to convert. He is from Azerbaijan. His cousin proceeded to tell me I treated him like a child which isn’t true. The cousin proceeded to tell me that he wanted kids and since we were 17 years apart I can’t risk a pregnancy. I’m 48 and he’s 31. He told me in the beginning age didn’t matter and he did not want kids at all . And now his cousin told me he wants kids and his family over seas do not approve of us being together and he wants a family. Cousin said he tried to tell me that but said I didn’t understand. I told the cousin that I was not aware I had to convert and he told me I didn’t have to. Cousin said that he isn’t used to someone like me being pushy and standing up for myself against an Azerbaijan man. They like to provide for their family and are not used to women like me . He said he loves me but he wants more than just love. I told his cousin he told me he didn’t care what anyone said about us as long as we were happy with each other and if wanted to get married we can. He wouldn’t even talk to me. He said he wants nothing to do with me and for me not to text or call him . I told his cousin to please talk to him and that we need to work this ouT. We were engaged!!!!! I am so hurt ! I don’t understand how he could do this to me. I tried calling and texting and I am blocked. He unfriended me on face book and changed his status to single. I feel some of this is my fault. I was upset with him about his job and him being with his friends more than me. He is living at his cousins house. I have no way of contact him or his cousin. His friend reached out to me and asked me if I was ok I said no. I explained everything and she said her and her husband will talk to him. Sue tried to call him but he wouldn’t answer her call either. I don’t understand how he can do this to me . We were going to get married. He was so happy. He said I was his everything and his first real relationship. He said he never was in a serious relationship like this. He was so happy with me. I don’t understand. I’m devastated. I miss him and want him back. I sent him a lengthy message on instagram but I don’t know if he saw it . I love him so much. I just want him back.
Arie1276ParticipantAnita,
no. This is a different man. This relationship is it for me. I know it seems like I jump from relationship to relationship quickly. But … this man is my true soulmate. I was not expecting anything quite like this. Compared to all the others. I do appreciate your tough love and advice . It’s hard for me at times to read them cause they are so true. I come here because I have no where else to turn to and my family and friends don’t seem to understand.
Right now I am having a hard time . He seems quite distant His mom is ill His family keeps bothering him. He works long hours We barely see each other Leaving me here home alone . He doesn’t know when to come home at times . Like tonight for example He told me earlier he was going fishing with his friend Which he did and sent me pics That was 2pm it is now 9pm and he is on his way home He had to drop his friend off at home When he does come home it’s only maybe an hour or 2 we spend with each other then we go to bed I cry every day . I’m not happy to be honest This isn’t a relationship to me And he seems to put me last instead of making me a priority. We talked about it several times and nothing has changed . We are engaged . We do love each other very much and ge tells me that I’m his love and his everything. I’m beginning not to even believe him anymore All I want from him is his time. I don’t ask for much
Arie1276ParticipantHoney Blossom
i highly doubt she will be at any functions,
Arie1276ParticipantHoney Blossom
yes you are right. I don’t owe her anything. If anything she owes me and apology. She still has not reached out to me because I feel that she knows what she did and is afraid to talk to me.
Arie1276ParticipantHoneyBlossom
She never got in his phone because they actually met the first time that night. He had drove to her house to pick her up. So it was a first date for both of them. So not sure how she knew . I know most I phones have a feature where you can share your location to the other person or to your friends. And yes i agree it is stalking either way you look at it.
I am distancing myself from them. This situation is hard because they are all like family to me since we are or were very close. She is always there at every family gathering along with her parents and her daughter.
Arie1276ParticipantThank you all so much for your concerns and advice. I need to open up my eyes as i have been turning a blind eye and seem to have deaf ears and listen to what everyone is saying. It is difficult to do. I need to work on myself and heal my mind,body, and soul. If he comes back …great, if not….i will have to accept that and move on.
Arie1276ParticipantHelcat
Do i have a fear of being single? Yes and no. Yes because all my friends are either married or have boyfriends . I don’t like to be alone. I have family and my children but it’s not the same.
As for dating : Dating sucks. I get told I’m so pretty and sexy and have a wonderful personality and very smart. I always ask if age matters and they say no why would it . I also get told I look way younger than I am. A lot of men in their 30’s tell me they like older women vs younger. Then when I do find someone and we hit it off , after few months or so they slap me in the face and decide they don’t want a relationship or whatever their excuse may be. They tell me I’m such a good person . Well if I’m all of these….. then what is the problem? Why can’t they just commit if I’m such a good fit for some of them? I am not fake , not that high maintenance, I am not like other women and I’ve been told that too. And I’ve been told it’s not me , it’s them. What is their problem? And yes I’ve dated men my age and I swear some are worse then the younger ones.
So yeah ….. dating sucks at times and I just wish I can just find someone who will just stay and wants an actual real relationship.Arie1276Participantupdate: this was our conversation. It is quite lengthy and I need guidance. I am so heart broken over this.
So this morning i texted him. I said my usual good morning and hope you are having a great day. Then he didn’t respond. I then texted him How are you doing today. He replied : Annoyed and depressed. I asked “why are you annoyed and annoyed about what sweetie”. He replied “I just wanna be left alone” I asked him “what do you mean by left alone” He said “just left alone”. I asked him if I annoyed him. He said “by everyone”. I replied “I care that’s why I text you”. Then he said “Its probably best you find someone else”. ME: I don’t want anyone else. I refuse to give up on you” HIM: Its over. ME: Don’t do this, we can get through this, you told me you loved me, that i was the best thing to come into your life, you would never hurt me or break my heart, wanted a future with me. HIM: I can’t ME: I don’t understand how you can just give up on us so easily on a a great person who loves you, stand by you during your ups and downs, has your back, support you, willing to have a future with you, willing to be with you regardless of your depression and your other issues. We both made each other very happy. Please think about this and don’t let me go or us go “. HIM: its better for us both trust me ME: why do you say that, is there someone else, will you ever come back to me? HIM: I wanna be alone I asked him if he would ever date me again. He said in a relationship no and wants to be alone. Then he changed his mind and said he has no idea and best thing is to see other people and I told him I understood that and I only want him . He said he doesn’t think he wants a monogamous relationship. I was bawling my eyes out like a darn baby. IT hurt so bad to hear that coming from him. I feel like an empty shell. I told him not to forgive up on me, and he told me it wasn’t me and how our conversation was stressing him out and its the last thing he needs. I told him I loved him and always will and we agreed to be friends for now and we will see about hanging out. He said he’s just not meant to be monogamous. Then i said ” OK fine. Someday you will look back on us and will realize you let a great person like me go. You will miss me and you will think you don’t now, but you will miss me as I will miss you terribly. But we can be friends and I’m ok with that. I love you. Have a great Day!” No reply back. I have not texted or called him since. Does he even realize what he has done? This has to be hurting him too. I still can’t wrap my head around all this and what happened. I blame his mom. Something triggered his depression after that horrible morning/day . I love him and wish none of this happened and I wish he will get his head straight and realize what he has done to me and our relationship.
Arie1276Participantupdate: this was our convo. It is quite lengthy and I need guidance. Im so heart broken over this.
So this morning i texted him. I said my usual good morning and hope you are having a great day. Then he didn’t respond. I then texted him How are you doing today. He replied : Annoyed and depressed. I asked “why are you annoyed and annoyed about what sweetie”. He replied “I just wanna be left alone” I asked him “what do you mean by left alone” He said “just left alone”. I asked him if I annoyed him. He said “by everyone”. I replied “I care thats why I text you”. Then he said “Its probably best you find someone else”. ME: i dont want anyone else. I refuse to give up on you” HIM: Its over. ME: Don’t do this, we can get through this, you told me you loved me, that i was the best thing to come into your life, you would never hurt me or break my heart, wanted a future with me. HIM: I can’t ME: I don’t understand how you can just give up on us so easily on a a great person who loves you, stand by you during your ups and downs, has your back, support you, willing to have a future with you, willing to be with you regardless of your depression and your other issues. We both made each other very happy. Please think about this and don’t let me go or us go “. HIM: its better for us both trust me ME: why do you say that, is there someone else, will you ever come back to me? HIM: I wanna be alone I asked him if he would ever date me again. He said in a relationship no and wants to be alone. Then he changed his mind and said he has no idea and best thing is to see other ppl and I told him I understood that and I only want him . He said he doesn’t think he wants a monogamous relationship. I was bawling my eyes out like a darn baby. IT hurt so bad to hear that coming from him. I feel like an empty shell. I told him not to forgive up on me, and he told me it wasnt me and how our convo was stressing him out and its the last thing he needs. I told him I loved him and always will and we agreed to be friends for now and we will see about hanging out. He said he’s just not meant to be monogamous. Then i said ” OK fine. Someday you will look back on us and will eralize you let a great person like me go. You will miss me and you will think you dont now, but you will miss me as I will miss you terribly. But we can be friends and Im ok with that. I love you. Have a great Day!” No reply back. I have not texted or called him since. Does he even realize what he has done? This has to be hurting him too. I still can’t wrap my head around all this and what happened. I blame his mom. Something triggered his depression after that horrible morning/day . I love him and wish none of this happened and I wish he will get his head straight and realize what he has done to me and our relationship.
Arie1276ParticipantHi Helcat
thank you for your reply . We have remained in contact. But he still doesn’t want to see me. He won’t even reply to my texts. Yesterday he replied to me but it wasn’t a normal conversation. It was off the wall things. I let him talk about it and I pretended to agree with him just so he can get what he was talking about off his chest. It was the most he talked in days. Now he won’t even reply to me. He leaves everything on read.
i thought about just going to see him and surprising him at his home but I am not sure how well that will go over . I know is he saw me he will be excited to see me, I think. But also I’m afraid what if he gets angry at me for just showing up.
i feel none of this wouldn’t have happened if his mom wouldn’t have went off on him.Arie1276ParticipantHi HoneyBlossom
he too became instantly attached. He too moved very fast into this relationship. He also suffers from overthinking and I do to. I’m 48 and he is in his 30’s. It is emotionally draining me. I am anxiously attached . I keep looking at my phone and I keep looking on fb messenger to see if he’s online and he will be online and then I think if he’s online then why can’t he reply to me. He isn’t very active on fb. .
i will have to read those articles you have mentioned. -
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