Anita.
You’re response did help me some.

I met him April 1 2022.  Then everything went quickly leading to the nikah marriage and then engaged and now him being gone.  We did the nikah 2 weeks after meeting because we both felt right about each other.  We were planning on getting legally married in august.  We were going to get our marriage license last Saturday.   We planned on going to New York in July.  And I almost got my passport so we can go visit his family in Azerbaijan next spring.   Now he’s gone. Now I don’t know what to do about our nikah ceremony we did.  Are we still married under Islamic law or not ?

Hi Pink24,

He is from Azerbaijan.  He moved here 5 years ago on a sports visa.  We met on facebook dating. I am an american.  We dated for 2-3 weeks and had a Nikah ceremony.  He loved me dearly.  He worked long hours trying to help provide for us. I work full time also.  My family loved him.   And he loved my family.  He talked about us going to his country to visit next year so i could meet his family.  I met his family via face time. And they absolutely loved me and could not wait to meet me.   They told him they were happy he finally met someone normal and he absolutely adored and loved .   Things were going great until recently.   His mom fell ill.  Needs surgery.  Family kept calling and fighting with him to come back or send money over for her surgery.  He just started getting distant and not coming home til late and we argued about him coming home late several times.   Then that Thursday morning he left me while i was at work .  He no longer wants any form of contact with me and now has blocked me on every social media platform we both were on, including texting and whatsapp, and fb messenger.   I am and still in complete shock.   I had a conversation with his one friend who is married to his friend.  We became close.   She told me she thinks it was not his family telling him that they did not like me and did not approve.  She strongly feels it was his friends.

He tried to subject me to his culture. Which i loved.  I loved learning about him and his family and his culture.  I loved it.  I learned their dance and everything.  Except I did not convert to muslim.

What are the womens expectations?  I was there for him , I cooked for him, we did things together even with my family and his friends.   He made me happy except when he would come home late and he would tell me he was with friends earlier in the day. The night before I expressed how i felt he was treating me and i had every right to be upset and felt that i was forgotten about , and how he was putting me last and not a priority and that actions spoke louder than words. Well he didnt’ like what i said.  I felt maybe if i didn’t lash out at him and tried to be more supportive he would have stayed.   I dont know.

I have a serious question tho.  Our nikah ceremony -we were give a written paper with wittneses signatures on it including ours and the date.  I had it on my fridge and he took it.   Are we still married?  And how does that work since we are no longer together.   Do i need to do anything?  Technically we are still married?

Anita,

no. This is a different man.  This relationship is it for me.  I know it seems like I jump from relationship to relationship quickly.  But … this man is my true soulmate.  I was not expecting anything quite like this.   Compared to all the  others.  I do appreciate your tough love and advice .   It’s hard for me  at times to read them cause they are so true.  I come here because I have no where else to turn to and my family and friends don’t seem to understand.

Right now I am having a hard time .   He seems quite distant   His mom is ill  His family keeps bothering him.   He works long hours   We barely see each other   Leaving me here home alone . He doesn’t know when to come home at times .  Like tonight for example   He told me earlier he was going fishing with his friend   Which he did and sent me pics   That was 2pm  it is now 9pm  and he is on his way home   He had to drop his friend off at home   When he does come home it’s only maybe an hour or 2 we spend with each other then we go to bed   I cry every day  .   I’m not happy to be honest   This isn’t a relationship to me    And he seems to put me last instead of making me a priority.   We talked about it several times and nothing has changed .   We are engaged .  We do love each other very much  and ge tells me that I’m his love and his everything.   I’m beginning not to even believe him anymore   All I want from him is his time.  I don’t ask for much

Honey Blossom

yes you are right. I don’t owe her anything.  If anything she owes me and apology. She still has not reached out to me because I feel that she knows what she did and is afraid to talk to me.

Thank you all so much for your concerns and advice.  I need to open up my eyes as i have been turning a blind eye and seem to have deaf ears and listen to what everyone is saying.  It is difficult to do.   I need to work on myself and heal my mind,body, and soul.   If he comes back …great, if not….i will have to accept that and move on.

update:   this was our conversation.  It is quite lengthy and I need guidance.  I am  so heart broken over this.

So this morning i texted him.  I said my usual good morning and hope you are having a great day. Then he didn’t respond.  I then texted him  How are you doing today.  He replied : Annoyed and depressed.  I asked “why are you annoyed and annoyed about what sweetie”.  He replied “I just wanna be left alone” I asked him “what do you mean by left alone”  He said “just left alone”.  I asked him if I annoyed him.  He said “by everyone”.   I replied “I care that’s why I text you”.  Then he said “Its probably best you find someone else”.  ME: I don’t want anyone else.  I refuse to give up on you”  HIM: Its over.  ME:  Don’t do this, we can get through this, you told me you loved me, that  i was the best thing to come into your life, you would never hurt me or break my  heart, wanted a future with me.  HIM:  I can’t  ME: I don’t understand how you can just give up on us so easily on a a great person who loves you, stand by you during your ups and downs, has your back, support you, willing to have a future with you, willing to be with you regardless of your depression and your other issues.  We both made each other very happy.  Please think about this and don’t let me go or us go “.  HIM:  its better for us both trust me    ME:  why do you say that, is there someone else, will you ever come back to me?   HIM:  I wanna be alone   I asked him if he would ever date me again.  He said in a relationship no and wants to be alone.  Then he changed his mind and said he has no idea and best thing is to see other people and I told him I understood that and I only want him .  He said he doesn’t think he wants a monogamous relationship.  I was bawling my eyes out like a darn baby.   IT hurt so bad to hear that coming from him.  I feel like an empty shell.  I told him not to forgive up on me, and he told me it wasn’t me and how our conversation was stressing him out and its the last thing he needs.  I told him I loved him and always will and we agreed to be friends for now and we will see about hanging out.  He said he’s just not meant to be monogamous.  Then i said ” OK fine.  Someday you will look back on us and will realize you let a great person like me go.  You will miss me and you will think you don’t  now, but you will miss me as I will miss you terribly. But we can be friends and I’m  ok with that.  I love you.  Have a great Day!”   No reply back.  I have not texted or called him since.  Does he even realize what he has done?  This has to be hurting him too.   I still can’t wrap my head around all this and what happened. I blame his mom. Something triggered his depression after that horrible morning/day .   I love him and wish none of this happened and I wish he will get his head straight and realize what he has done to me and our relationship.

Hi Helcat

thank you for your reply .  We have remained in contact.  But he still doesn’t want to see me. He won’t even reply to my texts.  Yesterday he replied to me but it wasn’t a normal conversation.  It was off the wall things.  I let him talk about it and I pretended to agree with him just so he can get what he was talking about off his chest.  It was the most he talked in days.   Now he won’t even reply to me.  He leaves everything on read.

i thought about just going to see him and surprising him at his home but I am not sure how well that will go over .  I know is he saw me he will be excited to see me, I think.  But also I’m afraid what if he gets angry at me for just showing up.
i feel none of this wouldn’t have  happened if his mom wouldn’t have went off on him.