Hi. Helcat

He was the one pushing nikah which i was taken by surprise .   But it wasn’t for sex at all.  It was not like that. It was so he could live with me.  We did love each other very much.  I think he still does .  I am so confused .  I have never in my life had an ex that wanted to be friends with me except for my ex husband from a previous marriage  who i have children with.   But yes i will find out what his true intentions are.  Who knows, he may be confused himself too.

Hi Helcat

He pushed for it.  In his culture if man and woman feel right about their love for each other, then why wait.  Which is true.  But i have been in traditional relationships before this and none led to marriage.   I tried to slow it down but then i realized i did truly love this man with all my heart and soul and it felt right.   But if he wants to take things slow since we are in different states in which i have no idea how that will work unless he moves back or i move there, then im willing to do that.  That is a lot to think about.

Anita

Update:

Two days ago, I had reached out to my ex fiance one last time.  The only place he did not block me I found was Instagram messenger that was connected to my fb messenger.  He had sent me a funny meme 2 months ago while we were still together and I had kept it there.   I called him on that messenger.  I hung up.  Then few seconds later he replied with a question mark.

Our conversation went like this:   I said Hi How are you?  .  Him: Im okey how are you.  Me: Are you out working ? Him: Yes, how are you?  .  Me: Im really not ok.   Him: ! why.  Me: Do you miss me? .  Him: No.   Me:How can you say that?  Him: Please I no want broken your heart.  Good Luck Jeni.   Me:  You did .  You hurt me so bad.   Him: Take care of yourself.  You nice girl, a nice man  a nice person will come in your life.  Me:  Then why did you leave me if Im all that.  I loved you! You left me so heartbroken and empty.  Him: Im sorry.  You have so nice life.  Me:  How could you do that to someone you loved?    Him: I No have good life, Im sorry. I no can give you a good life I don’t want us to stay anymore together. I don’t wanna break your heart.

Me:   Why did you do this.  You wanted al of it with me and then to leave me like you did.  Thats not love.    Him:  ok. sorry.

Me:   You don’t hurt the ones you love no matter what.   Him:  Ok.  Me:  I miss you ok. And I keep hoping you will come back.  Him:  Im sorry im not still anymore in (our city).  Me:  Where did you go    Him:  Im in Florida.    Me: I had a feeling you had moved there.   Him:  If you want text me still friend.  If you not want to text me, its ok too.   Me: How can I when Im blocked.

Him: Im  open.  I know can stay anymore in (our city).   Me: I tried calling you several times.  Is that why you left me so you can go to florida?   Him: Not call me now, Im not ready to talk to you.  You nice girl , you have nice family, I respect everybody. Please forget me.   Me:  How can i forget you.  You will always have a place in my heart.  I wanted nothing more than to be your wife so much.  I wont forget you.  Please tell me the  truth.  Why did you leave me?   We could have talked about everything.

Him: Sorry. Take care yourself.   Me:  Did you love me? Please tell me the truth.  Did it hurt you to leave me like you did?  Him: Sorry.    Me: Anyways I guess it doesn’t really matter now. I wish you the best babe.  I will miss you so much.  Just know that I truly deeply did love you unconditionally.  I still do love you.  You meant everything to me.  Through the pain and the tears after you left me….I still do love you and will always miss you.  You will always have a special place in my heart.    Him: ok. (and a prayer emoji)  I know cant say nothing sorry good luck.  I gave you everything so nice.  God give you everything so nice.

Me:  Thank you.   Him: You are a nice person when you’re a nice girl you want a good life.  I no can give you a good life.  I think you will find normal guy start love different person different guy.   Me:  I don’t think I can for a long time.  You really made an impact on me and my life.  I fell in love with you instantly and your culture. Everything!! I don’t think i will ever love another man like i loved you in a very long time.     Him:  ok. Take care of yourself. Be careful ok.  Me: ok . You too sweetie.  Please keep in touch with me ok.  Him: ok.

That was the last conversation even though his english was broken..  I have some closure.  But….I never cried so hard in my entire life.  He really impacted my life.  My heart is still heavy with sadness.   I miss him so damn much it hurts.   He is now in another state and there is nothing I can do about it.  There was nothing I could have done to stop him from leaving me.  I know deep down he misses me and loves me but didn’t want to tell me because he didn’t want to break my heart any further than it was already.

I guess Im not meant to be loved or to be with anyone.   Everyone tells me to move on, forget him.  I just wish someone would explain it to my heart.   Im completely heartbroken.    I still cry a lot  I cry in the car when our songs come on, I cry at home, i cry after i get to my car after work,  I try to keep it together at family functions and when i go out with friends.   I am a complete mess.   People keep telling me it was too fast, it was only 3 months together.  Yes that may all be true, but if both parties feel it is right , why not.  Life is short.    But those 3 months we were each others everything, inseperable basically.   We loved each other soo much, but he loved me enough to leave me because he felt he couldn’t provide for me and give me the life I deserve.   I will miss him forever .

Hi Anita

I am doing ok. I still have my days and moments where I just get depressed and start crying .  I keep asking myself why did he do this to me or how could he do this to me. I miss him terribly.  I go for long walks to try to clear my head .  But the memories of us just come back. Especially at night.  The nights are the worst. I thought about going on anti depressants but I don’t want to become dependent on those.  My friends and family keep telling me to move on. But how can you move on when your have experienced something like this.  It’s very difficult.   I keep wondering what he’s doing or he’s probably with someone else now.  Thinking that hurts me more.  I loved him with everything I had .  Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him.  I wonder if he thinks of me too.
my friend tried fixing me up on a date.  I couldn’t go through with it.  The feeling wasn’t there.  It didn’t feel right to me to be on that date. So I cut it short. I came home and cried.  Will i ever go back to being myself before i met my ex fiancé ?

Anita

im still hurting deeply.  I’m down 11 pounds from not eating much.  I can barely think .  I work in the medical field and I’m finding it hard to concentrate on my job.   My co workers have noticed a change in me. I was once bright and bubbly. Now I’m a walking empty shell looking sad and not caring about anything anymore.   He really hurt me.  I can’t stop thinking about him and how much I want him to come back.  I can’t even get a hold of him.  His phone is shut off because my friend tried calling from her number and it went straight to voicemail on several different occasions.  He made a new Facebook account and it showed up on my feed.  I am not blocked from it.  I just want to reach out to him one last time.   If he didn’t live with me or we weren’t engaged or got “married” , it would have been easier I think.  I wake up hoping he would be beside me.
His one friend who owns a Turkish restaurant invited me there soon to visit her and her husband.  But I feel I can’t go because we went there a lot. It would be too painful for me.
I still can’t understand how he can just pick up and leave me like this without talking to me face to face like and adult and talking things through .   I keep wondering if he will ever come back to me or even misses me.  It just hurts .

Anita

yes it’s true I can’t make this up even if I tried

Hi Anita,

Im still not doing good.  I miss him terribly.  Everyday I wish he will unblock me and contact me and come back.   I dont understand how he can just walk out of my life like this.  He has been trying to date other women from what i heard since he left me and too me he sounds desperate.  I have lost 10 pounds in the past 2 weeks.  I have not been sleeping well or eating much. I  feel empty and my heart is very heavy and i feel kinda anxious.   I think its because we were in love and engaged .   But he chose his friends, family and his job over me because he didn’t like being “pushed” to come home to me when he was out late and his friends may have persuaded him into finding someone else.   I pray everyday for him to come back.  Im just an empty shell trying to survive.  This is the most hardest relationship i have ever had in my entire adult life to try to get over.   i just dont know what to do anymore.

Anita

He left me.  Yesterday morning everything seemed fine when I was leaving for work. He was still asleep.  We kissed and hugged them I left for work.  I texted him when I got to work good morning and I love you.  2 hours went by. No response. He is usually good at responding.  So I called him.  He was at Starbucks getting a coffee and told me he would call me back.  I said ok I love you.  He  didn’t even say it back and hung up on me.  Then later he texted me Hi can you talk.  I said sure babe. He was at his cousins house.  He texted me he couldn’t live with me any more. My heart stopped.   I got all sweaty and hot.   I called him. He said he couldn’t be with me anymore.   He told me to keep my engagement ring.  He packed all his stuff up and left me.   His cousin told me when we got married through Islam (nikah) I refused to convert.  He is from Azerbaijan.   His cousin proceeded to tell me I treated him like a child which isn’t true.   The cousin proceeded to tell me that he wanted kids and since we were 17 years apart I can’t risk a pregnancy. I’m 48 and he’s 31.  He told me in the beginning age didn’t matter and he did not want kids at all .   And now his cousin told me he wants kids and his family over seas do not approve of us being together and he wants a family.  Cousin said he tried to tell me that but said I didn’t understand.   I told the cousin that I was not aware I had to convert and he told me I didn’t have to.   Cousin said that he isn’t used to someone like me being pushy and standing up for myself against an Azerbaijan man. They like to provide for their family and are not used to women like me .   He said he loves me but he wants more than just love.   I told his cousin he told me he didn’t care what anyone said about us as long as we were happy with each other and if wanted to get married we can.   He wouldn’t even talk to me.  He said he wants nothing to do with me and for me not to text or call him .   I told his cousin to please talk to him and that we need to work this ouT.  We were engaged!!!!!  I am so hurt !    I don’t understand how he could do this to me.   I tried calling and texting and I am blocked. He unfriended me on face book and changed his status to single.  I feel some of this is my fault.  I was upset with him about his job and him being with his friends more than me.  He is living at his cousins house. I have no way of contact him or his cousin.  His friend reached out to me and asked me if I was ok I said no. I explained everything and she said her and her husband will talk to him.  Sue tried to call him but he wouldn’t answer her call either.   I don’t understand how he can do this to me .  We were going to get married.  He was so happy. He said I was his everything and his first real relationship.  He said he never was in a serious relationship like this.  He was so happy with me.  I don’t understand.   I’m  devastated.   I miss him and want him back. I sent him a lengthy message on instagram but I don’t know if he saw it .   I love him so much.  I just want him back.