Honey Blossom

i highly doubt she will be at any functions,

HoneyBlossom

She never got in his phone because they actually met the first time that night.  He had drove to her house to pick her up.  So it was a first date for both of them. So not sure how she knew .  I know most I phones have a feature where you can share your location to the other person or to your friends.  And yes i agree it is stalking either way you look at it.

I am distancing myself from them.  This situation is hard because they are all like family to me since we are or were very close.  She is always there at every family gathering along with her parents and her daughter.

Helcat

Do i have a fear of being single?  Yes and no.  Yes because all my friends are either married or have boyfriends .   I don’t like to be alone.  I have family and my children but it’s not the same.

As for dating :    Dating sucks.  I get told I’m so pretty and sexy and have a wonderful personality and very smart.  I always ask if age matters and they say no why would it  .  I also get told I look way younger than I am.  A lot of men in their 30’s tell me they like older women vs younger.  Then when I do find someone and we hit it off , after few months or so they slap me in the face and decide they don’t want a relationship or whatever their excuse may be. They tell me I’m such a good person .  Well if I’m all of these….. then what is the problem?  Why can’t they just commit if I’m such a good fit for some of them?  I am not fake , not that high maintenance, I am not like other women and I’ve been told that too.  And I’ve been told it’s not me , it’s them.  What is their problem?   And yes I’ve dated men my age and I swear some are worse then the younger ones.
So yeah ….. dating sucks at times and I just wish I can just find someone who will just stay and wants an actual real relationship.

update:   this was our convo.  It is quite lengthy and I need guidance.  Im so heart broken over this.

So this morning i texted him.  I said my usual good morning and hope you are having a great day. Then he didn’t respond.  I then texted him  How are you doing today.  He replied : Annoyed and depressed.  I asked “why are you annoyed and annoyed about what sweetie”.  He replied “I just wanna be left alone” I asked him “what do you mean by left alone”  He said “just left alone”.  I asked him if I annoyed him.  He said “by everyone”.   I replied “I care thats why I text you”.  Then he said “Its probably best you find someone else”.  ME: i dont want anyone else.  I refuse to give up on you”  HIM: Its over.  ME:  Don’t do this, we can get through this, you told me you loved me, that  i was the best thing to come into your life, you would never hurt me or break my  heart, wanted a future with me.  HIM:  I can’t  ME: I don’t understand how you can just give up on us so easily on a a great person who loves you, stand by you during your ups and downs, has your back, support you, willing to have a future with you, willing to be with you regardless of your depression and your other issues.  We both made each other very happy.  Please think about this and don’t let me go or us go “.  HIM:  its better for us both trust me    ME:  why do you say that, is there someone else, will you ever come back to me?   HIM:  I wanna be alone   I asked him if he would ever date me again.  He said in a relationship no and wants to be alone.  Then he changed his mind and said he has no idea and best thing is to see other ppl and I told him I understood that and I only want him .  He said he doesn’t think he wants a monogamous relationship.  I was bawling my eyes out like a darn baby.   IT hurt so bad to hear that coming from him.  I feel like an empty shell.  I told him not to forgive up on me, and he told me it wasnt me and how our convo was stressing him out and its the last thing he needs.  I told him I loved him and always will and we agreed to be friends for now and we will see about hanging out.  He said he’s just not meant to be monogamous.  Then i said ” OK fine.  Someday you will look back on us and will eralize you let a great person like me go.  You will miss me and you will think you dont now, but you will miss me as I will miss you terribly. But we can be friends and Im ok with that.  I love you.  Have a great Day!”   No reply back.  I have not texted or called him since.  Does he even realize what he has done?  This has to be hurting him too.   I still can’t wrap my head around all this and what happened. I blame his mom. Something triggered his depression after that horrible morning/day .   I love him and wish none of this happened and I wish he will get his head straight and realize what he has done to me and our relationship.

Hi HoneyBlossom

he too became instantly attached.  He too moved very fast into this relationship.   He also suffers from overthinking and I do to.  I’m 48 and he is in his 30’s.   It is emotionally draining me. I am anxiously attached .  I keep looking at my phone and I keep looking on fb messenger to see if he’s online and he will be online and then I think if he’s online then why can’t he reply to me. He isn’t very active on fb. .
i will have to read those articles you have mentioned.

Hi Anita
I was never neglected or rejected as a child.  I came from a very loving home.
my question to you is how do I go about talking to him to get him to open up to me without me coming off as annoying and without pushing him away.  I want to help him.  I do truly love him and care about him.  I want him to get closer to me again.  I’m just numb and don’t know how to understand any of this.  I don’t understand how a person can go from wanting  a relationship to not being sure of wanting one in a matter of seconds and being depressed.

Now he doesn’t want to see me.  He wants to be left alone.  I am completely devastated.  He doesn’t want to open up to me. He told me he needs to get his mind together.  I asked him again to come see him tonight.  He again said he just wants to be left alone and he also said he honesty needs to think if he’s even ready for a relationship. I told him how could he even think that after everything we had talked about including our future.  He just told me he is in a depressed state, mentally just not in a good spot and to get himself together and told me i didn’t do anything wrong. I told him i get it and that im there for him, and no need to shut me  out when we are already are in a relationship, and how sick to my stomach i am over this.   I asked him if he is still coming to my place this weekend and he said one day at a time.  I again asked him for me to come tonight so we can talk and he told me he just wants to be left alone.  He told me its not fair and for me to let him deal with his own crap and needs to be left alone for awhile.  I told him just know that i do love you and im here for you and im not going any where.  He replied ok cool I just need to be  alone for awhile.   Does this mean he broke up with me or just does it mean we are together or what?  I am so confused, hurt and numb by all this.  He wont open up to me.  I literally dont know what to do here!  Part of me jus wants  to go to his house tomorrow night and surprise him regardless.  Im so confused and hurt.

It all began when i was there sunday and his mom literally yelled at him about everything and was calling him names.  You name it she was calling him everything and told him he can come live with me and she will lock him out of he house.   Every since then , he turned completely around on our relationship.   He lives with his mom and his sister.   His mom is cruel.  I try not to judge people cause noone is perfect.   But i felt so awkward and uneasy there that day.  He apologized later for actions.  But again, ever since then…….he changed.

He is also into S&M stuff as to where as i am not.  That seems to bother him too.  I expressed my feelings about it.  He seemed to be ok with it at the time. He did mention it when we talked yesterday about that was one of things that was bothering him too.  He lost his license cause of a DUI from his ex gf at the time which was months ago and hasn’t had time to finish his last 3 classes in due to his work schedule and it will take some time after that to get his license back.  I told him i didn’t mind driving until he got it back.

I am at a loss.   My heart is broken.  All i want is for us to be together.  Any suggestions or has anyone been through a similar situation?