Hello Samy,

I do not know if I can give you the answers you are looking for. “Isn’t wishing something was one way and not another the root of sadness.” It is not the wishing for something to be one way and not another way. It is more the clinging or attachment to wishing for something to be one way and not the other. My mother passed away recently. And, I was filled with sadness. This is normal. I have feelings and so I felt sadness. The suffering comes if I dwell in the sadness or cling to the hope she would not be dead. If one has a toothache then that is pain. Suffering is having a mindset of only wanting the pain to go away or stop. Of course, we wish for the pain to stop. To live only in that moment, that is suffering.

There is a story of a woman who came to the monk saying her baby had died and wanted the monk to help her. She wanted her baby alive. There was no consoling her. The monk said he could help. But, she would have to go get three grains of rice from three houses that had no deaths. After she had gone thru every house in town, she went back to the monk. She learned that every house has had a death. She wept and buried her baby. Later, she became a follower of this monk. His name was Dogen.

From my perspective, I live in my thoughts. They give me meaning to who I am. Man, husband, father, worker. They give me interests and desires. I sense and feel and think. All linked to this body. When the body dies, there will be no thoughts, no hunger, no pain, no feelings. No me as I think of myself. Like to think of it as a child who splashes water, each drop has its own trajectory and path. Some blend with others and some pass thru. Each has it own time in space. But, it all returns to where it came. To realize one’s true nature is to break the bonds of the cycle of life, death and rebirth. Sorry, rambling.

Since the Name of the forum is Tiny Buddha, I will mention Buddha’s three universal truths. Dukkha, Anicca, Anatta. Suffering, Impermanence and no self. The way to inner truth is to drop the self that thinks of all these things and to perceive the truth of one’s nature. When the mind is full of thoughts and creates a murkiness like mud disturbed in water, sitting calmly, the mud settles and the water becomes clear. Sorry for the interruption.

Living alone? Do you live in a big city or small town? Or, do you live in a remote cabin in the woods? Living in a house or apartment by yourself is not the issue. It is the time spent alone by yourself with nothing else to do but remember the past. I do that often and I live with my wife and daughter. Busy trying to run a business. Yes, it does help to have someone to talk to and share your experiences with. Still old habits are hard to break.

It is not a matter of finding distractions to occupy your time. You will have to find it in yourself to let go of those habits of remembering the past and analyzing events. It is not about forgetting the past. But, not chasing the thoughts and memories of the past. To know how we got here, we look at where we came from. To know where we will go, we need to know where we are now. So, do not forget the past. But, to let go of it and move forward. If you stay in the past then the present moment is lost.

Yeah, nothing of what I said will help. There is no power in those words, no magic. Everything that needs to be done has to be done by the person who wants and needs to change. Personally, I am still fighting my own demons. Still working on myself. And, I find it difficult.

Anita, I also rehash things I hear or read so as to better understand things (that is part of learning). To me, it is okay to want things. Just not to cling to those wants or desires. But, I guess that is just where I am at in my journey. I am neither here nor there but somewhere in between. Some call it, “Lost”. Others call, “It finding my way”. Not trying to want less but to be happy with what I have. (Think I heard that somewhere). Tommy.

Philosophy is a way of thinking about the world. Or, belief about how one fits into this world. But, the test is to see if this philosophy is the true and applies to your world. Is it real or imagination? To believe there is only one sentient being and all others are just programmed reactions?? Personally, I find it hard to believe given all that I see and learn about this world. And if your idea is true then I would be the only sentient being. Who are you? You could pull out the case of freedom of choice or is everything predestined?? Programmed reactions to your stimulus??

In some other systems of belief, some believe that thoughts that pass this mind will control the reactions of the person having the thought. In other words, a person is only a composite of their thoughts or what they are focused upon. Having thoughts about jealousy in your lover? Then life is that jealousy. Whether that jealousy is true or not. When one is angry, thought come to the mind to support the anger. Sometimes the thoughts are buried deep like urges. Thoughts controls one’s life. Let go these ideas and thoughts then one can return to one’s nature. A balance of life.

Some see the world and wonder why there is so much evil or things that are not justified. Much like looking at children who are sick with disease. Why? The thoughts that see this as evil or not right make us see the world that way. When the truth is that there is no evil. Things just happen. Random actions are not evil. Things done with purpose can be good or evil. If a person hurts another then this can be evil. If a person helps another in their time of need then this can be good.

From my personal viewpoint as well as what I have read and understood, a person is an aggregate of things made up to create this personality one perceives as this person. Sight, sound, feel (touch), smell and taste, all feed information to the mind or thinker. The thinker perceives and feeds back to itself. This constant loop of perception and thoughts flow to create a personality. The personality thinks it is a soul or spirit that should survive death. Buddha has never expounded upon the ideas of reincarnation which were popular in his time and culture. Buddha talked more about anything made of aggregates will one day separate and no longer exist. Change. Time scales may differ for different things. So, this person which is created thru this feedback loop of perceptions and thoughts will die. What is true and real will go on. Neither matter, energy is created nor destroyed. Only transformed. So, that which is real and true will return to continue the cycle of life and death.

The three universal truths of Buddha are Dukkha, Anicca, and Annata. Suffering, Impermanence, and No self. Related to this topic is no self. Look at a car, it is really just a bunch of parts all put together. As it is together, we call it a car. A person is just a bunch of parts all put together to function as a person. The parts create the person. The name of a person is just what we call the owner of the parts. But, the person/owner only exist cause all the parts are functioning together. Once the parts dies, the person/owner no longer exist. So, what is real and true? What continues from this life and goes to the next?

Just another opinion, please do not take seriously.

Growing up in the 60’s and 70’s, would always hear people say you have to get your head together. Of course, they would use a more colorful terminology. The point was to know enough about yourself … your needs, your wants, and what your plans are for your future. If the person you are with doesn’t have the same goals then it is time to move on. If that person thinks there is someone better out there for him then he will never be satisfied with you. Time to move on.

Emotional attachment is like a drug. One feeds upon it at first. And, it feels good. Then, it starts to take its toll on the person’s spirit when that attachment is not met with equal force. Breaking up, Change is not easy. Drug addicts, who are really trying to kick the habit and get better, are told to go to a new place. That is because .. being in the same old environment will only cause one to go back to the same patterns. The same thinking. Bringing back the same old habits. It is time to move forward. Find some like-minded people for support. Move forward.

My hope, here, is for you to find yourself worthy of all the love you deserve. To shed the past that holds you back. And to grow into the better person you can be. Sorry for my two cents.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Tommy.