What is Buddhism? One can learn more about Buddhism in library books. And then one can learn about the heart of Buddhism from a good teacher. And live a life of Buddhism with regular meetings of a sangha. But, to start, reading a few books will help.

What have I learned? Buddhism is something you can take in small doses or large ones. It is up to you. Buddhism presents its teachings and it becomes your wish whether to follow or dismiss it. There is no push. Most start off with the four noble truths. Life is suffering. The truth of the cause of suffering. The truth to the end of suffering. The path that leads to the end of suffering. It may explain it but it is up to you to see if there is truth in those words. And when you do learn the truth, you will believe and seek enlightenment. The most common path is thru meditation. Meditation does not guarantee enlightenment. But, there is a guarantee that there is no enlightenment without it. Mindfulness is an extension of meditation in the active waking world. Some will meditate for stress relief or some other form of benefit. Concentration, relaxation, insight etc. Later, one learns of the three jewels. Buddha, the Dharma, the Sangha. Then the three truths of Buddhism. Dukkha, Anicca, and Anatta. I wish you well on your journey.

I had a friend who was always out cheating on his girlfriend. They lived together and would have many arguments. It was only after they had kids that he settled down a bit. They started to get along better. I am not saying that having kids will make one’s married life better. However, one does tend to do more towards having a stable home for the children.

Male perspective? I use that as an excuse for saying things which make no sense at all to women. Sometimes it makes no sense to me too. It certainly makes no sense to my wife. Not to complain too much about her, she asks me why am I so crazy. I have learned to take time and take breaths before answering. Sometimes I think I enjoy meditating so much because it is a time when no one is commanding me to do things. It is peaceful and I am not trying to do anything special.

I love the title. “Working On Stuff”. I know that everything I go thru is to let me learn something. To grow. Sometimes, I think that I am an awful person. Have many regrets. And other times, I believe that I am not so bad as others. But, we can not compare ourselves to others. They have their way or path. And I have mine. Buddha might have mentioned somethings about birth, death and rebirth. Rebirth, I would be given another chance to do things right or screw things up again. Who doesn’t want a second chance? So, not so much in a hurry to become Buddha like.

I think about the cycle of life. My grandfather had my father and my father had me. I have my daughter. Grandfather passed, my father passed and soon my time will come. What ever mattered to me will be lost when this body passes away. All the memories, love, joy, values, and everything. May happen sooner due to dementia. The next generation builds their own life and the cycle continues.

Sorry for my rant. Too long please don’t read. Have a good life or at least try to be happy. In the end it is all we have and all we can leave behind for those we love.

They do not sell Blue Stuff in stores. Only on line. If you search on line the look for Bluespring Blue Stuff emu therapy. Best wishes.

Dear Renn,

From the male perspective, money is a thing which needs to be kept in mind. For it is the responsibility of the man to provide and care for the family. Can’t do that without the help of money. So, it becomes a little more important to him than it is to you. So, different values, especially if he comes from a family with some money. The one thing no one teaches us about money. When taking out a loan or using credit cards, the money should be used to buy assets. Things that pay for itself and the loan. Don’t worry if it is returning spendable income. It’s value will grow. Just make sure it pays for itself.

As for the jealousy, women are so much prettier. And men value women on a different scale. It becomes easy to see women cheat. Statistically, women initiate divorce about 80% of the time. And most women say that they were done with the marriage months before it actually ended. Men have no notion of this until the divorce papers are handed to them. Marriage? Yeah, a little ahead of myself.

Jealousy is the fear the man is not good enough for the woman that the woman will leave them. It doesn’t make it right. Just the way some men are. They do not feel worthy enough. So there is fear the woman will leave him. It is ingrained in the way family was raised. I personally do not have this cause I grew up in a family that had no secrets nor any cheating. Can this be changed? The more beautiful you are .. the harder it is to convince him there is no chance of it. Cause other men will hit on you. And, then the possibility of you cheating,…. Stupid? Yes, men are stupid. Emotionally stunted.

It isn’t so much about love as it is about communication. If it is easy to talk and get through to each other then the better the relationship will be. If you can’t talk then feelings of love won’t make the relationship good. It only hides the turmoil that is about to come. To answer the question if you are compatible with your boyfriend, you will find many men are similar to your boyfriend. The chances that he will change is slim to none. Jealousy doesn’t just disappear. And you do not know how to handle that. You do not seem to know how to teach him that jealousy is hurting you cause you feel he does not trust you. And a relationship without trust can not survive. I wish you well and good luck in the future. No matter what you decide to do, I hope it works out for the best.

Tommy

Hello Helcat,

Am I lacking compassion? No. Am I beating myself up? No. But, I have seen myself reacting to her post instead of acting upon her post. My intent was to make her look at herself and her situation. To have her pull herself out of this self-pity. But, I do not have the ability to gauge her readiness for this. And so, I need to work on myself. To learn to cut thru to the truth of situations. You and Anita are better suited to help people who come here for a therapeutic word. Wishing you, two, the best.

Tommy

Hello Helcat,

Making thread after thread about the same thing? To just complain about this person who she believes has done her wrong but provides no proof, no explanation? She really needs to give that up or it will destroy her life. I do not see this as cruel or inappropriate as letting her continue like this so that she wades in her sorry until she drowns. She makes more thread and go over the same thing about how cruel this guy is to her. To have promised marriage and all that. But, where is his side of the story. Cause she had mention how loving he was. When they had fights he was always the first to apologize and say that he never wanted to lose her (that was her own words). So, how does a man go from not wanting to lose the love to leave her and find another woman? She sees herself as the victim. There comes a time where she has to become stronger and grow from this. To move forward. Just like the other thread where the guy came here looking for excuses so he came find a reason to forgive the girl who cheated on him. If you feed them what they want to hear then they will go down with the ship.

Kinder way to do this? Do you peel the bandage off slowly to feel every little movement as pain? Which is really more kind? Yeah, this is the last time I post here. I can not help those who chose to live in sorrow and depression.

Another thread on the same thing. Did you not say in another thread that he said he loved you? And anytime there was an argument that he would apologize to you first? That he did not want to lose you? That you feel like you were used? OMG, time out. You must stop going over and over this like there is nothing else in this world.

Yeah, I am sorry for your hurt feelings and feel like being used. But, it happened. NOW IS THE TIME TO MOVE ONE. If you can not stand living next to him then move. Stop all this pain. Stop trying to be the martyr. If you keep whining about him and the way yo feel then you will never get better. Suffering is all you want??? Feel deep shame and embarrassment? Love him very much? This so called love story is over. Put the love story book down and continue on with your real life.