It is not good to have blinders on. Cause it limits the scope of what you see. Helcat and Anita are a couple of very nicest people you will ever meet. They see what I saw in your posts. You may have not wanted to present it that way but the truth came out. Still, even if a driver cuts one off, we do not go after them. And if they are found in a ditch or rolled over, we do not abandon them without first trying to help. That is the humanity inside of us. Some people lose contact with that part of themselves. I hope you can reflect and learn to be a better man. Have a nice life. Good luck in your future.

Well, being dishonest and self centered did get you into this situation. Lying and manipulation ended hurting someone and you only think about how you feel and how you hurt. Only men have a way of compartmentalizing parts of their lives to suit the way they feel at the moment.

For example, a man cheats on his wife with another woman. Then goes to his wife to confess. Does the confession make his wife feel better? No, it only makes him feel better. Then the excuses comes. “She didn’t mean anything”. Well, if she didn’t mean anything then why did you throw away the marriage for her? Where are the values placed?

So, instead of working with your wife and priest to work on your marriage, you strike out on a dating app and meet another woman. Lie about your marriage. Fool her. And then, you don’t know why this relationship went this way? Seriously, you knew what you were doing. Knew it was wrong. But did it anyway.

As a man, living inside a marriage. I know how tough it can be to live as last in line. Putting my wife and child first. Being happy or not isn’t the reason to stay or go. It is about being the man. Living up to my responsibilities, duties. If you are not happy in your marriage then change. If you change then your marriage will change. If you need to do the divorce then do it.

I am sorry that I have no sympathy for you. You are suffering due to your own actions and your own choices. Looks like I have lost my compassion. I can not give you a kind word. Seems I will have to spend more time working on myself. To find a way to open my heart to people who cheat and lie.

Just voicing my opinion, …

I think it selfish to say that the person one is with is not the way you want her to be. Of course there is nothing wrong in wanting thing the way you want them to be. Just that it is selfish. Whenever I got involved with a girl, there was physical attraction. But, there was a little more to it. And even if the person isn’t exactly physically the way you want them to be, The love and enjoyment of being together should be enough. If it isn’t then you should not be with that person. You will only being wanting something else. That won’t be good for you or her.

Next is that physical attraction is not the only thing you want. Being a man you want a woman who will be there for you. Help you in your efforts. Be a partner to your life. Loyalty. Trust worthy. Compassionate. Loving. Supportive. That doesn’t always comes in a seductive package. And these qualities are much more important to me.

Dear Renn,

From the male perspective, money is a thing which needs to be kept in mind. For it is the responsibility of the man to provide and care for the family. Can’t do that without the help of money. So, it becomes a little more important to him than it is to you. So, different values, especially if he comes from a family with some money. The one thing no one teaches us about money. When taking out a loan or using credit cards, the money should be used to buy assets. Things that pay for itself and the loan. Don’t worry if it is returning spendable income. It’s value will grow. Just make sure it pays for itself.

As for the jealousy, women are so much prettier. And men value women on a different scale. It becomes easy to see women cheat. Statistically, women initiate divorce about 80% of the time. And most women say that they were done with the marriage months before it actually ended. Men have no notion of this until the divorce papers are handed to them. Marriage? Yeah, a little ahead of myself.

Jealousy is the fear the man is not good enough for the woman that the woman will leave them. It doesn’t make it right. Just the way some men are. They do not feel worthy enough. So there is fear the woman will leave him. It is ingrained in the way family was raised. I personally do not have this cause I grew up in a family that had no secrets nor any cheating. Can this be changed? The more beautiful you are .. the harder it is to convince him there is no chance of it. Cause other men will hit on you. And, then the possibility of you cheating,…. Stupid? Yes, men are stupid. Emotionally stunted.

It isn’t so much about love as it is about communication. If it is easy to talk and get through to each other then the better the relationship will be. If you can’t talk then feelings of love won’t make the relationship good. It only hides the turmoil that is about to come. To answer the question if you are compatible with your boyfriend, you will find many men are similar to your boyfriend. The chances that he will change is slim to none. Jealousy doesn’t just disappear. And you do not know how to handle that. You do not seem to know how to teach him that jealousy is hurting you cause you feel he does not trust you. And a relationship without trust can not survive. I wish you well and good luck in the future. No matter what you decide to do, I hope it works out for the best.

Tommy

Hello Helcat,

Am I lacking compassion? No. Am I beating myself up? No. But, I have seen myself reacting to her post instead of acting upon her post. My intent was to make her look at herself and her situation. To have her pull herself out of this self-pity. But, I do not have the ability to gauge her readiness for this. And so, I need to work on myself. To learn to cut thru to the truth of situations. You and Anita are better suited to help people who come here for a therapeutic word. Wishing you, two, the best.

Tommy

Hello Helcat,

Making thread after thread about the same thing? To just complain about this person who she believes has done her wrong but provides no proof, no explanation? She really needs to give that up or it will destroy her life. I do not see this as cruel or inappropriate as letting her continue like this so that she wades in her sorry until she drowns. She makes more thread and go over the same thing about how cruel this guy is to her. To have promised marriage and all that. But, where is his side of the story. Cause she had mention how loving he was. When they had fights he was always the first to apologize and say that he never wanted to lose her (that was her own words). So, how does a man go from not wanting to lose the love to leave her and find another woman? She sees herself as the victim. There comes a time where she has to become stronger and grow from this. To move forward. Just like the other thread where the guy came here looking for excuses so he came find a reason to forgive the girl who cheated on him. If you feed them what they want to hear then they will go down with the ship.

Kinder way to do this? Do you peel the bandage off slowly to feel every little movement as pain? Which is really more kind? Yeah, this is the last time I post here. I can not help those who chose to live in sorrow and depression.

Another thread on the same thing. Did you not say in another thread that he said he loved you? And anytime there was an argument that he would apologize to you first? That he did not want to lose you? That you feel like you were used? OMG, time out. You must stop going over and over this like there is nothing else in this world.

Yeah, I am sorry for your hurt feelings and feel like being used. But, it happened. NOW IS THE TIME TO MOVE ONE. If you can not stand living next to him then move. Stop all this pain. Stop trying to be the martyr. If you keep whining about him and the way yo feel then you will never get better. Suffering is all you want??? Feel deep shame and embarrassment? Love him very much? This so called love story is over. Put the love story book down and continue on with your real life.

A man normally would want a woman who has not had a lot of sexual partners. Who is available to them to talk and hold. That the woman he loves shows that she is on his side and listens to him. That she will work with him to achieve their common goals. After arguments, he always apologized. He always had to give in. After a while, this will weigh heavy on his mind. There will come a time when he feels that as long as he isn’t married to you that he should end the frustration and the fights with you. Fights do not add to the love.

A man is a visual being and a beautiful woman is always attractive to him. It doesn’t mean he will leave you for them. It does mean he was attracted to you until something snapped and he could not handle the situation with you. It would not matter if you were of his culture or if you were prettier. What matters is how you interact with this man. If you bring love and show caring in the thing you do then he’d be happy to stay in your arms. But, if you always have something to say about him or his ways then it will affect him negatively. Fights especially.

Now you are feeling the loss. It may never go away. Or you could forget about it tomorrow. It all depends on the next situation, the next boy in your life. You can not be thinking of him if there is another man in your arms. I guess what matters now is how you hold yourself up. If your thought stay on him then you will not move on. If your thoughts are about how to do the things you need to get done in your life then it will. Plant an apple seed and nurture it then an apple tree will grow.