Hi Jill,

I asked the question because I find it inconsiderate of your son to not inform you about the change in plans until the day before the event, unless of course he himself wasn’t aware of your daughter’s cruise trip until then.

You shouldn’t have to chase your adult children around “begging” to have a relationship with them, so I understand your choice to walk away. As a mother of three adult children myself I know how difficult raising kids is and I’ve made my share of parenting mistakes, for sure. There are no perfect parents. There’s no doubt in my mind that you love your kids and did the best you could in raising them, but if you are interested in repairing your relationships with them then listen closely to what they have to say about their childhood wounds and consider giving them both a heartfelt apology for any hurt your parenting may have caused them, even if you don’t see things as they do. It’s a hard thing to do but they’ll respect you for it, and it just may soften their hearts some.

B

…oops, how to move forward:

Let her cool off. She’ll get over it.

B

This is a great thread.

The world tells us that to be successful we must obtain wealth, pleasure, power, and honor, but what happens if we have all these things and we’re still unhappy? Maybe the world’s priorities are messed up.

Maybe if we stop buying into what the world, and what our own distracted minds, tell us every second of every day, we’ll soon enter that flow of life that Peter describes. Maybe that flow will take us where we’re supposed to be, where we lose our selfishness and make positive contributions to the world, as aVoid describes. Maybe this is what being successful really means.

…and I’m not drunk either…lol.

B

Hi Norit,

I’m very sorry about your dad and your situation. I’m no expert on addiction but I think that until your mom acknowledges she has a problem, she won’t be open to receiving help. You might try finding a local detox center and get their advice on how to get your mom admitted, but Im guessing that until she hits rock bottom she won’t budge. So in the meantime you and your brother need to take good care of yourselves. This means finding a 12-step program for family members of addicts. They will give you tools on how to cope daily with your situation, and you will meet others who are going through similar challenges, a possible support group for you and your brother.

Norit, before you get out of bed each morning, ask God, the Universe, Buddha or whatever you believe in to give you strength and guide you throughout that day. Then periodically as the day unfolds keep the conversation open, keep asking for help, and be open to receiving some answers. And keep building a life for yourself.

B

Dave,

It’s a good text.

Don’t separate. Keep your family together. Marriage is tough. Don’t give up when things get gnarly! There have been times in my marriage that I was so consumed with raising kids/working/housekeeping/grocery shopping that I didn’t have the energy to nurture my relationship with my husband. Relax, allow each other to be human and just get through this difficult time. Support each other. Communicate to her that you are in it for a long haul and then stick to your decision and do your best every day, even if you feel you are not connecting. Don’t focus on the everyday annoying minutia; keep your eye on the big picture. Show each other grace and have faith that things will get easier and better as your kids get older. Fight for your family, Dave! Demonstrate to your kids that marriage is full of challenges, and then work through the challenges.

B

Hi Felix,

You are welcome, and I don’t think you are being stubborn at all. Like you, I’m not nearly enlightened either, but I’ve had enough glimpses to know I’m on the right track. Pay attention to the glimpses. 🙂

B

Hi Felix,

I am still carrying a huge burden and no matter what I tell myself or what I try to do, it’s still there…I have not found the magic formula where I can fully let go and just be present. 

The more negative emotion there is in a person’s “story”, the more impenetrable it becomes. In other words, Felix, you are completely trapped within the thoughts and emotions associated with your “huge burden” that stepping outside of it is impossible because you don’t even know there is an outside. You are trapped within your own horror movie.

The “magic formula” is to recognize that there is an outside to the horror movie and to go there. Step outside of it. How? First, by recognizing that’s it’s only a movie that you keep playing in your head. Next, when it starts playing, immediately begin focusing on your breathing which will bring you back to the present moment.

You need to commit to these two steps over and over and over again every single day. Soon they’ll become a habit, and before you know it you’ll stop identifying with the horror movie, the huge burden you are carrying, almost like it happened to someone else. Free yourself from your burden, Felix.

B