Hi Albert,

I’m so sorry your mom is sick. I hope she makes a full recovery. You are young, 32, with a degree from a prestigious university. When you’re not caring for your mom, do you have a career to throw yourself into, to master a skill, to learn how valuable an employee you are, to make connections with interesting colleagues, and to get your mind off someone who isn’t interested in a relationship with you? The world is full of new discoveries, opportunities, and wonderful people. Don’t put your life on hold for a person who “is seeing someone else but still loves me”. You are in control of your life. You get to decide to move forward and be even happier than you were before. Best wishes to you as you spend precious time with your mom and plan out your next exciting chapter.

B

Hi Jill,

If their actions demonstrate an unwillingness to forgive you following your sincere, heartfelt apology, then what else can you do but walk away? You certainly cannot chase them around begging for a relationship.

B

Hi Jill,

Did your son explain why he didn’t inform you of the date change for your Christmas Eve tradition until the day before the event? If not, why do you think you weren’t informed earlier?

B

Hi brynro,

By not revisiting the sister trip before committing to the friends’ trip, you unintentionally hurt your sister’s feelings, but the sister trip hadn’t yet materialized into anything at all,  and because the invitation for the friends’ trip was last-minute, you needed to quickly accept or decline it, so I see why you did what you did. We can’t always anticipate how our decisions will affect others. You made a genuine, heartfelt apology which was the right thing to do, and yes, her anger is out of proportion.

B

Hi Dave,

Work hard on those things she’s concerned about: 1) your negativity…get to the bottom of why you’re negative and fix that, 2) your tendency to allow her to take the lead on things…time to correct this too. 3) communication issues 4) not having independent interests/hobbies, 5) your defensiveness…maybe she’s looking for you to take ownership of some things.

It’s like you said, decide to be the best version of you that you can be. Individual therapy can help you achieve this.  Make the big changes in yourself! Decide to become a genuinely more more positive person (a gratitude journal can help), have your own healthy hobby that you do independently from her, communicate effectively with her, start taking the lead on things, be less defensive. It takes time. Be patient. Work on improving yourself every single day. Show her how important she is to you.

B

This is good news, Dave!

Both you and your wife are exhausted and when this happens the intimacy between the two of you naturally takes a hit because any sliver of free time either of you has is spent tending to your own individual basic needs. Your basic needs are different from hers, just like my husband’s are different from mine. So we compromise and lower our expectations and become radically supportive of one another, even through our hurt feelings. Give it a try. Watch what happens.

B

Dear Anita,

I hope you return to the forums. You’ve done so much good here and I see this situation as a wonderful opportunity for growth for all of us. I got to the origin of the conflict and believe that in mid-May of last year an innocent misunderstanding occurred between you and another member. Why not resolve the misunderstanding and get back to the forums so you can continue what you do so well? Both you and this other member are important contributors to these forums. The forums are better with both of you here! I can no longer be as active on TB as I once was but I will briefly answer one or two posts today so that they don’t go unanswered.

B

Hi ninibee,

Your perspective on the possibility of being on the spectrum makes a lot sense to me. I guess another benefit of having a diagnosis (in addition to what you’ve listed) would be that you could then get communication and social skills therapy designed specifically for Asperger’s individuals…but you could get similar therapy without a diagnosis too, I suppose. Anyway, I get what you’re saying. You make a lot of sense to me.

I’m so impressed with you, ninibee. As I’ve posted before on these forums, the people I admire most are those who, in the midst of difficult challenges, keep searching for the right paths to take, and that is you.

Yesterday Anita posted to you:

Your intelligence and perseverance on your various threads is evidence, in my mind, that you can do a lot of healing and that if you persist, by the time you are in your mid-twenties, you will be in a much, much better place, having your own space, a healthier mental space as well as practically, your own home.

and

I think it’s time to enroll in college, choose a subject matter that feels most interesting, something most likely to trigger some passion in you, and enroll, I say!

…both excellent, I say!

B