Hi Eve,

I understand your struggle and it saddens me that there are people suffering with this issues. We know how much pain and fear it could bring us. My mother was emotionally abusive when i was young, mockery and demeaning words were and still part of my daily life. I wish i could tell you how i manage to love myself, apparently I’m still struggling, and like you those great articles and quotes can’t seem to ease the pain. Some days i drown myself in social events, attaching myself to any guy that even show a slight interest in me, but in the end all these ended up hurting me even further.

I see your pain eve, and i feel it too, sadly i have no answer or advice to offer other than telling you that i understand how painful it is. I wish one day we can finally feel at ease with ourselves, meanwhile all we can do is keep trying to do what’s best for us. Get up each time we fall and stay strong.

Love and hugs to you.

Thank you for the very kind words Sat Nam. To be honest if there’s any available guy that’s interested in me I’ll jump into the relationship wagon asap. But being unemployed and have a non existent social life make moving on so much harder. I’m having setbacks today, strapping myself tight for the roller coaster ride. Hopefully everything will be okay. Love and hugs to you and your sons.

at 28 years old i still argue with my parents sometimes and they still tell me what to do and what they want from me (Asian family, what do you expect?). What my therapist told me is to stop changing my parents, because no amount of logic argumentation will and we all know that “I’m your parents, you owe me” mentality in Asian family.

My mother would hit me when i had bad grades and tell me I’m ugly when i was young, it doesn’t happen anymore but it’s something i still carry to this day. You can imagine how much anger i have, BUT they are always there when i’m at the lowest point of my life. Stop trying to make them see your point of view, because they won’t. If they tell you what to do, listen and consider but the decision is still in your hand. I find that yelling with them is another point that encourage them to think you are still immature. Adopting an assertive way of communication is a better choice. Another trick that my therapist told me, is to understand your role. We have so many roles in life, daughter, friend, sister, etc and our behavior adapt to what roles we are playing at that time. In another word, be a “professional daughter”. Treat it like a job with a set of responsibilities and you will get along better. After all they care for us and paid for almost everything we got (education, clothes, food, etc).

Don’t let your relationship with your parents bring you regret when they are no longer around or when your children treat you the same way. It’s tough when we feel our parents don’t understand us, i still have problems with them even at this age! But let’s take it as a lesson to learn how to deal with difficult person. We might need it someday 🙂 cheer up!

Maureen, I’m experiencing the exact same problem with you. All of my relationship, i’ve been the dumpee. It makes me wonder my self worth too and i desperately want to be in a safe and loving relationship that when i had one, i couldn’t see it. The fear was too intense and suffocating. I decided that it’s about time i face my fear once and for all. I’m tired of running away and hoping for another “perfect” partner to fix me.

It’s really tough, you will fall and you will have to force yourself back up again. Every time i ache, i will put a hand on my heart and just talk to myself like how i will comfort a friend. I’ll keep telling myself that i love myself, and accept my good and bad, acknowledge that i’m hurting and it’s okay to feel hurt. I will still be here for myself. Seeing my inner self as a another person living inside helps me on my bad moments.

The hard truth that i learned is that no one can truly understand how you feel or offer the support we need and be there for us. The only person that will, is ourselves. So we might as well learn how.

I’m currently reading: http://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Cognitive-Techniques-Assessing-Maintaining/dp/1572241985
maybe you can try that book.

Sending love and prayer to you, hope one day we can finally be at ease with ourselves and hopefully a great life partner. If you need someone to talk or vent, i’m here for you. Let’s get through this together.