Dear Kunal

I do not know whether the society that you & your girlfriend live in find it normal & acceptable to share intimacy with others ie having more than wife?

Also how would you feel if the roles we reversed and your girlfriend turned to another for physical comfort?

Dear Lovejonesss

As you say you are growing & evolving, so you will probably ask her for advice less & less also you can listen to  her advice in the spirit it is given as a friend, but you do do not have to act upon it.

Take time to think of the good times you have had together and any positive qualities that she has displayed in the past.

Dear Tennesse

Wow you were so brave to call your mum out on her behavior.  I lived with my parents for many years and mum & I could fight even when we were on the same side! Our mums appear to hold onto a grudge and both use silence as a weapon even when the olive branch is offered. I moved out several times ( I own the property with my parents).

I basically came back  fulltime (2016)to help mum when her cancer returned and dad has dementia.  She died peacefully in August 2021 with me at her bedside.

On retreat in 2009 I realised that the chances of my mum changing were very slim so it was up to me to change how i think & cope with the situation.  Yes I fail many times, but the buddhist teachings have helped and continue to help me be a better happier, kinder & wiser.

On a practical help. Have you looked into intentional communities , co-housing and or tiny houses? Also short term there is a site called workaway where you swap room & board for about 25hours a week work, the jobs and locations are varied so the world is your oyster.

Dear Lealea

I guess most relationships start of casual ( except possibly arranged marriages).

This man appears to enjoy your company ( & you his?).  He  asked about a change in the nature of your relationship from casual to exclusive and unless he is going down the avenue of coercive & controlling behavior means that he was open & vulnerable, which seems is quite a brave thing.

Dear Emma

I am friends with my ex’s. One in particular which was a bit on & off plus he had issues. When we split up  I did loving kindness mediation/ mantra nearly every time I went out for a walk I held him & me in my heart and used sentences like may we be filled with loving kindness and may we be happy, as I too thought like you that I would rather him be happy in a relationship with some one else than be unhappy in one with me. A short while later he told me about the new lady and I then added her name into the mantra  so that I was holding all three of us in my heart simultaneously. When I met her a couple of months later we became good friends and have remained so for more than a decade.

Dear Eric

So prior to this thread about posting photo and  relationship status on social media you had never circled in anxious thoughts and over thinking about anything?

Dear Eric

The more you understand your body and its needs and how it influences your judgement and how your brain, mind etc work and influence your body you will be able to see that when you make decisions that are in line with your best self the better you will feel about them.  Learning to let go of the outcome ( & possible outcomes of decisions) or control of the outcome eases ones mind.  In general I do not find secrets helpful as  it often generates fear. living ones life clearly & honestly, being open to myself & others brings more joy and yes life will always bring loss of some kind but that is reality of impermanence that we (all things ) are subject to.

Dear Eric

As I see it, it is not your decisions that are the problem. Until you have dealt with the anxiety and overthinking that appears to run your life, the peace, contentment & happiness that you are constantly chasing after will always elude you.

Staying grounded in the moment instead of second guessing past decisions and worrying about hundreds of different possibilities of the future especially the negative ones. The practice of mindfulness ,tai chi, yoga etc are designed to bring you back to the present and allow your mind to rest from the torment of being dragged into the past and future.  The zen story on you tube good bad who knows?, may also help.