Dear thedifferentgamer0:

I am sorry that you did not get to meet your online friend in person.

Often our on  line persona is a distillation of our best bits plus what we aspire to be. So we can feel that a face to face meeting can be frightening & or disappointing. its like if all the photos of you were of you in makeup & airbrushed & then that person sees you with no make up & bed hair and dog breath the reality does not match up to the fantasy!

Six weeks ago this person was not part of your  everyday life. Concentrate on your offline life and I can almost guarantee that in another 6 weeks you will have a different perspective on things.

best wishes

Roberta

Dear A Dying Light

I am sorry that you feel that your suffering is unendurable and to terminate your lifeforce in this body is possibly your only option and yet amongst your post I note you talk about worth & purpose, with each breath we take can carry purpose. There are many special people who send their day in prayer for the whole of humanity, they are not famous nor do they seek it. Others find that working for the benefit of others (there are a myriad of ways) gives their life purpose and satisfaction.

I find it interesting that you choose to write on a site called tiny buddha and you make references to god (this is not meant as criticism). What I like about buddhist teachings is that it hands control over how I choose to meet lifes journey back to me, using the tools of wisdom & compassion to help me navigate lifes ups & downs.

I have had 2 suicidal grandparents (1 succeeded) and an aunt plus my uncle did take his life and my own mother would have opted for assisted suicide if the cancer she had stopped her from being able to travel to where it was legal so I make sure that I take active steps to look after my wellbeing.

I hope that you keep on reaching out and this site has many wise and compassionate contributors who are more than willing to metaphorically hold your hand thru this darkness.

Kind regards

Roberta

Hi MJ

I think you are brave and wise.

Hopefully this guy will think long and hard about what he has said and the impact it had on you. If he is any kind of a gentleman he will apologize for his crassness and it may  take sometime to rebuild the friendship.

Some people are good with words or maths or music or art etc, just because people have a talent or think they have a talent, it does not make them any better or worse a human being than someone who struggles in these areas. Give me a kind and compassionate person any day of the week as a friend.

kind regards

Roberta

Dear Dana

Many people get compassion fatigue or burn out, even if they do not live in “harsh conditions”. My friend & I having being talking about this as part of a mini loving kindness retreat. Often we put all others before ourselves instead of giving ourselves the same compassion that we give to so many others. If a doctor said you need to rest would you & those around you listen? Why do we wait until some external authority gives us permission? Taking care of yourself is just as important as looking after others. You have to nourish yourself and it is not selfish, in fact it is a wise and compassionate action not only for you but in the long run others will benefit.

I hope you find the help & support, so you grow stronger.

Kind regards

Roberta

Dear Shari

A few years back I felt something brewing and it was coinciding when my period was due, so I knew i was in for a rough couple of days so I told my ego/pain body that if it did not behave I would hit it with every bit of dharma I knew.

I put my self into semi retreat and watched the antics,  thought & emotions unfold. Sometimes I could see them coming in the distance like the four horsemen of the apocalypse other times beautiful thoughts would sweetly dance up to me only changing into sneaky gremlins at the last minute & all the time Mara was in the background playing chess.

I was grateful that I had the dharma on hand to help me. I kept safe and caused no harm to myself or others.

It is true that without nourishing & replenishing our spiritual practice that we once again become absorbed into this samsaric way of living.

There is a lovely book called In case of Spiritual Emergency. It is well worth a read as many of its references are christian based.

Wishing you all the best

Roberta

Hi Girija

I like your use of  Authentic. I have seen both introverts & extroverts  be kind, generous, happy, empathetic or angry, jealous or mean so maybe it is how a person conducts themselves is important also what is the motivation behind it and then what is the story behind the motivation?

Who or what ever we are we can consciously  start to take little steps to nurture the traits/motivations we want to have.

For me the more I act from a place of consciousness moment to moment in the everday ordinariness, the more authentic I feel but I am not sure I could stick a permanent label of what type of personalty I have.

Hope you are  having moments of contentment this weekend

Roberta

Dear Girija

We are all made up of a myriad of things no body is ever constantly just one thing.

who am I is the question that has been posed immeasurable times over the millennia and many wise people have tried answers it.

Try asking your self how do i want to live my life? and in the stillness listen to get an inkling into how you wish to conduct yourself & your life. Also the more we are aware that things like hunger, tiredness or even the need to go to the loo can momentary effect our judgement yet alone the big emotions you will see how hard it is to find our true self & let it blossom so you can imgine that is why most of us are blundering around most of the time reacting instead of consciously responding to what life brings us.

Personally I find Tich Nat Han’s guidelines worthy of contemplation I think  they may go something similar to this

May I keep sentient beings safe

May I be mild of thought speech & manner

May everything I need be given to me freely

May I have integrity in all my relationships

May I keep my judgement clear.

kind regards

Roberta

Dear Nicolle

I agree with Anita trying a website that is at least on the surface is trying to match people who purport to have an interest in say Christianity should weed out some of the more undesirable aspects of on line dating.

Can I ask did you try these other websites after Anita suggested Christian Mingle? or before?

Many years ago I did try a website which I won’t name but from the title it had a spiritual aspect to it – the questions and parameters seemed good.  I put my age range as 5 years either side of my own ( I was 50). There were hundreds of photos of men in my preferred age range and I noticed that somehow I could spot a certain type of consistency where men were looking for women who were wanting petite, blonde and in their 20’s ! I soon got bored. So I wish you all the best in your search.

Regards Roberta