Hi  Norit

I am sorry for your loss and that for years you have had to watch your mum deteriorate. Like Brandy said until she really wants and asks for help there is very little you or anyone else can do, only 36% recover from alcoholism.  You yourself know how hard it is to look after your mum especially if it is a thankless task . If your brother stays he is going to need loads of support, make sure that guilt & blame do not rear their ugly heads as they only make a bad situation worse. I hope that you find a support group  and that you and your brother get the chance to grieve properly.

kind regards

Roberta

Hi Whitfield

A relationship that is devoid of both mental / physical affection is a cold and lonely place to be. It is a brave person who can ask their longstanding partner what would bring them happiness. Most people look outside of them selves for the source of happiness/blame and very rarely look inwards as a way of taking control of nurturing their wellbeing.

wishing you all the best

Roberta

Dear Matilda & Dr Louise,

Have you heard of ARK Acts of Random Kindness. Take a walk around your neighbourhood with an open heart, eyes and mind it can be quite inspirational to bring a little happiness to others. The other week I was walking down an alleyway that a lot of the elderly use to get to the shops. there is a point where it widens and turns, it also gets the sunshine. I got a bench delivered to that spot by our local hardware store. It has received a lot of positive feedback. Also you could look into Guerilla gardening. Some people who are artistic paint stones and place them around our island bringing much joy to the children who find them.  Volunteering is a great way to meet new & interesting people. I have just turned 60 and I think of this new decade as the super sixties.

I hope you both find something that brings a sparkle into your life

Roberta

Hi all

For  own sanity I minimize my intake on information on cruelty (I am not sticking my head in the sand). I help where I can globally signing petitions to stop harming the planet and its in habitants etc Locally I  try to garden organically and make a wildlife friendly habitat and actively look after my human community as well. I can not change my past actions, but I can improve my future ones. In general I have found beautiful kind positive actions work better than what can be perceived as aggressive dooms saying behavior. ie making a lovely tasty vegan/vegetarian meal rather than pushing graphic blaming literature. As the saying goes ” the way to a mans heart is thru his stomach” I have also made a space opened to the public to meditate, sit in the garden or just make themselves a cup of coffee and read a book from our library. If we each make our own home/ neighborhood a place of peace we add to the world wide well-being collective and relive ours & others suffering

Dear Mina

I am sorry that you are having a rough time with your mother.

Please can you give a bit more of a background to the statement that you posted.

Dear Hello

I am not sure whether you have mentioned the ages of your daughters. however much you tried to shelter them from what had been going on in your household for the past four years they will most likely have picked up on the atmosphere.   Broadly speaking this is called ACE’s ( Adverse Childhood Experiences) and they too may need professional help to come to terms with it. Please be assured this is not about putting blame or pressure on you. On the contary I praise you for your strength & wisdom many people endure theese situations for decades or never get out.

I wish you and your family a happy and nourishing 2023

Dear Frozenfireflies

Sorry to hear that you and your husband are struggling to connect in a peaceful & positive way. Marshall Rosenberg has written books on non violent communication maybe you could get 2 copies of one of his books that appeals to both of you and then you could both work together & separately, this way it is more of a joint exploring journey.  Thich nat han’s book Silence is also a good read.

best wishes

Roberta

Dear Misunderstood Autistic

My following comments are not meant to defend your sister or her appalling behavior. Just placing another possible facet to the picture.

You said that she worked in the that same area of your disability. She may well now feel totally worthless because she failed see that her own brother had that disability, also working in an area is very different to living 24/7 with the situation ( My job was carer for over 20 years and now sole carer 24/7 for my father has dementia).

When we feel scared & worthless the default mode is often anger all of which means ones judgement is impaired.

Take care of yourself

Roberta