Dear Mr A

Oh dear oh dear what a pickle. As a woman who tried for many years to conceive again after having two healthy boys. I remember how each month that I did not get pregnant I felt a failure and less of a woman.   If your mindset is mainly to make love to your wife, because you want a child, she is probably going to feel  like an unloved brood mare instead of a beloved wife.

I suggest you take the pressure off your wife and stop trying to conceive and spend the next year taking time to nurture your wife’s self esteem after the battering you have given it for the last 3 years.  Get playful, make time for each other, dance, find out what’s her joy. You may just have to accept that you will remain childless.

Roberta

Dear Flow28

I am sorry that your first intimate encounter turned out not to be in a fully committed relationship.

Does the country you both live in and or his religion prohibit gay relationships?

Nobody likes being given ultimatums especially so early on in a relationships.  Yes you can voice your fears regarding alcohol and the possible promiscuous behavior. My son and his friends had a similar tradition for many years, yes there was some drinking, these trips petered out once they had dispersed to different locations, now my son is happily married and with children, but he still gets to visit his best friend for a week end each year with his wife’s blessing and she too is able to have girlie downtime.

It is strange that he did not think that the relationship was not deep enough to commit to official bf/gf status either before or after sexual activity.  He may be the type of personality that likes the chase, but is not really interested in the act of conquest itself.

Please do not become bitter or untrusting because of this short lived encounter.  Value & love yourself so that when the right seeds for a relationship are sow it will be a happy & supportive.

Dear Robi

Having a negative topsy turvey  yo yo mind is exhausting for you and impacts on those around you.  Learning to have an attitude of gratitude & appreciation will bring about a more positive stable  states of mind.  Spending time outside in nature especially since its summer and other free public amenities will minimize the time you are in the flat. When you are in the flat have the resolve to be friendly & helpful this will make life easier for all .

regards Rob

Dear Ariel1276

In your last post you shared that your sister in law has noticed the impoliteness of her twin sister towards the people around her.  The tit for tat of who is not speaking to who can cause family schisms that ripple down over generations.

You said that Amy spoke as you were leaving a family gathering, was it inflammatory, untruthful?

It is possible to be polite & dignified and also to work on nurturing good relationships within the greater family circle. This of course takes effort & diligence & the willingness to put aside our ego/pain body in these situations.

Regards

Roberta

Dear Simon

You do not need to travel far there as many buddhist centres in the UK (that is if you are still living there)  a lot of them do guided weekend & week long retreats there you should hopefully meet people who too are looking for something beyond a trivial & shallow way of life. Remember that where ever you go, there you are. So are you running away from something? or are you wanting to grow & cultivate your wisdom & compassion?

For the last 50 plus years humanity has been bombarded with advertising and education that pushes the individualism over the community & environment so no wonder a large section feels disconnected & dissatisfied. Volunteering & being out in nature should help you start to reconnect with your  inner peace & vitality.

Dear Nate

I am sorry that you are struggling to find love and that your ego is tormenting you with thoughts that are extremely unhelpful.  We humans are for the most part social animals and seek to feel connected in some way. Unfortunately our modern lives do little to facilitate this. Adverts tell us that we are not enough unless we have the newest & best product going, often  the human models they use make us feel even more inadequate. Often when we are grasping after a particular thing, we actually exude an air of desperateness which actually puts off the thing we so much long for.

My practical advice would be to make a decision that for the rest of this year that you choose to be celibate and use your time to be of service to your community, that way you will make worthwhile friendships and seek to learn about inner contentment.  This in the long run will make you  a better partner & father.

I wish you best on your lifes journey

Dear Sea turtle

That boredom comes in for the last few hours of the day. Maybe you could see that what your feeling is part of the natural process of winding down to sleep. If we are overstimulated right up to and often when in bed, then sleep can be illusive and of poor quality. A evening yoga routine, a warm bath and a spiritually up lifting book.

As for your messy artwork project is possible to cover it up with a cardboard box or the like, so that it is less intrusive and easier on the eye of your housemate.

Hope your birthday weekend party goes well