Dear Evfran

Looking at it from a different angle. You are doing a brilliant job of looking after your uncle and you know that once he breathes his last breath then control is handed over to a relative stranger, at least you know this in advance rather than it being slammed into you at one of your most vulnerable moments. Death & its aftermath often brings out the worst in people & families often get hurt & squabble for years over the most trivial of things as well as the big stuff.

Are you in touch with his son?  does his son know that his father does not have long to live?

What is your uncles belief system & how do they view the death process?

A visitor has just arrived so I will sign off

regards Roberta

I pray that you & your uncle have a peaceful time together and that his passing will also be peaceful.

Dear Danny

Not only to remind us of our own mortality, but also others. Most of us has lost touch with an old friend & thought about reaching out, but left it too late (this has happened to me in the last few days). The first & last things I say to my aged father each & everyday is “I love you”. The old saying of “never put off what you can do today until tomorrow” or “Don’t go to bed on an argument”.

Dear Rising Flower

making unreasonable requests like asking for kids whne I was not ready nor the circumstances areabsolitely not suitable, trying to control me whol to speak and what to speak, stopping me from doing my hobbies so I could love him.more or avoid making new friends). These are all red flags and signs of abusive & coercive behaviour.

Please try to spend more time with supportive family & friends building fun & strong relationship with them to help fill the void that you are currently in. Nature animals hobbies & volunteering are healthy pursuits, yes it may take some  considerable time to detox from L, but it will be worth it . I hope you meet someone who will allow you to flourish and that you are emotionally & physically attracted to so that L becomes a distant memory which is more in line with your statement  I’m emotionally strong and independent .

Hello Arden

I found my sisterhood thru concentrating on my spiritual life, all my close & supportive friends have the same priorities/outlook towards a spiritual life even if it is not the same religion. We laugh & support each other & are at ease with silence between us.

I hope that you can find a group of like minded people to spend time with and that it develops into a gentle & supportive friendship.

Hi Lulu

Whether you stay with your boyfriend or not is up to you. I guess you are now taking stock of the way you communicate. Things said out loud or written as obvious but there is also the tone & content of internal dialogue. Most people especially when we are young are not actively circumspect about what they say. Think Say Do is how we operate a lot of the time, this chain reaction can happen in seconds. ie tummy rumbles Think I am Hungry, Say internally I fancy a sandwich, Do make & eat the sandwich.

If we are glib about hurting ourselves & others it can slowly erode our ability to be kind & compassionate to ourselves & others. Words do have power.

Roberta

Dear Arie

Would you prefer your son to conform to your expectations and live a miserable unfulfilled life or for him to be a happy loving human being? Your son did a very brave thing coming out to his family about his preferences. We fall in love with the person not their gender.

Dear Omyk

I get that the task of sorting thru your late wife’s things can be overwhelming when you have so little down time due to work pressures. If you can come up with a clear outline before you start, the task will be quicker & easier. ie what kind of photo you want to keep and roughly how many ie a wedding photo, a picture of your wife holding your baby with a loving look upon her face and one with her with your child for each year as they grew up etc. Ok at this moment your teenager is not that sentimental but as the years pass especially if they have children of their own these pictures will become precious connection to their roots.

A dozen photos nicely displayed can bring comfort and assurance that your wife is actively honored over the coming years.

Best wishes

Roberta

dear Laven

I am sorry that you are  presently stuck in an awful thankless situation.  I am looking after my father 93 with dementia so I have walked a little in your shoes re caring. that said your foster family are abusing your good nature and they will not step up to take their fare share of the burden whilst you are there and to be honest from what I have read in your threads  they will make you homeless as soon as she goes into care/hospital or passes away. You have paid more than your dues to your fostermum, time to get out & start healing putting yourself first for once is not selfish in this situation. There is a site called workaway which gives room & board for 25hrs per week work all around the world, this could give you access to accommodation in the immediate short term.

Wishing you all the best

Roberta