Hello Jane!

I don’t think I would agree with things if I was in your situation. If you were to flip this situation around, would it be okay for you to have a male friend stay at your place and for you to walk around in your underwear in front of him? Would that be totally cool between your and your boyfriend if the situation was flipped? I don’t usually walk around in my underwear in front of my female friends, and well, I wouldn’t be doing it in front of a guy friend. If I’m purposely walking around in my underwear in front of a dude, it for sure isn’t because we’re “buds”. I do feel it can be tricky to be for men and women to be friends. I think sometimes (as everyone would know) one of them will be curious about the other.
I don’t feel this person you’ve been a girlfriend to is being completely honest with you. I do find it a little questionable that she would choose him instead of all of her other friends to stay with. I guess in my mind, I would wonder why she didn’t decide to go elsewhere. If I were to put myself in her position, I would probably find another place to stay because he’s got a girlfriend. And that would make things weird and I would feel that it would be disrespectful to stay at his place (especially even longer than intended) and expect to be all cool with the girlfriend. That’s crazy talk. I don’t think it’s totally unacceptable that you had a blow up. I would too! It’s a frustrating situation to be in when he’s not reacting or responding to how you think he should for the sake of your relationship with him while there’s there’s this other chick in his space. If he would not be cool with a dude staying at your place and you walking around in your underwear, then he should be able to understand why you got mad. You’re allowed to be mad, and you’re also allowed to know the truth if you think something more is happening.

Hello,

What you describe is actually a type of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). It encompasses many things. My mom has a help group that she runs and helps people with these types of things. Realistically, talking to someone who may run these types of groups or even getting help from a psychologist who might specialize more in anxiety disorder can help, but the issue may never totally resolve itself. But, it can help you learn how to interact with people and also not make you so anxious about people. It’s actually really helpful, and OCD itself is actually something that is hereditary in people, so sometimes it’s just learning that it’s part of you and learning ways to live your life to the fullest is very possible! I suggest you ask your doctor about your options.

I was on Facebook. I deleted my account and I have not been on it for 4 years. It fascinates me how much people put into Facebook. It’s just a thing on the Internet. The things that consume my life are the people who are actually in it (people that I see in person regularly, talk to, spend time with, etc..). I think it’s a good thing to keep in touch with family who may not get to see on a regular basis. But everything else seems…pointless. The thousands of “friends” one can have on Facebook, are just that.. “friends”. And in my opinion, why on earth would you give two hoots about what those people think about your pictures, comments, status..it seems like this is something that people get upset over in their “real” life when someone is negative to them on Facebook. I think it would be worth a try to deactivate your account. Try something different for a day, and then turn that day into trying something different for a week. It’s very easy for people on Facebook to be negative, and to be hurtful, or to be judgemental. The Internet and social media can be a wonderful place to share our ideas, thoughts, triumphs..but it can also bring out the insecurities in people when being able to not be face to face to someone. I think that, just like in life away from he screen, the best places to nourish your happiness and healthy self, are places that are positive and help you learn or grow or experience positive things. Sometimes these social media sites do not become these places. I feel it would be helpful to seek out and find that place that builds no drama and only builds good things.

Hello RT Pat,

Oh wow. This sounds like a whole lot of drama no one needs! Friends should never try to ruin something that fills you with happiness and makes your life positive. Friends should be supportive always, and I can guarantee that if I ever had a friend talk badly about me to the person I wanted to be with, she’d be out the door so fast! Friends should always make you feel good and you shouldn’t have to win their friendship. The only time you can intervene on a situation is if it is actually truly hurting someone (physically, mentally, emotionally) to a point where it is detrimental to that life. If it isn’t, and it’s something that makes someone happy, excited, joyous about life – then a friend would never try to make that different for you. What she did was not out of a place of concern for you. It was sneaky. And deliberately hurtful. The people you should surround yourself with should be people who are positive and enrich your life in all aspects. I understand friendships can go through bumps in the road, just like any relationship. But if you ask yourself if this situation made things better, stronger, took you to a positive place – and the answer is no – it may be time to do a little spring cleaning in that area of your life. Take your life and whom you share it with to a better place; one beyond negative attitudes and toxic behaviour. Maybe your friend will be able to make a positive change for herself, but in the meantime until that happens, I think you could have many more enriching relationships than one that is a source of worry/stress. I hope you find a happy solution:)

Hi Vk!

As much as a difficult time this is that you’re going through, at the same time you should feel…excited? You now have opportunities to try things, and do things, that maybe weren’t an option when you were in a relationship. I think it’s important to keep yourself busy at this time and you’ll discover wonderful things about yourself. Maybe you’ll find something that you never thought you’d enjoy! I think there’s a wonderful aspect to breakups; they allow you to be free to do whatever you please. Those things can be small. Or they can be exciting and big (like volunteering in a different part of the world!) Whats something you’ve always thought about? What’s something that you can see making yourself very happy, at peace with yourself, excited about life? I try to ask myself these things when I’ve gone through an end to something. And it makes me hopeful for the happiness I can have.
As you might hear and it is the truth; things always will get better:)