Lol thanks Matt, so what literature should I be reading then. I want to feel inspired and motivated in making the right decisions, hence the right choices. I have recently gone back to church after seventeen years, for some they might say just because you’re going to church doesn’t mean you will find answers or that you’ll become a better person, but I go to feel a sense of calamity and peace. I feel like I can talk to a higher being and since he is the knower of all good and bad within us I can vent…you are probably thinking why I don’t just do that at home but its just my preference. You have been advising me on my recent breakup and to be honest, you along with my close friends and others I’ve spoken too have helped me to turn a new leaf…I won’t lie and say I don’t still struggle, but I am starting to feel more at ease and peace with who I am and how I feel about the patterns I have so faithfully repeated throughout my life. I can’t thank you enough for the wake up call and tough love but I really think sometimes it helps. Can’t wait to see how my future will unfold.

Thank you Laila! I have been trying to do my best And trying to take it all in one day at a time. It feels like I’m faced with more challenges each day, but I remember Matt and johns views and I become grounded again. I guess I’m just in shock that this relationship has really affected me so much…I have been in other ones and I was able to move on quickly and I accepted things for what they were. Even my divorce was easier to accept. I sometimes wonder if its age, I’m 38, or the fact that I have four children and its hard to meet individuals who will accept a woman with four kids. Anyway, I don’t wanna get off on a tangent because then i start thinking about the past and I’m trying to just accept it and be gone with it, but you are right I sometimes feel like if I’m going insane with my thoughts. I can tell you that the insecurities and lack of self,esteem are there but I just need to be positive and remember that I need to love myself first before moving on into a healthy relationship.

Thank u Matt I got down for a moment but I screamed, yelled, kicked, and am feeling better now…I know what I have to do and promise to continue taking in everything you have recommended…I think I was more in the moment. Thank you for your advice.

Hi I was looking for the two bookings you mentioned but I did not see them…where exactly am I suppose to look? Is it in tiny Buddha or on another blog. Thanks

I see both of your points. I once had a therapist tell me that with the way I think and analyze everything searching for an answer whether right or wrong could be my own worst enemy. The mind , how it toys with our emotions and how it fills our thoughts with such negative, uncomfortable ideas. Is it part of our nature to believe everything that goes on in our heads, to be manipulated by what we believe to be true? How can I change my way of thinking so that I don’t continue torchurging myself with life’s greatest disappointments… I am great at my job, always being recognized for my accomplishments, I have a great relationship with my children, yet in love I have had too many failures. Is letting go really the number one thing that must be done in order to live a complete and full life? Can someone who thinks as I do ever find love and be successfully happy? One thing I have never been able to overcome is failure at anything. So when I do fail I can’t stop from blaming myself and have trouble understanding what everyone tells me, “it takes two to tango, you weren’t the only one in the relationship. Stop blaming only yourself for what happened.”

Wow John I hadn’t seen it like that but it gives me something to think about. I feel like I have good days, great days, and then days filled with anxiety and depression. I don’t know of I feel caused all of this to happen. You see a week before he called it quits we had bee n fighting and having many disagreements…he said he was getting pretty tired of the drama and accusations. I decided to give engagement ring back after thinking about whether I wanted to Marty again and live another relationship feeling unappreciated, belittled, and sad. He was calm and it seemed he didn’t care bout the ring being returned. He was so secretive last couple of months hiding things and leaving house and not returning till several hours later…when I voiced my thoughts he always seemed bothered and said oh here we go again. I feel like throughout the relationship I was never incl in anything. He would always go about never letting me know what he was up to or anything. I don’t know maybe I was living in a dream world, thinking it was all good and it wasn’t. It seemed he only tried when we first started dating and once he put a ring on it he stopped. Maybe that’s why it’s been so easy for him to have cut me loose and not contact me.