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EParticipantThanks Matt
EParticipantListen to John, he and Matt give excellent advice and have helped me through my almost six week break-up…John also gave you the answers that most of us seek when the other party does the breaking up…as women we always assume that the other half is great and has dealt with the break up better, with more confidence, and with a lack of feeling…you can’t always assume the worst…one thing though, even if your ex was to be feeling as u are or otherwise, the point is that it’s over and it’s time to move on..find who you are and soar…there is always a lesson from every relationship we have from the people we meet…think of the positive and remember that a higher being always puts people in our lives for a reason,we don’t always get the results or answers we want but in time you will. Love yourself first and when you least expect it you’ll be stronger, wiser, and will have appreciated this experience for the better. Hugs! E
EParticipantYes I agree on every level…I too sat through the whole film on the edge of my chair but then once reality sunk in i too had my own opinions…it’s good to have films that persuade us into believing that our thoughts and dreams can become a reality if we think them but as you stated it takes more than that…thank you for sharing.
EParticipantI hear you on this David..I wrote a post titled “unsure?” A while back and really only got an answer from Matt..maybe you can share your thoughts on this. Thanks…e
EParticipantOh and btw if you were truly better, you wouldn’t have responded and wanted to talk to him about anything..hence if your still worried about getting hurt and not being able to go through this again…..red alert…you are not ready much less doing better….something to think about…don’t do things out of spontaneity or desperation…think things through please before you act…e
EParticipantHmmmm this is really a hard question to answer because if I was in your shoes I wouldn’t know what to do..my only concern is what you mentioned in your story. You said he was your world and made you happy but did he really? If it will calm you to speak with him then do so but what if you talk and you still don’t get the answers you have Answered? In addition, you haven’t allowed enough time to pass to deal with your own issues. Before my final breakup my ex and I broke up twice and got together each time within a short amount of time and each time I felt like it got worse getting back together because we became more distant and closed up when things didn’t go well. I worry that you are already thinking you’ll talk and fix things right away and get back together and you may but what if it turns out he just wants to talk to,see how you’ll react to him, etc…look I truly would not even respond or waste any more time on this, he has done enough to show you he is only concerned about his needs and happiness…I don’t want you to be worse off because you spoke to him.. If you do talk because something says you should let him know this one is gonna take time and that if he is willing to work things out he is going to have to abide by your wishes and needs. Wish u luck. W
EParticipantHi sap nap how r u feeling now? Hope u r taking time for yourself. I sent u an email in case you needed to talk. E
EParticipantI really don’t think you allowed yourself enough time to heal…it’s too soon. Remember when someone realizes what they lost they want it back for their own purposes…who’s to say that you go back and he changes again…I’m proud of you that you haven’t gone back…you really shouldn’t have sent him a text because it places you back where you were,regardless of what you texted . You can do this! You are strong! I think you were use to him being around….very different from loving someone. You need to focus on you and talk to new guy and tell him how you feel. And when I say how you feel, I mean about your feelings for him and this new relationship, not your ex…the past is the past and if your ex sees things now that’s good but why tell you now just because he saw you with someone else. He has had all this time to talk to you and hasn’t even bothered until now…he wants what he knows he can’t have anymore..his loss not yours….good luck and time is your best friend…it’s hard I know but you’ll be better off without him and loving yourself in the end.e
EParticipantIf you need to talk please write me…our stories are so similar and I too have a few close friends..eymartinez@elisd.org
EParticipantKick him to the curb…as hard as it is. Yes, you have invested a lot of time and effort in this relationship, but if he couldn’t be man enough to deal with what the problem was and decided an affair was the answer, he was never deserving of you or your children. For him to say she is his soulmate is an insult to you and very disrespectful to your relationship with Him. You do need to part ways and find peace and learn to live again for you and your kids. Wish you the best. E
EParticipantKim…..Hi……I read 3/4 of your story and stopped because I can kind of predict what the rest will say. Been there done that a lot. I am one to say that u really need to stop and take a breath. Look I have been there many times since my first divorce…..I married when I was 22 and had my first born….relationship didn’t work out after ten yrs of being married and two of dating….I was devastated when I divorced because my ex had beat me, cheated on me and had taken every part of my self esteem. I believed in “till death do us part” and dint want to be another statistic so I stayed for as long as I could. During the court proceedings I ran into my bf from high school…he too was divorcing. We started hanging out and I always saw him in a platonic way in school so to hang around was awesome. Unfortunately time, age, and maturity played a big role and I fell in love with him. We married five months after and it was great till the fourth and fifth year of marriage… Same issues arouse and I wasn’t going to tolerate it…he ended up cheating and getting girl pregnant while I was pregnant too…yeah, I know. He came back after affair and man I regret it to this day. I lost so much weight and was severely suicidal, always checking his phone, etc….I was going insane. One day he loved me next day 360! My problem was letting go of the past and it still is every time I meet someone….it’s like if I keep accepting the love I think I deserve. Same types of men….looks, athleticism, height, domineering, and controlling..I never healed from my first marriage. Big Mistake…after seventeen yrs I recently met a man at work and truly fell in love with him…we got engaged and recently as I saw his true colors, I returned engagement ring and somehow things went to shit after that and he broke up w me and said when he was done he was done, but it was fun. Yeah, I know. I was devastated…he hasn’t called for almost two months and I think he may already be in a relationship. Now I can say that I’m ok w that because he is no longer my problem and if he didn’t truly care enough…..he did me a favor.
Why an I telling you all this when this is about your struggles, right? Well, patterns….I have learned through many people who post on this website and strongly agree that when we don’t deal with our own issues, insecurities, self esteem, and love for ourselves, that’s the love that people will convey and reciprocate. There’s nothing wrong with you but you are trying to find something and someone that will fill the void you have with yourself. Do you accept you? Do you love you? Can you be alone? Can you accept that being alone until you heal from the past is a good thing? I can’t tell you the similarities that a lot of us have on this site. The self esteem issues being number one and the lack of love toward ourselves. I know it feels good to have someone in your life that cares for you, compliments you, and tells you they love you, but those are just words…..anyone can do that in the mirror…ACTIONS are what matter. Don’t settle for anything less. You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. I can’t say I’m a 100% the one to give advice but really, take some time to think, plan, write, and be whole again…journaling helps…when you read back what you write you’ll be amazed at how things look when you are on the other side looking in. Much love e.EParticipantThank u loan u made so much sense and yes I have let go…after reading everyone’s advice, it’s been hard to take it Ll in but I have made so much progress…a month ago I truly felt like nothing, like no one would ever look at me as attractive, etc…now that I am working out and doing things for myself, I have gained some confidence back…it seems like I’m doing better alone than when I was in that relationship. Thank u for your kind words. 🙂
EParticipantwell said preet…i agree and we too have similar stories…thks for sharing
EParticipantWay to go John!!! Tough love is what you give and sometimes it’s that lil kick in the butt that helps us see the light from the darkness..I sooooooo appreciate what you have advised everyone incl myself..bet you must have gone through something similar, and if you came out ahead so can we. Every time I catch myself slipping into the danger zone (GO TOP GUN) I read your advice and I snap out of it. Keep his advice as well as matts in mind, they both have made major points. If you still wish to talk sapnap3 I responded to your email so we,can chat. Continue striving for the best and for great healing.
EParticipantLol, I hear you both on this my ex said when he was done he was done but that it was fun….I just think my focus has been on the words spoken and that I keep revisiting his words and actions…need to wake up and smell the coffee cuz it is what it is and If he was that cruel with showing both in a very negative way he did us both a favor in the end…I also think I keep focusing on him possibly already in a relationship, etc….hate that he is still center of attention in my eyes and we aren’t together anymore.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 