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George

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  • March 15, 2015 at 9:57 pm in reply to: 24 and Feeling Stuck at Home #73964
    George
    Participant

    Dear friend

    I sympathise with your troubles.
    Maybe the facts are undeniable. The way you put them at least to me seems that you are facing a difficult situation.
    The solution could be changing your attitude towards the problem you are facing. Let me explain. Why do feel so sad when you are with your parents? Do you think people will judge you? Say that you still rely on your family for example? Do you care what other people think?
    What matters the most is to pursue your dreams not having them right know, achieved. Family is the first and most basic stepping stone for us to emerge into adulthood. After a certain age it is normal to feel restrained by the limitations that family life also includes.

    Ok!What can you do about it? Emotional handling, patience, avoid self blame, a lot of young people, like me, are in a situation similar to yours. Second job that helps you pay your debts and eventually have a home on your own. Understand why you may hesitate or still feel troubled by this situation even if you wish to take steps to change it.
    Wish, Will, Decision are different postures in a difficult situation. Wish belongs to the realm of fantasy. Will means you made peace with reality and are ready to take part on it (for example if you can’t leave your home right now start smiling every day.) Decision means acting, engaging reality and that needs courage.

    Here is an article that may help from tinybuddha :

    Live a Big Life: Shift from “Why Me?” to “Why?”

    Please don’t forget what you already achieved in your life. Many people dream of making money from acting even for a little while and you are doing exactly that! Don’t be harsh on your self. Life indeed is always moving on, but not so fast that you should panic and get depressed because you haven’t done everything you want yet. In other words, don’t rush your self. Don’t strech your spirit too much.

    Take care friend
    Let me know how things go after a while!
    And if you still feel sad you can always reach out on this lovely online community and ask for advice.
    George

    March 14, 2015 at 6:56 am in reply to: Love at first sight? #73921
    George
    Participant

    Well i haven’t seen this thing you are talking about.
    I mean, getting so involved with someone you barely know.
    I find it a bit suprising.
    Maybe we live in an age of unprecedented loneliness, and people are getting desperate!

    That, if true, is actually pretty sad…

    Take care
    George

    March 13, 2015 at 11:53 pm in reply to: Love at first sight? #73915
    George
    Participant

    Dear Jodi

    I believe love at first sight is correlated with the idea of “meant to be”.

    Whatever is meant to be, needs no justification and an act that needs no justification can relieve us from the uncertainty that we humans experience in every thought processing of our actions.

    I think that is why this idea is so appealing. However i find this concept immature. The reason i do is because a responsible person is able to confront the possibility of failure despite his efforts, in this concept to establish a relationship.

    Formulas are created, signs are identified, expectations emerge. This is self-fulfilling prophecy. Convincing our selfs that this is meant to be, is denying that we ever made a decision, denying the possibility of failure. We can now invest in our efforts to the fullest, because failure is out of option. However i think that that way we are sabotaging our capacity to learn from our mistakes.
    (and that is why i place love at first sight to the category of immature love, or first love).

    I don’t know what the right type of love is. Leo Buscaglia has written a book investigating this matter, called ”Love”
    I still can’t comprehend fully its message. In fact i would like to hear what other people think about Love at first sight. Maybe i missed something!

    Take care
    George

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by George.
    March 12, 2015 at 9:59 am in reply to: Feeling Insecure #73873
    George
    Participant

    Dear AI

    Thank you my friend for your kind thoughts about my existence.
    I am trying to establish peace in my mind and body.
    I think i am still a child not physiologically but mentally.
    I am taking small steps to maturity. I am trying to come to terms with adulthood and its joys and discontents.
    You said i should be kinder with the pace of my path. And i think you are right.
    It is the enviroment of my family and the success driven society that is too cruel sometimes. Work is not a bad thing. If it wasn’t for work we would not be able to take a step out from our homes because there would be no streets, lamps, busses and so on.
    I am afraid, i admit. Afraid of the routine, of the possible bad employees or bosses. In the past, i have worked. It is not a problem of lazyness so much as a problem of right and wrong and outside judgement. You mentioned all these.
    It helps me too see that not all people demand without understanding, like you. However not working is a social stigma.
    Maybe the worst of it all (with the exception of crime).

    I am taking steps however. I try to breath. I try to make new friends. I am exposing my self to my therapist, to new people in my enviroment, in this online community. Sometimes its terrifying. Sometimes its joyfull. I walked outside of a place i ‘d like to work in.
    Its funny. I hope i find the courage to things without caring if they are right, or wrong. But because i want to do them. Because there is no right answer. There is only your answer.

    I love how you describe people as flowers! How loving and peacefull. I was raised with the patriotic sense of self. I must say this. I think its stupid. I think it takes courage not to hit a man but embrace him. Hug him. War. What an unnecessary garbage. If it is only to protect your loved ones from being hurt i may understand. But i think it is still unjustifed. I see people fighting each other in this western culture of mine. In this free market. It is unhuman what we do to each other. I don’t know. I am scared of the real world. Of all these manly role models that survive in my society. I did not answer you, my friend AI, to make you feel obligated to answer all these questions. I simply expressed my feelings just as you shared your thoughts and advice with me.

    I hope all humans incuding me, find peace in this world.

    Take care AI
    George

    March 12, 2015 at 9:07 am in reply to: 5 Personality Traits That Lead to Suffering #73872
    George
    Participant

    Funny and true.
    Some of them i can confirm my self –> 5,2,1

    March 10, 2015 at 10:55 pm in reply to: Feeling Insecure #73832
    George
    Participant

    Will

    I don’t know if you will see this, but i tried mindfullness meditation first time yesterday. I felt relaxed and i will do it again.
    I also applied for a job but i panicked when they seemed interested. I bailed out. I feel guilty to say this but i don’t feel ready to take a job yet. I feel really guilty because other people have to work and don’t complain. I can live at minimum expenses but a little voice in my head keeps saying “get a job, feel useful, get a job”

    But when i applied this strange thing happened. I didn’t know why i applied. I mean it wasn’t coordinated with my gut.
    Do you think i am making up excuses? Or maybe its this affirmation fallacy you were talking about in another post. ” i will be happy when i get a job” Instead i prefer what you suggested. To engage with other people. Maybe i was responsible all this time for my parents and burned out. Maybe i want to find meaning again. I don’t know, i want to cry from frustration.

    Truth is, i want to believe i deserve to live and be happy just as much as i want this for other people.
    I don’t want to justify my existence anymore… Actually, i can’t even articulate the words “i will be happy” like being addicted to drama.

    I feel a little relieved. Many times during these two months i have applied for job ( 5 times ), panicked due to commitment frustration, negative thinking, and finally bailing out. Something doesn’t click. I ‘ll have to find what that is…

    The irony is, that helping other people is so much easier sometimes than helping yourself!

    March 10, 2015 at 9:31 am in reply to: Getting Unstuck #73800
    George
    Participant

    Dear Leila

    I know how difficult this must be for you. You said being with this person is not a realistic solution for you. That is ok.
    What can you do from this point? You will have to move on with your life. This is not bad if you really prepare for it mentally.
    You forget that moving on will also be an incredible experience for you as well. Well, it is not easy. I remember my first time hearing about my ex girlfriend. My heart was racing…! But the feeling passed. This will happen to you eventually. This too shall pass.

    You said you are not good at helping yourself through difficult times. How can you change that? What does a woman that cares about herself do? Takes care of herself emotionally and physically. If you need space you should make that clear despite any circumstance. Prioritize.<< Who needs help? Leila and this man or this woman etc. Who will help Leila if i don't?>> Well… You ought to take care of yourself if these are your needs. If it is really imposibble to stop communication then at least schedule the texting between you or limit them to absolutely necessary in order to have some control over it. And plan a way out of the communication with him. At least for the period of time that you consider neccesary time in order for you to heal your heart.

    Moving on will be incredible. You will gain confidence by overcoming difficulties. You will feel happy when you realise that you can, and will be, indepedent emotionally and unbound from the past. I believe it is hard for you because you really cared for this person and possible he cared for you too. Right? It is normal to pass through these emotions and you should embrace them (its part of the healing proccess).I assure you that they will pass.

    You can meet new people. You can enjoy life. No one should force you to live in the past.

    Take care
    George

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by George.
    March 10, 2015 at 5:30 am in reply to: When should I tell her? #73796
    George
    Participant

    Dear Mark

    I am glad you are following your path. You act as you see fit.
    Fear derives from the fear of rejection sometimes. It is so hard and unfair to be rejected. I relate to what you feel. But eventually, by being you, Mark, enjoying your life as you do now, you will find people (and that girl, whoever it may be) that you get along with. I believe that.

    Let me just say this and i’ ll leave you at peace. Goals are important, but more important is enjoying your goals…

    Take care friend
    George

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by George.
    March 10, 2015 at 4:50 am in reply to: What do you do for yourself that makes you happy? #73795
    George
    Participant

    Wow so intersting reading what you guys do! I also am happy:

    1. when i read this site

    2. when i run early in the morning

    3. when i enjoy gooood music, yeah just lay there and here that song ease my mind

    4. Watching scenes from movies with couples that kiss each other. This makes my heart grow!

    Take care, all

    March 10, 2015 at 4:39 am in reply to: Share Your Inspirational Music!! #73793
    George
    Participant

    I really like some instrumentals from Aphex Twin like Cliffs, Tha, Girl/Boy song.

    Spidey your songs are really powerfull at least what i’ve heard of them. The superhero inside you roars 😛

    Katie i did not know the band Fleet Foxes, i really enjoyed listening to them!

    Take care, all

    March 10, 2015 at 4:03 am in reply to: Feeling Insecure #73788
    George
    Participant

    Will, thank you so much

    I’m glad that you answered my post. I feel that people care as time goes by. This gives me hope.

    I am actually seeing a phychoanalyst. I also thought about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy but i don’t want to break the relationship with my therapist right now. It was really hard to establish it and i think it helps me nevertheless.

    I didn’t know about mindfullness. I think i will search it, and see how it can help me.

    You’re right it’s easier said than done, but i have to be patient and willing.
    It’s good to hear another person’s perspective that doesn’t know me.
    Yes, i can do any of these things.

    Take care
    George

    March 10, 2015 at 12:03 am in reply to: When should I tell her? #73785
    George
    Participant

    Dear Mark

    I lost you there with the jungian terminology.
    I believe you mean by shadow yourself and by anima the otherself, your soulmate, or less romantically put, the other human being you wish to connect with.

    It is a good thing you confronted your shadow. But what was the aftermath of the confrontation. You say you lack the confidence and self esteem you wish for yourself. What did you gain by standing up to your shadow? Optimism? Optimism is a feeling we have that a situation we are involved with that doesn’t fulfill us will pass and a better situation will take it’s place. If i understand you have trouble accepting your physical image right now and have gained the optimism that you will change it. While it is good to feel healthy, ask yourself if you are changing your appearance towards a goal that it is not yours but a goal that this girl wishes for her boyfriend.

    Above all you must accept yourself for what you are, not only what you aspire to be. Because you are unique.

    So should you talk to her now or three months later? Insecurity is a durable feeling.
    You may have six-pack abs and still feel insecure. I think acceptance is the key word.
    Accept yourself. It is a proccess that takes time.
    That way you will care less if someone rejects you because the most important person in the world, you, will have accepted himself.
    Maybe they really hurt you, whoever rejected you in the past. But they were wrong. You deserve to be loved. Find people you don’t have to try to be accepted. We shouldn’t try too hard for these things! All it takes to be accepted is to smile and know a good joke or two!

    “Those who mind, don’t matter and those who matter, don’t mind” said Dr. Seuss. And his right!
    Hope this helped

    Take care
    George

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by George.
    March 9, 2015 at 11:07 pm in reply to: Lost in the woods looking for the forest. #73783
    George
    Participant

    Dear AI

    Now i understand. The way you said it: “Being a curse” was what puzzled me.
    It was really poetic but i have linked curse with unhealthy aspects of human behavior.

    Take care
    George

    March 9, 2015 at 10:57 pm in reply to: feeling like I'm waiting for death #73782
    George
    Participant

    Dear friend

    Please hold on to your life. I really think that you have beauty inside you since you desire love to feel fulfilled.
    Don’t think all people are like that. Some have settled for money, fame, pride, work, unjustified ethics or ideals.
    Yet here you are, desiring the simple need to love and to be loved back.
    I can understand the desperation you may feel because your friends cannot support you.
    I feel without being certain that friendship is measured in situations like that, however maybe there are other obstacles that i am not aware of that prevent your friends from helping you.
    Maybe they are overwhelmed by your problems, maybe you are not asking directy help from them (thinking that you will bother them which is not true).
    You are hurting because your man left you. It is for the best. You can build a relationship in the future with your heart mellowed with understanding and wisdom. You have every right to be sad right now. Love yourself. Love your tears. How will you love yourself if you only accept you when being happy? Continue to live and remember things you enjoyed pursuing in everyday life: take that ice cream, that walk in the park, that drink with friends.

    Also remember. If you feel the need to speak about your problem maybe this is the time to do it. Join a support group in your area or seek the comfort of a therapist’s ear. And then, talk. Talk, talk, talk. You will feel better eventually. In fact you already ‘ve done that sending this letter via this online community! Immediate human contact will make you feel more vulnerable however, but it is also very remedying if you let her to be.

    Last but not least, i sympathise with you.
    I am going through similar frustrations but i hold on to hope.
    Hope to live. Hope to love.

    Take care
    George

    March 9, 2015 at 12:58 pm in reply to: Lost in the woods looking for the forest. #73760
    George
    Participant

    AI

    i read your answer. It is compact, full of meaning and i am puzzled as much as an admirer.

    “However, do take care, for, if you are (or become) anything like me, you may find passion to be both a curse and a blessing for I have too much that I love and would love to do with my entire being.”

    What do you mean? That we cherish both the darker and lighter aspects of our character?

    Take care
    George

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