Hi Lulu

Well done on losing the weight. No wonder you were scared about being morbidly obese, you wanted to live a healthy life. But it sounds like you don’t have much more weight to lose.

Part of the reason your weight has plateaued is because you’re not eating enough. So whatever you do eat now your body is trying to retain. It is a tricky balance losing weight. Calories need to be reduced enough to lose weight, but not too much or your body goes into starvation mode which causes it to desperately try to preserve weight.

Like back in the olden days when people were hunter gatherers and if they ran out of food they had to rely on their weight to survive. So when food is sporadic, the body’s new goal is to keep weight on. Does that make sense to you?

The thing is that you are young and still growing, it is hard to continue to grow if you don’t eat enough food. There is also a minimum amount of calories that should be eaten in a day and going under that is just as unhealthy as morbid obesity. People are not just worried about an eating disorder, they are also worried about your health. Eating disorders can kill. Once you get to your goal weight if the behaviour doesn’t stop and you continue this pattern you will quite literally potentially die in a few years. Once fat stores are used, the next thing that your body does is start eating your muscle. Your heart is made of muscle, now you see why eating disorders can be so dangerous?

Your original plan of eating once a day was working, your current plan of eating once every other day is not working. Why do you want to continue a course of action that isn’t getting you closer to your goal weight?

Why are you critical of yourself at your current weight? It seems like despite feeling better about your current weight, your mind hasn’t quite absorbed that you are no longer your old weight.

You are afraid of going back to your old weight. I think that it is amazing that you have achieved this through willpower alone, some people cannot. Now you know that you have it in you to manage your weight. Let that sink in. You can do this! You don’t need to be afraid of that anymore.

Now, all you really need to do is figure out how to have a healthier relationship with food in a way that you can still manage your weight. This is ultimately the goal for health. You are a smart young woman, I know that you can figure this out!

Learn about more about healthy nutrition, exercise and weight loss, experiment and see what else works for you. You are young and there are many things that you haven’t tried yet. Keep an eye on your weight while you experiment and if you start gaining go back to your one meal a day, get to a weight that you are comfortable with then do another experiment with healthy eating. Try to find the perfect balance for maintaining good health. Explore and start to feel more confident about how you want to eat and manage your weight.

I like to eat, so my favourite method of weight loss when I was younger was simply to run for 45 minutes to an hour every day. It burns a lot of calories in a fairly short space of time. The more vigorous the exercise, the more calories burned in the least amount of time is the general rule.

Eating junk food tends to make me gain weight more than anything else. Portion sizing also helps. Many people simply eat too large a meal portion. Some people find getting a smaller bowl or plate helpful for gauging portion sizing.

What I liked to do when dieting was switch out chips (super high in calories) for salted popcorn (super low in calories). My bug bear was chocolate, brownies, cookies that kind of thing. The method I liked best was restricting the volume of how much I was eating of that. I treat myself every day but only to a small amount. I learned how many calories was in these things and I figured that I could eat about 200 calories of sweet stuff a day if I managed my diet well. I I’m not really a soda person so I just didn’t drink it at all to save calories. I started out by cutting up brownies and cookies and putting them in the freezer to dissuade me from eating them immediately.

Nowadays, I have a method which is just eating healthier versions of foods I crave. So if I want chocolate, my body wants sugar and fat. I eat nuts and dried fruit instead or drink a protein shake. I do still eat some sweets but not every day anymore.

I don’t know what your favourite foods and drinks are when you’re not fasting?

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Anonymous

I’m glad to hear that you’re relaxed when you’re writing here.

You mentioned that anxiety is worse for you in the morning. What do your bed time and morning routine’s look like? Sometimes people imagine all of the things that they have to do. Do you do that? I’m curious about what the hardest part for you in the morning is?

Thank you for your kind words! It is okay, I have learned that sometimes bad experiences can have surprising outcomes even if it does take a long time to learn what it might be. If I had not been raped, I would not have met my husband. If I hadn’t had health issues I wouldn’t have matured enough to be a good mother and I would have struggled even more so with the process of recovering from a c-section. At the end of the day, I like being a mother and love my son. So with downs come ups.

A tip that helped me a lot for learning to meditate is to do it when already somewhat relaxed, if possible. Some people recommend short practice sessions (a couple of minutes) and building up to longer ones. I was the opposite though and needed to do it for around 30 minutes because it took me a long time to relax when I started. I wish you good luck figuring it all out! It does get easier, I promise just keep at it. 😊

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Good luck Clara! I hope it helps

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Anonymous

I’m sorry to hear that you had a rough day. It doesn’t undermine all of the hard work and progress that you have been making.

I’m glad that you are feeling hopeful about therapy when you go home.

Hmm well therapy for me was all about processing trauma. It isn’t necessarily an easy thing. The memories themselves are difficult. But the only way through pain is through it. And as you process each thing it hurts a little less.

There are ups and downs for sure. I relapsed after being raped and had another relapse after withdrawing from mental health medication and becoming severely ill. More recently I had a relapse after having a baby. Life has challenges and it can be difficult to manage these things with a history of trauma. But therapy gives you the tools to bounce back and find a way to get on track again.

I honestly thought I would be dead by the time I was 30. Instead I am alive and have a family. That is a beautiful thing.

Tommy is right about thoughts. It is easier said than done, but in time with practice you can get there.

The way that I think about suicidal thoughts is that there is a desire for the pain to stop. But there are other ways to help manage the pain. You are starting a healing journey to figure out other ways to help manage the pain.

Keep on expressing yourself and posting. Keep on communicating with your brother. Enjoy meditation, learning about Buddhism, your morning walks and listening to music.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏