Hi Franco

It is way too early to know how she feels. You two have barely spoken and you haven’t yet messaged her. She doesn’t even know you yet. She doesn’t even know that you like her. She thinks that you are just a person who used to come into the shop and then stopped coming in for some unknown reason. Do not talk yourself out of something that you have not yet begun.

You wanted to overcome this issue that you have been plagued by. It is limiting your life, preventing you from happiness. You want a partner and a family one day? You will have to talk to women and even be rejected to achieve those goals. It is okay, everyone gets rejected. EVERYONE! Attraction is random and it doesn’t say anything about you.

Remember the reasons why you want to subject yourself to this uncomfortable experience. You won’t get through it if you aren’t focused and committed to your reasons. You deserve a partner. You deserve to be happy. If you have to go through some short term unhappiness to get there it is a reasonable trade.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Chau

That is great to hear you are steadily working through the book.

I have actually been learning a bit more about insecurity recently as I have been feeling a bit insecure in my relationship. Here is what I learned. Insecurity often arises when you have low self esteem and don’t love yourself. What do you think of this?

Texting to arrange the meeting seems like a good idea.

For your partner, her idea of happiness is talking to friends and spending time in nature. I’m curious about what your idea of happiness is?

I know that you enjoyed things like spending time together at home. My thoughts are that perhaps the two of you have different ideas of happiness. You both fell into a bit of a rut before not going on dates. Perhaps it is important to consider both of your happiness in the relationship?

My partner is quite content to be a homebody. But I am not. I go stir crazy being at home. It is nice for us to do things together at home and outside. That way we are both happy.

Talking with friends may have been a relief from talking about the difficulties in the relationship constantly. Focusing on normal everyday stuff, happy things is essential for repairing relationships. If it is intense all of the time it just leaves everyone miserable. When there are long term issues, this means making an effort to delay discussing problems so that you can focus on being happy and doing positive things that repair relationships. My partner and I discussed problems for 30 minutes a week when we were having difficulties. This might not seem like a lot but over time every week you get through things piece by piece and you can focus on being happy.

Setting a 30 minute time limit on the discussion about the relationship during the meeting might be helpful. You can also take turns to listen to each other for 5 minutes each. Validate each other’s feelings and if you give constructive criticism, offer appreciation for something else she does at the same time. Take a time out if things get heated. These are couples counselling strategies for effective communication.

I don’t know what will happen in the conversation, but all you can do is put your best foot forward and show that you are willing to put the work in, if she is.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Famo

Sure, you don’t want to be compared to his other relationships. But in point 2) you compared your relationship to his relationship with others, suggesting that he was treating you the same way as other people. Which as you say, isn’t true because he is still making an effort to meet with you and he isn’t necessarily doing that for others.

Everyone has different standards. Meeting for a date once a week is quite satisfactory for many people. Every 10 days is a bit longer. But you could ask for it to be once a week instead of fluctuating. It is probably achievable for him. Heck, float twice a week see what he says.

It’s good that you still enjoy dates with him. It sounds like you have a bit of anxiety about the lack of communication outside of dates. It doesn’t sound like he’s preparing to leave you. If he was, you wouldn’t be having a good time on dates.

I think that you are perfectly valid in communicating your feelings about the communication issues.

I don’t think it was fair of him to call you over sensitive because you communicated that. I don’t think you were being over sensitive. You have similar communication standards to me. I enjoy communicating with my partner. I wouldn’t enjoy not being in communication.

I would probably want dates twice a week with no communication. But would be okay with dates once a week with communication.

His communication isn’t likely to change while he feels bad. But you can discuss the dates if changing the frequency would make you feel more comfortable. This might also be a bit of fun for him and make him feel better too.

Sometimes people are different and it is important to take into account their quirks while trying to find a compromise. That being said, if he doesn’t want to compromise, that just leaves you feeling unhappy in the relationship. If you are unhappy then it might be best not to continue the relationship.

What do you think?

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

*some people

Feeling grow and fade in intensity. It is normal. It doesn’t have to have a meaning like being in love or not being in love. It is just a feeling. Some nice, some not so pleasant.

As for the sex stuff. For women a lack of trust can affect the experience. She displayed this early on when visiting at not being able to get into the mood. Not being able to climax in certain positions could be another presentation of this. When she feels in control she is able to climax. As she comes to trust you, it may change.

I don’t think it is about her lack of experience, or that it says anything about your performance. Just a symptom of the trust issues.