Hi Brian

Yes, I agree it’s difficult to define and everyone has their own unique definition.

For me, statistic unlikeliness is a factor. I’ve had a lot of unusual things happen. There’s only so many times that I felt I could say that’s a coincidence!

I guess, I also feel like my life is a preset path that I’m just walking along. An element of fate, if you will.

And the last thing for me is I’ve always been quite sensitive to the emotions and natures of other people, so I believe in souls.

And no matter the difficulties I experience, it might take time, even sometimes a long time. But for me tough times usually get better. It does take work though.

I’ve been quite lucky because a lot of people don’t get the help they need in life. I’ve been fortunate to have plenty of people help me along the way.

I’ve come close to death a lot over my life. I honestly didn’t think I’d make it to 30 or have a husband and a family. Yet, here I am. Despite the difficulties I’ve experienced, I was somehow born with hope and resilience in my nature.

Is there a reason that you’re thinking about this topic at the moment?

Hi Sarah

The good news is that you are young. My husband didn’t get to grips with dating until his late 20s.

I think a large part of dating is meeting lots of new people. Do you socialise a lot with new groups of people? For people your age this might mean going to parties, volunteering or clubs about hobbies? Are you interested in using dating apps?

Are you quite rural or in a city? How would you describe yourself when meeting new people? Do you think that you’re shy or outgoing? It’s entirely possible that you’re not good at noticing when someone is interested in you, or perhaps you’re not interested in the people who do take an interest in you?

What kind of qualities are you hoping to find in a potential partner? Dating is a like a lottery, a numbers and chance game. There are so many different people in the world looking for specific things. It’s okay and expected to not be compatible with everyone.

I think my tactics in dating came from a general lack of interest in dating and being actively flirty on the rare occasion I did take an interest. So my expectations were low and I was pleasantly surprised when things did work out. I understood that it didn’t have to work out because I wasn’t attracted to many people.

I wish you lots of luck in your journey of finding a partner! 🙏

Hi Andrea

Feeling emotional whiplash makes sense. I’m sorry that you’re going through this experience. I can see that you care! ❤️

Your ex-gf’s confusion about love and passion makes sense given that you are the most stable person she’s ever dated.

That was a great video you found.

Yes, because I experienced trauma, in the past I was attracted to people that re-activated my trauma. It took a lot of therapy for me to make decisions to actively choose to be with someone who treat me well.

My understanding of love now is that mutual respect is an essential component. In my mind, people can experience passion, infatuation and any number of exciting feelings with partners. But unless both parties are treating each other well I don’t class it as love.

A concern for me is your ex’s depression which can adversely affect emotions. Emotional numbness and lack of interest in things you previously enjoyed are common symptoms. This jumps out at me as a possibility because for a year things were going well. Then suddenly her medication and her feelings change. At the same time she starts struggling with her depression.

What happened is unfortunate, you did nothing wrong. You did your best to support and reassure her. It sounds like your ex is struggling with her own demons.

Wishing you all the best! 🙏

Hi Siobhan

Thank you for sharing your story! I’m glad that you found healing on your journey.

I’ve got a similar story to you. My adopted mother was also severely abused. She was unable to care for her children in a healthy way. A lot of damage was caused in the family and she suffers from depression.

My biological mother also was severely abused and actively chose to take on the role as an abuser. She was suicidal at the same time as doing all of this. But unable to acknowledge or apologise for the pain caused.

People do blame themselves for the pain they cause, even when they are unable to vocalise it and acknowledge it. These people are already deeply wounded and damaged. Acknowledging the hurt caused means being vulnerable and open. Welcoming the pain. They survive by ignoring it as best they can. I don’t think it’s necessary that they don’t love enough. It’s a survival mechanism.They may or may not love despite that choice. My biological mother cannot.

My adopted mother is unhealthy but ultimately cares even though our relationship has been difficult because she feels judged when I voice my concerns. It has been difficult for her that I choose to shine a light on the pain, in the hope that we all heal from it.

Please feel free to share your thoughts if you have any. Thank you once again for sharing.

Wishing you all the best! 🙏

I’m thankful for my family, that I have financial security and a home.

It’s good to remember what I’m thankful for when life is overwhelming.

Hi Annie

I’m sorry to hear that you are suffering.

Children are innocent and should be protected. You did nothing wrong, you were never to blame. I’m sorry that your brothers hurt you. Children have a habit of blaming themselves when others hurt them. It’s not true though. Children are just unable to protect themselves from danger and easy to take advantage of.

You mentioned difficulties with relationships ending. Would you like to share more about that?

I think life is difficult for people in general. I met one person who was 18 that had no experiences of trauma. It was unheard of to me. Most people unfortunately have something… Ideally, I think pain teaches us to be kind to others because we can understand suffering.

The only way I know to overcome fear is to face it head on. It isn’t easy though and takes a lot of practice and perseverance. Exposing myself to lots of positive experiences has helped me too.

Hi Orion82!

I’m glad to hear that your efforts at a non-traditional lifestyle and building your own business are paying off!

There is a lot of pressure in this world to behave in certain ways and do certain things. Some people feel threatened or jealous of others breaking the mould. Some people just believe that any attempt to do so will fail and seek to prevent suffering. It sounds like people have said and done things that hurt you during your journey to create your ideal lifestyle. Do you want to talk about it?

I’m curious to hear about your experience of building your non traditional lifestyle. Outside of the issues with people, was it difficult? Were there any other issues?

I wonder if all in all trying to build this lifestyle has been a struggle (including dealing with people)? Sometimes when we have struggled for a long time our bodies and minds can get stuck in that mode even when things are getting easier.

Are things getting easier for you in your life now that business is picking up? Are you resting and taking enough time to take care of yourself? I hear that running your own business can be demanding?

Especially when you are feeling the difficulties of the past, I think it’s important to take extra care of yourself and try to build some good memories in the present.

Proving other people wrong might have been good motivation in the past, but it sounds like you’re achieving all of the things that you wanted to. Now what was once motivation is no longer serving you and bringing unhappiness. My therapist used to say that it’s okay for the need for a coping mechanism to pass. It’s important to reflect on how it did help in the past whilst recognising when it is no longer useful.

Habits take time to change. Please be patient with yourself. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling.

Eager to hear your thoughts.

Wishing you all the best ! 🙏

Hi Kodi

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve experienced anxiety and depression for your whole life. It seems that it running in the family might be a reason why you feel this way, I think that’s enough of a reason.

I’m glad that you have many good things in your life. I doubt that you are terrible person. You sound like you have a lot of care and empathy for others. That means that you are a good person. You deserve to have good things in your life! ❤️

Please feel free to share your thoughts.

Wishing you all the best! 🙏