Hi Anita, since you replied I expect that you changed your mind.

I was excited to read your thread because you don’t usually post threads. You are a well respected member of this community and I was excited to learn more about you. I feel a kinship with you because we share some unique experiences.

I was not as gentle communicating with you as opposed to other members because I respected you. I did not realise that I would offend you. I have already apologized for this and I am happy to do so again.

You have made significant progress, granted but perhaps your anxiety can be reduced even more.

Even for myself, I would say that my anxiety is much lower than it used to be. But I still experience anxiety on a daily basis at a level where I would benefit from reducing it further.

I’d like to draw your attention to this. I don’t think that you are “sick”. I see you as an equal.

It is however important to acknowledge your anxiety since you have difficulty with daily living activities.

I am sorry that my frankness offended you and that you interpreted it as arrogance and dismissive instead of the intent I intended which was frank speech to a friend.

Oh and the reason I said that your bar for happiness seems low is because personally, I wish you all of the happiness in the world. Why stop at paperwork and doctors appointments? Surely there is even more happiness to experience.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by Helcat.

I respect your decision. Please feel free to resume contact if you ever change your mind.

@anita

I have only read one of the threads in full. I have responded to your current posts. You frequently reference themes from earlier in the threads.  I do not assume that you need to hear these words specifically, I was sharing my thoughts and experiences. This is a public forum, many people may read them. If someone can find any comfort or use in my thoughts, great. I apologise, it was not my intent to make you feel uncomfortable. If you prefer, I could not reply to these threads you resurrected.

Perhaps it is important to consider why you feel uncomfortable?

”You” can be used in general or plural. The last reply on this thread wasn’t addressed to you personally.

I simply felt that the thread contained a lot of voices that believed it’s impossible to heal from trauma. I believe the opposite, so I thought it important to share that perspective since it wasn’t present.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by Helcat.

I would also add that personally, I do believe that it is possible to overcome even severe abuse.

It takes a lot of time, hard work, exposure to  positive experiences, kind people and an amazing trauma therapist.

It doesn’t erase what happened. Or mean that you will never experience the pain you felt ever again. But things can get easier to bear. And one day you may even find yourself going through your day without thinking about those experiences. Even when you do think about those experiences, that is okay too.

@anita

Very true! I would add that as children and sometimes as adults we experience magical thinking.

You have mentioned before that even children try to control their surroundings to protect themselves.

Assuming responsibility is part of this magical thinking.

I used to go over the day every night and figure out how I could behave perfectly to avoid the bad things that happened.

As a child I believed that my mother abused me because of something I did.

But the truth is no matter what you and I, or any abused child did abuse would occur regardless.

It gave me great comfort when I realised that I was abused because of who I am. Who I am is irrelevant. Any child living in that house would have been abused. It was a matter of circumstance, an unlucky lottery if you will.

Another great comfort is realising that other people and even yourself can provide the love that we missed out on with our parents.

Hi Anita!

I was wondering when you would make a thread of your own! I didn’t realise there was one around from many years ago. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I very much appreciate the care and attention that you put into your posts.

I am wondering, say imagine that you had no anxiety at all. What would you like to do that you don’t do at the moment because of anxiety?

I think it’s good to work on things that you need to do. But if you could work on things that could enhance your life, that could bring you a lot of happiness.

It sounds like your anxiety levels are quite high on a daily basis? Is this assumption correct?

My therapist explained that PTSD is very much related to avoidance. The more you try to avoid the memories of what happened, the more they insert themselves into your day.

As I have shared before, also something I learned  my therapist, the more you avoid activities that induce anxiety, the more fear of them is reinforced.

I’m going to be honest, based on my experiences it can take 6 months to adjust to a new activity that triggers anxiety. Each new activity you add can start the process all over again, though sometimes it can take less time to adapt the more practice with this you get.

Some things that you might want to research. Distress tolerance and exposure therapy. You don’t necessarily have to go to a therapist to practice exposure therapy, you can create your own goals and follow the guidelines at your leisure.

How do you feel when you are very very anxious?