Hi Felix

My husband has some friends in the Ukraine.

We’re very worried about them and the situation.

They call him when they are upset about the situation or text asking for money to help with fleeing the country.

My advice is to try not to follow everything going on. Maybe limit yourself to reading the news once a day?

Focusing on supporting your friends and family is vital. It’s also important to talk about the situation and express your feelings.

How are your friends in Ukraine doing? Are the any more feelings that you would like to share?

You cannot help everyone, but you can support the people you personally know. I’m sure they appreciate your concern.

Please remember to practice self-care during this intensely stressful time. When things are difficult it is important to remember to be kind to yourself.

Thank you for sharing your valuable thoughts and insight Anita!

Hi Brian

I had hoped to continue the discussion. You have indicated that you don’t wish to interact with people who don’t share your perspective.

I apologise for reaching out again, but I have one more thought on positivity and specifically your desire to make some new friends in the future.

In my experience, someone who has many negative experiences and very few positive experiences may struggle with mental health issues.

People with many positive experiences and few negative experiences are often less troubled.

For myself, having positive experiences was needed in order to change my beliefs.

To encounter positive experiences we need to interact with others. This means being willing to make ourselves vulnerable and being somewhat tolerant of the oddities of others.

Your current strategy of pushing people away is going to hinder fostering positive experiences .

Being uncomfortable around others is a feeling that you may need to tolerate in order to better your situation. Our own unique psychological make up can make us feel hurt when it was not intended.

Hi Simon

I hear that being a chef is a very demanding job. It must be tiring being on your feet all day. Do you experience any physical pain? If so, it might be worth discussing with a doctor. Even for fatigue alone, surely it couldn’t hurt getting a check up.

Since you are the owner, if space allows would you be able to get a seat to rest when possible? I hope that you have some comfortable shoes and someone helping you serve customers. It seems incredibly challenging to run a business, be a chef and raise 5 children.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Helcat.

Hi Brian!

There are different levels of caring about others.

Kind people may care about strangers. This might involve caring about their needs being met. They may believe in treating all people with respect and kindness. Perhaps, they also care about the happiness of others. Even if all they can do is try and make you smile or laugh for a brief moment.

Caring about acquaintances might mean taking an interest in their life. Being willing to listen to any difficulties they are having. You might even do favours for each other or exchange gifts.

Caring about friends and family is obviously going to be a deeper connection. Perhaps this involves sharing private thoughts and emotions that you may be unwilling to share with others. Often, people will feel concern and want to help if a loved one is struggling.

Obviously, there are many things left out. Individuals may be willing to do different things at different levels. It is natural for some people to come and go in our lives. Ultimately, no one is forced to laugh at jokes, smile or compliment another. They do it because they want to.

Can I ask you what value the beliefs you discussed add? How do they make you feel? How do you think they would make others feel?

Previously, you mentioned distrust with meeting new people. Where do you think this level of  distrust comes from?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Helcat.

Hi Brian!

I’m curious about what you would like to improve on?

I previously suggested that consistent behaviour is important.

My husband is a Buddhist that recovered from depression and a very positive person, most of the people in my life suffer from depression, amongst other mental health issues.

Initially, they felt that he wasn’t genuine because their own perspectives are radically different. It took time for people to understand that he is is just the way he is.

Of course, there are some people who don’t mean what they say. Who are being pleasant on the surface only. There are also many genuinely kind and polite people. It takes simply takes time to understand the nature of a person.

Hi Tommy!

Thank you for sharing. You are entitled to your own opinions. Personally, I feel like your definition of positivity would be better described as morality and courage. Whilst positivity absolutely can be an action, I stand by my previous comment about it also being related to thoughts and beliefs. Please allow me to clarify.

Many people experience automatic thoughts. Depression and traumatic experiences tend to shape unhealthy thoughts and beliefs. This can result in unhealthy behaviours.

My experiences on the journey of recovering from my own mental health issues involved changing these negative automatic thoughts and reframing them from a healthier perspective. This resulted in a more positive attitude which  fostered healthier behaviours.

Hi Brian

Lovely speaking with you again!

Personally, I find that positivity is about challenging unhealthy thoughts and beliefs.

I’ve always had difficulty with positive affirmations if I don’t believe them to be true.

I do find practicing gratitude helpful. Also, writing positive things about myself enabled me to develop self-compassion.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about positivity too.

Hi Brian!

I would say that a caring person probably practices similar social cues. The difference being that they actually care.

Some people are happy to listen to others and see small talk as a way to connect. You do learn a lot about people by listening to how they are feeling, what is happening in their lives and what they enjoy.

I would suggest that consistency is key. Obviously, sometimes people are going to be busy, or have other things on their mind. But if someone frequently listens with interest and  encourages further conversation by asking relevant questions, I would suggest they genuinely care. No one is forced to interact to others. It’s relatively easy to refuse to participate in small talk or interact in a very limited way.

Retaining information is another way to show you care. Small talk might be quite a short conversation but if you remember details from previous conversations; events, names etc it shows interest. For example, “How was X’s party?”.

I would add that social interaction has many nuances depending upon the type and quality of relationship people share. Often, people are more comfortable sharing innermost thoughts with friends and family. Whereas it might be inappropriate sharing private thoughts with co-workers unless the relationship is particularly close or they share similar values.

Hi Kristina

Just letting you know that tinybuddha isn’t necessarily a site devoted to Buddhist philosophy. It’s self-help website with a dash of spirituality.

There may be some Buddhist members. But I’m really not sure how many.