Dear One,

Your father must have known that you would need the money. Count on it as being the great gift and blessing it was. After all, what if you DIDN’T have the money when you did? Unthinkable, right?

The good news is you can start fresh now. Read The Richest Man in Babylon. Follow the book and put your money where it says to in the proportion it says to. Then, slowly but surely, you will be comfortable again. Dare I say happy. Follow Suze Orman too. (Wish my sister would!)

Inky

Hi Annie,

It is a blow to have such a hard time with your parents helping you pay for college when other kids don’t even have to think about it! It’s also hard to simply move out if you have no job and any money that comes in has to go to paying student loans!

Now listen, this is what I would do. Bite the bullet and somehow pay for those classes yourself. Once you have one or any college credits no one can take that away from you! A good thing to do also is get certifications in things. Often cheaper than college, you could collect one or two a year. My nephew has his captain’s license, diving instructor certification, large vessel certification, etc. College wasn’t for him, you see, but he loves the water.

Not to be sexist, but you could for example, get a massage certification, hair dressing, yoga instructor…

People don’t often ask where you went to college or what your GPA was. They will care what you can actually do.

I don’t know, the more certifications in things you get, the more doors will open up for you, the more money you get, the sooner you can leave your mother’s house, and the sooner you can get a college degree… if you’d still want it!

Blessings,

Inky

Hi Taymor,

First of all, congratulations on spending five years together! For a student five years is like ten or twenty to an older adult. I’m not kidding!

I wish I could give you a magic bullet. Time, though, is the great healer.

You CAN train yourself to live in a Present where you believe anything is possible. Here’s the Thought: “In an unlimited Universe, anything can happen. “Harrison” (if his name is “Harrison”) could re-enter my life. I’m not attached to that happening, but I am also open to that happening.”

“I am not attached to that happening but I am also open to that happening” is very, very important. This should give you some measure of Peace.

Blessings,

Inky

What has helped me was telling a descriptive story. Like, “When you’re late to the party I feel like an un-chaperoned princess… Vulnerable, open to attack, anxious. My kingdom’s drawbridge is down. Anyone could get into the castle. Where is my knight?” If you do it well enough he should at least FEEL what you’re feeling.

Now, they may tell you their own descriptive story right back!

Another technique is to praise him on something that you want him to be that he’s shown a little evidence of in the past. Let’s say he did arrive to a party on time once. You can say, “Wow, I feel bad for Angie that Bob’s late again! By the way… You were very wise knowing that we couldn’t be late to the wine tasting event last month, and in fact arranged the transportation. I am so lucky you’re in my life!”

If you’re subtle and patient, it’s possible to change someone’s mind, but I usually don’t even make an attempt LOL.

Hi There,

OK, I was “your friend” who let the friendship die and wouldn’t give “closure”. This is my perspective.

1. It is very possible that she thought you were getting too close to the family. (My friend was obsessed with my family. It was kind of weird.)

2. SOMETHING must have happened last vacation. Did you say something, not say something, do something, not do something? Did you flirt with the husband? (Not saying you did.) Did you monopolize their family time? Leave wet towels on the bathroom floor? Let them pay for everything?

3. Maybe they are having problems you don’t know about. Maybe the husband was the one that wanted family time. Maybe he said “We’re only inviting these other people”. Who knows??

4. PROBABLY she thought that you would be tagging along on all her family’s vacation time. Like, maybe they LEGITIMATELY (sorry) wanted to spend some ALONE time, having an actual VACATION. I know this is harsh but listen to this: My old friend would ask every other month: “SO… What are you doing for Easter/Christmas/Spring Break/Summer/Thanksgiving??” We’d end up having her family over for the holidays OR she would HAPPEN to be in the state we would be at and then call to meet up. It got to the point where DH and I joked about one day telling her, “Oh, we’re in France,” and then get a call from Paris while we were in Hawaii.

The worst episode was when she was all, “SO… What are you doing for Fourth of July?” I said, “We’re going to my Dad’s.” It was kind of obvious she was digging for an invitation. At this point I was trying unsuccessfully to do the Slow Fade in between bouts of our arguments. I somehow got the family to my Dad’s by SNEAKING OUT OF MY OWN HOUSE. Well, she “happens” to go see the fireworks at my dad’s neighbor’s house!! She’s calling from her cell phone: “SO… I’m right next door!!”

5. If she did not respond to your FB, texts, calls and emails, DO NOT go over to her house and have a confrontation! If you do, you will only prove that she in fact made the right decision.

6. I did tell my friend “No, you can’t visit us, I need some space and family only time” once and it was like a bomb went off. The friendship wasn’t the same after I put up that one boundary. Then she was all “confrontational”: “What’s bothering you?” “Um, I need space.” “What is it about me that’s really bothering you?” “Um, no space??”

Are you sure you’re not boundary busting by asking, “Well, this other family got a whole week, I should get a few days!” I mean, we don’t get unlimited vacation time! Let the family be with just each other. Yikes.

7. Way out there, and may not be the reality AT ALL. BUT! Did the husband give the wife the impression that you ever flirted with him? Or did the wife ever pick up the vibe that you liked the husband? Even if this is not the case, based on the email she sent, “Family first” also includes husband/wife time!

Sorry so harsh, but I would leave this family alone.

Speaking from the “Other Side”

• This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Inky.

Dear deepunk,

Aside from praying everyday (and prayer is very, very powerful!) there’s not a whole lot you can do for your parents OR your brother ~ on THIS physical level. Spiritually, yes, do everything you can think of: prayer, mantras (and if access to his place, recordings of spiritual chanting, oil and salt on the doors and windows, Tibetan bells). That is how I snapped my son out of it, by the way. The energy in his room and in the house was so “high” that he didn’t feel a need to get, well, high!

I would devote a spiritual practice every week for your parents’ and his benefit and then leave it alone mentally when you’re not doing it.

Now, as for the job and living situation ~ We certainly know what you don’t want ~ Which is what you have now. But I want to know what you DO want. What job do you want and where do you want to be living?

Best,

Inky