Hi There,

OK, I was “your friend” who let the friendship die and wouldn’t give “closure”. This is my perspective.

1. It is very possible that she thought you were getting too close to the family. (My friend was obsessed with my family. It was kind of weird.)

2. SOMETHING must have happened last vacation. Did you say something, not say something, do something, not do something? Did you flirt with the husband? (Not saying you did.) Did you monopolize their family time? Leave wet towels on the bathroom floor? Let them pay for everything?

3. Maybe they are having problems you don’t know about. Maybe the husband was the one that wanted family time. Maybe he said “We’re only inviting these other people”. Who knows??

4. PROBABLY she thought that you would be tagging along on all her family’s vacation time. Like, maybe they LEGITIMATELY (sorry) wanted to spend some ALONE time, having an actual VACATION. I know this is harsh but listen to this: My old friend would ask every other month: “SO… What are you doing for Easter/Christmas/Spring Break/Summer/Thanksgiving??” We’d end up having her family over for the holidays OR she would HAPPEN to be in the state we would be at and then call to meet up. It got to the point where DH and I joked about one day telling her, “Oh, we’re in France,” and then get a call from Paris while we were in Hawaii.

The worst episode was when she was all, “SO… What are you doing for Fourth of July?” I said, “We’re going to my Dad’s.” It was kind of obvious she was digging for an invitation. At this point I was trying unsuccessfully to do the Slow Fade in between bouts of our arguments. I somehow got the family to my Dad’s by SNEAKING OUT OF MY OWN HOUSE. Well, she “happens” to go see the fireworks at my dad’s neighbor’s house!! She’s calling from her cell phone: “SO… I’m right next door!!”

5. If she did not respond to your FB, texts, calls and emails, DO NOT go over to her house and have a confrontation! If you do, you will only prove that she in fact made the right decision.

6. I did tell my friend “No, you can’t visit us, I need some space and family only time” once and it was like a bomb went off. The friendship wasn’t the same after I put up that one boundary. Then she was all “confrontational”: “What’s bothering you?” “Um, I need space.” “What is it about me that’s really bothering you?” “Um, no space??”

Are you sure you’re not boundary busting by asking, “Well, this other family got a whole week, I should get a few days!” I mean, we don’t get unlimited vacation time! Let the family be with just each other. Yikes.

7. Way out there, and may not be the reality AT ALL. BUT! Did the husband give the wife the impression that you ever flirted with him? Or did the wife ever pick up the vibe that you liked the husband? Even if this is not the case, based on the email she sent, “Family first” also includes husband/wife time!

Sorry so harsh, but I would leave this family alone.

Speaking from the “Other Side”

• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Inky.

Dear deepunk,

Aside from praying everyday (and prayer is very, very powerful!) there’s not a whole lot you can do for your parents OR your brother ~ on THIS physical level. Spiritually, yes, do everything you can think of: prayer, mantras (and if access to his place, recordings of spiritual chanting, oil and salt on the doors and windows, Tibetan bells). That is how I snapped my son out of it, by the way. The energy in his room and in the house was so “high” that he didn’t feel a need to get, well, high!

I would devote a spiritual practice every week for your parents’ and his benefit and then leave it alone mentally when you’re not doing it.

Now, as for the job and living situation ~ We certainly know what you don’t want ~ Which is what you have now. But I want to know what you DO want. What job do you want and where do you want to be living?

Best,

Inky

Wait a minute. Listen. Right now you need rent money. Do whatever it takes to make that happen. Ads in the paper. Business cards. Word of mouth. A great one is house sitting. Pet sitting. I have a friend who does Social Media for all the businesses in town so they don’t have to. Girl just bought a house!! Tutoring. SAT TUTORING! We had a 60 something year old guy come to our house to help our son. We took him seriously because he WAS so much older! Looks don’t matter. Wear glasses and be shlubby in a nerdy way and you’re in! Seriously.

THEN, when after you have several side jobs YOU offer to people, THEN after cash is coming in, THEN you worry about this existential “should I stop dreaming” stuff. THEN you continue job hunting. Just get the cash. I’m telling you, “College Coaches” are becoming in high demand. Help these parents launch their kids into college, that’s where it’s at right now.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Inky.

Hi bill,

Why not start your own business/company? Get several Yellow Pages from different towns and see where there is a “gap” in your area. For example, what if the nearest dog groomer was 20 miles away from your town? And not to put down dog grooming, but how much skill is needed for that anyway? Even if you’re bad at it at first, you can only get better, and if you’re the only one in the area, no one will know the difference. (I’m just using dog grooming as one of many examples.)

Or how’s this: Estate Manager? Honey-Do Man (“I do the jobs your Honey is too busy to do”)? Pool guy (we need one in our area) to fix the pumps and replace tile?

Once you have a smattering of jobs, though small, it should get you through while you find something else. Or, your new side business will be YOUR business and you can even hire people one day! Who knows?

• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Inky.

Thx!! 🙂

Oh, I had a neighbor that would literally copy everything we did. We took it as a compliment, actually!! I’d use it to my advantage. If I wanted to join a club, do an activity or diet, I knew who to call for a buddy!

And here’s a confession. One day DH and I said offhandedly that we wanted chickens. Wouldn’t you know it, they were actively building a chicken coop a week later!! I couldn’t take it anymore, watching them toil in the sun and said, “We changed our minds, chickens are a pain in the azz.” Got a very interesting dirty look. LOL

Why don’t you tell her you’re on the 30 Bananas a day diet and see what happens? 😉

Hi chrisk,

Another thing you can do is pick a “Mission in Life” that is beyond yourself. Find a church, temple or even meditation center. Most, if not all of them should have programs you can get involved with or volunteer projects. When you spend time helping others you WILL become happier! Also, you can’t help but meet new people. I feel like all the other stuff (romance, happiness, “a life”) will be added onto you if you do that.

Why not try it?

Blessings,

Inky

Dear Nicole,

Don’t you see ~ he LOVED being the “Prize” in a love triangle! Now that you are gone, he just has this other girl to feed off from ~ and that’s not enough!! So he desperately tries to continue the drama by telling, boasting and posting. Even calling your own mother to bring you back!! Sad.

Darling, You WON!