Hi Ashley,

I always say, “You can’t argue with crazy”. The father is crazy. Not right in the head. Has some personality disorder. Needs meds.

If you continue to be with the boyfriend keep your world and the father’s world totally separate. Tell BF, “BF, if you get an email or phone call or face to face with father, and he says something bad about me, I don’t want to hear it or know about it.” If there is a wedding, graduation, etc. it would be better for you not to be there. I know this isn’t fair. But it would make your life simpler.

However, if you and BF marry, that is a different story. Again, BF shouldn’t tell you anything bad the father says. If you have children, he should not see the grandchildren. And have holidays elsewhere. BUT, as his wife you SHOULD go to weddings and graduations. And hold your head up. And not speak to him. And use every buffer and social nuance not to be cornered by this abuser. And your BF, now Husband should stand up to his dad.

You have to now make the decision for yourself. Is this the kind of guy you would want to marry? Is your BF the kind of guy you can love AND respect? Maybe you should move out so you won’t be constantly disrespected. I know he’s been through hell, but he is a weak person for letting this happen, not shielding you, and not protecting your heart.

I know this is hard to hear, but it must be even harder to live with.

I love your posts, website, and help. I really want you to succeed in everything! And have a relationship worthy of you!!

All the Best,

Inky

Hi Kay,

Sadly, your husband ambushing you can be very typical of guys about to walk out the door. Your female friend, not so much without some clue.

I liken them to prey animals. Prey animals (rabbits, mice, deer) always seem healthy. Always seem vibrant. Always seem on. Until they’re literally dead. They have to give the APPEARANCE of everything being OK just to survive. They don’t want to be picked out as being weak from predators. Some people are like that. In the distant past, if they complained, life would get very difficult. So they put on a happy face and don’t talk about it. Until the end.

Now, just because it’s out of the blue for you, doesn’t mean it was for them. They’ve probably been thinking about this for months and years.

I hate to say it, but take a page out of their book. Don’t SAY anything negative now. If you have to, get a journal and write the hell out of it. Don’t be an external processor around them. They can’t handle it anymore.

And for the female friend, and I say this from experience, don’t talk about what went wrong in the friendship. That is a sure fire way to kill it. If/when you see her now, everything’s “Great!” Maybe one day you can have deep talks and kvetch about the world. But it sounds like she is saturated.

I’m sorry. Think of this as a crash course on how to be positive.

Inky

P.S. Dude, I just saw your YouTube Channel. You speak well and have a good camera presence . As a mother, I can say, “I Love that Face!!” Don’t take your face away from the world. Even if you just take a walk, you might brighten someone’s day just looking at you. Stay in the Light!!

Hi Jonny,

A few things. One is with mental illness (I’ve seen it in my family, and I’m not saying you have it) stress can trigger episodes. You are under a lot of stress with school, the job, the gigs, detoxing and the breakup. I have a feeling when the summer comes and classes have ended you will be a little better.

With the ADHD, can you find an awesome doctor? If I have a headache I take an aspirin. With ADHD, certainly you can take something harmless. That’s where the great Doc comes in. And you can tell him what you wrote above.

Get recommendations from friends. If you hear glowing review and the same name keeps coming up, that’s your guy.

Good Luck,

Inky

Hi Jaspermarie,

First of all, don’t worry about being too old. Some people are professional students, you know? I have seen grandmothers take grad programs with their kids!

And wow, you could be a certified yoga teacher, learned physiotherapy and be a doctor!!

All you can do now is apply. If it’s not in the cards for next year/s, finish the yoga/begin the therapy course.

If you are accepted, then BE medical student. Not, “Can I do it” but You ARE it! Let it encompass your whole being. No relationships. No hobbies. Your Life IS this program!! Hire a valet or someone to do your shopping and housework.

DO IT!!

Inky 🙂

Hi meadow,

Imagine how all the art history professors feel!

But seriously, if anything, one of them will become a Public Health recruiter. Or even the Surgeon General. Or president of the school. I would imagine in this day and age the students, and the parents often footing the bill, are able, or do, see with both eyes open.

And how many people do you know have a job directly connected to their school or major?

They will get an education in something, and that in itself is worth it, if that’s what you want to study.

You did not waste your life. You learned how to connect with people and use your speaking skills. Pretty good skills to have for an occupational therapist!

Inky

Hi Leila,

Oh, I’m so sorry!!!

If there is one thing this school is teaching you, it’s How NOT to Be! That is an invaluable lesson.

What I would say is to keep your head down and plow through the days and the course. Don’t ask/talk, just observe. And find one pocket of goodness, sanity, and pleasure somewhere in your life.

I see you becoming a great teacher one day, if only because of, or despite, this experience!!

Hang in There,

Inky

Hi Cianna,

Some of the most emotional, “attached” and angry people I’ve known are Buddhists. That’s like expecting everyone in church to have Christ-like love for everyone LOL. Maybe that’s why they’re Buddhists, because deep down they want to be free of their personality flaws.

Hey, I hear you about the unkind words. I love what was said (above) about that. With the gift of Time, you can look back one day and totally see how it really was all about them.

The attitude I go with for myself is this: “Well, I’m not for everyone!” with a mental shoulder shrug. And I’m not! I totally can rub certain people the wrong way. Let’s see, I have a deep voice, an accent from nowhere that I can’t shake, I’m not into clothes, I’m unmanicured, slightly overweight, look like I come from an undefined race, and am not nor ever will be PC.

Do you know how much work I would have to do before I ever left my house to be “acceptable”?? And then guess what, people would then think I’m too boring and just like everyone else!!

Sometimes it takes all the energy out of you just to walk into a room, do the appropriate things, make small talk, and make it home alive!

So don’t worry about what other people think. Especially Buddhists. They’re supposed to have right mindfulness anyway about things.