The anger you’re feeling is totally normal, totally human, and totally justifiable. What you witnessed was “Beyond”, and anger is a perfect emotion for having to experience or see the Unnatural, or Evil. The emotion of Anger is great because the alternative emotions are Despair, Guilt, Apathy, etc.

It is so OK to smash kitchen utensils (safely) into the ground, box a pillow, box the air, growl, “I will DESTROY you!” to the phantom of your father. Hell, light a Justice Candle. Petition the God(s).

Hiding behind the anger though is the grief of losing your father while he is still alive. That you deal with a therapist. Honor your experience and yourself by the gift of a good one.

The first thing is to get a place of your own.

The second thing is to take a break from your cousins.

Can you get a “regular” job in the career you just left? Yes you’d be working for other people, but the regular paycheck should put a bounce in your step while you regroup about your own business. Oftentimes we have to scrap what we’ve had so the new creation can be bigger and better than ever.

Hey, I hear you about comparisons. Especially when what your family is doing is to an Epic Scale. I write a book ~ sister publishes one and gets a book series deal. I get a following on YouTube ~ other family member makes an award winning documentary. I graduate from college ~ cousin is a doctor doing groundbreaking genetic research. What else? Oh yes, son is at the top of his sport on a national level ~ another family member makes it on a “World” level in a similar sport. It’s like, if I have a fantasy or a hobby, watch out!! I will be outdone! I know what it is to want something that’s just “MINE”!

So get something “YOURS” and tell no one.

Relationships (love, friendship): Remember (maybe) the Daria episode where Daria studies her cute, attractive sister and takes physical notes? Then she copies her and becomes popular (much to the sister’s chagrin!) What can I say, people are like magpies! It’s sad, really. But ~ see what everyone else is wearing, how they talk, what they do. Copy. Consider a doctoral thesis on it. You might be surprised! Good luck!!

• This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Inky.

Hi Ani,

Well, something special had to be between you for you to get married in the first place! Back then, communication wasn’t a problem. You were in love. You were in tune. Dare I say psychic about each other?

You are a talker. He is quiet. He is your complement.

There is nothing “wrong”. Nothing that needs to be “fixed”.

I would say to totally accept him the way he is.

Sorry I don’t have a better answer, but this is a core personality trait, the quietness.

Hi Jo,

May I just add that Absolutely he knows his words are cruel ~ that’s why he says them!

The Golden Silence from not being around him is all the Respect you need now.

Think about it.

Best,

Inky

Hi there!

My instinct says to forget sending the funny card. You have already tried to contact him many times in many different ways. I would back way off. Let him contact you now.

Best,

Ink

You could major in business and then minor in something you totally enjoy. Not even something you “want”. So look at classes and pick ones that turn you on or that sound interesting. Pretty soon you will have a minor in a discipline! And if you’re lucky, you might have a double major! One for the practical, business, and one in, say, Women’s Studies or Poetry. Forget what you “want”. Follow your “Bliss”.

Or, you can then major in something blissful and forget business altogether.

Or, later on, go into business related to the impractical class in college that turned you on!

I’m no college councilor, but that’s what I would tell my kid. Despite their father’s howling. LOL

Hi

I’ve always been an “outlier” for this disorders ~ I’d have some symptoms, but not enough to get diagnosed with anything. But, there was enough ADD stuff going on while growing up that I know exactly what you mean ~ I’ve been there. Reading, drawing, if they had video games back then I’d totally be a Geek Girl. Kept to myself, three friends tops.

Say to yourself that you forgive anyone who ever did you harm if they were under the age of 18. Go look at HS kids IRL. Don’t they look like babies now?? Unformed. Half Baked. They know not what they do.

Comparison ~ when you’re young you brag about things you’ve done. When you’re old you talk about your family and events that happened. Who is wiser, the young do-er or the old appreciate-er?

You don’t know how your dad feels. Maybe he thinks you’re not proud of him, who knows?? Once you are older than your dad was when you were born you will see him as a mere person.

I freaking love Games. But I have a ritual ~ my apps I only play when I’m in bed about to go to sleep or before I get up. My computer games I only play before everyone is out the door. You can use other things in ritual too, for values and vices. It helps to do things at a certain time of day/week/month/year.