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Hi There!
Be careful diagnosing yourself! You could very well has low level Asperger’s (based solely on the way you write like my nephew, who does have it), but in the end, any condition you may have is just a label.
You are more head based. Most people don’t think that much and are more emotion based. So I don’t know exactly how the last breakup went down, what they said, what you said. People don’t bond with you because you are logical. People bond with you because of how you make them feel.
There was something written about how a guy told his girlfriend, “I love you almost as much as I love the whole world!” and to him that was a declaration of deepest love.
She, however, was insulted! What she FELT was, “Great, he would put everyone else ahead of me!” when she should have HEARD “You are such a great soul, you are adored almost as much as 6 billion people put together.”
For you next relationships or friendships, maybe go to Mensa meetings, or some other place where there are other head based people who would “get” you! Meaning, who get logic!
Don’t feel bad about wanting someone of your level. That is crazy that he’s 17 and only has, what, an 8th/ grade education! Is this the 1920s?? Why didn’t the truant officer or the state handle it at that point???
Don’t judge him for his wacky childhood, but do be discerning about where he’s going.
And, “judge lest ye be judged” ~ I’m sorry, it is a little sketchy for a nineteen year old woman who has it together to be chasing an immature seventeen year old boy. But hey, I’m not judging! 😉
What I would do is tell him “I’ll date you when we’re peers.” It may not happen until he’s 25. But imagine him at 25, and you at 27, you’ll both have finished your education, you’ll both have jobs, are stable, he’s away from his crazy mom. Feels better, right? Just don’t hold his hand to get him there.
There’s the self, the neighborhood, the community, the nation and the world. In your home every single thing you do is likely noticed and has a profound impact. Same with the neighborhood and perhaps the community. Once you get into the great big world, you may think that nothing you do matters, or that you’re the only one doing it. WRONG!
When I was younger I loved Medieval things and comic books. Lo and behold, as I got older, I discovered Renaissance Festivals and Comicons and saw people WAYYY into this stuff more than I was! I was now the geek ~ on the flip side! So for you, don’t give up! Your people are out there!
So do the good global things. Be good to the Environment on your end. Join organizations and causes. And Believe!
Kendall,
I too was in a weird, dark place a few years ago, also filled with Kafka-esque existential horror.
I went to the doctor (I never go to the doc, this was out of constant nagging from the fam.) for a routine checkup.
The doc said, “You have the lowest Vitamin D levels I’ve seen in years!! Wow.” (You can get Vit. D from sunlight, and I was a walker, so it really was this weird deficiency).
I was put on a regime on Vitamin D, pills that you can get anywhere. A month later (it takes that long to build up to Normal levels) I felt GREAT!! Sometimes it’s not “You”, it’s your body saying, “Hey, a vitamin/hormone/mineral that I desperately need, even trace amounts, but don’t have, please!”
P.S. Low Vitamin D can bring on depression. I’m not saying yours is as “simple” as that, but at least see where you are physically first.
First of all, go on a Honeymoon. Two weeks alone with DH in a new setting.
Hey, I hear you about the soul consuming anger.
I had something like this, but to a much lesser extent. Along with the inevitable visits several times a year. Coupled with her trying to cast nagging doubts about me, her and/or DH.
What we did was literally, and unthinkably, get away during the holidays. Yes, the extended family exploded. Yes, hurt feelings were involved. But guess what? When they only see you once a year or every other year, a lot of the momentum is lost. These people move on to other victims.
I would also conveniently send DH on business trips or to his mother’s or sailing with the boys when I knew she would stop by.
Good Luck!
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 