Hi greenshade,

You wouldn’t try to sell tacos in a vacuum cleaner store, would you? Then don’t try to find romance in your group of friends or your father at work. Be better at compartmentalizing your life. The guy at work place squarely in the “WORK” box in your brain. Your guy friends put solidly in the “FRIEND ZONE”.

Now as for finding love and resolving “daddy issues” that is different. Dating sites and therapists  I hear can be wonderful!

Best,

Inky

Hi Natalie,

My advice is to cheer him on, let him move with great fanfare… and then casually don’t move in with him halfway across the world later. Usually I would tell people to be direct, but in your case it will be tons easier to break up with him long distance as he always makes you “wrong”. This way you can literally unplug.

If he asks (after you dump him through video chat and before you unplug) tell him that his political views, **AND RANTING** is way over the top. It is not what you say, it’s how you say it. I mean, your aunt can love your uncle even though he’s a Republican, but when she leaves him because he keeps ruining the holidays with his drunken racist rants everyone totally understands the real reason why. And it’s not because of his conservative views.

Good Luck!

Inky

• This reply was modified 7 years ago by Inky.

Yeah, not to be all Lifetime Movie plot, but unless she is morbidly obese, skipped taking her pill, and/or is VERY not in tune with her body, it is highly unlikely she didn’t consider she might be pregnant. At thirty. By three months.

This happened “accidentally on purpose” in my family. One was a twenty year old girl. Another was a 40 year old OBGYN! And with both all the women in the family were all, “Come on!” with a side order of eye rolls. Even the twenty year old girl’s mother.

Do you really want to be with someone who has one night stands, is that careless with her birth control and actively chooses to ignore what her body is saying while having great dates with someone not the father?

I know this is not what you want to hear.

My advice still stands: Be a friend. As in “Friends help friends set up the crib”. Not a dad.

Inky

Hi cranberry,

You’re a Freshman, correct? If so, now is the time to take as many courses as you can that you are INTERESTED in (forget what you can “do” with it as a career. It’s not about that now.) and that would go toward fulfilling your graduation requirements. You don’t have to think about actually declaring a major until next year. Very few eighteen year olds know what they’re doing for the rest of their life. I was an Art History major, and if I had to do it all over again would have gone into Religious Studies instead. It’s still unusual for your major to run parallel to what you actually do later in life.

As for the guys, and a social life: Make friends with your RA (resident advisor), your roommate’s friends and people in your dorm. If you’re not in a dorm, make friends with the most likely people in your classes. What I did was orchestrate movie nights and invite other new/lonely/shy people as a group. You will be seen as a good person to know! And trust me, you will soon forget “the guy” as there will be droves of Sophomore boys/men wanting to meet you!

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 7 years ago by Inky.

Gigi,

I’m so sorry to hear how you lost your baby. That is much worse than what I went through.

Listen: Your engagement mattered. Your child mattered.

But get this: You matter.

When you truly “ghost” ~ leave him alone, no contact, no response, nothing, nada ~ for a full year (and a day!!) HE will realize with gravity, that you DID matter.

One does not treat people like this. I would never “neg” a BF, DH, ex, friend, whoever by openly admiring other people like that. Dear One, he wants you to get emotional over him, get jealous over him, not get over him.

Be strong and truly Ghost.

Good Luck,

Inky

Hi Dolores,

The trouble with long distance relationships is that they thrive on fantasy. They count on it. But eventually, things have to get “real”. He couldn’t handle his “real”, thus the penchant for long distance relationships.

So no more long distance relationships. Think local and available!

Best,

Inky

Hi Janet,

I had the exact same thing happen to me a couple of weeks ago! It was as you described: anxiety coupled with a nagging feeling something is wrong concerning my marriage without any evidence. Of course that intuition/”intuition” simply made the anxiety worse.

Well, what actually happened with me was one terrible day plagued with fears. Then I happened to have to go on a trip. When I came home the feeling was gone. DH and I sat down at night to watch our favorite Netflix show and I saw that he was like, fifteen episodes ahead of me in our series. Nothing untoward was going on if he watched fifteen hours of TV without me LOL!

Looking back to that feeling I was all “What was THAT all about?” It turned out that I think I had been “triggered” by something a friend said to me. Utter hogwash, of course.

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi Tiny Butterfly,

I suggest you move out and into a place all your own. This wouldn’t be done out of anger. This would be done because when you do see each other you want it to be peaceful and special. Also, him seeing you go back to your own place in happiness after a dinner or a night will help him respect you more (and you him!). You are an independent woman, a free agent. Not someone who hangs around getting into fights.

Best,

Inky