Hi Maria,

This sounds strange, but I would consider the squabble that ended it a blessing. If he could break up with you over what is essentially a non-issue, then who needs him? And it had to do with you not offering to pay for some groceries for his family who were hosting, correct? I wonder if he heard his mom or dad complain about that and he freaked out. Some people can’t meld their sub-worlds well (e.g. GFs with family).

Listen, you are still connected on Instagram and Twitter, so I would leave those. For now. But definitely drop him from FaceBook. Believe me, nothing will make him contact you more. But first I would post some glorious vacation photos and a handsome man and leave them up for a few days before you unceremoniously and suddenly pull the plug.

Blessings,

Inky

• This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by Inky.

Hi Yani,

Some people just aren’t cut out for long term relationships. In a way this is freeing because then you can really delve into unconditional love and follow your heart, moving as the Spirit moves you. You think this is a bad thing, but so is attachment if you’re not truly getting any joy from it.

Best,

Inky

Hi Roy Phang,

I believe what you need is a Mission in Life. Men are told to make money. Couples are told to be faithful. So when you aren’t solvent or faithful you feel badly about yourself. Cheating is a symptom of trying to find fulfillment. Because of the belief that you aren’t making money so you need to fill the perceived void.

There’s a Shaker (Quaker?) song “Tis a Gift to be Simple”. Tis a gift to be simple, tis a gift to be free, tis a gift to come down where you ought to be. And when you find yourself in this place just right you’ll be in a place of love and delight… YouTube it.

Live within your means. Stay true to your wife. And find a faith or spiritual community, and/or a cause you can help with.

Blessings,

Inky

Hi again!

I was exhausted just reading this! You are not a failure, it’s just not working. In fact that’s what you can say to him if you choose to cast him loose: “It’s not working”. I suspect grad school and your life will become MUCH easier. Which is as it should be. If a relationship is all work, AND it’s not working, what indeed is a relationship for? A relationship is for you gel with someone and life is actually easier and FUN!

Blessings,

Inky

Hi Gregory,

This is not PC to say, but Northern Europeans need more animal protein than others. This is because they (we?) were among the last peoples to take up agriculture and because of adapting to colder climates over the millenias.

So it could biologically be a challenge. I took a meatless diet up off and on throughout my life and I found that I’m good for a month, but then would literally waste away, have zero energy and get sick. My mother would yell at me to eat meat, have an egg or a glass of milk. I would and would instantly get better. I need an enzyme you can only get through animal products. And Vitamin B 12 won’t do it.

On the flip side, if you’re going to do it for moral reasons, consider veganism. Keep in mind that by eating eggs and milk, that too, is cruel to the animals. Where do you think veal comes from? How do you think they get a cow to lactate? And what becomes of the young roosters (you only need one!)? Or the older egg layers? Agriculture is cruel.

But you come first. See how your body reacts to a vegan/vegetarian diet.

And remember! Even the Dali Llama partakes once in a while.

Blessings,

Inky

Hi again!

Thank you for your kind words!

So I remember being younger and feeling guilty because I liked someone who was gorgeous. LOL

And then later one of my very best/oldest friends started liking me in a romantic way. Now, I’m a bit overweight, I’m not going to lie, but he’s obese. I’m not repelled or disgusted by him or anything. And I was with someone else, so it was easier to say “No”. But let’s put it this way: If he was more attractive (to me!) I would have to contend with the temptation they warn you of in the Bible. Or I would have had spontaneous fantasies of him rather than “Oh, this person likes me? Hmm, let me think about this. How would being with him feel, hmm, let me just put my imagination cap on…”

I mean what can I say, you can be evolved and all that, but preferences are real!

And let me ask you this: Is it really good morally to live a lie? You are not married and if you were truly in love with her you wouldn’t be asking this at all, except maybe only “I am worried about this girl”. This isn’t fair to you OR the girl, even on a higher level.

I wouldn’t want my college boyfriend to have stayed with me out of guilt or because he felt sorry for me or because he felt I might fall apart without him. I’d want someone who is with me because they are crazy about me, not because they like me and all but they really prefer, say, athletic blondes.

Just my opine!

Inky

Hi Poppyxo,

I don’t mind being human if it weren’t for being, well, human! Emotions (to me) just ARE. You set your intention for the day and go through your routines, and if any residual feelings linger when you’re at home, yes, sit with them. (Or not. This is why people binge on Netflix, I suspect!) Or just be all, “It is what it is”. Of course, if it’s all negative emotion all of the time, then that is a signal that something is wrong. But if it’s more like someone looks at you funny that day, you need to feel the emotion of that encounter if only to shake it off like a duck does after a skirmish.

Best,

Inky

Hi Jen,

This is a common issue when being in a relationship with someone in the military. My son will be studying at the Academy and afterwards would be stationed God knows where. I know there is are websites and forums for Coast Guard and other military spouses and girlfriends/boyfriends.

For you specifically, breaking into advertising can be tough, but you could theoretically be a graphic designer anywhere with a computer. So the two months you might be in limbo anyway even if you knew where you were going.

If he were stationed in, say, Alaska, that would be bad news. But in general you should be in good shape. There will be cities and civilization where he ends up and the worst that could happen is you live maybe an hour away from him.

I don’t know, it’s tough. Check out support networks for this one!

Good Luck!

Inky