Hi marie,

You didn’t finish uni? Is that right? Not wise. It is a cliché, but True Love Can Wait.

Also, If Something Is Too Good To Be True, etc.

He gets to self destruct and act inappropriately. Then when you call him out on it he yells that you are just like his family (The people that have always loved him that are practicing Tough Love because they don’t know what else to do). And you justify this because we all have demons (but some are bigger than others, yes?).

Tell him that you are calling him out on things BECAUSE you love him. If he wants to dump you one day to find an enabler, great. But it’s not true love.

I think you should finish school, he should get therapy and conquer his addictions, then in a few years revisit each other as older, wiser people.

I’m being a little tough because I’ve been there. I had dumped someone who sounds very similar to your BF. Sometimes people need “little hurts” in their life to clean up their act (addiction, behavior, etc.)

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 8 years, 8 months ago by Inky.

Hi lgdelacruz92,

Could you talk to your boss and appeal to his charitable side? Say you really want to go but you also really want your job when you come back. Say you’ll go as an ambassador of the store/company and that you’ll write a press release for him/store/company.

“Mr. Smith owner of Pet Supplies Inc. is a proud supporter of Agro Farm in Puerto Rico. Lester, an employee of Pet Supplies, goes and brings back sustainable organic food knowledge for Fluffy.”

Have your boss get some publicity for it!

Good Luck,

Inky

Hi imissandyssngbf,

We always romanticize crappy parts of our life. (“Remember that charming moldy apartment in the bad neighborhood with the lovely eccentric alcoholic screamer down the hall? Those were the days!”)

Listen, he was NOT the love of your life if you emotionally abused him and pushed him away. Nor were you even happy.

Of course, you have to change your bad habits. But even if you weren’t mean to him you would not have been as happy as you let on.

And YES, you will find someone else. And treat them with respect no matter how long the relationship lasts.

Best,

Inky

Hi gg4tp,

This sounds like something you have to live with or be done with. Or he has to make communicating with you a new daily habit. His default mode is non communication. He’s not a bad person, I think it’s just not in his nature to “check in”. I’m the same way. Days will parade by and I’ll suddenly think, “Holy crap! I should check in with my family!” Friends have it worse. Weeks! Months! I get SO involved in what I’m doing or enjoying the moment I literally forget to text or call.

Checking in with you should be part of his routine (say, every day at 5) OR you should/could/would leave him. OR accept that’s the way he is. And it’s OK.

Best,

Inky

Hi bluefire,

I hated that! Been there, lived it!

OK, the “period smell”… Do you mean you were menstruating and they actually smelled it, or do you mean that you simply smelled and they made fun of it, or they just made something up to make fun of you for? This is actually important. The grooming/cleanliness thing. If people see something is off (like food in your teeth) or smells irregular, they focus on THAT and can’t see YOU.

The older you get, the more people are (generally) less snobby in a vocal way. Don’t let this one trip turn you off from group travelling!! It helps if you go with a friend, boyfriend or relative so you have “your” people going in and people will be more drawn to YOUR orbit.

Blessings (from a fellow weird thin-skinned introvert),

Inky

Hi aschristyseesit,

Don’t make The Law of Attraction your be all and end all philosophy. It is based on only one of the ten laws on the Emerald Tablet (Google it). It is ONE tool. Useful, absolutely, but it is only ONE perspective/way of being/doing/thinking.

A big problem in our New Age-ish community is Blaming the Victim! Sometimes we get anxious. Sometimes we get sick. Sometimes we get a crazy stalker. Sometimes our car breaks down. Now, sometimes (most times) we did NOT “create” the anxiety, sickness, stalker, breakdown. Of course, positive thinking is better than a kick in the azz. And positive thinking IS a talisman, of sorts.

But we live in a fallen/evolving world. Crap happens. Yes, even to us! 😉

Life is full of ebbs and flows.

I believe your anxiety may be something else going on in you don’t want to deal with. I know when things had been working “too” good, I would feel GUILTY for my life being awesome. All throughout my childhood and teenage years every little thing was such a struggle I feel like I’m CHEATING now! LOL

I have been there!! Ashamed of my anxiety. Ashamed because I am ashamed. It goes away with time and the (unenlightened, sorry) “I’m going to have this (good thing) because I say so, that’s why!” attitude.

Blessings,

Inky

• This reply was modified 8 years, 8 months ago by Inky.