Forum Replies Created
I think everyone here is just trying to do their best. I suggested to Jessica that she should reach out to a local group that she can talk to.
that does not sound like fun…
A wee bit sad, a titbit mad
My eyes droopy, from the meal I just had
What is spondyloslisthesis? lol
Wow Anita, your lunch is sooo nice & healthy…it’s making me hungry! LOL
I went to have some Japanese tempura for lunch…it’s been a week since I ate anything crunchy cuz of my cold sore…ugh…
I saw your other forum on “how bored are you?”…I was so bored today…I wanted to write a poem about you guys…
Oh the forum we go…
Oh the internet so slow.
Anita & Jack, well hello!
Never fails to respond with a glow.
Are we really bored?
Are we just sane?
Let’s have food together!
With some coffee & sugar cane!
First, I feel that you haven’t given yourself enough credit! You mention that there is a “curse” following you. I actually am thinking it is quite the opposite! You alone have been supporting your entire family on your own income…that includes your fiancé, son & 2 dogs…one person supporting 4…adding anxiety & ADHD on top of that…that is a HUGE accomplishment itself! See how far you have come along…that is a “miracle” to me already!
Second, you mention about living on large land with surrounded by woods and few people….do you know any friends, neighbours or anyone out there that have the same vision? Maybe you guys can chip in together to find a place. Or maybe you can inquire into joining one of these “off-the-grid” communities & help pay the “bills” by doing communal chores.
I don’t know which country you are from but here are a few examples of these communities:
United States: http://www.mnn.com/lifestyle/responsible-living/stories/off-the-grid-communities-5-places-carving-a-sustainable-path
Lastly, as Anita already mentioned…take little steps in life. Go for a short walk, enjoy the artwork your son draws, admire the trees and grass that are surrounding you. Some people in other parts of the world may not be so lucky…there are children around the world dying everyday from malaria, lack of clean water, war etc…many things that we take for granted. You can start counting the things that you have instead of the things that you don’t have….give thanks for 5 things everyday…a shift can slowly help…
Here’s a guided relaxation meditation youtube video you can follow…it is best to listen with earphones so you can zone out…
We are here as a community to support you. Thanks for sharing your story.
I would start with taking a moment to breathe….the very essence of Buddhism is to live in the present moment. Pause and breathe. Enjoy your breath…it sounds like you are carrying a lot of responsibilities both working and taking care of your son…if we allow just a few minutes for ourselves to clear our mind & center our body back to our breath…we feel calm & stable…we feel alive again.
Putting the negative aside for the moment, can you share with us a moment in life where you experienced happiness? What was it like? What things do you like doing that makes you joyful? It could be as simple as perhaps watching your son smile or cooking a nice meal for your family…sometimes, we need to re-focus back on the simple things in life. If we are too caught up in the negative, we can easily spiral down and miss the small moments. Once you feel centered again, then you can reflect upon the past while staying grounded in the present.
I wish you the best of luck! Please feel free to share more of your experiences.
With a smile & lotus flower,
Thanks everyone for their insight! It has helped me navigate better. 🙂
Just wanted to share a youtube video – Eckhart Tolle’s explanation of “ego vs healthy self esteem”.
I’m also an only-child & sole daughter. I am also “hiding” from everyone to avoid the fuss while I am bumming right now.
Here’s some tips/thoughts that I have from surviving being a single-child:
1. You are independent – To some of us as single-child, there is a very deep attachment to our parents because there is no other sibling to bounce off. But once we reach 18, we technically are independent bodies from our parents. We have our own path and we always have this fear that our actions will negatively affect our parents. Independence can simply be just finding your passion without influence or actually physically moving out…it can start by simply thinking about “if my parents will be ok with absolutely anything I do, what would my life look like?” You don’t have to action right away, but you can just start jotting down your thoughts.
2. Your parents are independent too – I know this may sound weird, but it took me going on a retreat & talking to a nun to realize this. She said that my parents are independent of me and that sometimes, it is the kid that teaches their parents what to do. Because we are the only child, we often carry a lot of guilt, responsibility, burden that is actually our parents’ burden. But they are independent adults too that have the capability of taking care of their own matters. If a parent is controlling, know that it is not your fault…it is from their own conditioning while growing up. If there are control or other issues, it is actually more important to take care of yourself first & nourish yourself with positive things.
3. Create space – Being alone is wonderful! I give you kudos for doing that! It takes time to figure out whether you want to live independently or not. In the meantime, create space for yourself so that you can think deeply what your true calling is…instead of hanging around home, you can go to the library, park, community centre, wherever you can find space. You can sign-up for volunteering since there is no commitment and meet new people.
4. The dreaded “what are you doing?” question – It is annoying, I know. You can say things like “I am taking a career break” or “I am doing some soul searching”. I think you mentioned before in a previous post that you like to travel. Perhaps you can say “I’m planning do some travelling & explore the world”. If they ask where…you can always say “it’s in preliminary stages. What do you recommend?” so that the question is back in their court.
We aren’t following the convention path of getting a job, then married, then kids…so people often feel confused when we have nothing to give in response. Know that it is absolutely fine to stay out of it….there’s a bunch of us here that are also doing the same. 🙂
If you are considering moving out:
– Take a look at local ads for a one-bedroom apartment or something small to see how much they cost. There is no harm in just checking them out…nothing to worry about.
– See how much savings you have & see whether you can afford to move out. Then ask yourself whether you would prefer “bumming at home” or “work temporary as a tutor or perhaps something related to travelling” to fund your rent & other expenses such as eating, household supplies, etc. You always have the option to move home if it doesn’t work out 😉
May I suggest a couple of good reads:
“Introvert Power” by Laurie Helgoe
“You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay
Sorry for this loooongggg response. I hope you find something useful for your journey.
I wish you the best of luck!!
Interesting point you raise, Jack!
When we help others, we inadvertently will trigger the ego. I think the key is awareness and to not let our ego totally take over. As you pointed out, I also have seen it in some of the posts…some people immediately take one side or other…the more important thing is to not others trigger our own ego.
For me, I feel compassion for myself & others when responding because someone else has been asking a question that has been circling in my head, but I never got a chance to articulate externally….so I sort of experience this “ah-ha” awakening moment.
I pick and choose which posts to respond…and I only respond to the ones that I can relate to. I feel more that we are sharing thoughts rather than one person is above the other. The concept of non-duality and that we are all interdependent human beings reminds me of this.
Thanks again everyone who responded! I am feeling much better this week…and thanks for sending those youtube videos. What I learned is that depression shouldn’t be looked as something negative…but rather an indication of a change needing to happen….it is an opportunity to look deeply within ourselves to figure out what is not aligned in our true nature.
Many blessings to all! I look forward to hearing from you on other posts!
Thanks for sharing. You are very strong and intelligent. The fact that you can write this means you have “awakened” to reality. That is a big step. It seems that your family is oblivious to it and they are suffering without knowing it. You are the smart one!
It sounds like you were one of the middle children that was neglected and not properly cared for. This simple realization can help change your future. I didn’t realize the impact my parents had on me until I was 29 years old…I realized you are never too late to start making a difference for yourself.
It is very difficult to confront family who is blind to what they are doing. It’s become a negative habit for them & it’s hard to break them out of it. May I suggest finding friends or other people who are positive to hang around….some college or high school friends whom you have still kept in contact. Do fun things for yourself…it doesn’t have to cost much…you can enjoy an afternoon roaming around town & do something that you enjoy…could be simple as walking in a park, doing arts/crafts, taking photos, whatever your hobby may be. Find meetup groups that share your same interest…this could maybe help in finding a job you desire.
The important thing right now is to focus on you. I know it sounds selfish but it is not. Focus on what makes you happy, what is important to you. Once you have found your own happiness, your family will realize that you also have a voice that needs to be heard.
By the way, I am also currently unemployed….me and my friends call it “funemployed” 🙂
Steve Jobs & Bill Gates both did not finish university…but yet they built big careers for themselves. The famous spiritual teacher, Eckhart Tolle, who wrote the book ‘Power of Now’ spent two years sitting in park benches, but is now guiding others to happiness on Oprah TV. James Cameron was a truck driver before he made it big with being a filmmaker for many movies including Titanic. What I am saying is don’t let your siblings get you down. Find your passion, pursue your dream…with hard work & patience, you can achieve your own happiness & success.
I wish you the best of luck!
Sorry Anita, I think the period after my e-mail messed up the sending. I tested my e-mail and it works.
Here we go again! It is: email@example.com
I like your response! Very well thought out! I think parents often have many blind spots where they are unaware of what is important to their children. And thus, handing down issues to their children which then creates the same cycle when the children grow up.
Anita – Jessica & I connected through e-mail today. If you can join us, that would be great. My e-mail is firstname.lastname@example.org.
Thanks & hope to hear from you!
Jessica and Anita,
I was thinking maybe the 3 of us can connect via email to chat about parental issues….
I offer my email here email@example.com.
Hope you can give me a shout within the next day or two!
And by the way, I’m leaving my job in accounting to go study to become a youth worker…to help people like you, Jessica. So don’t feel at all you are a burden. In fact, we are learning so much from you and feeling your pain together with you. Take good care ok?