Dear Jessica,

It’s Jennifer here. I did not share earlier with you, but I myself also went through a stage where I had wanted to commit suicide 3 years ago. I’m grateful I did not, otherwise I wouldn’t be here responding to you. There are options out there. If you leave, what will happen to your brother and dad? They will be only left with guilt, pain, sorrow, immense burden for the rest of their lives.

And btw, I like your writing…I can envision you becoming a writer one day and helping others out of the darkness too.

There is nothing wrong with venting…we all do that. You have the right to do that.

If you don’t feel comfortable seeking a therapist, how about going to a nearby church? I myself am not Christian, but you can always find a pastor or someone you can trust to talk about your situation. Maybe if you tell your mom you are going to church, that maybe easier to tell her than to say you are seeking help.

I found this multicultural non-denominational church in Brooklyn maybe you can pay a visit:
Brooklyn Tabernacle http://www.brooklyntabernacle.org/the-church
You can even just submit a prayer request online. Or see if there’s a church near your college or home. Maybe you can pop by during lunch or right after school.

If you need to talk to someone right now, this again is available 24-hours:
(212) 673-3000
http://samaritansnyc.org/24-hour-crisis-hotline/

We are here for you Jessica.

Big Hugs,
Jennifer

Dear Zita,

Thank you for sharing your experiences. I can relate to it…I’m now 33 but back when I was in my twenties…I did the same cycle. I was working near a shopping district. I would reward myself with expensive handbags and clothes. I felt like I worked so hard through school & at my job, so I deserved it. Wearing it gave me status, gave me power and I proudly show it off….I would not look at the bill because I know that eventually, I can somehow cover it…

I didn’t “snap out” until I left my job working near the shopping district. I realized that being in that area was toxic for me. Just as smokers would be inclined to smoke if they were in a bar….I was being lured into “retail therapy” by the displays and sales…almost an addiction.

Perhaps one thing you can do is try to avoid the shopping malls/areas for abit. Think of other things you enjoy. Is there a hobby, sports or something else you like to do? I found doing yoga helps as it keeps me grounded. When the mind & body are better connected, things start to become abit more clear.

Another thing is to try and hang out with people who are like you. ie. graduates or others in the faculty. I am currently unmarried with no kids at 33, and most of my friends are married with kids…but then I ask…where does happiness come from?
It does not come from having kids & settling down. It does not come from buying things (well just a temporary high hehe). It comes from doing what we love deep down inside.

I wish you the best of luck Zita! It’s a crazy world we live in….being aware is already amazing!

Take care,
Jennifer

Dear Jessica,

Thanks for responding. I’ve skimmed through and found a few that are near Brooklyn Crown Heights. You can call and tell them about your situation & see if you can get free consultation:

1. Beverley Mack Harry
http://www.bmhtherapy.org/index.htm
738 Crown Street, Brooklyn N.Y. 11213
(718) 363-0100
They specialize in working with youth and families with Caribbean heritage.

2. If your zip code is 11207 and 11208, Beacon Hill Family Place offers free counselling
http://www.cypresshills.org/chw/beacon-family-place/
350 Linwood St Brooklyn, NY 11208
(718) 277-9593
They provide family counselling and youth support groups

3. Brooklyn Center for Families in Crisis
http://bcfcbrooklyn.org/
1309-1311 Foster Avenue Brooklyn, NY 11230
(718) 282-0010
They provide intake assessments to determine what your needs are. This one offers fee on sliding scale and perhaps you can ask if they have free consultation for students.

4. You can also contact your college counsellor again to see if they can help you find a free social worker/therapist for you. Almost all therapists work Monday through Thursday.

Are you part of any spiritual community or church groups? Often these groups have resources to provide free counselling.

If you ever can’t sleep at night and need to talk to someone…you can call the 24-hour hotline:
(212) 673-3000
http://samaritansnyc.org/24-hour-crisis-hotline/
It is completely confidential and open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week

Let us know if you need more help! I went through therapy myself a few years ago…it was the best decision I made for myself & my parents.

Good luck,
Jennifer

Dear Glenda

It sounds like you are burning out and have not had a chance to express yourself.

May I suggest you take a break for yourself. Take a day or two off without your partner. Go somewhere you love to alone (spa, shopping, afternoon tea…or simply just do nothing or read a book). It will help clear out the air and help you see what is really going on without influence of others (I myself went on a zen retreat for 3 days without my partner and it was the most refreshing moment for the past few months).

Once you have a chance to take a break….then you can decide whether or not to leave him.

All the best. I support you whatever your decision maybe.

Take care
Jennifer

Dear Leanne,

First I want to offer a lotus for you for your bravery in sharing.

I am also currently suffering from having a “disconnect” with my partner. I realize that even though he is present with me, many times I feel “off”. I also attribute this to my past with my parents. It could also be something passed down from our grandparents & ancestors, because they were more focused on survival rather than how to deal with our emotions. We are lucky in this generation that we are able to sit & recognize it. Recognition is already a big step!

How do we deal with it? We need to cultivate more “self-love”. Because we feel that our partner is a trigger, we need to first love and nurture ourselves. We need to take care of our inner child and find joy within ourselves. We can find beauty in nature, in talking to nurturing friends, in walking or just enjoying the food we are consuming…then we begin to feel the love from the world around us and know that our existence is precious. Once we have a strong “self-love”, then we can begin to explore our relationship with our partner. We try and let go of any expectation of our partner and just try to “be”. A calm moment together in silence can already be very nourishing.

I wish you the best of luck Leanne! Reading your post has helped me as well as I was feeling alone on the path.

Thank you,
Jennifer

• This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by Jennifer.