What exactly was it about the guy who lied and the guy who drank that you were attracted to? Was it confidence? Did you feel a certain way etc? Were they very charming? I can guarantee you weren’t attracted to the lying and the drinking, but there was something they both had that attracted you. Find out what that is. (When women are attracted to the “bad boy” types, it’s not the bad behavior they like it’s another trait that can sometimes accompany bad behavior) Once you know what is attracting you, you can then look for that trait in men who are honest and not heavy drinkers. Best of luck!

~Jodi

Anytime someone goes all in and then pulls back like he did is unsure of what they want. Mixed messages mean mixed feelings. For your own sanity step back and figure out what it is your want in a relationship (regardless of who it’s with) and then announce to the universe your intention to have that by moving forward with your own life and let him figure things out for himself. If he decides he wants to be with you then you can revisit whether he can give you what you want, but for now, I would move on and not wait for him to come back. Best of luck!

~Jodi

My question would be are these things “secrets” or just stuff that he has interests in that maybe you aren’t all that interested in or he didn’t think you had an interest in? My partner and I are in tons of different fb groups that where we don’t share the common interest. I would agree with Anita, that he may not think they are important or that they would be interesting to you.

~Jodi

It can be so tough to watch someone we love and care for move on so quickly after a break up! Most of us have experienced this at some point in our lives. However, Perry may have hit it on the head when he said that it was probably over for her well before she broke it off with you. You job now is to be gentle with yourself and move on. Remove her from social media so that you don’t have to see her moving on and continue with the no contact. That should makes things a bit less painful. You still have to work through your own pain and focus forward, but not having to see or talk with her will make that easier. Best of luck!

~Jodi

Honestly from your description, it sounds like you mother has a personality disorder as well, which would make sense with your brother’s diagnosis. People with PD are toxic and if you want to do what is best for yourself and your children, it’s probably best that you just not have contact with them. I know it can be difficult when it’s your mother and your close family, but you and your children will not be served well by attempting to have relationships with people who aren’t capable of them.
Best of luck!

~Jodi

No one can really tell you what your bf mean but your bf. We would all just be guessing at best. Take Anita’s suggestions about having a conversation with him using open ended questions to get him to talk more and communicate. Best of luck!

~Jodi

Chemistry and attraction are difficult concepts to understand and explain. You can be very sexually and physically attracted to a person but not want to be in a relationship with them. It does happen. I had this happen to me after a 5 year relationship when a man basically said no to marrying me and making things more permanent. Less than a year later he married his secretary from work. When I found out I was so heartbroken wondering what she had that I didn’t. However, those are not really helpful questions to ask yourself because there are no good answers. Needless to say, his “no” was the kindest and most loving thing he ever gave me. It freed me up to find the wonderful, loving, spiritual relationship that I have now. With time, you will be able to look back and see this as a gift, but in the meantime, be gentle with yourself and try not to dwell on what you don’t have that she wanted. Focus on how much you do have to offer the right person and soon you’ll attract that person. Best of luck!
~Jodi

I think Moongal gave you a fantastic summary here:
“I think you’re looking to fix the outside without really understanding whats bothering you on the inside. You’ve gotta let go of living inside your head and really understand what is there in your heart, what is the real issue.”

If you are suffering from addictions and other internal issues, you will need to deal with those first otherwise, no matter what your physical looks are, you won’t be attrctive to a real partner (not one who will stick around). Think for a moment about your ideal mate. What kind of mate do they deserve in you? Begin there. Look into therapies that can assist you in beginning to deal with some of these internal issues that plague you and give yourself some time to heal before you try taking on the responsibility of a relationship.

Best of luck!
~Jodi