Hi Ayrton,

I think you are psyching yourself out, over a name and putting too much pressure on yourself. People know you are not the real person, it’s just a name, they will not “expect” anything from you. If it really bothers you, where it is interfering with your life, you can always legally change your name.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Eliana.

Hi JH,

1. You are not missing much. Don’t worry about high school and college parties, they are not what they are cracked up to be. I went to a few of my high school ones, but it was mostly all “the popular” girls such as cheerleaders, cliques, gossipers, etc. I felt I never really fit in, I wasn’t exactly very popular in High school, didn’t even go to my High School Prom. I was “a late bloomer” in my late teens, I was very much into horses and showing them and I loved being around animals. For some reason, I was never really interested in dating or being part of a clique in High School. Same thing in College. I had to join a Sorority, and there was “hazing”. Worst experience of my life. I won’t go into detail, but we were all pushed to drink alot, and I ended up with alcohol poisoning. While I lay there pleading to be taken home as I was so sick, I was crawling around and people were pointing at me and walking over me laughing. People don’t care about you. It’s all about being popular, cliques, cheerleaders, if you are “not one of them” you “don’t belong”.

When I turned 19, I became engaged. I was way too young and emotionally immature. He wasn’t. He wanted to settle down, did not go to bars or parties. At the time, I lived in Florida. In a ritzy city, called Sarasota. It’s all about the kind of car you drive, the outfit you wear, etc. There are long lines at prestigious clubs and you have to look a certain way, and if the bouncer liked the way you look, he would let you under the rope. I went to beach parties, hurricane parties, bonfire parties, clubbing and dancing almost every night. My fiance has enough and broke up with me. I was devastated, but it was my fault. Now he is happily married with kids and grandchildren, while I am single and no kids. The reason..partying. I just wanted to date, be with friends, go to Tampa, Orlando, Miami Beach, Seaworld, Disney World, the hottest clubs. Etc, this continued in my thirties. I just wanted to be seen with the best looking men and be at bars. Because of this, I find myself today, wondering why I messed up my life doing that? If I hadn’t, perhaps, I would have been married with children by now. So enjoy, being “tied down” in your twenties, because you could be like me, wake up, be alone and wondering where life went.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Eliana.

Hi Jess,

The reason he is not fighting was he told you, he does not want to be in a relationship right now, that he is confused and lost, and is feeling depressed and had SAD. I too suffer from mental illness and SAD, it is very debilitating, and one barely has energy to make it out of bed, or to make it through the dday, so the last thing they want to do, is fight for a relationship. He was very open and honest to you about his feelings. He didn’t just “up and leave” and he was not belittling toward you, so try to respect his wishes to get through what he needs to get through and don’t hold any resentment toward him. We can’t be resentful to someone, when we are not fighting their battles.

Maybe, he wants to give you both some space right now, so he can figure things out. He may be trying to figure out what he needs to do with his confusion and sadness. Whether it’s professional help, medication, etc. I am on Wellbutrin which has really helped me with SAD. All you can do right now is be supportive and respect his wishes, and if you are meant to be, he will find his way back to you.

Hi Kate,

In the beginning stages of a relationship, it is called the “infatuation” stage. That is where the intensity, romance, “passion” stage is in. You can’t get enough of each other. Think about each other constantly. A feeling of euphoria. As the relationship matures into love usually after 6 month to a year the “intensity, passion, turns into something more tender. It turns into love. “Passion” and “lust” while awesome only lasts for a few months, before changing it into a mature love with each other. Are you saying you are missing the passion you had when you first met him? Or the euphoria feeling of “being in love”?

Hi Michelle,

I don’t think it had anything to do with your behavior or insecurity. But his behavior and him deliberately putting you in an awkward situation. He may not have dated this girl, but he had sex with her, and that would make anyone feel uncomfortable. I think he was quite disrespectful of you and your feelings. He should have taken your feelings into considetation, shown more empathy instead of being critical and yelling at you. This is very disrespectful and no way to treat a girlfriend or someone you love.

Instead of “blowing” up next time, which is not working, and making things worse, assert yourself and set boudaries. Tell him you will not go anywhere where there are women around that he has had sex with. And leave it at that. Instead, go out with your friends, showing him you can be fine and independent without him and his disrespectful behavior. What if the tables, were turned and you took him to a bar where your ex’s were, how would be feel? Best to tell him, for him not to put you in that position again, that it is creating too much turmoil in the relationship, and maybe you can go to a movie or a romantic drive or dinner instead. There’s lots of things he can do without going to bars with ex’s around.

Hi Emma,

It sounds like he got cold feet as well, but it’s an awful way to leave things..

Hi Free Moon,

Keep asserting yourself with him. Right now he is trying to control you and your conversations and acting very selfish. Next time he says that “say “ask me again how my day went!” just keep asserting yourself. When he sees he can’t push you around, he will stop his controlling ways. Or if he continues to rant, just say “Enough!” or “stop”! In a very firm tone to get his attention. And just tell him you are tired of it. Tell him how you feel and you are his girlfriend and not his therapist. Don’t let him push you around.

Hi Belle,

I have “liked” my ex’s pictures, and they have “liked” mine on Facebook and other social media. There is one I’m still in love with who recently did this. But I try not to read too much into it, because he is also liking other women’s pictures and sending them flirty emoji’s. What I try to do is block them. I don’t want to know what they “are up to” or who they are seeing or flirting” with because I just end up depressed. Like they are moving on, and I’m not. Best to block him. It’s too depressing.