Hi Lauren,

I read your post and re-read it, and am truly sorry you are going through this. I know how painful it can be..the wondering, constant guessing, second guessing..he is the one putting you through this. I don’t honestly think things will change or he will change and you deserve better for your life, a healthy man who truly wants to be with you.

From what I gathered from your post, you say “he is a good guy” are you sure? Is it because he is “fun” to be around? Because there was nothing I read in your post that gives any indication of a good guy. A good guy, would show you off, and treat you with respect. Keep us posted.

Hi Bronwyn,

Have you tried Facebook? If you create a profile on there, there are so many different groups with people of different interests. I met a lot of online friends that way.

I also like amateur photography and Google plus is a great way to meet people. You don’t have to be a photographer to be on there. You can just post your favorite quotes or funny posts, many people do that. It’s a fun social media site. Keep us posted.

Hi Sunseeker,

I am not sure If you go to church, you didn’t mention that in your post. But I too, have had alot of problems meeting men. Dating, no matter how tall, short, skinny, overweight, young, old is difficult and complicated period. Add that onto, everyone seems like they don’t want face to face interaction anymore, so making new friends is very hard, because of technology.

Everyone is busy on their smartphones texting. I went to an espresso shop the other day, I live in a small town and it’s all married people and hallelujah!! There were two cute men sitting together, one looked at me and said “Hi beautiful”.. I was so in shock I did not know what to do, but there was really nothing because they were busy playing chess on their smartphones and were not interested in talking to anyone.

What I am saying is please don’t take it personally. It is unfortunately the times we live in. How, I wish we could go back to the 70’s or 80′ with no cell phones where people wanted friends and human companionship. I know of many great looking thin people who are single and have a tough time and lonely too.

I know some of my friends have met their spouses through Christian singles dances, or bible study. Many of these men are very nice, are not into games and want a committed relationship. Another idea, what about a book club? That’s a great way to meet nice people, or start your own group at your house, or even volunteer at an animal shelter, so many nice people There. Just some suggestions. Please don’t be hard on yourself. You are closer than you think. God has great things in store for you. Keep us posted.

Hi Alexander,

You’ll never know unless you try. Keep it cute, flirty and lightbeat. Just go up to her, when no one is around, and say I notice we notice each other alot which is really nice. I was wondering if you might like to go out sometime. (keep it light) nothing intimidating, maybe like a school athletic event, a diner, a walk in a nearby park, a video game arcade. Keep us posted.

Hi Thomas,

It seems everytime we go through so much pain, heartbreak, lonliness, anger, grieving, about a break-up..wishing they would come back to us, missing them, the memories, etc..then, when we *finally* start getting over the pain and move on with our lives, and become happy once again, here come ourut ex’s wanting us back. Happens to many of us.

Happened to me, except it took me four years to get over the love of my life, the man I thought I would marry. He cheated on me once while we were engaged. We were both very young. I was very naive. I forgave him..my friends always told me “once a cheater, always a cheater”. I didn’t listen and I should have. Would have saved me alot of misery. He did it again. Then we broke out engagement off. Ten years later, he showed up at my door, God, he looked handsome, he was the most handsome man I had ever seen. He still is to this day at 55 years old. He was married with twins when he showed up at my door, told me he still thought about me all the time, missed us, me, was in an unhappy marriage and wanted to rekindle our romance. I felt nothing for him.

I’m so glad I never went back to him, because, what they say is true, once a cheater, always a cheater. Please, don’t go back to her. You have made so many positive strides and growth and are happy now, if you went back to her, it is very hard to rekindle an old flame, and it doesn’t sound like she has grown very much and you would not be happy. Just keep being happy without her, the door will open up for someone who won’t feel the need to cheat. Keep us posted.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Eliana.
• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Eliana.

Hi Lily,

Please don’t be hard for yourself. I’m so sorry about what happened to you. It’s only been 7 weeks and you were with him 4 years. Each of us are different, some people take 6 months (although I don’t know how they do it), others it takes a year, others it takes 3 years, with me, because I have abandonment and co-dependent issues (which are being worked on in therapy) it took me 4 years to get over the two love of my lives. You just have to let yourself go through the grieving process, and only time will heal.

Even when we no longer want that person, we still hold on to them because of the memories and how we felt when we were with them, back when times were happy, secure, a future envisioned. Adding that to the loss of the tragic death of someone only adds to the grief. I am glad you are making an attempt at keeping busy. Maybe living with a family member isn’t ideal right now, and working in the bar, but at least you have a roof over your head and you can pay your bills.

Have you tried a grief support group? I too lost a friend from suicide right after losing my Dad, and it was a Godsend to me. I went to a hospital, where they had free support groups. I also joined co-dependents anonymous, I do the phone meetings because there are no face to face meetings in the small town where I live. You will meet a lot of happy wonderful, supportive people, and they will find a sponsor for you. They teach you how not to make a man your whole life like I did and have back-up resources, so if a break-up did happen, I would not feel so devastated, lost and broken. I have been there and know how debilitating it can be. Just keep surrounding yourself with friends, even if you don’t feel like it, join support groups, and time, one day you will wake up and not think about him anymore. Keep us posted.

Hey, John,

I just wanted to add one more thing before I get to group. People who hurt people can and do change. But only when they are not in denial, they know what their problems and issues are and they are in intensive therapy, on medication and have a supportive network.

With me, I started out getting a BA in Psychology. I was then diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, MDD, panic attacks. While I do not consider myself “cured” I want to get better and have made great strides in doing so, yes, people can change, with alot of hard work. The ones that don’t change, are the ones that don’t want to. I hope this makes sense. Not everyone with a severe mental health disorder is hopeless. God does not make junk. Through my own pain, emotional distress, has given me great insight, an ability to help other’s. You can, and will make it through this.

Hi AdleyFlores,

I too have this same problem. Sometimes, it many be a matter of being bored with a healthy and loving relationship. When you desribe wanting “better” do you think you might be wanting “excitement” “passion” “being in love” and the euphoria it brings? “intensity”.

I know with me, I had a very unstable, chaotic childhood. So, I’m my adult life, I tend to go for men that mirror what I was given or not given in my childhood. For example, my father due to travel, was never there, so I tend to attract emotionally available men, I try to “fix” them, but what I am really trying to fix is my Dad, and unresolved issues.

I also gravitate to men who don’t really love me, or maybe I can’t love them, other than the high of being “in love” this is my way of trying to fix my Alcololic mother who constantly abandoned, neglected and verbally, emotionally abused me. Unless, I have intensity in my relationships, I tend to grow bored with “healthy love”.

Now, you may have had a great childhood. But still may want some kind of excitement and spontaneous fun in your relationship. Try to develop that in your relationship. Do things with him you have never done before. Bed and breakfast, a long romantic evening drive, going to a planetarium and looking at the stars through a telescope, going to a different country together, going to a casino, going to a hotel for the heck of it like you were on a vacation, get massages together, anything to get you out of your routine, to make you fall in love again and add excitement. Keep us posted.