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jock

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Viewing 15 posts - 871 through 885 (of 915 total)
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  • September 10, 2015 at 11:08 pm in reply to: Here is a poem I wrote. "Peace is" #83159
    jock
    Participant

    Peas is the vegetable I like most

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 2 months ago by jock.
    September 10, 2015 at 8:24 pm in reply to: Do you think you are spiritual? #83151
    jock
    Participant

    starrynightdreams
    nature, yeah that’s right, my partner doesn’t think she is spiritual but loves spending time alone walking near the ocean.
    nature is her spirituality.
    Yoga is something I would like to spend more time on. Not forcing difficult poses, just stretching muscles that haven’t been stretched for years. It definitely adds to wellbeing.

    September 7, 2015 at 8:45 pm in reply to: married the wrong person #83032
    jock
    Participant

    Mallory,
    again you seem to give mixed messages in your post.
    Feeling sorry for someone is not a good reason to stay and it aint love either.
    Sounds like you are acting nobly but you are doing your husband a disservice in my view.
    If I were him, I would hate to think my wife was staying with me out of pity.
    You owe to both of you to be honest and authentic.
    Leave if you don’t love him.
    Have the courage or else you are playing the victim, which won’t arouse sympathy from me.
    Sorry I had to say all this.
    Im being authentic, possibly too critical but nevertheless.

    September 6, 2015 at 7:16 pm in reply to: Is she worth pursuing? #82983
    jock
    Participant

    Rejection is a part of life. If we avoid rejection we avoid life.
    I know it’s hard but try not to take it personally. Actually we don’t realise, but sometimes a rejection is doing you a favour in the long run. I compare this to missing out on a job. The job seems ideal but if they accepted , the job might’ve proved less than ideal. You need that approach to life. “oh too bad. it mustn’t have meant to work out.
    This procrastination is wasting your time. Better to find out for sure, then move on if you have to. I bet there a lot of women suitable for you, just you either aren’t aware or they haven’t met you yet.
    If I think about the time I wasted on “oh this is the one, I have to have her”, the sleepless nights. The agony is wateful as I look back now.

    September 6, 2015 at 6:31 pm in reply to: Is she worth pursuing? #82976
    jock
    Participant

    Time to lay it on the line then…
    “Listen can we talk….
    How can I put this? Would you be ready to take our relationship to the next step? I feel ready. Do you?”

    How’s that? Too abrupt? Wouldn’t work?

    September 6, 2015 at 6:24 pm in reply to: i need to learn to stand up for myself #82975
    jock
    Participant

    Ah boundaries! That is such hard one for me too.
    I like to give a relaxed, easygoing persona in the beginning. Little do I realise that those first encounters with people are crucial in setting up a pattern of either respect or disrespect; in my case disrespect. How can I expect people to respect me if I don’t respect myself?
    I have to be determined to create a new pattern with people and encounters. Listen respectfully to them but have your radar on for any subtle rudeness. As soon as you notice it, nip it in the bud. “why do you say that?”.
    My new persona is less friendly, more cautious in the beginning. Keep conversation superficial for a while but if I feel a slight doubt about the speaker’s attitude, question them “oh that’s interesting ..mmm why do you say that?” Avoid gossip or any negativity. Make your values clear. Don’t be afraid to disagree. Don’t be anxious to please above all.

    September 6, 2015 at 6:10 pm in reply to: Can you become wise from Buddhism alone? #82970
    jock
    Participant

    I think you become wise from a lot of things. Getting old and experiencing both pain and joy.
    Life experience brings wisdom, usually. Unless you are a really slow learner, which could apply to me in certain areas of my life, such as forgetting to brush your teeth, which I do occasionally.
    Trying to think for yourself. Question everything, especially Buddhism. Reincarnation is a hard one to swallow for me for example.
    Christianity has wisdom. All religions do I believe. Find what suits you. What suits your values. Just don’t become a proslytiser, a saleman for your cause. Nothing worse than those Mormons knocking on your door trying to sell you their delusional view of Christianity. (even if they helped me fix a puncture once, which was kinda nice)

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by jock.
    September 6, 2015 at 6:04 pm in reply to: Can you become wise from Buddhism alone? #82969
    jock
    Participant

    I hope so. I’m quite into it.
    But one part put me off. If you are being mercilessly tortured by the likes of ISIS or even a nagging wife, you have to say to yourself “Goodwill to all sentient beings, even this one”
    Imagine being on the rack or any of those horrendous things from the middle ages, and having to wish your abuser goodwill!

    Anita, this is definitely true if you read up on theravadan Buddhism.

    September 6, 2015 at 5:58 pm in reply to: Is she worth pursuing? #82968
    jock
    Participant

    Sounds like you’ve put all your eggs in one basket which may be unattractive to some females.
    I’d say as long as she knows where you stand, time to back off. the ball is in her court. Time to pursue other interests, even other females, as she may not be taking you seriously. The fact that she is still seeing another guy occasionally is a red flag in my opinion.
    The “real” her may not be as good as the “ideal” her that you have created.
    I’m in my fiftees and looking back I know, I definitely idealised some women who didn’t really deserve it.
    One other thing springs to mind. her “difficult” past may be a red flag too. it would be for me. She may not want to risk loving feelings towards anyone again. she may want to adopt a pragmatic, even cynical approach to life. OK I might reading too much into this.
    Good luck.

    September 6, 2015 at 3:40 pm in reply to: married the wrong person #82966
    jock
    Participant

    How can you make this work?
    By wanting to.

    September 6, 2015 at 5:49 am in reply to: Wha is my purpose in life? #82940
    jock
    Participant

    I think even if people take an interest in our issues/our problems, it is enough, even if they don’t give great advice.
    But of course here I was lucky to get good advice as well from people like yourself, Ruminant.

    I just discovered free audio version of six pillars of self esteem on youtube. 3hours!!
    Maybe not available in the U.S.

    September 6, 2015 at 2:38 am in reply to: Wha is my purpose in life? #82938
    jock
    Participant

    Ruminant
    Thanks again for your time and patience.
    You will be surprised to hear that I discovered the existence of that Branden book only 3 weeks ago. it is not readily available at my library (in Australia), I do seriously want to buy that book soon though. It looks a classic I should’ve purchased ages ago.

    re your issue
    Seems this girl has least improved under your wing. (at least opened up to you)
    Any way of grading her tasks from doable to slightly challenging to more challenging?
    Time for a heart to heart? One of those tough conversations, where you need to be honest about your own feelings “Look I’m trying to help you but you don’t seem to be taking initiative. Do you want to do this or not?”
    Any way of throwing her in the deep end and letting her make mistakes?
    This is what I wish my manager said to me ” Jack , the only way you are going to learn is get in there and fail, without anyone to catch you. We’ve all made mistakes so I encourage you to have a go. Try to believe in yourself!”
    Then maybe I am expecting my manager to be a kind of nurturing teacher. I can’t expect her to care about my progress. She has to worry about the big picture. Getting the job done!
    I’m not sure exactly your context so my advice might be way off the mark.
    Thanks again.

    September 5, 2015 at 9:09 pm in reply to: Wha is my purpose in life? #82928
    jock
    Participant

    thanks anita
    yeah anxiety can actually be a talent. How’s that?
    I’m always thinking worst case scenario instead of best case scenario.
    I get anxious about being anxious, worry about worry,
    humour is the only thing that saves my day but often it is only me who is laughing,
    people with high self-esteem can’t understand humour from those of us with self-deprecating low self-esteem.

    September 5, 2015 at 3:09 pm in reply to: Do You Want To Quit #82892
    jock
    Participant

    I agree with Anita. her post is not abusive.

    But getting back to original post.

    You know what you hate. Now work on what you love.
    I hope you find meaning in your life now and get a good work/life balance. From my experience, finding that alternative career is the hard part. Hope you are more successful than me.
    But you sound a lot more talented than I.

    September 5, 2015 at 1:58 pm in reply to: Wha is my purpose in life? #82890
    jock
    Participant

    The ruminant
    thanks so much!!
    I’m relieved to hear life is not a suffering competition. 🙂
    Nice of you to say that I may be fulfilling my life purpose by just starting/replying to a forum thread on the Internet.
    But I agree that when we are fully present for others, we fulfil our purpose as empathic human beings. We need to be there for each other. We need to support each other. Life doesn’t come with a “how to ” manual”. The Bible might help us be good people but it doesn’t detail how to be assertive and cope with intimidators/manipulators and people with nasty agendas in the real world.
    Maybe the meaning of our lives is supposed to be mysterious. We only get hints, clues that we might be heading in the right direction. We can never be absolutely sure that what we are doing has God’s blessing or whether Buddha thinks we are completely delusional.

    Next week I have to decide whether to quit my current job or stay. It is a nightmare with my line manager micromanaging me, belittling me in front of clients and colleagues, lecturing me like a child. She has no idea how to communicate respectfully. I’m not the only one being harassed.
    I have enough savings to last another 6 months and bills are minimal. I can afford to quit but…how soon can I get another job?
    How much do I want to front up to the same job next week and take more punishment? Not much. Truth be told, not at all. Am I running away? Am I still a child who can’t face his responsibilities?
    All I know is life is too short to stay at jobs you hate. Hating your job puts you in a bad mood for your free time. I can’t relax and forget about work after work. It consumes me.
    Worst case scenario? Wife leaves me and we have to sell the house (which is paid for by the way) I become homeless, my health declines, I stop brushing my teeth and I get fully blown depression or some other hardcore mental illness. I get mugged and kicked by other vagrants and slowly die a lonely, pathetic death in a cold, lonely laneway. Yes it is comical the way I think, isn’t it. I admit that at least.
    But tell me Ruminant, can I help you with any of your issues?

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