Menu

Lisa

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 64 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • Lisa
    Participant

    He did confront him. He yelled at him to never talk to me or come near me one time when I was visiting my brothers soccer game.

    Lisa
    Participant

    I have to talk to him because I’m not sure if you read it, but my mom had a kid with him, my little brother. And I love him so much. I need to see him. He’s only 7 so if I want to contact him it has to go through my old step dad

    Lisa
    Participant

    Thank you for always talking to me. Even though it may sound dumb: when you answer I feel a little less alone, it feels like a therapist. You always say the proper things. And fills me with some peace, are you a therapist in real Life?

    Lisa
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Yes it stopped. And I know. I have some anger for my mom still.</p>

    Lisa
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    I haven’t told the full story to anyone. But here it goes.

    My step dad was big. He had a large stomach. And me and my mom often joked around with him about it. But me hum and my mom had this thing where we would all always cuddle..

    One time my mom was at work and I was comfortable enough to lay in bed with him and watch a movie. And he started to big spoon me.. I didn’t feel uncomfortable cause it was pretty normal for us. But my mom was always there….

    Anyways he scooted closer and started to rub my belly.. And slowly got to my underwear. And started to touch me. In my head I was wondering if this was normal. I told myself it was. But something inside me tols me to get up. But i was so scared to. After a few seconds.. I said “I’m tired I’m going to bed. I was a little girl. Still with pigtails and carrying around stuffed animals.

    I had been thinking about it all week. I knew something was off. So eventually, I worked it up to tell my mom. I told her exactly what happens and her response was, “are you sure lisa; because if so, we have to tell the police” that terrified me. So after that I told myself. No mom I’m sorry we were just cuddling. And she said okay love go to sleep..

    And so I did. I always thought my mom had my best interest at heart. So I knew it wasn’t that big of a deal. Or maybe it wasn’t real. Or maybe it never even happend and if I asked him he would never remember. So really for the rest of my life until a year ago. I never ever thought about it.

    Then one day. My dad opened up to me about being raped so young. And I told him about my earlier childhood memories. Which had been that. And he flipped out. He was so mad at my mom. But i told him there’s no point in being mad at the dead.

    He only ever touched me once. Maybe my mom talked to him about it. But once I grew up i realized that either way. He should never have been cuddling with a little girl that age. There’s a lot of things in my life that I haven’t reslly dealt with. But my two main ones are having an abortion. And that.

    My dad hates him. And wants him dead. And yes I do have to see and talk to him sometimes. And itd uncomfortable and awkward but normal. He even calls me beautiful all the time. But overall he acts normal. Like he doesn’t remember at all. Which is another reason why I felt like it was all in my head.

    Lisa:(

    Lisa
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    My mom had a child with my step dad when she was alive; and no I don’t live with him I live with my biological father.

    My step dad molested me when I was 10

    Lisa
    Participant

    Also, my main problem right now is that boy. Even though that sounds dumb.

    but it’s this feeling like sometimes I’ll miss him so much and want to be with him again and imagining him with other girls makes my stomach turn and I get sad, but I also get hopeful by telling myself if he’s meant to be for me, then he’ll come back in some fashion. I’ll have Him again.

    but then there’s this other side that says, if we broke up who he’s with is none of my business and I can’t control that anymore, and I didn’t want to be with him while I was with him, and I’m just hurting him so I should leave him alone

    and then another side of me says, if you truly love someone you wouldn’t have to work so hard to love them it should be so easy, and you should just be happy to be around them; but when I imagine Us having sex, it doesn’t turn me on anymore lool.

    and then there’s another side of me that says, well it’s not up to me anymore he broke up with me for the last time so it’s not my choice anymore.

    and when I feel the good feeling. I feel amazing. And when I feel the bad feeling, I feel how I’m feeling right now. Like shit.

    we haven’t talked in almost four days. And not talking to him, does help. But I thought breaking up, would make me feel better. But it really doesn’t. At all. I don’t feel more free. I just feel confused and heart broken.

    breaking up showed me I really do like him. But there’s just something that I can’t put my finger on. I also have this feeling if possession over him when I imagine him talking to anyone else I get a knot in my chest, I know we only just broke up so I’m still gonna he sad but, he’s all I think about when I’m not distracting myself. I just want someone to give me the answer.  I know I’m young, but I’m not gonna give up until I figure this out,

    Lisa
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    me and my mom were really close. We always went shopping together and in the morning when she would get ready for work I would just sit and admire her, I followed her everywhere she went.

    one day I had a track meet and I loved track. And she had been so sick for about a month. She’d tried everything.Different medications different oils..etc, and when she talked to a doctor they just said she has vertigo. Cause she’d have constant dizziness and headaches and earaches…

    so she believed him. Then when we had got home from my meet.. she had to go pickup my brother.. I asked her to come because it was just around the block, but she said no, and I listened. I went upstairs into my room.

    30 minutes had past, so I grabbed the home phone and started calling her. There was no answer. I callrd and called and called and called. Finally my brother called me, the first thing he said was “Lisa, moms in the hospital” (he was 16 I was 11) I was scared. Maybe it’s because I was so young. But I didn’t think that it would kill her, I only thought that she got in an accident or something happened. But I knew I had to tell my step dad. And so I did. He ran out of his bed and jumped in the car and went to pick up my brother and bring him here and then go to the hospital.

    i don’t remember being home alone. I don’t remember that part at all. Some of it is very vivid. But some parts are fuzzy and I don’t really remember.

    a day had gone by and it was just me and my brother at home. I was so confused. But I felt that something was wrong. So I put on all my moms clothes, including her heals. And I walked, all around the block in the rain, while my foot only fit halfway through her heals.. I was so sad but I never thought I would never see her again.

    i remember sitting on the couch and my step dad telling me she had to pull through, and he knew she would. But again, I was expecting to see my mom again. So. My dad came and got me one day and took me for ice cream. I was so young now that I look back. I could see that everyone was so stressed out, but they tried to hide it from me, because I didn’t understand. Anyways.

    one day my dad came and got me and my brother and we went to my grandparents house. I just remember talking everyone’s head off. And being so happy. But I looked at my dad, we were in his truck, and he was looking out the ray view mirror, and just staring at some grass while we were at a red light. I didn’t say anything though.

    i never noticed that we were going to my grandparents until he made that right turn that goes to their house. Right away I felt so happy, mom was home from the hospital!!!!!!!!!, no

    we walked in and everyone said “heyyy!” Things were so normal, but I didn’t care. The first thing I said was, ok so where’s mommy ?. The whole room went dead silent. My brother collapsed. And everyone came rushing over and took us into the living room..

    it was still dead silent, but my grandma broke it with the words “god has a purpose and he took your mommy for a reason” I sat back and told her I hated god. Ever since then I stopped believing in a god. I believed in a universe. A god with a conscious would never take an 11 year old girls mom..

    anyways. There’s so much more that goes after that but. I don’t think it’s my problem in life, I think that losing her affected me and will affect me for the rest of my life and I grew up without a lot of experiences especially because of how my dad is. But i think I have a lot worse issues, I was so young when it happened that I didn’t understand, and it’s this, sad but numb feeling. So yeah. That’s that.

     

    Lisa
    Participant

    Dear Anita:

    It’s currently 3:17am,  I woke up and  my mind just started rushing thinking about him. I was just thinking about how much I love him. And I wanted to text him so bad.

    But i didn’t, I forced myself  not too. The last time I talked to him.. we were talking about the things we were changing about ourselves. And he had told me he’s making good money, and he had quit smoking.

    It hurt me to see his growth. And noticed I hadn’t had any of my own. Remember how I told you we were going to do this one more time ?.. well he changed his mind the next day and asked to be friends, and I said yes.

    And then he changed his mind on doing that TOO, and now we haven’t talked in a day. I miss him so much, I usually do by the time a day of not talking passes, but I know the only way to heal a broken heart is time.

    But all I can imagine over and over is him with a new girl. Or him posting on social media and me knowing that I have to ignore it.

    I feel like I don’t want to be with him at thus current point in my life anyways. And even if we did REALLY get back together we would breakup within a week. Because we just haven’t healed.

    I’m scared to live life without him, I’ve been flirting with guys but when all of it dies down; and we aren’t texting anymore. All I can think about is him

    And I know he’s not talking.to any girls because he’s better than that. He’s gonna take time to heal before he gives anyone the time of day. And thay hurts even more that nobody he gets with will be temporary. I miss my mommy. My heart aches.

    I wish I met him at a different time. We’ve been through so much but its so hard for me to let go. Anita I know you give wisdom but I’m asking for more advice in this situation, what do you think I’m doing wrong, how can I help myself feel better?

    I’m not saying I haven’t been getting out of bed or eating or sleeping or showering because I have but. It’s times like these. Where my phone, or my TV or anything I’m doing can’t distract me and I just sit here and think and winder what he’s up too.

     

    I haven’t even gone a whole two days withiut talking to him so, by tomorrow I will I guess.. thanks for always answering me.i reallt have nobody to talk to

     

    Lisa

    Lisa
    Participant

    Dear Anita;

    I’m sorry, when I said “I’ve been harping on it for awhile”  I meant inside of my head, not to you..

    And yeah, we are back to the same spot. But i haven’t seen him for so long so I’m thinking maybe itll be different if we hangout. I’m not sure what to do again, considering I still feel the same. I guess I just have to work this out in my own head

    Lisa

    Lisa
    Participant

    Dear anita;

    Hey, I haven’t talked to you in a week because I’ve jusr been trying to get back to normal.

    But this past week it came over me that “I had made a mistake” with pushing him away. I told my self; “I just had been treated badly in the past  “the anniversary of my mom’s death drives me over the bend, and makes my emotions run wild” and I messaged him.

    I told him I was sorry, and really losing him made me realize that I really needed him. And I made a huge mistake, & now I had finally realized what I wanted. And that was him, so once every like, two days id message him, and he never really said much because he just was fine. He even told me that he was so good that he even thought that he’d moved on from me already;

    That was such a hit to my ego, I was thinking of all the other girls he’d find. Who he’d treat amazing. When I tell you he’s every girls dream man, he’s loving and caring and treats his mom well, he has all his shit together, hoes to school has a good job, is respected by everyone, he’s clean. ETC. So I kept thinking of all these things and it was driving me crazy.

    So I waited a few days. And I messaged him last night.. I was calm. And nice. And I told him I had made a mistake . And thay I couldn’t imagine my life with anyone but him. And he actually forgave me. He told me he still loves me. And that he would he would be down to have a fresh start. I was happy. For a moment. Then that feeling cane back that I described to you. Feeling suffocated,anxiety.. ETC.

    And I felt that I was doing the wrong thing,even now as I type this i feel like an awful person for saying all of these things about him. But i can’t help it. I have to get it out. I feel like if we where to break up. I could just feel weight lifted off my shoulders, but at the same time. I miss him and can’t let go. I dont want to hurt him. Andi don’t want to feel like a bad person.

    Is it possible to just not like somebody?, I feel like when I see him it’ll all be different. It’s just been so long. But i don’t want to see him and feel the same way, and put him through this all over again. Also he unadded me on Snapchat. And unfolliwed eachother on Instagram, and at first I was upset but after about a day, I was still thinking of him nonstop. But i had completely forgot that he had unadded me. And when I had him on socials I kept posting to annoy him, but once he was gone, I felt so much better. And a lot less draining.

    I don’t know what to do Anita these feelings of fear and sadness and anxiety and anger and depression are gone, but now it’s just trying to figure out what to do. I’ve also flirted with a few people & actually felt excited about it… yikes.

    He wants to hangout in a few days. Should I call it off for the final time. Or see him. And see if i feel different.? (Keep in mind when I seen him on my mom’s birthday, all the love cane back)( he also said that we’re taking it slow…)

    I just feel that love should be easier than this.

    I’m sorry for the longggg reply but I tried my best to articulate  properly. So please try and reply to every point you can, because each point is a point I’ve been harping on for awhile. I feel that the only way I’ll feel better is if we truly breakup. But whenever we do I get really upset

    Lisa<3

    Lisa
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    Ok sure.

    My dad is from Barbados. In the islands people are really hard on their kids and expect them to do a lot especially immigrants  and he yells a lot. Tbh id rather not get into stuff with my dad.

     

    I just think I’ve made a mistake witg my boyfriend we haven’t talked in almost 2 days. I miss him so much omfg I haven’t cried yet but I can feel it coming

    Lisa
    Participant

    Dear anita

    , I feel different than what i was last night. I know that either way it’s a breakup so I’ll be sad. But i miss him a lot right now. Like a little

    And yes you’re right I am actually very in awe of how strong he was. He manned up and did what I was too afraid to do. And I know deep down that he did so I didn’t have too… that makes me so sad. But i can’t just ignore what I was feeling. But i wish I could.

     

    For your first question. Yes. I do make tons of mistakes. But im very afraid of them. My mistakes in love haunt me and my dad’s really hard on me.:(

     

    I miss him a l o t as I type this

     

    And for your second question. No, not that I recall

     

    Lisa
    Participant

    But then ahain. I do miss him and want to see him but I feel like I’ve given up. I dont know when I see him get back to normal I know itd gonna hurt. But the thing is he broke up with me last so idk

     

    Lisa
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    I don’t know if this makes me a bad person but I’m already moved on? I still miss him and stuff but like i know that I dont want to be with him anymore at all. And even if he wjere to message me I wouldn’t get excited at all..

     

    Does this make me a bad person? We also were broken up but still talking for three weeks.. And I think during that time I was just moving on.

     

    Like when I Think about us going our complete seperate ways it makes me feel kinda sad. But nothing like i felt before.. I’m not that sad and its easy to change my mindset from that to.. It’s for the better..

     

    Maybe it’s because he finally told me he was done too, and I finally felt like i wasn’t hurting him anymore. Or maybe like i wasn’t leaving a person who was also madly in love with me.

     

    I don’t even see a future for us at all. I dont see us meeting again in the future. And I feel like how i felt before I met him. Like I feel single and normal. Does this mean maybe I was never even in love ?? I feel so bad but I know he’s okay. He hasn’t messaged me or anything it’s been almost a day since we last talked and we know there’s no bad blood. Damn I’m not sure .

     

    But i judt feel like bricks have been removed from my shoulders. I’ve seen guys that I think wow their cute again… but I would never get into another relationship yet.

     

    Yeah so that’s my new (kinda struggle) other than that I feel alot better then when I was texting you before. Do you think a Break up is what I needed ?

     

    Lisa

     

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 64 total)