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Lisa

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Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 64 total)
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  • Lisa
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    Dear Anita.

    I went and saw him last night. I thought this was going to be the rekendle of our relationship. I brought two blankets so we could lay on the grass and look at the stars together. But he had different plans.

     

    A few hours before he told me through text that since I did what I did he’s been trying to forget. But he felt so mad and confused as to why I was having second thoughts this far in.

     

    In the car he told me it was over for now. I gave him the braceletes and we promised to Keep in contact through them. We kissed and hugged and kissed some more. And I felt everything rushing back. I wanted to be with him again. But i wasn’t going to beg.

     

    He told me at this point it wasn’t about how I felt. It was about how he felt. He says he knows he stoll loves me but for a long time he doesn’t want to be with me. My heart broke.

     

    As I was getting out of the car I told him I don’t want to leave. And he told me “a part of me doesn’t want you to leave” and I told him that that’s the problem, that another part of him does want me to leave.. and he nodded his head. So I opened the door.. kissed him one last time. And I slowly walked away backwards. It felt like something from a movie. It looked like he wanted to tell me to come back but he knew he couldn’t.

     

    When we got home we set up the braceletes and started using them. Then I got a message.. he told me that he couldn’t use them. And, he was right.. it was a strain on me too. Their meant for people in relationships. Not ex’s. I told him that I feel at peace in this ending. Like our relationship had ran itd proper course.

     

    Imagining my life without him hurts so bad Anita. But i know that it takes 30 days to stop a habit. So I’m gonna try and stop the habit of thinking of him or texting him. And reslly let it be a Break up. I love him still but I guess this was written in the stars. I’m happy now that we’re mutual on the feelings and realized Maybe it wasn’t meant to be but we’ll always love each Other.

     

    Anyways now it’s about picking myself up. And carrying on. I’ll be okay but for right now. This hurts.

     

    Lisa.

    Lisa
    Participant

    dear anita:

     

    i just finished watching a movie with him, we watched it over facetime, we watched the “notebook”, and the basis of that movie is that they breakup, and the girl finds someone new. she loves him, but she knows deep down that shes only with him for something stable. for me, i dont love anybody else. but i know deep down that something isnt right.

    for some reason the movie realy hit a spot for me, i started to cry on the phone, he asked me what was wrong, and i just kept saying.. “im sorry” “im sorry” and he said, dont worry about it lisa. that hurt so bad that i had to hngup….

    these past few weeks, ive just been thinking none stop, trying to fix it with him, trying to find a soulution, but anita, i think maybe you know that theres no soulution for what you feel.

    i love SO many things about him. and itll break my heart to see him move on, but it will hurt less then dragging this on, he told me the reason he hasnt just gotten back with me,is not because he doesnt forgive me, but because he knows and can feel that something is off. and doesnt want to get hurt again.

    right now i feel peace, usually im bawling my eyes out by now, but i think the only way i can stop feeling this stress is to let go. tommorow i am going to see him, for the first time in maybe three weeks. and we said that tommorow well see if this is true love or if im just forcing it, and i guess ill see. anita, i cant stress myself out anymore. i cant have this internal conflict anymore, its driving me crazy

    tommorow is my moms birthday, her 5th brthday since shes passed away, i feel really down about that too, it makes me just want to constantly be around my dad and i feel like as long as my dad is here il be okay, thats the same way i felt when i was eleven and my mom passed away, i knew that all i needed was my dad, and i feel so attached to him in these times

    tommorow im going to give him the bracelete, i made a list of rules for them,

    1st rule: NEVER take off the bracelete unless you fall in love with somebody new

    2nd rule:

    3touches=i love you

    2touches=i miss you

    3touches=text/call me

    3rd rule; no matter what. we cant break the bracelete, or throw it out no matteer how mad we are at eachother, they symbolise our bond, and well only take them off if we feel its right

    anita, i feel peaceful right now. i think that i will be ok either way, i just cant let myself slip, i am worried ill never find somebody that loves me like him. but if its meant to be, he’ll wait for me  when im ready, i dont want to go against the path that the earth is trying to take me on, theres a reason i feel like this and i dont want to fight it. i love him, i always will, we had a baby together {although it died} its something we’ll hold together forever. just us. he’s my bestfriend, and maybe this will change in time.

    whatever decision i make i feel like im making a mistake. but atleast i feel at peace right now. i need real time to live on my own without talking to him and see if i just want to get back with him because i miss him or because i actually want to be with him. mo matter what happens ill keep you updated.

     

    KINDEST REGUARDS,  lisa<3

    Lisa
    Participant

    Okay im about to watch a movie. And I’ll th ink about what im going to say. I’ve never really gully gotten it out before.

    Lisa
    Participant

    Yes you are right my dad did say the same thing to me. And that’s another thing I have to keep in mind. I hope everything I’m working on is worth it and we stay together because. I do all of this just for the good feeling I have. But im scared that as soon as I see him. All the bad ones will come back. Ohmy I’m so stressed. Out

    Lisa
    Participant

    I wouldn’t say my mom. I would say my ex boyfriend. I gave him everything and he gave me nothing and I was depressed for years. I only got over it a year ago. And I still think about everything he did to me. He was my first love. And even though he treated me like shit I still gave him everything because I was so blinded by love. And now, yes I’m terrified that I am that person to my boyfriend now and I’m going to do what my wx did to me

     

     

    Lisa
    Participant

    That I am going to hurt him. Or maybe don’t love him the same..

     

    Lisa
    Participant

    Dear Anita

     

    Yes I just woke… And okay, here you go..

    1.I feel free when we AREN’T. Together… I misspelled, but like i said sometimes it’s a freeing feeling other times it’s a really sad feeling that we aren’t together, but him and I aren’t together or not together so I’m in the middle.

     

    2. Yes it’s the same as the uncontrollable emotion. It’s an intruding thought that makes me not want to be with him. But there’s also a side of me that can’t be without him.

     

    3.and to describe the awful feeling. Well it used to be just a thought In my head. That didn’t want to go near him or be around him. And always wanting to go home. It was paired with sweating, shaking, crying, not eating,or sleeping. And getting knots in my stomach. (This is what stage i was at when we first spoke.) But it has faded Into Less stress and anger and fear to more confusion and sadness and just wanting the feeling to go away so I can be with him. I tried my best to explain…

     

    4. And an example ? Hmm well I often think he’ll leave me for someone better. So instead of running with that thought and creating scenarios in my head. I’ll just realize, he’s with me for a reason. And I’m causing unnecessary stress for myself.

     

    Anita I didn’t know love was supposed to be this hard. It’s not like this when Im with him but when in without him my mind is always racing looking for solutions. While for him. It’s so easy. Because he loves me. And that scares me.

     

    -lisa:((

     

     

     

    Lisa
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    I read something about over thinking. Which as you can probably tell by how I write… I do that A LOT. And it’s what started all of my anxiety

     

    So for a few hours I’ve been practicing. When a bad feeling/thought about my relationship comes in, to not fight it, or ask myself to stop thinking about it, but replace that thought with a positive one. Still I am getting the bad thoughts just as much. But just learning to replace them

     

    Do you think that with time the thoughts will gradually leave with this approach? Because I will set a trap for my mind? If that makes sense, to a point where when there’s a bad thought it will just be ignored. I know it won’t take a day or a few hours but it seems to be working.

     

    Also that mixed with doing new things etc. I’m not sure. Let me know what you think? I see him tommorw. I got him some LED lights  and the bracelete. And for some reason I’m so scared to give it to him. Ahhh but I bought them for him. And I’m excited too. Anyways

    I’ve been up all night. So I won’t see your reply but I know it will help me in some way! You’re an amazing person and i see you gain from helping other people with your wisdom I appreachiate you especially since I don’t have my mom to talk to. And my dad doesn’t always understand, lol  talk to you then.

     

    Lisa

     

     

     

    Lisa
    Participant

    okay, i know its not the end of the world but i feel im losing an opportunity and that ill never be in love agin or nobody will ever love me again, it hurts really bad i wish i could just stop the feelng entirly, i feel like im moving on while still kinda being with him. i feel free knowing we rent together and feel like the handcuffs of anxiety and ear have been cut lose. but then theres the sde that tells me im making a mistake and i know that he isnt immature so he doesnt let the relationship control his whole life, so when it ends hell continue his life and be happy that im happy, but i now that ill be stuck thinking that i made a mistake, and get super depressed, thats why werekinda inbetween being together and not, because thats what my thoughts reflect exactly, anita, this isnt about me anymore, its just about making the right decision, this has been going on for so long that im beggining to think that either way that i go, il still be happy, but the feeling that  was getting, was an awful feeling, i hate that feeling, i wish  could just make it go away, this has happend to a lot of girls. so it may just be that they arent the right person for you. but i dont want to leave him and fall in love with some no god asshole. i want to be in love with the guy that treats me rught, and loves me aswell, i just want a fix, ananswer, a soulution, but i know ill only find that within myself, whuch sucks. because if i could, i wouldnt be writing to you now, this is probably the most uncertain ive ever been, im not sure what to do, when i talk to my dad he tells me the same things you do  but i still get that uncertain feeling thats taking ver my relationship, and i dont want to take time because thatll only make us grow apart. u g h. these certai thoughts have been ALL ive thought about for going on three weeks. i just want it to end. i want to be with him but not with all this uncontrollable emotion, its just making me think its not meant to be, but yeah, i dont panic anymore, i just feel this uncertain sad feeling, and your right it feels alot better than panicing, so whats the next step, give up, or dont. sorry about spelling mistakes or jumbling up my words but i just tend to do that

    Lisa
    Participant

    I’m not sure anymore. I love him and care for him DEEPLY. But I’ve almost lost hope now. I’ve kind of come to leave with the fact that maybe not every relationship is meant to be. Even if he loves me dearly. And maybe after I move on I’ll be happier because that stress will be lifted. But i don’t panic anymore. I just get sad and wish it were different. But i feel like I’m fighting against what the universe is trying to show me. But why ? If he’s an amazing guy and there truly is a future for us  if only I wasn’t screwing it up.

     

    Lisa
    Participant

    Yes sorry for not being more clear. She died when I was eleven. And at that time, I was sad but I didn’t understand death yet. When I i turned 15 I started to understand death and immediately realized that my mom was dead,never coming back, never will see me graduate, meet my husband, kids, ETC. Now that I got over this faze, I just feel really close to her. Hoping that she’s guiding me in the right direction. And missing her and thinking about her every day.

     

    I just love your take on things. You have a positive outlook and don’t think that just because your feeling different doesn’t mean to just break up. This is why I wanted your input in the first place.

     

     

    I don’t want to hurt him Anita. So I understand what you mean. Don’t get back or break up with him. But wait until I am thinking with a balanced mind and understand what I actually want to do.

     

     

    I’m sure I want him. I pray every night that I’ll get over the bad feeling. And I do, and when I do get over it. It’s an amazing feeling. I feel free. I feel like me and him will be great. But when its bad. I panic. I cry. I loose motivation.

     

     

    When I talk to you i feel hope in my relationship. And you help me. But when I go on social media and when I read things people just say that im just a bad person… For what im doing to him. And I don’t know Who is right. But even my dad tells me that love isn’t consistant. And it is forever changing. And I know he’s right. It’s just that I feel the feeling a lot. And right now I feel so good and want to be with him but two hours ago I was thinking how I’m judt gonna leave him alone and stop stressing him. I need a remedy.

     

     

    And yes were going to visit my moms tree. I have a gift for him,it’s a bond touch bracelet ( Google if you don’t knoe what it is,but I’m sure you do) and I’m not sure if i should give it to him, it was his birthday gift but it came really late should I give it to him? Or Wait till everything is healed ?

     

    Also when I see him should we kiss? Or touch. Or hug, because we’re not together (but made it clear that we both have feelings) we haven’t got back together because he told me neither of us are doing any thing different in our lives, so if we get back together it’ll be the same stuff.

     

    For two days it was gone because I had a different mindset and knew I’d get over it and not care anymore in a few hours. But now the other mindset I had is back

     

    I could go on for hours. But why do you have this approach and not just tell me to leave him

     

    I miss him so much.i just want to go back to a month ago before All of this,but thank you so much for always replying and helping. It means alot thank you for your patience. I just don’t want to give up on him. Because I read alot that this just happend until the other person gets fed up and leaves. And I don’t want thay to hap pen. I want to nip it in the bud for good. I need a therapist for sure.

     

    Lisa
    Participant

    Also are you sayinf don’t get back together with him so o can stop hurting him all together? Cause idk anymore. When I tell him I’m feeling the feeling he tells me he doesn’t care anymore because he knows I’m just gonna get over it anyways. So I’m not sure

    Lisa
    Participant

    Dont be sorry, theyre for everyone to reply too. I just especially love Anitas way of going about things… And to start your own. Click forum and choose a topic. And then write away…people will see your topics and choose to write back to them.. Anita only talks on here that’s why I said her name in the title. Good luck!

    Lisa
    Participant

    dear Anita,

    We talked last night. All night on the phone! It felt so good. But i woke up feeling the same way. When I talked to you first. It felt so easy. Like automatically I felt better. And wad ready to be with him. But then I woke up in the morning with the feeling again. I know you say the feeling passes.. which is true, it does. But should it be there SO often? & with no reason. I was just crying in the shower today. Because I don’t understand why thus is happening. I dont want to be that girl who has a good boyfriend who loves her so much and just breaks his heart at the end of it. And I don’t know how to reallllyyy.. get over the feeling you know? Also, why do you have this approach? Whenever I Google what im feeling they always just say to leave him alone. I’m hurting us both by staying… so why do you believe that it isn’t so face value? Nd that it’s not somthing that’s written in the starts, but only a feeling, that will pass. My mom’s birthday who passed away is coming up on the 5th. I’m going to visit her. And I asked him to come with me. I haven’t seen him in two weeks. Also if i choose to proceed, how can I get over the guilt of hurting him, he tells me I’m forgiven but I don’t believe him, I honestly just think I’m a bad person. Let me know what you think? Ugh.

     

    -lisa

     

    Lisa
    Participant

    Okay I will do that. I still feel the same  I’ve cleaned my room and stuff itd making me hate life. I have a perfect guy and something is wrong  and imagining him moving on kills me. Or imagining him being broken hearted also breaks my heart . Fuck I’m feeling the bad feeling again. I just want to curl up and cry. It was gone for two days. And the omly time I feel better is when itd not there because j want to be with him. But whatever

     

Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 64 total)