Forum Replies Created
February 2, 2015 at 7:25 am in reply to: Toxic/Narcissistic Relationship.. How do I let go? #72249
“I feel guilty for moving on because he tells me that I won’t find the same love and intimacy with someone else. Apparently, no one will love me like he [does].”
Sheesh, I should hope not. Can he give you that in a written guarantee? He has very twisted ideas about what ‘love’ means.February 2, 2015 at 7:15 am in reply to: In complete disbelief and misunderstanding. Please help me! #72247
trusttheflow – you wouldn’t by chance be living on an island that is populated with women, except there is only this one guy to choose from? In my uninformed, unprofessional and unqualified opinion, these sound like classic ‘Daddy’ issues.
Someone once said something to me that overtime I discovered to be very profound: “The way you perceive your past affects the way you feel about your past.” For example, if you think you had an unhappy childhood, then you will spend your adult life begrudging the fact that you had an unhappy childhood. As an adult, you make decisions based on how you feel about your past experiences.
If you change how you perceive your past, you can change how feel about your past, and you can change the pattern of decisions that you make. While I am not suggesting you block things out of your memory or make things up, it is possible to choose different things to focus on from your past. Otherwise, I fear the next boyfriend will turn out to be just as much of an a-hole as the last one.
She can’t afford to move out, but can she afford to pay any amount of rent?
She is basically your tenant, so have her sign a rental agreement and charge her monthly rent. There are plenty of boiler plate formal Owner/Tenant rental agreements to be found on the web, so don’t just make something up. For you, it advances your daughter a step towards independence. For her, this does not seem like such a bad deal, given the alternative of paying a lot more rent to a stranger who will be much less tolerant of her behavior.
You don’t get what you don’t ask for.
Nor will this be the last opportunity you have in life.
Helen – Do you know what you want your life to be in 5 years, and if so, do you have it written down with a plan of how to get there?February 1, 2015 at 8:03 am in reply to: Homestuck past 30 – How to deal with unreasonable parents? #72179
Try this on for size. After many years of having your house to yourself, you are faced with the difficult choice of opening up your home to your adult child who resents you and blames you for all of their failures. Rather than expressing any kind of gratitude, your adult child instead grudgingly complies with your requests and wishes because in their mind you owe this to them.January 31, 2015 at 2:22 pm in reply to: How to deal with a narcissist when ignoring them is not enough? #72154
BOY: What do you care if your brother ditches school?
JEANIE: Why should he get to ditch school when everybody else has to go?
BOY: You could ditch.
JEANIE: I’d get caught.
BOY: So, you’re pissed at him because he ditches and doesn’t get caught?
BOY: Then your problem is you.
JEANIE: Excuse me?
BOY: Excuse you. You oughta spend a little more time dealing with yourself and a little less time worrying about what your brother does. It’s just an opinion.
– Ferris Bueller’s Day Off